"I fear that it is far too late," Seth'tith said quietly. "Now as I consider the matter, many were the times when I sought to advise her when I should have consoled her. So, too, have I stripped her of her joys when she had need of them. I have advocated that she—"

"You can't think like that," Carl interrupted, unable to see another father—who so obviously cared deeply about his only daughter—beat himself up anymore. "She still loves you. Remember how happy she was to see you, uh, as an axe before? You couldn't have messed up too much if she still had that kind of reaction."

A few drops of water emerged from the eye on the axe. "Truly?" he whispered.

Carl nodded, then placed one foot over his leg onto the cool—but not cold, as he'd been sure to specify—stone and started rotating his torso to stretch and give his companion some small semblance of privacy in his time of emotion. "Yeah, I'm positive. I think if you just relax a bit with the whole advice thing and spend some time just talking that'll really help. Plus, won't it feel great to watch her make decisions without your help and see her still make the same choice you'd have suggested?"

When there was no immediate reply, he began considering what he'd just said in more depth. Yeah, what was I thinking trying to get into that LAN party discussion. That's between Bobby and Annie now, and they'll figure it out just fine without me butting in. I must be way too stressed to be thinking about jumping in on such a minor issue, even if it'll be Bobby's first three-person LAN. If she can't earn it on her own, she's probably not quite ready to take that step.

The core's constant giggling rose in pitch, changing once more to a loud cackle before abruptly stopping.

Carl started nodding as his thoughts progressed. No way I'm gonna let my girls grow up spoiled with their dad doing everything for them. Annie already tells me enough horror stories about the kids she sees who can't even figure out how to answer her essay questions because they don't ever have to try or think as much anymore now that everything's just standardized multiple choice testing and helicopter parenting has turned into full safety harness parenting.

He switched sides and stretched the other way, feeling the satisfying pop in his back that he'd expected.

"You have given me much to consider," Seth'tith said in a tone that Carl couldn't place.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get all preachy," Carl said, scratching his beard. Feels like maybe I took that a little too far.

"Do not apologize, Carl," said the axe with an eye on it, "I am grateful. It… I see now that I was wrong to speak with such hostility towards you earlier."

"No, it's—"

"I retract my earlier statement," Seth'tith continued. "You have my approval. Your insights as a father—No, there is no need to confine the scope: your insights far outshine my own, and I would be pleased beyond measure if you would consider courting my daughter."

Carl's intended polite refusal of the other father's compliments vanished, and he gawked from deep within his beard at the axe, which seemed to now be radiating a sense of approval that he could feel even from across the room. "Uh…"

"There is no need to remain modest," Seth'tith said in a confident tone. "She cannot offer much, but her loyalty and dedication are—"

"No, no," Carl said, holding up one hand, now feeling that there had definitely been a misunderstanding at some point. "I, uh…" Alright, how the heck did this happen. This must be one of those parent things? She's still single at whatever age, so her dad's jumping at whatever chance he sees? His face contorted slightly as he tried to fit the mismatched pieces of the nonsensical puzzle together. I don't even know. I'll just nip this in the bud so he doesn't make things awkward for Ir'alith when she gets back from her dad-free time.

"Seth'tith," Carl said carefully, having never been in his current situation of being asked to court a woman by her father. In a game. While already being very happily married. His brain threatened to short-circuit at the continued incongruities, so he focused harder. "I think maybe you misunderstood. Ir'alith and I are just friends." She's a pretty cool friend to have too, so it's good that at least we're on the same wavelength about it even if her dad's got a weird idea now.

He struggled to put one proverbial foot in front of the other while leaving both of them out of his mouth and not causing any offense. "She, uh, seems really great—and I'm sure she's going to make some guy very happy someday—but I'm sure she doesn't feel that way about me." She's never even hinted at it. I'm great at picking up those kinds of hints, too. I can always tell when Annie's dropping them. At most, Ir'alith blushes a little—okay, maybe sometimes it's more than a little—but it's pretty obvious now that she's just getting embarrassed by whatever her dad's messaging her about at the time.

"Also…" Carl frowned, wondering if he even needed to say it. Better not leave any possible room for misunderstandings. "I'm, uh, married? I mean, we've talked about it a few times in case you missed it, but I've got two kids, and Annie's the best, so there's no way I'd ever do anything like that behind her back."

"Ah!" Seth'tith said abruptly. "Yes, I understand! I apologize, Carl."

Carl stared suspiciously at the axe, feeling like the tone of voice it had just used wasn't quite what he'd expected it to be if he'd really gotten his point across. "So… You understand that I definitely won't be courting Ir'alith then, even though I think she's lovely, of course?"

"Yes, I understand," Seth'tith said, the eye moving quickly up and down in a vaguely humorous approximation of nodding. "I apologize once more, Carl. I should not have mentioned such a thing. Truly I have grown addled as the years have passed."

