The Tent of the Gods was, as you probably could guess, the mobile temple of the Ledzianian army. This was a bit of a sore spot since Mythras worshipers were monotheists, traditional Ledzianians were polytheists, Rus worshiped the Aesir, elves worshiped the three goddesses, and the dwarves of this world only worshiped Svarog even though he was part of a pantheon of literally related deities. The Temple of Mythras having been on a "convert by the sword and flame" kick for the past couple of generations hadn't improved relations between the groups either.

Really, the result of my efforts to create peace among the religions had achieved great things. The clerics of virtually every faith believed I was a heretic now and called for my head. It had gone a long way to legitimizing King Ivan III, Agata as Great Mother, and Joan the First of the Mytharium.

Why?

Because every single bad decision and mistake they made could be attributed to my evil influence. I called it "The Rasputin Effect." Well, technically, they were still attributing it to Garland and the Dark Undermasters as a whole. It turned out that group wasn't necessarily the most popular one in the world either, which you'd think it would be since it literally hunted monsters for a living, but it seemed a bunch of dark magic using knights tending to invite paranoia. If we managed to defeat Veles, we'd probably end up suffering the same fate as the Knights Templar. The burned at the stake part, not the becoming Ubisoft villains one.

Either way, my solution for the Tent of the Gods was to basically make it resemble a hospital chapel. Which was to say include a bunch of vaguely spiritual things like candles, altars, and pews while not actually putting any explicit references. It offended everyone who was genuinely religious, including people in my party, so I knew I was doing something right. There were a couple of people currently praying here and one Mythran priest preaching that every single person who worshiped another god than Ahura Mazda was going to kill.

Except Mythras, obviously.

He didn't count.

"Alright, everyone out!" I said, entering through the tent flaps. "Private meeting for the people out to save the world."

An old toothless grandmother who helped with the army's wash spit on the ground in front of me and said something in a language not even the mark of the champion could translate before walking past me.

The red priest pointed at Joan and said, "You have disgraced the faith of the god and lied down with heretics, False One! Our god will punish you with eternal damna--"

"POLYMORPH OTHER," I said, pointing at him.

The red priest transformed into a rabbit before my eyes, looking scared and confused before hopping away.

"Aaron!" Joan said, looking up. "That was not good."

"At some point, I stopped giving a shit," I said, trying to access my mark's menu and only getting static. "Anyway, I set the polymorph to wear off after a few minutes. Hopefully, no one will turn him into hassenpfeffer in the meantime."

"I think that was one of the more liberal Mythran priests," Agata said, watching him depart.

"Good job, Aaron!" Rachel said, cheerfully. "You're finally getting into the spirit of being a god."

Joan sighed. "A split among the Mytharium seems inevitable. I don't know how the faith is going to survive if we do not possess unity."

I paused. "Yeah, I've got some news for you, I'm pretty sure that religions fighting one another are fine. Yes, including ones that worship the same god and who are arguing over nothing."

Joan looked up. "That makes no sense."

"Yes, you'd think their god would intervene," Agata said, appalled.

Jon flew into the tent and landed on a nearby pew's back. "Yeah, well, second hottest pregnant lady after Demi Moore, our world operates by different rules."

"I was wondering when you'd get around to that one," I said to Jon.

"I was saving it until she was showing enough," Jon said. "Fun fact: birth-related mortality is almost zero in this world because of magic. It kind of makes you think about this world."

"Yes, we've established your world is terrible. Especially for women," Agata said, illustrating the old proverb grass always being greener.

Except the opposite of it.

"Hey, some women have it good," Jon said, pausing. "I'm pretty sure Madonna is okay. Jennifer Lopez is doing well. The Queen of England."

"She died," I pointed out.

"What?" Jon asked. "No! What will happen to her dogs?"

I shook my head. "Let's focus on what we're here for."

"Which is?" Joan asked, looking up.

"You want to summon the other gods," Agata said. "As if they were individuals who were yours to bring forth."

I shrugged. "It's more like a family chat."

"Do you really think they'd answer?" Agata asked.

"They will," Rachel said, surprising me. "Joan has the ability to summon her god for an audience and my mother will come for Aaron."

Agata frowned.

"He is as close to Perun as exists now," Rachel interrupted. "You could probably summon her as well, Great Mother."

"I'm hesitant..." Agata muttered. "I have broken my sacred oaths twice."

