I didn't get a chance to react to the outrageous statement by the gods before Agatha, the most noble and self-sacrificing of us, answered for us.

"Get fucked!" Agatha growled, hissing at the deities.

"Yeah," Jon said. "I think the story in the Torah went slightly different. Mind you, I imagine in the original Hebrew, Abraham was told by God that it was 'just a prank, bro.'"

I looked at Jon. "Honestly, that actually is how it ends."

"Really?" Jon asked.

"With a lamb and everything," I replied. "It also has the historical context of being a statement that the Hebrew wasn't going to require human sacrifice unlike the contemporary Assyrian and Canaanite faiths."

"Shut up!" Agata said, looking at me. "We are not giving up my child."

I looked at her confused before remembering my neuroatypical qualities could sometimes be construed as callousness. "No, obviously not. Sorry, that's a deal-breaker and I stand by Agata."

"You would put the life of a single unborn child up against the tens of thousands of people who will die otherwise?" Svarog asked.

I paused. "Yeah."

"All because she is your friend?" Svarog asked.

"I mean, I'd probably not be down with human sacrifice either way," I replied. "We're also pretty far along development wise and she's protective of her child to be so that kind of eliminates any grey area--"

"Don't drive away half your audience, Aaron," Jon said.

"Right," I said, sucking in my breath. "I have Agatha's back and I think if you start compromising your values one thing, you'll start compromising them on--"

"Take me instead," Joan said, standing up. "I will gladly give up my life for the people of Ledziana."

"No," Mythras said. "I am not sacrificing my Chosen One so that my cousin, Zorya Nightbringer, can live again."

"I failed you, milord," Joan said, looking down at the ground. "I was willing to make a deal with that odious harlot in order to bring back my deceased mother. I must atone and will do anything to prove myself again."

"So your idea of atoning for working for Nightchilde," I said, referring to her by her human avatar's name, "is to help resurrect her?"

Joan blinked.

"Also, it would be the second inappropriate body that a goddess Aaron banged would be stuck in," Jon said.

"Who is he?" Svarog asked.

"Aaron's court jester," Mokosh replied.

"Ah," Svarog said. "I thought some random village idiot had wandered in that somehow transformed into a raven."

"I am not random!" Jon interjected. "The rest is a fair cop."

Mokosh looked at Agata. "You misunderstand my intentions, daughter. I have no intention of harming your child. It was my hope that I would merge the power of the Old Gods with her that Nightbringer may be reborn to a family that loves her as well as could raise her to be as kind as her new mother. She would have the power of a goddess but the guidance of someone who was worthy of said power."

"I dunno," I said, wondering if I should even be part of this conversation. "Rachel got raised on Skyworld and became an adult in a few days due to timey-wimey stuff. You can understand why Agata would be unsettled."

"Yes," Rachel said. "Aaron should sire a child so it can become the new Nightbringer."

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Don't worry, I'm not volunteering to bear the child," Rachel said. "That would be weird."

"Oh, yes, that's what would make it weird," I said, appalled.

"I seem to recall humans being less insolent in the old days," Svarog said.

"What old days?" Mythras asked. "You predate the human race by a billion years."

"Pfft," Svarog said. "I'm older than that."

"Only two of them are human," Mokosh said. "The others are a demigod on the verge of becoming Perun's successor and my other daughter."

"Which is absolutely nothing if they cannot defeat Veles," Svarog said. "Mokosh might be arguing that the new Nightbringer might be raised over decades with love and affection, but we need her now if we're going to defeat my brother."

I paused. "No offense intended--"

"But you're about to say something offensive," Svarog said, crossing his arms.

I raised my hands in surrender. "Probably. No offense but, uh, what have you guys been doing until now?"

Agata, Joan, and Rachel looked horrified.

Mokosh smirked.

Mythras glared in anger.

Svarog just gazed at me for a long time before bursting into laughter. "You wonder if we've just been sitting on our asses during your battle with our brother."

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

"Yeah, kinda," I said, pausing. "I mean, Mokosh at least provided some help."

"Sexual healing," Jon said, nodding. "Marvin Gaye. Bow chicka wow, wow."

Svarog took a deep breath. "The answer to your question is that I have been keeping the Twisted Ones imprisoned. Perun sacrificed much of his power to bind them but with him being, you know, dead, it required me to step up to prevent them from escaping again. I also didn't realize my brother was corrupted by them until recently."

"You didn't realize your brother was corrupted by the anti-gods even when he was openly talking about killing everyone in the universe to rule the dead?" I asked.

"He was always an asshole," Svarog said. "To be honest, threatening to dominate the living and the dead was always in his wheelhouse."

I didn't want to comment on the fact Svarog probably should have taken notice about what Veles was up to after he'd killed Perun. However, as we'd found out with the gods, they tended to have a slightly less human attitude toward death and rebirth than, well, humans. "Okay, I'm going to admit keeping the Great Old Ones/Chaos Gods imprisoned is probably a good thing."

Mokosh and Svarog both noticeably gave Mythras side-eye. It would have been hilarious if not for the fact we were dealing with terrifying temperamental beings that might obliterate us with a stray thought.

"Oh, we're wondering what I'm doing now?" Mythras said. "What deeds my glorious empire has been doing to hold back the tide of darkness?"

"Yeah, kinda," I said.

To be honest, Mythras was the wild card in all of this. I was bitterly disappointed the Aesir weren't even showing up for battling Veles' forces but that was mostly because Marvel comics had predisposed me to believing they weren't a bunch of selfish assholes. No, it turned out the people who had favored raiding all of Europe for centuries weren't necessarily heroic protectors of the innocent.

