Sex with deities is something that very often results in extensive bodily harm as they possess super-strength, endurance, and magic that can draw out the experience well past mortal tolerances. I'm not saying that my dream self-died again but I came close.

Which wasn’t a double-entendre.

Well, not much of one.

I might have told her no, having just spent what felt like the entire day getting my ass kicked by her (which wasn't my kink), but there was a strange sadness to the warrior goddess. It felt like Zorya needed this as much as I needed not to be stabbed again. Ania had made it clear she didn't mind me sleeping with other people and while I didn't quite believe her, I wasn't going to worry myself sick over it while she figured out her feelings. Assuming there was anything to figure out. Maybe I just needed to accept we were never going to be more than we were.

Once matters had reached their climax (I swear I’m not doing this deliberately), Zorya faded away. I found myself lying on the ground of Valentin’s bedroom, staring at the ceiling, and surrounded by the rest of my party. The priestesses were also there, which gave proof to Zorya’s claim that no real time had passed.

Ania looked down at me. "You seem to have had a nice time with the Wise Man."

I didn't understand what she meant until I saw I was very visibly aroused. Embarrassed, I turned myself over. "I found out some important news."

"You had sex with another goddess!" Agata said, shocked. "I can see it in your aura."

“Uh, no I didn’t,” I muttered, unsure I wanted to get into it now.

“You have a new Pwiffle sex card on your chest,” Ania pointed out, showing she’d been teasing the entire time.

“Another one?” I asked, picking it up and showing a nude Zorya Dawnbringer surrounded by a fire shaped like a bird.

“Cool, a goddess card variant,” Jon said.

“They come in variants?” I asked, perhaps more interested in this concept than I should have been.

My bracelet pinged.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED – Dark Phoenix Saga 2.0

25 (A) – Begin a romance with Zorya Dawnbringer

"Thanks for ratting me out, bracelet," I muttered.

"You should be ashamed," Agata said. "The Skyworld is not your personal bordello."

The Great Mother and high priestesses stared at her.

"What?" Agata asked.

"Slut shaming is, literally, against your religion," Jon pointed out.

Agata blinked. "Oh right."

"Apparently, they find something interesting about you," Ania said, crossing her arms.

“Must be a family trait,” Jon said. “Sorry, Agata, redheaded goddesses and demigods only. Thankfully, you’re still in, Ania. Well, Aaron is in, unless you want to tell us something about how you get busy. Heyooo!”

Ania glared.

“Kill me now,” I muttered, half-expecting a helpful bolt of lightning. Sadly, the Skyfather was dead and couldn’t help.

The Great Mother shook her head. "I must depart. I will inform the sorceresses at the Great Portal that you'll be coming soon. As Agata pointed out, we do not have much time. I only found out about the Pontiff's captivity today and she has already spent too much time in his control as is. Even if that is measured in hours."

I was glad she provided a distraction from my situation and really wished I could go back, uh, normal. That was another effect of sex with goddesses even if you were satisfied. Multiple times. The magic in their presence was a natural stimulant.

"Super!" I said, laying on my belly. "We'll get right on saving her!"

The Great Mother and her assistants departed, leaving me in an awkward position.

"Really, Zorya Dawnbringer?” Agata asked, surprised. “She only sleeps with the world's greatest warriors."

Ania and Bloodstorm exchanged a glance.

"I mean, he did slay a god," Ania said. "Sigurd only slew a dragon. Same for Saint George."

"Really, her and Saint George?" Jon asked.

Ania sighed.

"I admit that Aaron is one of the world's best warriors," Bloodstorm said, finally referring to me by my true name. "As long as we add the caveat that we all helped slay Chernabog and are each among the world's greatest warriors. Including Sparky."

"I'm a helper!" Sparky said, perking up. "My mentor is the best killer of monsters ever."

