"We must alter our thinking entirely," Mina said, running her hands up into her hair. She once again sat in the great tree with Ir'alith, Jungrathol, and the components of a disassembled machine. "There are far too many to battle directly unless we possess a great force."

"Our force is great," Jungrathol said, sounding determined. "If we raised all who can fight, then—"

"No," Ir'alith interrupted, shaking her head. "It was I who created this problem. I will not risk any others. Such a battle might also endanger Annie, and I will do nothing which risks her safety."

She has the bearing of a queen. A true queen, one who cares for her subjects as well as those who might be harmed by careless actions. I grasp now why Carl has grown fond enough to call her a friend. Mina frowned. I must think on this further. She spoke of bringing Annie here in order that she might gain her approval to court Carl, yet she seemed melancholy at the time and no longer speaks on the matter. Surely—

"Their numbers were more plentiful than I imagined," Ir'alith said, her attention returning to the human girl. "By my count, there are over three thousand. There must also be more which remain unseen from above."

So many? How could we ever hope to… Mina swallowed. "You're certain?"

Ir'alith nodded. "My memory is perfect."

"If we each slay one thousand, there will be few remaining," Jungrathol said.

"Your grasp of arithmetic is impressive," Mina allowed.

"Arithmetic?" Jungrathol said, his face twisting in confusion as his mouth moved in a way which could not possibly produce the word he'd just spoken. "No, this is counting. There are three thousand machines, and there are three of us. Any could…" He grinned widely, showing a truly disturbing view of his black teeth. "I understand. This method of counting is beyond most humans. You are one of the few capable of such a task, which is why you are here."

Mina pinched the bridge of her nose for what felt like the thousandth time.

"Are you pained?" Jungrathol asked. "Protector, she—"

"She bears no injury," Ir'alith said between chuckles. "Your counting is accurate, Jungrathol, but your suggestion is impossible." Her tone grew serious. "The machine that I brought here is small, but there are larger ones. I was attacked by one which stood as tall as me. You would fight a thousand like it?"

"No," Jungrathol said, crossing both sets of arms. "I spoke in jest. I had thought it was obvious. Strong though I may be, I would fight no enemy which has defeated you and hope for victory."

Mina stared. He… He was joking?

Jungrathol looked between them and began to laugh loudly. "You believed I would rush forth to battle a thousand of these machines?" He nudged one of the heavier parts with his foot, still quaking with mirth. "I am no such fool."

Ir'alith slapped his leg with her tail. "This is not the time for such things!"

"It seemed the human had become disheartened at the size of our foe," he protested, holding a hand out towards Mina. "I attempted only to raise her spirits!"

"That's quite considerate of you, Jungrathol," Mina said, hardly believing the words she was saying.

The red giant nodded. "I must do the same when I train with my son and he becomes petulant following too many losses."

He has a son? The idea of someone like Jungrathol having children caused Mina to wince.

"Do not worry, he recovers and continues growing stronger each time," Jungrathol said, clearly misunderstanding her expression.

"That's…splendid," Mina said in an attempt to salvage matters while her mind surrendered in its attempts to fit this new knowledge into her opinion of Jungrathol. "Perhaps we could return to the topic of how we might defeat so many machines?"

"Yes," Ir'alith said. "I have further considered this. We must also account for other machines which we have not seen." Her tail tapped softly on the ground beside her. "Humans possess both common soldiers and more powerful soldiers. There may yet be more powerful machines of which we have no knowledge."

Mina grimaced. She's incredibly clever, that's certain. I'd not even considered that there might be others besides these machines resembling dogs, but it's an entirely reasonable assumption. There's no method by which we can safely combat so many machines while safeguarding both the dwarves and Carl's wife. I'll need to instead devise some method of disabling them in large groups without fighting and without using magic, though I've still some skepticism that something is capable of dispelling the effects of magic once they've been translated through another medium. If only I had someone more knowledgeable in mechanics to speak with on such matters!

The thought reminded her of something. "Ir'alith," she began, "you'd mentioned Valgud Flintbrow previously. You're acquainted?"

Ir'alith nodded. "He and his city are under my protection."

"Do you think…"

----------------------------------------

Mina stepped through the portal behind Ir'alith, followed by Jungrathol, who had demanded not to be left behind on this occasion.

Her boots came down on stone rather than the wood of the tree they'd been in, and the illumination of bright lanterns hanging on the walls was a clear contrast from the soft, magical glow that lit the inside of the tree. The scents of pipe smoke were thick in the air, and the wall of noise that assaulted her ears was strange and unfamiliar, seeming to be equal measures laughter, shouted conversations, and cheers for dive, dive, dive.

She pressed her scarf to her nose. How fortunate that I'd thought to sleep with my new scarf. What manner of smoke is this? My head's already begun to spin.

