I stood there for an uncomfortably long time, not sure what to do when the demon steed wandered over to me and started snorting in my face. It had hellish red eyes and seemed to crackle with a mystical energy that seemed to ionize the air around it.

"Uh, hey," I said, staring uncomfortably. "So, is this like a Nightmare?"

"I think that's a pun that only works in English," Jon said, taking roost on the top of my hood.

"What are we speaking?" I asked, confused.

"Like Fantasy Polish?" Jon suggested, clearly not sure how to explain. "I'm actually speaking crow, and no one can understand me but you or other people wearing the Mark. Well, you, champions, and people who can talk to animals. There's like a dozen languages in the Southern Kingdoms but the mark translates those too."

"Convenient," I said, still thinking about Ania and how ticked off she was.

"Yeah, well Garland spoke a dozen languages and we're Garland of Nowhere or you are," Jon said, looking up at the sky.

I followed his gaze. The constellations were completely different from the ones on Earth. The night sky was also clearer than I'd ever seen it. The moon was slightly 'off', too, with its craters in different places. Frowning, I lightly petting the snout of the demon steed. It shook affectionately like a normal animal. "Yeah, that's another thing I noticed. Piotr reacted strangely every time I tried to say I wasn't Garland."

"Yeah, that's generally how people react to people saying they're not who they say they are," Jon said. "Everyone will react to you as if you're Garland and ignore any claims or evidence to the contrary. Even if, again, you're a lady like my raven was."

"Which I'm not," I said, staring at my hands. "I'm just like a bigger, bulkier version of me."

"It was the same with me," Jon said. "Like I said, it's magic."

"Weird, I'm not stronger despite my new appearance."

"Attributes don't change from your body on Earth even if you look different. Don't ask me why. You've got to just accept a lot of stuff on faith here."

I frowned, uncomfortable with this turn in the conversation. "I'm not a big fan of faith. My parents weren't exactly followers of any traditional religion. My grandparents had been die-hard communists and my parents wanted nothing to do with any of that. Mikhail and Sasha Bartkowski wanted my sister and me to worship, I dunno, Eru or nature or whatever. Which both me and my sister found silly. Religion has never really been part of our lives."

"Yeah, well, it's less a matter of faith around here," Jon said. "If it helps, just think of them as big aliens like Thor or Q."

"I'm not militant," I said, annoyed. "I just don't practice. I'm pretty sure magic, gods, and undeath are real now. Seeing is believing or spelling in this case."

I had magic now and that was something I was going to have to get used to. I could feel it boiling within me and wondered if it would come with me back to the "Real" World if I managed to escape it. Magic had to exist in my world as well since, well, I'd been sent here.

Thinking about magic, the demon steed began to glow and slowly disintegrated into shadows before swirling into a glowing blue rune on the back of my hand. I realized, then, I could conjure or dismiss it at will. Yet another ability I just sort of understood instinctively. "Is that normal?"

"Yeah, demons can be claimed like Pokémon on this world," Jon explained. "Especially mounts. Obviously, most people make do with horses but the Undermasters have a lot of them in their service."

I'd forgotten that from the books, probably because the show had just had them riding horses. "And because I killed Skull King, I get his stuff."

"The Necromonger way!" Jon said.

I stared at him. "Does anyone get any of the references you're making?"

"Only you," Jon said. "I kind of admit that being a bird may have driven me insane."

"Are you coming?" Ania asked, surprising me.

I looked up. "Oh hey, sorry, I thought you walked off in a huff."

"A huff?" Ania asked.

I was an idiot. "Err, it's just a thing I have a history of. Women walking away from me, I mean."

Oh God, did I say that too?

Ania raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure you have a high Charisma score?" Jon asked. "Because even I would be doing better."

"Just come here," Ania said. "Dragon Keep is still smoldering but the village elders are willing to clear out the bodies and do some basic maintenance. Anything more, though, and we're going to have to shell out of our pockets. Unfortunately, Valentin's people looted the treasury, presumably to pay the dragons."

"Dragons work for gold?" I asked.

"Most people do," Ania replied. "Veles is the god of death, ground, and wealth. He has access to vast amounts of gold, silver, and gemstones to pay his armies. You know, plus the legions of the dead. He's also a giant worm with the head of a bear and the horns of a bull."

I tried picturing that. "So, a dragon."

"When he's not taking other forms, yeah," Ania said.

