“Godsdamn,” Jon said, looking Rachel up and down. "You look like the kids from Weird Science made the perfect fake geek girl to marry. Now that we've moved on from the Thistle thing, I can remove the filter I'd been using on my jokes."

"You had a filter?" I asked, horrified. If that was Jon holding back then I had greatly underestimated just what a monster I had in my midst.

"Oh yeah, I was holding way back," Jon said, bobbing his owl head up and down on his bear's body. "Like, seriously, the incest jokes write themselves."

"The what now?" Francine asked.

"Don't ask!" Ania said, appalled.

"You don't get to say that when you made them!" I snapped.

Ania looked guilty.

"So, Rachel, have you ever heard of an Elektra complex? Are you familiar with the story of Lot's daughters from the Bible? Have I got a revelation for you about the ending of the original Korean Old Boy," Jon said. "Okay, that may actually have exhausted my supply of references there. Can you help me out here, Bloodstorm?"

"I watched a lot of telenovelas on your world so maybe," Bloodstorm said. "However, literally both of these people you're making fun of are gods and one has recently developed the power to throw lightning."

Jon looked at Bloodstorm then me then back at Bloodstorm. "You raise a valid point. Alright, Aaron, you have my permission to do an incest."

Rachel looked amused rather than offended. "What a funny little bird-owl thing."

"OwlsineTM," Jon said. "We can make merch of me and there's not a damned thing Hasbro can do to stop it."

Francine looked at me then Jon. "How have you not killed that thing yet?"

"That is one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?" I asked, nodding my head. "There's actually a very simple story behind this."

"I have no desire to know it," Francine said.

"Oh, if only I had that option," Ania muttered under her breath.

"I'm the reincarnation of my mother," Rachel said. "Her soul joined with mine in the Sky Realm where I was raised to save Mokosh. So, obviously I remember fucking--"

"Please, gods, do not finish that sentence," Francine said, appalling. "This is why I'm an atheist."

"I don't think you can be an atheist when gods are literally real and walking around you," I replied. "That's like Flat Earthing."

I would have preferred to focus on the fact that there was one of the Old Gods within hearing distance, one that had apparently just kicked this groups' ass. The Old Gods weren't acting like video game bosses anymore, just sitting on their thrones and waiting for the hero to show up on their doorstep. We'd narrowly escaped Belobog coming after us at Castle Bloodmoon and had no blundered right into the Wind Demon far away from the Wind Temple.

It was potentially a good thing since it meant that Weis and Veles' game was no longer dictating our actions, but it rendered all of our previous plans moot. Well, my previous plans, which admittedly hadn't gone much further than, 'Level up and kill each Old God before going after Veles.'

Joan, perhaps noting she was a priest, lifted her staff and coughed. "As the designated representative of the gods here, I feel I should take charge."

"You know, barring the fact two actual gods are physically present," Bloodstorm said, coughing. "Also, two more demigods."

"Plus, one other priestess," Agata said. "With significantly more life experience."

"Three demigods," Francine said, lifting her mark. "I made an effort to recover several of the marks of my fellow champions when they fell. Alek is one too."

"You know Alek?" I asked.

"Everyone knows Alek," Jorg said, somberly. "He's the world's greatest warrior. Some in the Imperial Forces say he was chosen by Mythras to end Veles' threat."

Joan looked hurt.

"Ah, great, you hurt White Magic Girl's feelings," Jon said, looking between Bloodstorm and Jorg. "You monsters! It's alright, Sailor Mokosh, we promise to block the haters from your fan pages. They're still going to make creepy fan art of you, though."

Joan looked a lot like Ania did with her withering gaze. "I can conjure a spiritual animal that can crush buildings, Ghost Bird."

"Would that be a Papal Bull?" Jon asked, showing a surprising amount of wit for once.

"She's probably not used to not being the most important person in the room," I said, glad we were joking rather than killing each other. "Hey, Ania, you should share your Taylor Swift playlist with her."

"I love Taylor Swift!" Rachel said. "The angelic trainees and I used to listen to her all the time in the Sky Realm!"

"Send me back to hell," Thistle muttered, facepalming.

