The camp for the Grand Allied Ledzianian Army was a collection of mercenaries, conscripts, volunteers, refugees just glad to have a job that fed them, and hangers on. It was, in simple terms, not exactly the biggest bunch of winners you'd ever seen assembled to fight the good fight. However, professional armies were also a distinctly modern invention and getting them up to even this level had been a product of months.

If nothing else, sparing Alek's life despite his murders and involvement with Veles had gone a long way to organizing the military in such a way that the decade long civil war's devastation to Ledziania's forces was no longer as overwhelming as it had been. It had cost me dearly as a lot of people hated Alek and justifiably considered him a war criminal.

But you didn't betray family.

No, I wasn't imitating Vin Diesel with that thought.

Much.

One interesting thing about the Grand Allied Ledzianian Army was the fact that it was fairly mobile. In addition to horses, a huge chunk of its facilities were wagons and carts aided by magical means. Thanks to the defeat of Zorya Nightbringer, the Sorcerers of the Wind Temple had added to their power to the Priestesses of Mokosh as well as the Elf Battlemages. That meant that, logistically, things moved far faster.

I just wasn't sure they'd be fast enough.

Walking into the circles of wagons, tents, and extradimensional houses was a bit like entering into a Renaissance Fair or circus. There were colorful flags, banners, and even cages with enchanted animals. There were other Dark Undermasters and while none of them were as experienced as Ania, my parents had done a pretty good job of recruiting and putting them through boot camp.

"I don't trust the Witch Queen," Ania said, leaning in and whispering to me.

"No kidding," I said, wondering if she thought I did.

"I just hope you're not going to do your thing," Ania said.

I stopped midstep. "My...thing?"

"Sleeping with relatives?" Jon asked, having resumed his human form.

"That happened once!" I said, referring to Zorya Dawnbringer before remembering Zorya Nightbringer. "Twice. Also, only if we count Perun as my great-grandfather. Which I don't."

"Like I said, sleeping with anyone of divine ancestry is not incest," Rachel said. "Not that I'm dropping hints."

I sighed. "You are so funny, Rachel. But if we're going to hash this out, what do you mean?"

Ania frowned. "I mean, you're not going to try to recruit her, are you?"

"You mean Hitlerina?" I asked. "No! I draw the line at genocidal dictators."

"Do you?" Ania asked.

"Yes!" I replied.

"Good," Ania said, crossing her arms. "Because I was worried you might try to redeem Veles. I saw the ending of Return of the Jedi with you."

"Veles isn't my father," I said.

"And the Rise of the Skywalker," Ania said.

"Dammit, Aaron, why would you do that to her?" Jon asked.

"I'm not Adam Driver either," I replied. "Apparently, genocide can be overlooked when you're sufficiently hot."

"She's a very hot monster!" Jon said, raising her hand. "I offer my services to seduce her back to the side of good."

"She's a skeleton, Jon," Alek said. "The fleshy bits are where the fun is."

"No one asked for your opinion, Solid Snake," Jon said.

"Is that supposed to be an insult?" Alek asked.

"Maybe!" Jon said. "I'm trying to figure out one that doesn't make Aaron look awful too. Stupid ridiculously handsome warrior dude. Grumble, grumble."

Yes, he said grumble.

"Aaron! You're alive!" A familiar voice spoke, drawing my attention. "Praise Mokosh!"

Three figures were nearby, well, eight, containing the Royal Guard in their faceless red plate mail. The person speaking was none other than the Great Mother of the Sisters of Mokosh, Agata Rose. She was a tall and beautiful raven-haired woman dressed in a shimmering blue gown that contrasted with the fact she was visibly nine months pregnant.

In defiance of the fact that Sisters of Mokosh were not supposed to get married, Agata had broken her oath for a second time and wedded Bloodstorm in secret. Thankfully, I don't think it was against the rules anymore since she was now the head of her religion.

Sisters could now get married with special dispensation from the Great Mother. Which, hey, worked out for them. Another reason that I was jealous of Bloodstorm and Agata. It was also why she wasn't adventuring with us for the past nine months. No, she just had the easier job of leading armies. Man, the gods made the Rose family tough.