"I do not believe my mother would hold your marriage against you," Rachel said. "After all, she was married twice. She would probably bless your child as well."

Agata smiled. "Thank you."

"She'd also probably want to have sex with you and your husband," Rachel said.

Agata's eyes widened.

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"Not to question the physics of how sex at this stage works but is it like a medicine ball between you and Bloodstorm or...AH!" Jon said.

That time, it was Joan flinging a book at him. She'd picked it up from one of the pews. I was really surprised at how many books they had in the Southern Kingdoms. Apparently, the printing press was one of the steampunk (clockpunk? powderpunk? Sailpunk?) things that separated it from the Medieval era.

"We're running out of time and while prayer is usually a last resort, I want to see if we can get any help we can," I said, before adding, "Besides, with Veles gone, they might be more willing to directly intervene."

"You realize that's directly accusing the gods of cowardice, right?" Rachel said, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not accusing them of cowardice," I said. "I'm accusing them of apathy."

Yeah, I'd gone from being an atheist to a believer to a guy deeply frustrated with the divine. I liked some of the gods, Mokosh and Rachel in particular, but only Perun had shown himself willing to get their hands dirty in the fight against Veles. Admittedly, this had resulted in Perun dying and being unable to be reborn. So maybe they had a reason to be wary about trying to fight a creator deity head on.

"They'll also accuse you of coward and apathy," Rachel said, softly.

"Is that your opinion?" I asked, knowing Rachel was a god.

"You are not a coward, Aaron," Rachel said. "You are, however, afraid of godhood."

"We need a new Perun," Agata said. "Perhaps you are the one who is destined for that role."

I stared at her. "I'm not Perun."

"No," Rachel said. "You're not nearly as big an asshole as my other father."

Joan drew a line in the dirt in front of the tent flaps and cast a barrier spell in the language of the Empire. She'd learned how to do some spells by just saying their name, something that should be impossible for anyone but a mark wielder but defaulted to the "old" style of elaborate incantations when she had time to do them.

"There, that should keep any unexpected visitors from arriving," Joan said, looking at Jon. "Well, other than the ones we already have."

"You're going to rule high school when you grew up dear," Jon said. "Regina George will have nothing on you."

"Aaron showed me that movie on his magic box," Joan said. "The one who looked Ania apparently became an alchemical powder addict?"

"Eh, I don't see the resemblance," Jon said. "Eh, other than hot redhead who would rule the local prison."

I sighed and walked up to the center of the tent. "Okay, here goes nothing. HEY YOU GUYS, CAN WE TALK!"

All of the other tent occupants looked at me with skepticism.

"What?" I asked.

Jon covered up his face with a wing.

"We're here," a surprising voice spoke, male and with a slight aristocratic flair.

Standing there in front of the tent the altar were three figures. The first of them was a spectacularly handsome golden-skinned man with black hair as well as glowing golden irises. He was ripped in a way that would make most body-builders envious and sporting the armor of an Imperial Centurion. A pair of laurels rested around his head despite the fact he was a Persian deity rather than a Roman one. Well, originally. Mythras was an imported deity the same way the Abrahamic God was. I didn't think of anything of it since I was an immigrant to Ledziana. I admitted, though, there was a humorous element to the fact that he distinctly resembled Tom Cruise and despite having a ripped body, was a little on the short side.

Next to Mythras was the ravishing beauty of Mokosh, Goddess of Love, Motherhood, and the world that carried her name. Mokosh was notably an idealized beauty for the standards of her world as opposed to Earth's Western sensibilities. Which was a sideways way of saying Mokosh was short, plump, and had plenty in both front as well in the back. She was dressed in a revealing toga and by that I meant I could see through it. Modesty was not a quality that she possessed or had passed to any of her children.

The third figure was one that I'd seen in visions but never actually met in person. The resemblance to Mythras was tremendous in terms of how they were built but utterly absent in the face as Svarog was a bit on the homely side and resembled John Rhys Davies' Gimli. He was bare-chested save for a forgemaster's leather apron and sported a pair of dirty linin pants. Unlike Mythras, he also proudly boasted many scars and burns across his torso. Something he might have avoided if he'd worn a shirt while forging. I couldn't tell what his eyes looked like because he had a pair of anachronistic blackened goggles on his face.

Joan and Agata got on their knees. Rachel stood.