"That can be arranged," Ania said, narrowing her eyes before turning back to Francine's group. Sadly, the festive atmosphere had penetrated neither her nor Jorg's attitude. "You may be temporarily working for the side of humanity, Bastard Knight, but you are guilty of introducing me to a whole new level of evil by torturing and murdering my friends."

"Thistle is an instigator of wars and a murderer," Jorg said.

"So are you," Ania said, coldly.

Jorg, to his credit, lowered in his head. "Yes."

"I see you found yourself another lover," Barghest said, looking at Agata and referring to Bloodstorm.

"Quite a few in fact," Agata said, looking not exactly ashamed but saddened. "Our paths were always destined to diverge."

Huh. I did not know those two had hooked up. Maybe even Weis had known the age gap would have been too much.

"You want to hash it out, Dogboy?" Bloodstorm asked.

Barghest gave Bloodstorm an unpleasant smile. "I would."

"We need to combine our forces," I replied, once more falling into Diplomat Aaron mode. "You have injured, and we have healers. We all want the same thing: a Southern Kingdoms free from fear and strife."

"Yeah, that's absolutely not what everyone wants," Francine said, lowering her head. "However, speaking for our group, I accept your offer of aid, Aaron. We're retreating to the surface for the time being but only to regroup in order to make another strike against the Wind Demon. It can't be allowed to recover."

"Why retreat?" Jorg asked, turning to her. "If these individuals are supposedly the heroes you have always claimed to be, we can have them heal our wounds and make another attack against the Wind Demon immediately."

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

I felt like we didn't have nearly enough information about our present situation to make that kind of tactical decision. "Listen--"

"Agreed!" Ivan said, stepping forward. "I have a magical cannon shrunken in my bag of holding! Let us cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!"

"Pipe down, General Chang," Jon said, referencing Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. "Adults are talking."

Barghest looked confused then at me. "Okay, what the hell have you done to Ivan?"

"He's a very heroic figure," I said, fudging the truth. "This is the first I've heard about a magical cannon, though."

Ivan reached into his bag and pulled out a small wooden toy cannon before putting it on the ground. It proceeded to become a full-sized version with a rune-covered metal barrel. There was no fuse and I suspected the magic substituted for several necessary elements like powder and reloading cannon balls.

"Did you steal that from Cezary?" Barghest asked, still incredulous. "He used to play with toy figurines and alchemy too."

Ivan pointed at me. "You have a history of pulling off the impossible, Ser Aaron. If there's anyone who can come up with a plan that will slay my nephew and the Wind Demon at once, it is you. This could well be your finest hour!"

Ivan was displaying an uncharacteristic interest in battle. Then again, he had shown nothing but an unbending determination to slay his nephew from the beginning our acquaintance on. It wouldn't even get him much closer to being king if his sisters had made peace. It seemed trying to steal his body all those years ago had left a distinct impression on our resident Richard the Third.

"We had a plan," Francine interrupted, clearly not happy with the way this conversation had gotten away from her. "A good one. I've used almost all my attribute points to up my WIS score. Believe me, if there was a way to destroy the Wind Dragon with our current resources, I would have noticed one."

"That may have been the wrong stat to increase," Bloodstorm replied. "Aaron is dirt stupid about WIS wise but always comes up with cunning plans."

"Yes, he's our resident Baldrick," Jon said.

"I am absolutely the Blackadder," I muttered. "You're Baldrick."

Jon somehow looked horrified despite having an owl's face.

"We can focus on whether or not to try to help you fight the dragon after your injuries are taken care of," Joan said. "I'm going to lower the barrier now. I assume everyone is going to act like an adult once I do. Okay?"

Oh Joan. Even I knew that wasn't going to happen.

No sooner than the magical barrier went down than Jorg proceeded to charge at Thistle, pushing past me and Ania. Unfortunately, for him, Ania seemed to have prepared for this and proceeded to lasso him with a shadowy tendril around his neck. It was a reminder she had magic of her own, even if it was less on the flashy side than mine or Agata's. Ania pulled back with both hands on her shadow tendril and hurled him back at Francine's feet.

"Your best friend needs to work on his manners," I said.

"You're traveling with the man who murdered his father," Francine said, defending him.

"Yeah, I could bring up the company you're keeping said," I replied. "Remember, we've both read the books. You know what Jorg and Barghest both have done."

