So, I was at a government black site.
Possibly.
I mean, I'd never been to one before and for all I knew this could have been just the interrogation room for something that was far from an off-the-books spy location. Hey, I could be interrogated here then dumped into a much, much worse place before I was dumped into some place even worse after that. Such was the life of Aaron Bartkowski, Dark Undermaster.
Given I'd spent the past year in the fantasy world of Mokosh, I had obviously missed out on some events back on Mother Earth. Among these events seemed to have been the existence of magic being revealed, Veles becoming President of the United States, and absolutely everything going to shit.
Yeah, that was a lot.
Right now, I was sitting at a metal table with my left hand handcuffed to it in a Spartan white room with a two-way mirror. I was still dressed in my Dark Undermaster Master Ranger's Armor, which made me look like I was cosplaying. They'd taken my weapons but didn't do anything to suppress my magical abilities, assuming they could, so I had some advantages. Unfortunately, I was pretty sure that said advantages wouldn't do much if they unloaded into me with Army assault rifles.
I took a moment to check my stats, conjuring them up in front of my eyes even if no one else could see them.
ARAGORN “AARON” BARTKOWSKI
LVL: 17
CLASS: UNDERMASTER SORCERER (MASTER RANGER)
ALIGNMENT: GRAY
AGE: 34
SEX: MALE
RACE: HUMAN (Demigod)
STR: 12 (19)
AGI: 10 (11)
CON: 11
INT: 30
WIS: 11
COM: 15 (16)
CHA: 15
ARMOR CLASS: 27
ATTACK: +9 (+19 to ATTACK, 1d10+19/23 [Undead] DAM, Sword of Perun [Lightning, Holy, INT bonus])
HEALTH: 96
DIVINITY: 7
FEAT: Taunt, Sword and Shield, Two Handed Fighting, Tracking, Craft Magical Items/Recharge Magical Items, Leadership
SPECIAL ABILITIES: ARCANE FIRE (1d6+13 INT bonus, Eldritch Damage, x3 Staff of Dragon Kings, Critical Hit Possible), BLOCK (requires shield), LESSER MAGIC (unlimited times per day), COUNTERSPELL, DIVINE ENHANCEMENT [Push]
LESSER MAGIC EFFECTS: CLEAN SELF, CREATE FOOD, CREATE FIRE, CREATE WATER, MINOR ILLUSION, REFRESH, TELEKENESIS (1 Kilo per INT bonus), VENTRILOQUISM, MEND, TORCHLIGHT, SILENT WALK, IDENTIFY MAGICAL OBJECT, LESSER SENDING (Party Only), BLESS, SOOTHE ANIMAL
SPELL LIST (MAX/5/5/5/5/5/3/3/2):
[1] ARMOR, CURE, FRIENDSHIP, JUMP, PUSH [+++]
[2] ANIMAL SUMMONING, ENTANGLE, SILENCE, WEB
[3] CURE (II), LESSER CHARM, LIGHTNING BOLT, NEUTRALIZE POISON, SUGGESTION
[4] BANISHMENT, CURE (III), POLYMORPH OTHER, DIVINE BOW, REMOVE CURSE
[5] CURE (V), DRAGONBREATH, IMPROVED LIGHTNING BOLT, REVIVE, SUNSTRIKE
[6] CHAIN LIGHTNING, GLOBE OF INVULNERABILITY, HEAL
[7] AARON'S AWESOME BATHHOUSE, RAINBOW BLAST, RESURRECTION,
[8] MASS UNDEAD SLAYING, PLANESHIFT
SPIRIT SUMMONS: STOMPY, THISTLE, RUSALKA, ZORYA DAWNBRINGER, ZORYA NIGHBRINGER, SPARKY, LEGALLY DISTINCT COPY OF ASH FROM EVIL DEAD
STATUS EFFECTS:
* Alchemical Stone (White): You recover 20 HP after a short rest and status ailments
* Blessing of Zorya Dawnbringer: +1 to AGL, +1 to AGI
* Ring of Ogre Strength: STR is 19 when wearing this
* Boots of speed: Double Movement Speed, Dodge Roll Bonus
* Ranger’s Mark: +4 to hit/damage against Undead
* +4 to all Saving Throws [Divine]
* Can cast PERUN'S DIVINE LIGHTNING BOLT once per day
* DIVINE SENSES [Always Active, No Penalties to Environment]
* Can grant 1st and 2nd level spells to priests and answer PRAYER [ACTIVE]
Level 17 to 18
2,000,000/3,000,000
Almost 18th level.