Mythras, however, had always traditionally been a god of heroism. He slew the bull, which was Veles' symbol, and had been a god of soldiers. Unfortunately, despite everything Joan had done, I hadn't seen much from him. Svarog, his other identity, had been the sole second generation god who had avoided being corrupted into one of the elemental demons. As for the Holy Eastern Empire? Well, they'd proven to be more like the Galactic Empire than, I dunno, some theoretical empire that wasn't full of dicks.

Mythras stared at me. "I've been biding my time."

"Biding your time?" I asked, staring.

"Aaron, please don't insult my god," Joan said.

"No, I actually am with the fake Garland on this," Svarog said, showing a hint of his real opinion of me. "What have you been doing, son?"

"Garland never killed gods," Mokosh said, coming to my defense. "Aaron's accomplishments exceed those of the Black Rose."

"Yeah, the Steel Rose," Svarog said, making air quotes with his fingers. "He sounds like a hair metal band frontman."

"I mean, that is true," Jon said, throwing in his two cents.

"Garland could have slain gods," Agata said, looking down. "Please don't insult my late husband."

"He was a good man," Mokosh said, pausing. "I mean, good-ish. Like, it took him an hour an hour to cheat on you."

"Wait, what?" Agata asked.

"When he woke up after your consummation, he ended up in the local river with some Rusalka," Mokosh said. "The succubus Nikkole, the tavern maiden where you got married, her sister--"

Agata stared in horror.

"This is why every marriage should never include vows of monogamy," Mokosh said, pointing at her. "It's just messed up."

"So, back to Mythras," I said, horrified at that entire line of questioning. It explained so much about the state of Ledziana.

"Veles is a far more powerful god than me," Mythras said, calmly. "I couldn't trust my father to aid me against him."

"That's cold, son," Svarog said. "But fair."

"I would only get one shot," Mythras said. "I probably would lose in a battle with him after Perun's defeat, but I could perhaps cripple him. The threat of that allowed me to maneuver Veles and keep him from making some of his more overt moves. At least until he was strong enough to crush me outright. In the meantime, I empowered individuals to work against him on my behalf and protected Veles' enemies."

"The Wise Man," I said, pausing.

"Yes," Mythras said. "Between Mokosh and me, that's a large reason why Veles was forced to do his ridiculous quest game against the champions."

"Mostly me," Mokosh said. "It is a sign of just how far Veles has gone that he no longer feels obligated to obey the oaths he made to both you and the Wise Man in order to finish the fight between your proxies. It was a duel of honor made between champions and his fleeing the field of battle forfeits any claim of honor."

"Yeah," I said, pausing. "I'm sure that was his chief concern when destroying all life. How honorable it would be."

Mokosh smirked.

"Speaking of the Wise Man, uh, where is Larry?" I asked, looking around.

"The Wise Man is the one who opened the gates to your world to let Veles leave," Svarog said.

"What?" I asked, staring.

"Yes, what?" Agata asked.

"Plot twist!" Jon said, spreading out his wings.

"The Chosen of Perun was only interested in playing the game as long as he was the one directing the pieces," Svarog said, his voice disdainful. "The moment that you proved far more intractable than the other champions were the moment that the Wise Man began to look for alternative pawns."

That was a kick in the butt. "So, just because I wasn't completely controllable, he decided to join up with the person who is opposed to?"

"I assume that Larry thinks that he's playing a deeper game," Mokosh said. "But Veles' cunning is greater than the last druid's. It's possible he's been overwhelmed by his influence as well."

Svarog shook his head. "It's also possible that he simply sees getting Veles to your world as a way of winning. After all, it is officially not his problem."

"My theory is that he's so sick of people wanting the next book out that he's decided to have Veles destroy Earth," Rachel said.

Everyone looked at her.

"What?" Rachel asked. "The manuscript with Aaron is still being edited. It's ridiculous. Just release the goddamn thing. Andrzej Sapkowski has gotten like three books out for The Witcher saga and he finished the series years ago."

I decided to try the big Patrick Stewart speech. "Listen, the people of the Southern Kingdoms need your help. Now is not the time to hold back or make deals. You love your followers, I know this, and are all exemplars of what mankind can be. Show the people of the world that you have their back and they will worship you. Restore their faith in you by providing them the miracle they need, not necessarily one they deserve."

"Okay," Mokosh said.

"Sure, why not?" Svarog said.

"Yeah," Mythras said.

I blinked. "Oh, well, thanks."

That was when Joan and Agata vanished.

Jon squawked in surprise.

Rachel didn't look surprised in the slightest.

"What the..." I trailed off.

"They've been sent to Crossroad with the rest of the armies," Mokosh explained. "It's best as if they don't know the truth."

"The truth?" I asked.

"Yes," Mokosh said. "I was trying to disguise the fact that Zorya Nightbringer has already been merged with her child."

I stared in horror. "Please don't take her away from her."

Mokosh shook her head. "Never."

"Provided you do what we say," Svarog said. "The needs of the many and all that. War destroys thousands of lives and whatever brings it to a close the fastest is almost inevitably the greatest good."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked.

"Defeating Belobog is important," Svarog said. "Restoring him will cut off Veles from the last of his support on this world. However, we can't take the chances that he might have an agent working both sides of the equation. Before we transport you and your team's survivors back to Earth to save it, we need you to eliminate the Witch Queen."

"Betray her before she betrays us," I said, feeling disgusted by all the backstabbing around me.

"Yes," Svarog said.

"We also want you to kill the Wise Man but that's a lower priority," Mythras said.

Yeah, I didn't like the gods anymore.

“Right,” I said, reluctantly agreeing.

With that, they vanished, and I was left alone in the Temple.

Jon looked at me. “You know, with allies like these, who needs enemies?”

“I agree, bird,” I said, sighing. “I agree.