Carl's suspicion didn't abate. Really feels like there's some nuance being missed here, but I'm not sure how I could possibly make it more clear without offending him and making things awkward with Ir'alith. And she's a friend so I wouldn't do that. And she seems like she's pretty sensible—what with how she immediately understood the need for seatbelt magic and not crashing Mina's car—so I'm sure she's not thinking anything like this.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

An idea occurred to him that made everything fit perfectly. This must be why she wanted a break from him. He was probably badgering her about it, and she was like "Nah, Dad, we're just friends, okay?" and getting all embarrassed. But more formal-like, since that's how she is. And then she left him with me, and he tried to go all stern father on me, and—Whew, that's exhausting to even think about. Kinda funny though. Not really the type of thing I'd expect to happen when I'm forty nine, even if I do still take pretty good care of myself.

The core suddenly erupted into creepy, maniacal laughter, drawing Carl's attention and side-eye.

"You, uh… You okay there, core?" he asked cautiously.

The core twitched in his hand, beginning to feel uncomfortably warm, then cackled in a manner that reminded him of a theatrical movie witch cackle.

Oh no. Is this gonna get weird? The city seemed pretty normal at first—aside from the smell and animal poop—but then it got weird. Please don't get weird, dungeoneering. "Core?"

"Y-yes, Carl?" the core said quickly, a giggle interrupting its words.

"How's everything going, partner?"

"Terribly," the core said. It giggled more. "This intruder continues to violate dungeon policies!" It cackled quietly.

"Well…" Can't believe this guy—or gal, because women can be bad at puzzles too—is still at it. What an idiot. "How far are they?"

"So naughty," the core muttered, sounding weirdly pleased. "The intruder is currently in the fourth room, which—ooh, we can't allow that—which I had said was too easy." It stopped to snicker. "I'm sorry, Carl, I was wrong. The difficulty is fine."

Carl stared at the core. Yup, definitely getting weird. But I'm not gonna try to get to the bottom of it. It's not that weird, and I know as soon as I ask it's gonna get annoying too. "You, uh… You ready to make some more rooms, partner?"

"Of course," the core said, sounding completely distracted.

This "dungeon rule enforcement" ability seems like it takes a lot of the core's focus. Maybe I should… "Core, what do you say we stop enforcing the—"

"No!" the core whined, sounding like Sammy when she didn't get her way. "Carl, pleeeaaaase? I need to enforce the rules!"

Carl frowned and stared down at it. "Why's it taking you so much time to do it?"

The core glowed briefly. "It's this intruder! They have no respect for our dungeon, Carl!" It vibrated powerfully, nearly jiggling itself out of his palm. "I've never wanted to ban anyone as much as I want to ban this intruder!"

He sighed. "Fine, fine, but you better be able to keep making rooms."

The core vibrated lightly. "Of course! I knew you'd understand, Carl. You're the only one who understands me."

Yeah, what the heck, this is a total Sammy core. Excluding the whole rule-following thing, I mean.

"Let's begin with this room," the core announced, distinctly not giggling.

Carl wasn't sure if the sudden lack of giggling was more or less disturbing, but he was pretty focused on making an awesome dungeon for his daughter to play through one day. "Okay, why don't we—"

"Carl," Seth'tith interjected, "I would pose a question to you."

Carl struggled to avoid grimacing, expecting something awkward again. "Yeah?"

"Do you feel that this dungeon will challenge Bobby?" asked the axe.

Huh? Carl blinked at the non sequitur. "What do you mean?"

"The puzzles that you have created," Seth'tith said in a pensive tone. "Do you expect that she will learn from them? That she will grow in some way?"

"Er…"

"This dungeon is weak, Carl," Seth'tith said. "You said your daughter is wise, did you not? That she has encountered similar trials in the past? Will she truly be pleased that you are coddling her with such simple tricks?"

The other father's words were like a lightning bolt through Carl's head. They… I guess these puzzles are kinda weak, aren't they? I can just walk through all the rooms without even needing to jump or run or anything, and this is a super realistic game too! He frowned deeply. Who wants to do something lame like a maze? That's not difficult or fun; it's just gonna be annoying. She's not gonna learn anything either, and Annie's always big on making sure the girls do stuff that makes them learn critical thinking.

"I understand the desire to shelter your daughter, to ensure that no harm or hardship befalls her," Seth'tith continued, "but you must balance that with your desire to see that she grows to be strong and brave."

"You're right," Carl said, genuinely amazed at the realization. "None of these rooms are anywhere near as awesome as they could've been."

"Then we shall begin anew?" Seth'tith asked.

"Hm. Nah, I don't think we can since whoever it is in the fourth room won't give up. I'm gonna go redo the maze room though since I've got some time."

"Mazes are not awesome."

"Yeah," Carl sighed. Have I been babying the girls too much in general, or is it just with this? Gah, I'm feeling like it's closer to a general thing… "Thanks, Seth'tith. That's really good advice." Maybe exactly what I needed to hear right now. He pushed himself to his feet.

"Truly no father is without flaws," Seth'tith said.

"Probably right," Carl agreed. He strode over to Mina's extremely light body and raised it up over his shoulder again. "Core, I'm gonna redo room seven." And maybe room six if I can sneak in there in time…