"Careful, kid, monsters are a category that includes you," Jon said. "Did I mention I almost banged Dawnbringer too?" Jon asked. "Because I did. Her sister too. She looked like an Asian Jean Grey who could kill me with her thighs. Death by snoo snoo. Alas, I blew my chance because I also hit on her hot Goth sister. Zorya Nightbringer has the whole Christina Ricci in Sleepy Hollow thing going for her. Very different from Lucy Liu, pro-wrestler.”

"I refuse to believe there's any situation that would possibly allow that to happen," Agata said, staring at the raven.

“I liberated Perun’s celestial mead hall from Grendel,” Jon said. “There was a mixer afterward.”

“That’ll do it,” Bloodstorm said. “I was conceived at one of those.”

“I have so many questions that I don’t want answered,” Jon said, looking at the berserker.

Ania rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm glad that Aaron managed to find the time to get his rocks off while we're about to rescue a child."

"Don't be cruel, Ania," I replied.

"No, I am not cruel," Ania said, frowning.

"You're a little cruel," I muttered. "Sometimes."

Ania shook her head and knelt to look me in the eye. "No, Aaron, I am not cruel. Cruel me would be very different."

I was going to regret this. "How so?"

Ania got up very close and whispered in my ear. "Cruel me would ask to come with you to the Fire Giant's former kingdom and meet with Zorya Dawnbringer. There, I would lay my weapons down before her and ask that the three of us bond in the Rite of the Wind and Rain."

"The Rite of...what?"

She was very close now and I still had sex on my mind. "It is the ritual when three warriors among elves wish to make their bond permanent by showing the gods their physical intimacy."

"Oh, uh, how is that...cruel?" I asked, my mind now very firmly in another kind of fantasy territory.

Ania blew gently in my face. Her breath was cool and sensual. "Then I would remind you that, technically, Zorya is your great aunt."

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My eyes widened in horror. I finally lost my "condition" and could stand up without embarrassment.

Yeah.

Ania stood up and smiled, clearly enjoying the effect of her prank. "Okay, let's get going to Castle Bloodmoon. We've got a vampire noble to kill."

She walked out the room.

"Okay, that was pure evil," Jon said.

"Damn," Bloodstorm said. "She could have just stabbed you."

"I don't get it," Sparky said, looking confused.

"I'll tell you when you're older," Bloodstorm said.

Agata looked uncomfortable. "Aaron, due to the fact it was an avatar, you don't have any biological relationship. Gods are made of energy and--"

"Please don't," I said, standing up and dusting myself off. "It'll only make it weirder."

"I don't think that's possible," Jon said. "I think we're at pretty maximized weirdness now."

"Yeah," I muttered before looking at Agata. "At the risk of a massive mood swing in terms of our conversation, are you going to be okay with going up against Radu? I understand if this is going to bring back a lot of painful memories."

Agata stared at me, a faraway look in her eye. "You're asking me if the opportunity to torture and kill the monster who held me prisoner for months is something I'll be up for?"

"I didn't say torture," I said, uncomfortable.

"I'll be fine," Agata said, her voice cold. "I'm more concerned about Garland's daughter. The Great Mother seemed remarkably unconcerned about the kind of damage she might have suffered."

"We'll do what we can," I said, knowing there was no good answer to 'the child Pope was in the hands of a sadistic monster.'

"If she's a broken shattered mass of a person, they can still put a crown on her," Jon said.

Agata looked over to him. "What?"

"I'm just saying that the Great Mother isn't necessarily our friend," Jon said. "Any more than Larry Weis or Maelor the Black."

"Hey!" Bloodstorm said before pausing. “Okay, that’s fair. My dad is an untrustworthy dickbag. He used to be King of the Elves before they overthrew him and became anarchists. Mostly because he was an immortal tyrant. He’s mellowed with age, though.”

"Just because the quest-giver NPCs are against everyone dying in the monster apocalypse doesn't mean that they're our friends," Jon replied, showing surprising insight. "The Sisters of Mokosh are grateful for us saving them but I think that's going to go away pretty quickly."

