"Whew. Sorry, got a little too excited at how freaking awesome… You okay?"

Volcatia crouched against the side of the building. Her eyes stared sightlessly off into the side of a building across the street.

She hadn't lost, but it had been a near thing.

The closest she'd ever come to it.

She'd thought about killing the woman, but in the end she couldn't.

She didn't want to risk getting too close.

If there were great legs, then there were also awful ones, and that woman's were definitely among the worst.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said as she pushed herself upright. She glanced down at his boots.

Carl had good legs.

Not great.

Good.

It was well past the minimum she'd expect from her friend, at the least.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

The time of awful legs was over.

"Good boots," she said.

"Yeah, what the heck." He looked down at his boots with her. "Nobody told me they were gonna be magic boots."

Volcatia frowned. "You bought boots from her just to have boots?"

Or maybe Carl also liked legs and appreciated what good boots could do to his own?

"Well, yeah?" He sounded just as confused as she was. "Everyone was saying she was the best, so I figured why not."

"And you didn't bother to ask why everyone said she was the best?"

Volcatia knew the answer to the question she'd asked.

She didn't even know why the fuck she'd asked it.

Okay, fine, she still had a tiny fragment of those awful legs stuck in her mind and was hoping Carl being himself would be enough to distract her.

"Er, no? I mean, I figured they'd just be really hnnngggg…" He trailed off after he'd shifted slightly to the side, groaning as he felt the bliss of having boots that fit perfectly.

It was a feeling that had taken some getting used to, Volcatia recalled dimly.

"Carl, my shoes would've been destroyed immediately without whatever magic shit she does."

"Ooh, how do these feel so freaking good?" Carl sighed. "I actually asked her about that. Apparently she learned a couple spells from…whatever the guy's name was a while ago when he was adventuring here or something. One of 'em was how to make objects have infinite durability."

"Good thing, otherwise I'd probably have to buy new ones every day."

It didn't work.

The revolting thought was still lingering.

Volcatia grimaced.

An idea occurred to her.

"Carl, let's get some coffee. I remember there's a good place near here."

"Hm. I guess. Ugh, it better not be this place I went before."

Volcatia decided to be faster and dashed in the direction she thought the coffee shop was located in while standing in place.

Was it…

Not here.

Not here either.

Or here.

She stood on top of a brick building, rubbing her forehead while she stood next to Carl.

Where was this fucking place again?

Maybe…

She ran through a series of buildings in another direction.

Yeah, this was probably it.

Amazing how these stupid wooden cart shops continued to exist over the years.

She grabbed a cup out of a nearby man's hand and took a gulp to check.

Yeah, that was at least good enough.

Volcatia stopped watching.

"It's this way," she said, pointing.

"Lead on, main character," Carl said, sounding amused.

She grinned and charged the air around them in a wide bubble once more as they started walking.

A pair of men standing to the side near the limit of her presence stiffened and edged away.

"Can't believe I thought I was getting used to being barefoot," Carl said.

A car nearing them swerved suddenly, almost crashing into a building as the driver spun the wheel to avoid remaining too close to her.

It was just a little trick.

Ionization.

A change that, when applied to an extreme, gave most people a sudden surge of fear.

The need to not be near her.

She was trying to be human enough to be friends with Carl.

She didn't need to be human enough to also be annoyed by whatever was going on in this city.

"These boots are so comfortable," Carl said. "It's like I don't even know how I could've lived without 'em."

"You'll get used to it."

"Kinda hoping I don't. Ooh, it's like every step—"

"They're fucking your feet a little."

"I…guess…I can't really think of a better way to describe it."

"Wonder what would happen if she made clothing."

"You mean like shirts and pants? Or like underwear and stockings t—Whoa, you okay?"

"Y-yeah, just… Ooh, just give me a…"

"Maybe we should just head back. You're looking really flushed suddenly. Can you get fevers and stuff in-game?"

"Okay, I'm good, let's go."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just got… I was thinking about something else just now. Let's get that coffee."

"Alright, if you say so. Hey, uh, core, how's Mina doing?"

"˙dǝǝlsɐ llᴉʇs sᴉ ǝɹnsɐǝɹʇ-ɐuᴉW"

"I guess that's kids for you. Already almost real-noon and she's still sleeping."

"Yeah, sure. Turn here. Don't wanna deal with whatever's happening over there."

"Another mob? Wow, that one's pretty big. Talked to Ingrid about that too. She was showing me this mug with an eye carved on it. Something, uh, Opened Eyes, I think it was. Some kinda protest against all those inquisition guys. I guess one of the pottery people here's making tons of mugs and pots and stuff for people to show off they were part of it. Beatrice, I think her name was?"

"Huh."

"Yeah, super cool, right? Almost wanna get one so I can show I was here. Maybe send to my… Maybe not."

"Not sure why you'd wanna show off that you were here."

"Ugh, yeah, good point."

"Okay, here's the place."