Standing beside Agata was King Ivan the Third AKA Ivan Crookback, who was presently dressed in a military uniform that more resembled a WW1 officer combined with a Third World dictator than a Medieval fantasy despot's. He did, however, have a silver crown that marked him as head of Ledziana. Ivan wasn't the "real" Ivan from the books but a kind of hybrid with the late Prince Cezary. Either that or just a brainwashed Cezary wearing Ivan's old body. He was, however, our ally and someone who'd followed all of my "suggestions" on how to win the war.

The third was Captain Crunch.

No, seriously.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Sort of.

King Krunch Wottanson was dressed in a bright blue uniform with no beard but a gloriously thick white mustache as well as broad Napoleonic hat. He was the Lord Admiral of the Dwarvish Navy (they had a lot of ships in the underground oceans of Mokosh) but preferred to go by Captain when on one of his vessels. I'd been fairly certain I was being punked when he first showed up but Captain Crunch had more or less ignored all my vague cereal references. Mostly because John Harvey Kellog hadn't an equivalent here in order to make breakfast cereal a thing.

"We bid thee greetings, Overmaster," Ivan said, using the royal wee.

"Ahoy, laddies!" Captain Crunch said, waving. "Are ye responsible for the giant forking wave of scalding hot water that splashed me and mine ships? If ya were gonna blow up da damn underwater city, I'd wish ya'd told me! I wouldna bothered to break out the wessels."

Yes, that was how he talked. It was the kind of accent that wandered from Michael Myer's Fat Bastard to Pavel Chekov with no actual real life equivalent in-between. It was, however, how dwarves seemed to talk in Ledziana or at least under it.

"That was Veles making use of, uh, anti-materia bomb," I said, deciding not to mention anything about nuclear physics around anyone here. Despite their mostly Medieval aesthetic, Ledziana was closer to Eberron or a magical steampunk society when ala Discworld when it wasn't suffering a decade long civil war alongside a zombie apocalypse. The idea its sorcerers could figure out how to split the atom with magic and start lobbing nukes at one another wasn't likely but I'd accidentally triggered a volcanic explosion in my time here, so it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility either.

"Don't worry, we managed to deal with at least a few soggies," Jon said, clearly still finding humor in a joke I thought was long beaten to the ground.

"Ugh," Captain Krunch said, scowling. "Ah forking hate dem damned things. Da naked water spirits and their fornicating filthy flabbing aboot."

Okay, now he was sounding Canadian.

Jon grinned, apparently missing that Captain Krunch was assuming soggies was a slur against Rusalka. "In any case, we managed to get all the way to Belobog's chamber before Veles blew the place up. Thankfully, we were rescued by--"

I raised my hand. "By me and Ania's quick thinking."

I wasn't going to be able to hide allying with the Witch Queen from the other monarchs, especially if she showed up with her own personal army of the dead. However, I'd learned a few lessons about diplomacy in the past year and one of them was to never share more information than you have to until the ink is dry on any agreement.

Literally.

I was happy to tell Agata and Ivan but I'd want to speak with Captain Crunch (seriously, I couldn't think of him any other way--I've tried) in private along with the other monarchs. I just needed the best way to phrase it like, "There's a civil war among Veles forces and we should let them fight like Godzilla versus the Tarrasque." Probably without specifically mentioning those particular beings in the context of the explanation.

"I mean I was referring to the Witch Queen coming to tell us that Veles has left Mokosh and gone to our home planet," Jon said, completely missing my hint. "Belobog was left behind with the majority of Veles' undead army, though, so we have to stop it before it destroys Crossroad and then presumably the rest of Ledziana. On the plus side, she's agreed to bring her own horrifying forces to help us against them in a way that in no way probably will result in her backstabbing us at the eleventh hour."

Goddammit Jon.

Agata moved to embrace Bloodstorm before exchanging a short glance with him then turning back to me. "That is a lot, Aaron. Please tell me you haven't decided to pardon the Witch Queen and attempt to redeem her."

"Thank you!" Ania asked, as if agreeing with her sister for the first time in her life.

"No!" I said, offended. "Why does everyone keep asking that?"

"Because it's a very ‘you’ thing to do," Agata said. "Like the fact you invited our aunt's murderer to join the party."

"I assume you're referring to me," Alek said.

"Sometimes I even imagine I can hear him," Agata said, ignoring Alek. "You also invited Jorg the Bastard Knight who tortured Ania."