"I am a Sister of Mokosh," Agata said, sounding less confidant in her rebuttal than perhaps even she expected.

"We trust you," Jon said. "We just don’t trust them."

Agata looked ready to argue, which wasn’t what this group needed right now.

"Don't try to argue with Jon," I replied. "Doing so is like playing chess with a pigeon. it knocks the pieces over, craps on the board, and flies back to its flock to claim victory."

"That's a half-truth!" Jon said. “I’d crap on my opponent. Crows don’t have control over their bowels. It’s whenever I need to go. I’m sorry.”

Agata shook her head and walked out the door, speaking as she did. "I am glad you have received the blessing of another goddess, Aaron. However, I do not think these games are healthy for either you or Ania. Either open your heart fully or close it off like she has yours."

That led to an awkward silence.

"You should definitely treat Ania like a skittish horse," Bloodstorm said. "You're making good progress but these folk with dead lovers always take more time than those without them. Personally, I'm debating courting the high priestess for real. Frankly, I worry that any children of mine will be lethal."

I blinked. "Yeah, that's a lot to unpack in a few sentences. I think I'm going to get changed into my Master Ranger armor and go get ready to kill some monsters."

"Which don't include half-vampires, ogres, or dragons, right?" Bloodstorm asked. “I know you don’t kill ratmen but Perun destroyed whole swaths of monster races. I’m just making sure you’re still you instead of him after absorbing two bracelets.”

"They may include humans," I said, a little offended he didn’t trust me.

Bloodstorm gave me a thumbs up and left, leaving me alone with Jon and Sparky. I was about to start getting dressed when I noticed that Sparky wasn't leaving.

"Is there something I can help you with, Sparky?" I asked, wondering what he wanted.

"I want to be a knight," Sparky said.

I blinked. "Well, you're already training to be a Dark Undermaster."

I didn't bring up the fact that I had no qualifications to be a Dark Undermaster, those legendary heroes who protected Ledziania from monsters, other than the fact I had slain a bunch of monsters in recent months. Which, fair enough, probably put me above a bunch of other people in job qualifications. Still, I didn't know anything about knighthood or the secrets of the organization that was all but extinct these days.

"We don't actually do much training," Sparky said, pointing out I'd utterly failed to spend any non-combat time with him. To be fair, again, the past week had been a mixture of near-coma and recovery. Also, sex, which I wasn't begrudging myself.

I paused. "We're kind of doing it on the job. You know, slaying a god actually puts you above most squires."

"I want to learn how to be a wizard," Sparky said.

I blinked. "A wizard, huh?"

Sparky stared. "I feel...I feel like my brain is improving. Like I can think clearer about what I want to say and communicate those ideas better."

"Really."

"I still feel...different...from other people," Sparky said. "I became a dog because people liked dogs, but they still hated me when they found out what I was. Who I was. That's when people got burned. Yet, since I joined you, I've been...getting better? Things have been getting clearer now. Does that make sense?"

"Not in the slightest," I said, deciding to test matters by checking his stats on the Mark. It said Sparky's level had gone from 12 to 14, which was a lot higher than I expected given I was still hovering around level 8. It also had his CHA score go from 6 to 8. Notably, his intelligence was listed as 11, which didn't surprise me so much as let me know it'd always been a failure of communication versus an actual inability to process information. His WIS score was still around 8, though. "Okay, I think I see where the problem was."

The greatest advantage our party possessed, which was to say any advantage whatsoever, was that this wasn't a world that functioned on Dungeons and Dragons rules. No, only the wielders of the Mark of the Champion did. Which in simple terms meant that we were effectively superhuman as no one else in the world had Hit Points. Monsters took forever to die but that was because they were super-tough, not because they followed the same rules.