"Oh, a street shop? Awesome. Had some pork skewer things from a guy here last time. Really good. Actually kinda surprised so many of these are still open with the event going on."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

"Eh. Does it really matter?"

"I guess not. You're really not interested in any of this stuff, are you?"

"Not really. Seen this sort of thing enough times before."

"Yeah, fair enough."

"Two coffees. Uh, fuck. Carl, ask him if he'll take this."

"Um… Yeah, he's pretty interested."

"Perfect. Thanks. See, Carl? I say thanks."

"Mmm, this is some good coffee."

"Yeah, not bad, right?"

"Gonna get a few more to keep in my Inventory just in case."

"How're you this smart?"

"Been through a lot of coffee emergencies bef—"

"SOMETHING CASTLE! MY EYES SOMETHING!"

"I MUST SOMETHING!"

"I MUST SOMETHING!"

"I MUST SOMETHING!"

"Huh."

"What the fuck's that about?"

"Thought you weren't interested?"

"I'm not that interested. But that was a lot of fucking people."

"C'mon, I'm kinda interested. Let's check it out."

"Okay."

"Maybe this has been going on for a while and we just got here for the big finale?"

"Could be. Let's jump up on a building. Get a better view."

"Good idea. Shoot, I could've saved myself a ton of time last time I was here if I was doing this. Didn't have the Strength for it anyway though…"

"Why're you always in such a rush?"

"Aren't you the one always rushing people?"

"What? No, I just don't like having annoying people waste my fucking time. If I wanna waste time, that's my choice."

"Makes sense, I guess."

"Mm. Looks like they're trying to assault the castle. Guards're holding them off with guns."

"Like a tower defense. This is so freaking cool! Shared worldbuilding experience really is awesome when it works, huh."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Er, nothing. You think they're gonna take the castle?"

"Nah, look up there, they've got mages coming down. Oh. Oh. Oh. Carl, I just got a great fucking idea!"

"Yeah?"

Volcatia felt like she might finally have become smart.

It was the best idea she'd had since…

Okay, it wasn't as good as the idea she'd had with the building last night.

Or the idea to go to the celebration.

Or the idea to hang out with Carl that first time.

Fine, maybe it wasn't that good of an idea.

It was still a fun idea though.

"Let's try helping out a little," she said. "There's all these cars down here, right? What if we throw the cars at the castle guards?"

"Well—"

"We can bet on it too to make it more fun!" she said, growing more interested as she thought about it. "How about a hundred marks for each hit."

"I don't know," he said. He started rubbing his beard. "Seems kinda unfair, doesn't it? They're all just noobs. Not gonna be able to take a hit from someone with ten million Strength."

Volcatia rubbed her forehead.

Unfair?

Was he the father of the whole fucking world?

Who the fuck cared about fair?

It was a really Carl thing to say, but…

Nah, she couldn't let him pass up this chance.

It was going to be fun.

She just knew it.

"Carl, those guards are already out there, and they're doing it knowing they might get killed, right?" she said, pointing to the advancing wave of same-y armored—that didn't seem as good of a use—guards.

"I guess…"

"So why's it matter who does it?"

"Just seems like we'd be ruining the whole scenario."

"Fine, you wanna talk about fair? How's it fair that those fucking mages get to throw magic shit down on them and we can't throw cars back? Didn't you say you knew that guy… Uh… The monster guy…"

"Percevale?"

"Yeah, him! Isn't it unfair to him and his group if we don't throw these fucking cars up there right now?"

Carl's beard-rubbing had grown faster and faster as they argued, his hand traveling much faster than any weakling in this annoying city could possibly move. "That's…"

"Carl, I'm gonna throw some fucking cars, and it's gonna be really fun. You can stand up here watching, or you can stop being so fucking Carl for a little while and have fun with me."

Volcatia stepped off the side of the roof and took a few steps forward towards the nearest car once she landed.

The cars here were really stupid.

Why didn't they have any walls on the sides?

She'd had plenty of times sitting in cars where she'd been thrown against the side when it made a sudden, sharp turn.

It was why she attached herself to the back when she rode them now.

She imagined the Char idiots probably fell out of their cars all the time.

They really didn't think about anything except fucking.

She heard an impact behind her and grinned.

Carl really was the best friend she could have.

She turned around and started laughing immediately.

"Carl, how the fuck…"

Obviously he'd landed on his head again and crashed through the cobblestones.

It had to be a joke.

There was no fucking way it wasn't at this point.

He pushed himself out of the hole his head had created and adjusted his sunglasses. "Freaking bug is so annoying," he grumbled.

Amazingly, his sunglasses didn't seem to be damaged.

"Are your sunglasses unbreakable?"

Carl took his sunglasses off and turned them around, looking them over. "Huh." He grinned as he put them back on. "Seems like they are." He shook his head. "Mina's such a great kid."

Now that was interesting.

The girl had made something like that for Carl recently?

And he'd only started wearing them after…

Maybe she wasn't as much of a burden as it seemed?