"I didn't invite him," I said. "I invited Francine who invited him."

"You forgave your own rapist," Ania added.

"Thistle didn't sexually assault me," I said, pausing. "She just bit me as a vampire-succubus."

"Vampire bites cause immense pleasure as a means of disabling victims," Bloodstorm said. "I'm pretty sure that qualifies. We don't actually nitpick these things on Mokosh."

"Mostly, we just toss vampies on the barbie," Captain Crunch said, now inexplicably Australian sounding. "Burn, baby, burn."

"Oh and you made Ivan king," Ania said. "Despite him also torturing us."

I paused. "I didn't make Ivan king."

"You really did," Ivan said, chuckling. "You could have been the one wearing the crown but you're so allergic to power that you preferred to put the nearest body on the throne versus attempting to rule yourself."

I stared at him. "You also might want to recall the oath you made to do what I say. Especially given what proceeded it."

Possibly the worst thing I'd ever done in my life was an act of torture that would have made Spawn or the Punisher blanch. Specifically, I'd killed Ivan before using my newly acquired RAISE DEAD ability to bring him back. It had put the fear of god, or demigod in my case, into him. I wasn't proud of what I'd done but it had gotten Ivan to cooperate on a lot of things.

"I recall it," Ivan said, frowning. "But you should also know that our positions have changed a great deal. You can't just threaten the king."

I stared down at him.

Ivan looked at his bodyguards who looked aside.

"Really?" Ivan asked, clearly disappointed. He should have checked to note that they'd all been hired by Agata.

"Sorry," I said. "But it occurred to me that we may not actually be able to trust you."

Ivan sighed. "It seems I must continue to be your marionette for some time."

"I like your style, Garland," Captain Crunch said. "Wicked and cruel. So, we've got the Skull Bitch on our side and Veles isn't here? That's nothing but good news as far as I'm concerned."

"Not if we can't assemble all our forces to defend Crossroad," I said, frowning.

"Your hometown isn't the war, lad," Captain Crunch said. "Crossroad being lost would be a tragedy but you should also be prepared to lose it."

"Let's burn that bridge after we cross it," I said, noting that I'd spent the past year pouring vast amounts of recovered wealth into building it up into the kind of fortress that could stand against Veles armies.

"Mobilizing all of our forces to arrive in time is going to be the biggest issue," Agata said. "Your attempts to get the Old King's portal network means that we'll be able to get about half of our forces there in time but I'm not sure we can stand a siege and everyone else will be cut off then. Destroying Belobog might be the only way to disperse the army."

"My people's navy travels through magic," Captain Crunch said. "But we won't be able to help much in a landlocked city."

"You got them up here," I said, pausing. "Which is more than I expected."

"Sacrificing Crossroad is perhaps the best thing we can do as long as the capital remains intact," Ivan said, showing the kind of attitude that I'd come to expect from him.

"The capital is on the way to Crossroad," Alek said, pointing out a simple fact of geography. "We can possibly assemble our forces to defend Crossroad but we can't possibly do it for Akoa. Honestly, the best hope we can have for the capital is hoping the armies of Belobog ignore it to destroy Crossroad. But it's very likely they could smash it on the way."

Ivan stared. "Godsdammit."

"We should have tried to get the nuke from Veles," Jon said, haphazardly. "I think all moral considerations regarding nuclear warfare go out the window when fighting Cthulhu and his army of zombies."

"Eh, if you nuke Cthulhu, he comes back after four rounds and is now radioactive," I sighed. "I don't need to remind you that this is probably a distraction from whatever Veles is planning."

"You're right to worry about your world, Aaron," Ania said, looking at me. "But you should also realize your family is here."

Ania reached up and touched my face.

"I know," I replied.

Ania kissed me passionately and I kissed her back.

"Ugh, romance," Captain Crunch said. "It wouldn't be so bad if y'all humans weren't so weirdly proportioned."

I pulled away. "I have one more card left to play."

"Ah, yes, the Pwiffle card game," Captain Crunch said, nodding. "I've been wondering if I would get a chance to challenge you to a match."

I took a deep breath. "Not quite. Joan, Rachel, Agata, could you accompany me to the Temple Tent? I think we need to contact the gods."