Impressive.
Sort of.
I'd never expected to make it past 12th level and that had been after I'd defeated the Wind Demon. That had all been in the first month of my time in the world of Mokosh. The next eleven months had been spent on busy work of monster slaying, petty questing, and level grinding while trying to build up an army capable of fighting Veles.
It had worked, sort of, but now I was trapped here on Earth away from most of my allies. I was thinking about where they might be when the door to the interrogation chamber opened. A black suited man with mirror shades who bore a not-inconsiderable resemblance to Agent Smith from The Matrix walked in. He sat down across from me and put down a manila folder full of photos as well as documents.
"Ah, Mr. Bartkowski," the man said, shaking his head. "It seems that you have gotten yourself in a spot of trouble, haven't you?"
"Yeah," I said, annoyed. "Listen, the world is in terrible danger--"
"Mmm hmm," the man said. "So you've said. You claim that Epic DungeoneeringTM, the video game company, is plotting to conquer the world with the help of its former CEO, Peter Veles. The President of the United States."
"Yeah, how did that happen?" I asked. "Also, does no one notice that Peter Veles is Peter Stormare? I mean, the resemblance is huge."
"I'll be asking the questions here," the man said. "You claim to have been on another world this entire time."
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"Yes," I said. "Mokosh. Earth's sister planet."
"Where magic is real," the man said.
"You guys threw fireballs at me and captured me with SILENCE spells," I said.
"Yes," the man said, drawing out the word like it was something foul in his mouth. “Your associates managed to escape from what is believed to have been an act of terrorism. I don’t suppose you have an excuse for what you were attempting to do.”
This was probably going to go nowhere but I had to try. "Listen, those big tower things--"
"The universal magical conductors," the man explained. "The UMCs. They're the source of magic in our world. They've solved the energy crisis across the planet, global warming, and quite possibly will end scarcity."
I stared at him. "Right, yeah. If the billionaires let you do that. Which they won't."
I wasn't political. Well, political about Earth politics. I'd had enough problems trying to keep the lights on in my apartment without worrying about things way above my pay grade. It was one thing I was going to be glad of, missing the election year, since my parents were huge hippies that seemed to take everything personally while my bosses were all hardcore conservatives that did the same. My co-workers? Oh, they were a mixture of all the worst kind of internet warriors from both sides.
Well, apparently, I shouldn't have skipped this year's election cycle because a bunch of insane shit had happened. Monsters had started pouring out of portals, people had developed powers akin to the X-men, and Andrew had substituted himself as an independent candidate after terrorists had killed a good chunk of Washington DC with a mystical nuke. Yeah, you couldn't go home again it seemed.
"You were saying about the towers?" the man asked. "The ones you wanted to blow up?"
I glared. "I don't suppose I should be asking a lawyer."
"That's hilarious," the man said. "Please go on."
I sighed, trying to figure out how to convince the authorities I wasn't insane. At least I didn't have to convince them that magic was real. "The UMCs are part of a big-planned ritual that is going to destroy two worlds. He's--"
"Andrew Veles," the man said. "The man you claim is actually the Slavic god, Veles."
I balled my fists. "Yes, him. He's one of the creator gods and more powerful than almost any other in this galaxy."
"Interesting," The man said. "You also claim to be a god, as I understand it?"
I hadn't mentioned that in my early attempts to talk my way out of this. It seemed high charisma only got you so far when dealing with government bureaucracy. "That's complicated."
I stared at the two Marks of the Champion on my arms. They were the creations of Larry C.C. Weis AKA The Wiseman and each contained a fragment of Perun’s divine essence. They were the last of the existing marks and if I absorbed them, well, then I’d cease to be a demigod. Instead, I would become a full-fledged god. Probably not anywhere near as powerful as Perun had been at his height but something beyond human.
Which is why I hadn’t.