Maybe there was reason for Carl to care about her?

She'd think on it at a later time.

Now was a time for fun.

"Alright, I'm gonna go first," Volcatia said. She attached the front of the nearest car to her hand and flipped it upright, levitating it slightly once it was in position. "Uh…" She didn't have a clear line of sight to her target. "Gonna have to jump and throw it."

"Why don't you just throw it from on top of the building?"

Volcatia thought about it.

The idea was a good one.

Easier and less fun, yeah, but she didn't imagine Carl would be able to manage jumping without falling on his head every time.

She might laugh herself to death if he tried it.

"Yeah, okay," she said before she jumped back up onto the building.

Carl jumped up a little while later, his arms flailing wildly as he again jumped way too fucking high. He managed to land on his feet at least, though he'd started to tilt a little. "Alright, let's see it," he said, gesturing for her to go ahead.

Volcatia thought about it while measuring the distance in her mind.

How much force should she use?

The car remained in place slightly over her hand. It seemed fragile.

Maybe…

The cool metal of the car settled onto her hand.

She grunted as she hurled it overhand with a little force towards the back of the wall of guards that were blocking the road to the castle.

The car traveled like a pilum, striking the spot she'd aimed at and exploding in a burst of metal.

Volcatia raised her arms in the air triumphantly.

"Nice shot," Carl said. "Looks like you're up a hundred marks."

"Your turn."

"Alright, let me see…" He made like he was about to step off the roof, then looked back to her. "Uh, you, um… You mind catching me again?"

She laughed at the unexpected question, its suddenness causing her to cough. "Yeah, okay. Actually…" She grabbed him by the shoulder and hopped off, holding him in place so he'd land on his feet. "There."

Carl let out a sigh. "Thanks. Once a day is probably enough for that kinda thing."

Volcatia wasn't sure she agreed with his judgment.

Two was probably fine.

Three was maybe also fine.

"So I just pick up a car," he said as he put his hand on a car. "While I'm here, maybe I'll get a bunch, now that I think about it."

The car disappeared, and he walked along the street towards another one.

Of course!

How fucking Smart was he to be able to think like this?!

Why wouldn't she just put cars into her Inventory to avoid having to keep jumping up and down from the roof?

Carl was, at times, the Smartest person she'd ever met.

A short while later, they met again on top of the roof.

"Alright, I'm ready," Carl said. "So I gotta…" A car emerged into his hands, blocking his head from view, and started to wobble while he got a feel for its heft. "How the heck did you get it to stay up on your hand like that?" he asked. "Thing's so freaking unwieldy!"

The car flipped around and rose up until he had a hand under it from beneath, holding it up over his shoulder.

"Bit different than a football," he muttered as he moved the car back and forth a little. "Here we go!"

He took a couple short steps forward and hurled the car up into the air. It somehow began spinning side over side as it flew, disappearing into the clouds.

Volcatia looked over at him, but he was still just standing there at the edge of the roof, now with his arms crossed.

"Still got it," he murmured.

A moment later, the car crashed down from the sky into the middle of the group of soldiers, shattering into shards of metal and destroying their line. The rebels surged forward, immediately pressing their advantage and beginning to overcome their enemies.

"Looks like we're tied up," he said.

"Carl, how the fuck did you do that?" Volcatia demanded.

"Really thought my daughter was gonna try to play football at one point, so I spent a lot of time practicing my long bombs to impress her. I was throwing footballs through our basketball hoop from across the yard pretty reliably by the end."

The words stunned her.

She had no idea what the fuck he was talking about, but it sounded like he'd actually meant to do that?!

She'd originally just suggested the idea because she thought it would be fun to try throwing cars after talking about it earlier that day, but maybe they could actually have a real contest?

Carl was the best fucking friend ever.

"Okay, new target since those guys are all probably dead," she said quickly. "Mages next!"

"Sounds good."

Volcatia grabbed a car from her Inventory and sighted her throw. The group of mages was putting up some sort of magic barrier now to block the attackers from reaching them or the castle.

Was she stronger than some magic barrier shit?

Obviously.

They were human.

She tensed her arm muscle.

A little more power this time.

She pushed the car forward from its rear, using her arm like an amentum.

The car crashed against the front of the blue barrier instantly, but the magic held strong even as the car splattered against it.

"Fuck!" Volcatia exclaimed.

She'd tried to use less power to avoid destroying the car, but that was a fucking waste of time.

"Alright, my turn," Carl said, a car already prepared over his shoulder. "This is a classic tower defense mistake. You start building to defend against ground attacks, but then the flying units come in and wreck you." He threw his car up into the sky once more.

As Volcatia watched, his car came down and landed past the shimmering barrier, smashing down among the blue-robed mages.

"And now I'm in the lead," he said, looking down at her with a smug grin.

Volcatia stared.

"You're up."

She turned to look back at the castle, and her brows drew down.

It was a real contest now, so she was going to have to get serious.

Really fucking serious.