"Good work on the mission Julius."

"Yes sir, did you find out who Narco is?"

"During your trip back, we contacted our agents in Vas Gyan. Narco is a person who recently rose quickly in the underworld. He works closely with Vision and deals drugs with the gangs there. As you know Narco is an alias whose real name is Carl Rameriz."

My expression immediately darkened. My mana started fluctuating wildly and my emotions were out of control.

'Carl, it's you. I've finally found you, bastard. I will fucking kill you.'

"Revenge huh? If I recall, Nica said he captured you and that's how you ended up here. Shit, I should've remembered the name before thoughtlessly telling you."

"Why does that matter? I am going to kill him."

"I am not sending you on that mission Julius. He's a high C rank, someone stronger than you. You know how we assign missions. We send someone who is at least a rank higher than the strongest opponent."

"You have to face opponents stronger than you if you want to be a better mage. I cannot be content just training and fighting weaker opponents. You want me to realize my full potential, right?"

"Yes, I do Julius but aren't even fully trained. You're still a kid. Training will be just fine until you reach your twenties."

"Please, Lord Moria, I need this."

I was begging him. If I didn't kill him with my hands, I would never be able to fix the scar on my heart. The memories of him terrorizing my town all come back to me. Him killing my father and raping my mother.

I've trained for this, this is what motivated me. I didn't want to bring him to justice, I just wanted to kill him with my hands. I wasn't a hero, I just wanted revenge.

"What next?"

"What do you mean?"

"Revenge was the motivation that kept you going for all these years. Despite your best intents to hide it, that's what has given you the strength to continue."

"Yes, and?"

"What happens after you complete the revenge? We both know you have the potential to become S rank. You will easily be able to kill him given a few more years. But, what is going to motivate you afterward? I have seen many talented mages become empty shells without motivation after revenge."

"Are you saying that I shouldn't have revenge?"

"Not necessarily. Though different quotes such as 'an eye for an eye makes the world blind' say that revenge is bad, I find it differs from person to person. Not having revenge can be more harmful than having revenge. You also need another motivation to keep you going. What will keep you going after your revenge?"

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'My motivation after my revenge...'

"I'll give you my example. You know about how I went on a rampage because my wife died? After I had my revenge, what kept me going was that I wanted to protect the rest of my family and make them as strong as possible. I won't let take this mission until you tell me why you want to get stronger."

He then dismissed me. I then continued with the rest of the day. However, I was continuously distracted. I was sparring I noticed my attacks were sloppy, which allowed him to nearly defeat me.

After that event, I retired for the day and sat on my staring at the ceiling.

'My motivation huh?'

When I thought about what I wanted to do, all that came to my mind was the arrogant face of Carl Ramirez. Him slashing down and killing my father. His face when he raped my mother.

"No no, what am I thinking about."

I shook my head. I decide to get some other opinions. Veronica was out, so I visited Amina. She was sitting in her room reading some letters.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Ahh, Jules, it's you. Couldn't you have knocked first? I could have been naked."

"Your door was open. I don't think you would be naked with your door open."

She then pouted. It was kind of cute.

"So why are you here."

"I wanted to ask you about something, but now I want to know what are reading."

"Oh, this? These are people sending confirmations that they coming to my birthday party."

"Oh yeah, your birthday's soon."

Amina was a couple of months older than me. I was born on the 3rd of September while Amina was born on the 18th of May.

Amina usually has two birthday parties, one for the nobles and one with her family. The first one is barely a birthday party and is just a get-together for nobles to exchange information and get closer to Moria Duchy.

The second birthday party is usually held a week later and is exclusively for her close family. I don't get invited to the first one, but I do get invited to the second. That's why I am acquainted with her older siblings, though her parents haven't been able to come home.

"It's going to be annoying this year isn't it?"

"Yeah, I'm turning 15 this year. I'm approaching the age where I can get engaged. Anyway, my grandfather won't allow me to get engaged this early, so I've stopped thinking about it. What did you come here for?"

"It's a weird question, but what motivates you to become stronger."

"Why are you asking this?"

'I guess it doesn't hurt to tell her.'

I told her a bit about my past and the information Umbra told me. Though I left out many major details.

"Wow, I didn't realize that your life was so hard. Why didn't I hear about this earlier?"

"Because... you didn't ask I guess."

She then hugged me.

"Uhh, what are doing?"

"Comforting you."

"Well... ok."

We then separated.

"To answer your question, I guess what motivates me is that I want to be the strongest."

"Strongest? Why?"

"There is no real reason for this, I just want to be the strongest human in the world, becoming the Mage Emperor. That's why I train. I guess that's my dream. I also don't want to lose to you."

"Hmm, ok thanks."

After talking to Amina for a while and playing a game of chess (which I lost) I returned to Umbra's office.

Talking to Amina made me realize a motivation doesn't have to be something great. It's a dream that you want to accomplish.

"You have a better look on your face."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Have you figured out why you want to be a mage?"

"Yes. I want to be strong enough so that my life is not in the hands of others. For example, an S rank like you can just kill me without knowing. I have no power to stop you. I want to be in control of my life and have the power to overcome what fate throws at me."

Even though I spoke resolutely, I was very nervous on the inside.

I realized what caused my death and the reason why I was captured in the first place was that I was too weak. I didn't want that to happen again and wanted to become strong enough that even S ranks will have to bow down to me.

Umbra Moria smiled widely.

"That was quick. Well, I didn't expect any less. You're smart and you've experienced a lot. Fine, I'll give you the mission. Get ready, there's a train to Vas Gyan tomorrow. You better live otherwise I'll revive you and kill you again."

"Don't worry sir. I won't lose."