Was it selfish? Probably. I’d developed a life in Mokosh that transcended what I’d lived here on Earth. I was married to Ania, in spirit if not law, and my family was living there as well. If I became a god, I was afraid I would lose the fundamental things that made me human. Worse, I was worried that it wouldn’t be enough to defeat Veles. There were other gods out there, Mythras and Svarog for example, but they hadn’t taken up the fight against Veles. Still, the temptation was there, and I had to admit it was hard to resist when we seemed so close to defeat despite all our accomplishments.
"Of course it is," the man said, contempt in his voice. "Tell me, Mr. Bartkowski, do you really think that your army of fairy tale characters and Dungeons and Dragons heroes has the slightest chance of defeating the United States military? Especially when it's allied with the Dark Dimension Army?"
I stared at him. "I don't need to fight the United States military. I just need to get to Veles."
The man snorted. "You really think that's an option."
I stared at him. Something was very wrong here. "What is this? Who are you?"
Before I could get a response, the lights turned off and everything became a foggy gray around me. One of the benefits I got from being a demigod was DIVINE SENSES, which amounted to the fact that I could see in the dark and never be confused by noise or distractions.
That was when the man across the table pulled out a set of keys and unlocked my handcuffs. "Okay, we've got to get going, Aaron!"
"What the hell?" I asked, confused as fuck.
"Psych! It's me!" Jon's voice spoke from the secret agent. "How did you like my Agent Smith impression?"
Jon was clearly enjoying his dragon ability to shapeshift.
"I fricking hated it!" I said, staring at him. "Is this a jailbreak?"
"Yes!" Jon said, throwing his hands in the air. "We need to get going!"
I was about to comment on how utterly stupid it was to try to infiltrate a government base when we were trying not to get involved in a fight with them before I realized, oh wait, I was the only member of my party who had a problem with getting in a fight with the United States government. Everyone else was either from another planet or thought they were living in a real live version of Red Dawn.
Before I could express how extremely upset I was at this development, I started hearing gunfire followed by the explosion of magical blasts. Alarms started going up across the base and I knew things had gone from bad to, "Yeah, we were now trapped in a Call of Duty level."
Reacting as reasonably as I could in the situation, I reached across the metal table and grabbed Jon by the shirt before pulling him across the table. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"It's okay!" Jon said, smiling in a way that made me think Hugo Weaving had grounds to sue. "All the people in the base are already dead!"
"What?" I asked, staring at him.
"Yeah, it turns out that Veles is turning huge chunks of the planet into wights with a super advanced version of deathrot," Jon explained. "So, there's like no moral issues whatsoever with blowing the hell out of them on our way out."
I stared in horror.
The two-way mirror in the room was smashed open as a trio of lab-coat wearing scientists dropped their glamours and revealed rotting hideous undead faces on the other side. It was like something from Resident Evil or, well, zombie mode from Call of Duty.
Jon pulled out a pistol and aimed it straight forward. "Die you mothersuckers!"
He fired a half-dozen bullets in a few seconds, pulling down the trigger as he attempted headshots on all three.
All his shots missing.
I stared at him.
"Sorry!" Jon said, looking ashamed. "I've never actually used one of these before."
The three wights climbed over the broken glass and charged me. Their expressions all unified in their desire to kill me.
"PUSH," I said, absently, lifting my hand and blasting the three of them with a massive blast of kinetic force that splattered them like rotten bananas against the back of the room. "So, just so we're clear, I let myself get captured for nothing and the US government is probably now composed of a bunch of mind-controlled undead?"
"You let yourself get captured?" Jon asked.
"Yeah," I said, annoyed. "I was hoping to inform the authorities so we could resolve this peacefully."
Jon stared. "Wow, Aaron, you are the smartest man in the world and such an idiot at the same time. Yes, the government is compromised and the people are completely unprepared for the zombie apocalypse about to happen all around them. Really, the UMCs blowing up the world is probably a quicker death than the T-virus thing that Veles will do otherwise.”
I frowned. “Well, I guess its time we get out of here and finish blowing up those things.”
Jon nodded. “The first intelligent thing you’ve said since we started this. We need you to finish this race, Aaron.”
I slapped my best friend on the shoulder. “You got it.”
“Otherwise, who am I going to make incest jokes about?” Jon asked. “Speaking of which, have I mentioned your daughter is the one who made the plan to rescue you? The one who isn’t technically blood related to you?”
I cast SILENCE on Jon.
So, how did we get here?