The noise slowly abated as more and more dwarves turned to look at them.

And to glare at her.

There was a rush of movement, and small axe halted in the air a short distance away from her head.

Mina jumped, falling backwards into Jungrathol, who steadied her with a more gentle motion than she'd expected.

"This human is under my protection, the same as you," Ir'alith said in the near-silence. Her gaze moved about the room. "Where is Valgud Flintbrow?"

The axe dropped to the ground, and the whispers began, repeating her name as expressions changed from curiosity and hostility to awe.

"He's doin' a keg dive," a black-bearded dwarf at a nearby table called, pointing to a pair of legs sticking out of a wooden barrel, held aloft by hands which gripped the keg's sides. "Thuzzukara's got a new brew she said would knock the wits out of any dwarf who tried it, and Foreman Valgud says: Good work, Thuzzy, I got too many fuckin' wits anyway, don't need half of 'em. Dove right in and—"

"Sorry, he's lettin' his beard talk for him," said a blonde-bearded dwarf seated next to the first after none-too-subtly elbowing the black-bearded dwarf in the gut. "What he meant to say was Foreman Valgud's doing an analysis of—"

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"THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT, THUZZY!" shouted the dwarf whose head had been submerged into the keg of ale, pushing himself up and out to lean heavily against it, his red hair sopping wet.

Cheers rang out, and the din resumed amidst a chorus of persistent "Flintbrow!" chants.

Mina stared. That's most certainly Valgud. I've no memory of him touching so much as a drop of ale or wine when he was at the castle, however.

Valgud shook his head several times, scattering wetness everywhere, then let out a mighty belch and raised a thumb into the air, which seemed to be the signal for more cheering as a cluster of dwarves rushed over to the barrels nearby. He staggered, catching himself again on the barrel he'd returned from, then squinted in her direction.

Mina waved, uncertain how to commence a reunion like this or even whether he'd be pleased to see her. She was feeling optimistic, however. She threw her scarf over one shoulder. The smoke was no longer bothering her as much as it had been.

"Isemeine!" Valgud bellowed, throwing his arms into the air. His mouth opened in an incredulous smile as he stumbled towards them. "Thuzzy, you weren't fuckin' about! I'm seeing dead humans!"

The nearby tables erupted into laughter, with one dwarf even spraying his beverage about the table.

"Gramruck, the fuck you doing?" Valgud said to the drink-spitting, black-bearded dwarf who'd previously been explaining the nature of a keg dive. "Can't be wasting good ale like that!"

"Foreman Valgud, you have visitors," said the blonde dwarf.

"Ir'alith!" Valgud said, managing a bow despite his wobbling.

"Valgud, we—"

"Hold a minute." He interrupted Ir'alith and turned back to the table with the black and blonde-haired dwarves. "Lod, where'd my other drink go?"

"You, uh, threw it in the keg before your dive."

Mina began to giggle.

"What?! The fuck if I did, I'd remember doin' somethin'…" Valgud frowned, one hand going to his braided beard while the other moved to the table to stabilize himself. "Fuck," he said, blinking his eyes a few times. "Thuzzy!" He turned around, searching for someone. "Thuzzy, I'm seein' triple! The fuck did you put in that?"

"Mushrooms!" yelled a gray-bearded dwarf near the kegs, raising a tankard in the air.

"Ah, fuck me in a vat of… Not the mushrooms again," Valgud groaned. He rubbed at his eyes.

"Valgud!" Mina exclaimed, coming to the sudden realization that she was overjoyed to see her old tutor. "I've missed you!"

Valgud started, seeming to catch sight of her again for the first time. He squinted. "Well, there's worse dead humans to see," he said, shrugging. He turned his face up to Ir'alith. "Welcome back. You come for a drink, or—"

"No, Valgud, don't be silly," Mina said, starting to giggle again. "We've come to enlist your skills!"

Valgud's head slowly swung back to her, then he frowned up at Ir'alith. "She's not dead?"

"No longer," Ir'alith replied, seeming distracted as she watched something take place behind Mina.

Valgud took a long blink. He poked Mina in the stomach, and she began to laugh harder. "Isemeine?" he said, leaning farther and farther to one side.

Then he fell over.

----------------------------------------

"Valgud, it's so nice to see you again," Mina said between bouts of ever-present giggles she'd been having since she stepped into what was apparently a large dwarven alehouse within the city of Khir Turuhm.

"Same to you, Isemeine," Valgud said, leaning heavily on the table at which they were now seated. It had taken a short while for him to be roused after he'd collapsed, and it seemed the true remedy had been Ir'alith's healing magic, which had mostly restored him to his senses. "I heard… Well, best not to revisit that sort of thing."

"This tastes good!" boomed Jungrathol from the other side of the room. He was seated at the end of a table surrounded by at least two dozen dwarves, drinking directly from a keg he held up with two of his hands as the dwarves looked on in a mix of horror and astonishment.