"The father of all dragons," Jon corrected. "At least since he killed all the good ones. Celestyne is the last one who isn't on his side."

Ania nodded. "He's the opposite of Perun the Sky God. Supposedly, they created the world together before turning against one another."

"Supposedly?" I asked.

"Gods lie," Ania said, sounding like she had personal experience. Which surprised me since I hadn't read any encounters between her and the deities of the books. Maybe it was just a general distaste for the fact they all seemed to be on the bad guys' side.

"Right," I said. "He sounds like Hades from Greek Mythology but much-much worse."

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

"I haven't been beyond the Empire to the Far Lands. I understand they used to worship Veles as Pluto, though, before switching to venerating Mythras," Ania said.

That was another weird little detail, Ledziania didn't seem to be the only place here despite Weis claiming it had originally been part of our world. Mokosh seemed to be an entire other planet that was like my world but different in smaller or greater ways. I hadn't questioned it when it was just Weis being a 'hack' writer inserting fantasy counterpart cultures but now I had to wonder how the hell that had come to pass. Had history just unfolded remarkably similarly or had this world been populated by refugees or colonists from my world? It was the kind of thing I'd love to ask about when I wasn't surrounded by boiled bodies.

Ania changed subjects by turning to survey 'my' keep. "Sweet Perun, how are we going to pay for this?"

"Kill monsters and take their stuff?" I suggested.

Ania glanced at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Sure," Ania said, shaking her head. "I guess that is the traditional way to raise funds around here."

"I'm sorry about your home," I said, unsure what else to say here.

"It's not been my home for a long time," Ania said, biting her lip in a surprisingly childish gesture. "Home is family and mine are scattered to the winds or dead. You really want to help me try to rebuild this place?"

"Yeah," I said, stretching out my hands. "Even if it wasn't my only way home, which it might not be, I don't feel like just leaving you out to dry. I mean, what if this world does get conquered and it's mine next? You'd have to be a real asshole to just come to this new world and goof off."

Jon was conspicuously silent.

"You wouldn't have been the first," Ania said. "Like I said, I've dealt with other Garland Imposters before. Some of them have been my friends, one was something more. However, most of them treat this world, my world, as just their own personal playground. If you are willing to help, truly want to help, I appreciate it, but I don't intend to wait for another tourist to save us."

"You have tourists?" I asked, envisioning people going up to Gondor to gaze at the dead tree and statues of Isildur.

Ania blinked. "That's what you took from that?"

"I dunno, I just never thought about it," I said, pausing. "I mean I suppose you could go to fairs, tournaments, and on pilgrimages or whatnot."

"You are easily distracted," Ania replied.

"So, I've been told," I replied, huffing. "I might be on the spectrum, but I never got myself tested."

"The spectrum of what?" Ania asked, blinking.

"I'm just letting you know I'm one of the good ones," I said, pausing. "And I know how that sounds, but I'm not one of the bad ones who says they're one of the good ones; I'm actually one of the good ones who says they're one of the good ones. And I know how that sounds—"

"That's literally from Brooklyn 99," Jon said. "God, I miss television. It's like the only thing I don't have here that I want. You'd think I'd miss the internet, but the lack of social media almost makes up for the horrifying monsters."

"Come on," Ania gestured. "We'll get you set up in the tower. If you're serious about this, we can start going through the town to see if there's any help we can lend to the villagers. From there, we can start figuring out where to raise the necessary gold to fix Dragon Keep. I know Piotr wants us to raise an army against Veles, but we need supplies and a place to start before we even think about this."

"It'll be a long road," I said, pausing before reciting the lyrics from the Enterprise theme. "Getting from there to here. But I've got faith. Faith of the heart."

Ania just stared blankly.

"Song lyrics," I replied.

"Then shouldn't be singing them?" Ania asked.

"Please don't," Jon said.

"Yeah, I'm just nervous," I muttered. "I recite pop culture when I get that way. Fighting monsters? That's easy. Social situations? Not so much. I either respond with immense sarcasm and pop culture references or no, that's pretty much it. This is the first time in a long time when I haven't tried to be an asshole as a response."

"I can't imagine why most women walk out on you then," Ania said, walking across the damaged drawbridge.

I grimaced. "Smooth, Aragorn. Smooth."

"Please tell me you don't intend to court Cattie Brie here," Jon said.

I didn't get it. "Sorry."

"The Legend of Drizzt? Forgotten Realms? D&D?" Jon asked. "I thought all of us spoke the same language of dice rolling."