"Hey," I said, waving.

"You could at least bow, Aaron," Mokosh said. "Really? Hey?"

"Sorry," I said. "But you didn't exactly go out on this either. No angels, no 'be not afraid', or burning bush."

"You also summoned us in the middle of a non-denomination tent by shouting," Mythras said. "The least you could have done is sacrifice a bull."

"Seriously, what is with you and bulls?" Svarog asked.

"I hate bulls," Mythras said. "They're ornery, smelly, and nasty creatures."

"Yeah, but you can't have a barbecue without them," Svarog said. "In any case, Aaron, consider this a onetime acknowledgement of your heroism. If you want to seek our counsel again, you'll have to come to us."

"You want me to come to heaven?" I asked.

"Sky Realm," Mokosh explained. "Which is their home not mine. I live here on Mokosh. Sky Realm is the home of the gods. Heaven is where good humans go and that's in the Underworld. Seriously, Christianity is like 50% wrong in terms of the planes and it's all Dazhbog's fault."

"I don't acknowledge that name anymore," Mythras said. "Also, they were ripping me off! I could have been huge, but Constantine just had to see that damn cloud shaped like a cross. "Yes."

Wow, that was a deep cut.

"Try a game called Planescape," Mokosh said, pointing at me. "It's a setting by the board game people and is 85% how reality actually works."

"That is horrifying," I said, without missing a beat. "Wait, is Odin going to show up? He's the only other god I know and I was hoping he'd involve himself."

I'd met him briefly during the whole Rus incident and things had gone badly when Freya had decided to make him jealous.

And Thor's mom.

Who was Mokosh.

Yeah.

Awkward.

"Wotan is sitting this one out," Mythras said, annoyed. "He's still pissed at you for preventing the apocalypse."

"He's mad at me for preventing the apocalypse?" I asked, confused.

"There's only so long you can await the end of the world before you want to get it over with," Mokosh explained. "They've been torturing Veles' avatar in Loki for centuries and his escape should have been the start of things."

"No kidding," I said, not even bothering to note that Veles and Loki had no connection in normal mythology. Same with Mythras and Dazhbog. Sometimes I honestly thought the gods were less the actual beings they claimed to be and more like the Vorlons. Aliens who were pretending to be gods and just claiming the names of whoever was convenient.

All three of the gods stared at me.

Rachel facepalmed.

"Right," I said, looking away. "I need to learn to block my thoughts, don't I?"

"Yes, Aaron," Mokosh said. "Either way, we're willing to help you against Belobog and his armies. However, there's a quid pro quo necessary to maintain universal balance."

Why was I not surprised?

"We can transport all of your armies through portals to Crossroad and allow you to fight them directly," Mokosh said. "You know, despite the fact that you made my sacred lake radioactive for the next hundred years."

"That was Veles!" I said. "I mean, probably. I'm pretty sure the Witch Queen arranged that whole thing."

Svarog nodded. "You're on the money there, Aaron. We knew after Veles and Mokosh divorced that he was going to do something stupid. Hooking up with a gold-digging Goth chick, though? I knew that was going to end up fucking him over in the end. She was always in the mood for a magical sugar daddy."

"So much of the world makes more sense now that I know what the gods are like," Jon said. "It was a real mistake having religion depict you guys as perfect non-anthromorphized beings."

"Blame Mythras," Mokosh said. "Seriously, it's his hanging around the Romans. All of the ego of the Greek gods and then trying to whitewash the flaws away. No, Ares, I'm not going to forget what a douchebag you were just because you're calling yourself Mars now."

Mythras glared at her.

Joan whispered to Agata. "Do the gods just appear this way because it's how Aaron sees them?"

"Yes," Agata said. "That is what I'm telling myself at least."

"We will also send you, after you have defeated Belobog, to the Earth along with your friends," Mokosh said. "My sister, Mat Zemlya, has been bound by Veles magic. He gained enough strength from me to be able to hold her down while also blinding us from what is going on there."

"How do you know what he did if he's blinded you?" Jon asked.

"Magic," Mokosh said, in a 'ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer' way.

"Ah," Jon said.

"What do you want in exchange?" I asked, suspicious of their generosity.

"We are almost restored," Mokosh said. "But I want my daughter back. For that, we need a new host for Zorya Nightbringer. Agata, you have a child on the way."

Agata's eyes widened in horror.