"He better not drink all our booze," Valgud said, following her gaze.

"He will not," Ir'alith said. She'd grown a block out of the stone which fit her seating needs, and she sat on it with a too-serious bearing that Mina burst into giggles once more at the sight of. "Jungrathol," she called across the room.

The red-skinned giant looked over.

"Do not drink all their booze," Ir'alith commanded.

"I have only one keg!" Jungrathol protested. He leaned in towards the dwarves at his table and said something with a wide grin on his face, gesturing with the keg he held up like a tankard, prompting uproarious laughter.

Mina laughed. This place is so fun!

"Uh," Valgud grimaced. "You wanna do your heal-y magic on her? I think the smoke's affecting her more since she's human."

Jungrathol's booming laughter sounded out again, and Mina was unable to prevent herself from joining in.

"I had thought she was happy to see you," Ir'alith said.

Mina grinned. "I am!" She felt a sudden dampening of her mood, and her thoughts returned abruptly to a more normal state. She groaned, pressing her hands to her face at the rush of clarity.

Valgud leaned in and patted her arm. "Always a bit rough when it wears off the first few times. You'll be fine in a bit."

"Valgud, Mina believes you can aid us," said Ir'alith, her voice somehow carrying effortlessly through the racket of the alehouse without becoming any louder.

"Eh?" Valgud drank from a tankard of water. "Aid with what?"

Mina rubbed her head. "We have a most unusual problem to solve," she said. She looked over to one of the many lanterns on the wall which she'd noticed did not appear to be lit by flame. "I suspect you'll be of great assistance. Tell me, what do you know of machines which are capable of moving without being powered by a steam engine?"

Valgud grinned. "So you wanna know about controlled lightning, do you?"

Mina frowned. Controlled lightning?

"The king—your father—was very specific when he dragged me off to your castle," Valgud said. He took another sip of water and grimaced. "'Teach her this mechanics shit and then get the fuck out of my castle,' he said to me when his soldiers put me before him. 'Tell her one word more than she needs to know, and you'll be a dead dwarf.'"

Mina's hands moved to cover her mouth as she gasped in horror. "Valgud, I'm so sorry! If I'd known—"

Valgud waved her off. "Ah, that wasn't your fault. You were just a curious girl. I could see it on you from the first time we met. But I didn't have a death wish, so I taught exactly what he said."

"Which didn't include any mention of controlled lightning," Mina said, feeling an incredible excitement building within.

"I'm not feeling particularly afraid of a human king right now—"

"He is dead," Ir'alith interrupted.

Valgud blinked.

"I killed him," she continued, her lip curling in disgust. "He did not die well."

Mina felt a sense of dread pass through her, but it changed to relief just as swiftly. She took a breath. One more source of terror from my past dead by her hands. She gave the much taller creature a grateful look. Perhaps I have a larger debt to her than I'd realized.

"You can't just tell me like that!" Valgud shouted, jumping out of his chair. He leapt onto the table. "OI! PULL YOUR BEARDS OUTTA YOUR EARS!" he shouted. "THE KING OF CHARUS IS DEAD! AND IR'ALITH KILLED HIM!"

There was a brief, relative silence before every dwarf in the place began to cheer wildly. Chants of "IR'ALITH" and "KEG DIVE" rose up, with the latter quickly gaining dominance over the former.

The old, gray-bearded dwarf to whom Valgud had shouted earlier arrived in the next moment, carrying over a keg with the assistance of two other dwarves. They set it next to the small throne Ir'alith had crafted for herself, and the old dwarf cracked it open with practiced ease, causing the rest of the dwarves in the alehouse to go berserk.

Ir'alith looked to Valgud. "They expect me to perform a keg dive?" she asked, her words again carrying through the multitude of bellowing dwarves.

It was then that Mina noticed the door to the alehouse had been opened, and there were now considerably more dwarves filling the establishment than there had been when she'd arrived, to the point that it would be quite difficult to walk from one end of the sprawling room to the other.

"Be rude not to!" Valgud shouted back, the look in his eye leading Mina to believe that he was perhaps not being entirely truthful with that statement.

Surely she'd not…

Ir'alith seemed to be considering it. "If needs must," she said at last.

The keg beside her began to rise into the air.

What followed before Mina's disbelieving gaze was that, on this night in Khir Turuhm, with over a hundred dwarves shouting and cheering her on, Ir'alith, known alternately as the Protector and the Demon Queen, performed what was almost certainly the first ever inverted keg dive with the assistance of magic, consuming an entire keg of ale while it hung suspended around her head and remaining comfortably seated for the duration of the feat.

Then, in the lamps and smoke of that same tavern, her once-tutor in the ways of mechanics had begun to explain the workings of controlled lightning.