"I was more a Warhammer Fantasy guy," I replied, somewhat exaggerating. I played D&D, just wasn't a huge fan of the novels. Even then, they'd just been too PG for me. "That is until I found something darker. The Black Company by Glen Cook. Erikson’s Malazan. Oo, baby."

"I'm just saying, she'll break your heart," Jon said. "Also, cut your dick off. Which is worse. Find someone less high maintenance. There are easier ways to get laid in Fantasy Land. It's a regular World of Whorecraft in some places. They have temple prostitutes in some places—"

"You've never had a steady girlfriend, have you?" I asked. "Someone you were actually friends with, I mean?"

Jon looked away but I saw real emotion in his eyes. Impressive given he was a frigging bird. "I've been in love, Aaron. It's not something that I recommend around here."

I wondered what he meant by that, but I'd somehow shut him up somehow since he didn't say anything more.

I reluctantly headed across the broken drawbridge of Dragon Keep. Ania had walked further in, and I found myself in an immense main hall that had been formed for dragons to be mounted then released through a tremendous skylight. Unfortunately, that had provided a way for the dragons to get inside.

It seemed like the entire place had been an abandoned ruin for years rather than a place that had been newly sacked by the undead and mercenaries. The furniture had been tossed in piles before set alight. The tapestries had been ripped off the walls and burned. The Dark Undermasters had been in decline for centuries according to the books, but this was an explicit sign of just how hard they'd fallen.

Still, I was impressed at how well the artists for the books and on fan sites had successfully captured the interior of Dragon Keep. Even in its diminished state, it was an incredible sight to behold.

"Wow, what a shit show," Jon said.

"Well, it's been sacked a dozen times," Ania said, looking around. "Frankly, I'm surprised anything is still left standing. The only thing left intact, though, is the library. That's protected by the blessings of the twin Zoryas, so its fine. Otherwise, we'll have to start from scratch."

I checked my bracelet and the quest journal for repairing Dragon Keep.

REBUILD DRAGON KEEP REQUIREMENTS (0/12):

* Rebuild Ania's Room (cost: 100 GP)

* Rebuild Garland's Room (cost: 200 GP)

* Restore Drawbridge (300 GP)

* Restore Tapestries (500 GP)

* Restore Alchemical Lab (1000 GP)

* Restore Moat (2000 GP)

* Restore Armory (2000 GP)

* Restore Blacksmith (2000 GP)

* Restore Stables (5000 GP)

* Restore Chapel (5000 GP)

* Restore Battlements (10,000 GP)

* Restore Dragon Pit (50,000 GP)

"Wow," I said, whistling. "That is going to be expensive."

Jon said, once more hoping on my shoulder. "This is clearly an endgame sort of accomplishment."

"Gold must be worthless," I said, staring.

"Actually, gold piece is an extrapolation," Jon explained. "Almost every coin in the realm just has a tiny bit of gold enamel on top of a lead coin. Its why prostitutes cost me fifty gold piece."

"No, Maelor the Black was just way overcharging you," Ania said, walking up to me. "None of the champions I remember were able to rebuild the keep but some were able to get some work done before things 'reset.' I'm biased here since I grew up running across the battlements and trained to be a Dark Undermaster here. If we are to rebuild it completely, we'll probably have to find the surviving champions as well as carefully manage our—"

PURCHASE ANIA'S ROOM UPGRADE Y/N?

"Yes," I said, tapping Y.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Ania asked.

PURCHASE GARLAND'S ROOM UPGRADE Y/N?

I tapped Y again.

REBUILD DRAGON KEEP QUEST UPDATED (2/12)

QUEST COMPLETED: EXPLORE DRAGON KEEP WITH ANIA (1/1)

The bracelet projected an image of the top rooms on both the Southeastern and Southwestern towers. Both suddenly filled with beds, decorations, and artifacts from the books. Both went from empty dungeon-like cells to comfy Medieval-themed hotel rooms with burning hearths. I also felt like my purse had become a little lighter. It seemed that the bracelet was able to make instant changes in exchange for cash.

"House flipping, Medieval style," Jon said. "Vanilla Ice couldn't have done it any better."

Ania grimaced. "You had three hundred gold pieces lying around and you used to give us comfortable rooms versus saving it, or, I dunno, repair the front doors?"

I looked at her, confused. "You're welcome?"

Ania threw her hands up in the air and walked off.

"You're right, you do encourage women to do that a lot," Jon said.