One thing that I'd noticed was that anyone who joined the party also gained those benefits. Ania and Agata had their own marks, but I wasn't sure they gave them the same powers that I did, especially since Ania was (probably) a demigod in her own right. Instead, their primary benefit had been to break the spell that Weis had cast over Ledziania that convinced everyone I was Garland. Sparky, by joining our group, was now getting his own alterations.

There were a lot of moral, philosophical, and spiritual implications for the fact that we were altering ourselves to become superhuman. Worse, that doing so required us to kill other people and do quests. It did, however, mean that Sparky's chances to survive were going up, though. Which was good for us. The thing was that Weis' spell also erased everyone's memory of the past Garlands as well as "reset" the abilities of the party when a champion died. Ania only retained the memory of the previous two looks because of her mark. If we let Sparky go or kicked him out of the party, an option to protect him, then he'd possibly lose all the progress he was making.

"Can you teach me?" Sparky asked.

"Sure," I said, noting all his physical stats were 20 with (28) in parentheses behind him. He also had a huge natural Armor Class and other benefits he wasn't really taking advantage of. I still felt terrible about bringing him into battle, though.

"Are you sure?" Sparky asked. "You were gifted your magic by the gods rather than taught it."

That was an astute observation from him. "I think I can pull it off. Agata probably is better at this, though."

"No," Sparky said, firmly. "I don't like the sisters."

"You don't?" I asked, surprised. "I thought at your age that you would be all over. Not that I'm sure what your age is. No offense. Ania thought you and the elf girl were getting close."

"No," Sparky said. "I don't care about that stuff. I care about glory and being a dragon knight."

"A dragon and a knight, a knight who is a dragon, or a specific order of knights called dragon knights?" I asked.

Sparky looked at me confused.

"Nevermind," I said. "Well, any excuse to put off the Talk. The short version is that as long as you travel with me, it seems that you will all get the benefit of leveling up. Not just Ania and Agata. That means you can become stronger, smarter, and more powerful due to, well, the blessing of the gods. It seems to be helping with your 'raised by wolves' thing."

"I wasn't raised by wolves," Sparky said. "I was raised by a dragon."

I paused. "My mistake."

"Anyway, I can probably teach you magic but once you start learning it, you'll probably get it without having to study that much," I said. "But it'll be better if you study in addition to getting it dropped into your head. Does that make sense?"

"No," Sparky said.

Well, turnabout was fair play. "Well, I'm not Qui Gon Jinn and you're not Anakin Skywalker. You're older than Jake Lloyd anyway. Still, I want you to know I'm glad you've helped us this far. I don't want you to be blind to how dangerous this is going to be, though. People can die."

"I've killed lots of people already," Sparky said, confused.

I sighed. "I am terrible at this. Just stick with em and I'll try and train you to be a wizard knight dragon."

"Thank you," Sparky said, turning around and leaving.

"That was a great speech," Jon said, looking at me. "It almost persuades me that it's not immoral making use of a child soldier."

I closed my eyes. "I'm not sure it's any safer for him outside of our party. After all, he was getting knights trying to kill him back at Crossroad. He also followed us from there to begin with. Besides, my concern isn't just that Sparky will get hurt but that he'll hurt other people. He's largely unformed in his moral compass. Don't forget we found him next to a burned-out farm."

"Funny how the ethical thing is somehow what gets us a pet dragon," Jon said.

"He's not a pet any more than you are," I said, shaking my head. “Pets are likable and love their owners.”

“That’s only because you feed them,” Jon said. “Which I suppose is the same with people’s children.”

“Jon, hush,” I said, wanting to talk to him about something important. “No more snark for the next few minutes.”

"Shut your forking face, Auntforker," Jon sang to the tune of the South Park: The Movie medley. “Seriously, I’m not letting that go because I’m dying with jealousy.”

"You know, Jon, that almost makes me not want to give you your gift," I said.

"Which is?" Jon asked, bobbing his head up and down.

"Me turning you back into a human."