Barghest muttered under his breath. "Those fucking books again."

"Clearly, we aren't going to be able to work together on this," I said. "So, I suggest we table any plans on taking on the Wind Demon together. My goal is to save the Southern Kingdoms from the God of Evil. Everything else is secondary. If you can't keep your people under control then that doesn't help me in that."

"Who put you in charge, Bartkowski?" Francine asked.

"I did," Ania said. "You left me behind to join a fake Dragon Queen."

Francine looked to one side. "I had a higher calling."

"Higher than saving the world?" Ania asked. "Which I have been trying to do this entire time."

Yeah, that made no sense. Either way, there clearly a lot of leftover emotions we were having to deal with from both past cycles as well as the book's contents. "Do you even remember that, Ania?"

"I remember enough," Ania said.

"You were under Weis' spell, Ania," Francine said. "You didn't understand why we had to work with Jorg or other decisions I made. You didn't have an awareness of what was really going. Neither did Agata. I had to abandon you both before you abandoned me."

"I remember none of this," Agata said.

"Someone lowered her companion approval score," Jon said. "Tsk, tsk, tsk."

Welcome to why no sane man would ever want to be king, Perun said. Even in the face of universal annihilation, everyone wants to settle old scores.

"Hey, Francine," Jon interrupted. "What is the likelihood of the Wind Demon, Cezary or not, being able to follow you all here?"

"Nonexistent," Francine said, sighing. "The reason we were able to escape was because the monster is bound to the tunnels beneath La Tene. However, the tunnels themselves are made of magically reinforced stone that it can't smash through. I planned to wound him, retreat, and repeat until he was gone. Unfortunately, he proved stronger than expected and took out our healer."

Jon wasn't looking at her. "Not to question your supposedly high WIS, Women's Bodybuilding Paladin Division Champion, but did it occur to you that an elemental evil might have shape-changing powers?"

I followed Jon's gaze and saw a swirling black smoke was moving through the tunnels that Francine and the others had come out of before taking a decidedly solid dragon-like shape before us. The creature was about thirty-feet tall and almost as wide with four tendrils coming up from the body starting to emerge from the smoke.

"Which way is the exit!" I commanded, wishing we could take the portal back.

"Attack, Macduff and a curse on either of us if we give in!" Ivan screamed, gesturing to the smoke monster before his cannon began firing on its own. Blasts of green eldritch energy poured from the barrel and sailed into the smoke.

The fully manifested creature that was still as much smoke as monster had four dragonheads on long necks, one of them hanging uselessly down over its torso, mute testimony to the effectiveness of Francine's group in her attempt to slay one of the Old Gods. It had eight pairs of hands growing out of its sides and all of them looked weirdly delicate, like a lady's, and reminded me that Zorya Nightbringer was the goddess of magic. These looked more like someone had grafted her arms to him Frankenstein style, though, than a sign Cezary carried some of her natural power.

The rest of its body was a blue scale covered abomination that had horrific tumors growing across its flesh as well as faces that lacked the dignified beauty of true dragons but were a twisted mix of human with gila monster. The Fire Demon had been more powerful than Chernabog but this creature, combining Prince Cezary with the Dawnbringer's corruption, seemed to dwarf them both.

A wave of nausea passed over me as I got to understand what 'divine senses' meant for the first time. This creature was an embodiment of the horrific magic that had ravaged the trolls back in the portal station. However, while they were small fires burning with the corruption of the Twisted Ones, dealing with it as best they could, the Wind Demon was a nuclear reactor. Belobog had been turned into a discount Lovecraftian horror, but Cezary was the real deal.

Francine turned around to charge her with Jorg at her side, ignoring my request to provide us directions. Barghest looked at me, no, Agata, for a second before shaking his head then joining his companions in their futile attack.

"Should I heal them or put up a protection spell?" Joan asked, shocked at the creature's sudden appearance. There was a desperation in her voice and never was I more aware that she was a child on a battlefield.

I had to make a harsh choice. "The latter!"

Joan began singing a prayer to Mythras and twirling her staff's end in a circular pattern. Rachel, noticably, stood by our side and repeated the words with Zorya replacing Mythas. Agata repeated her own prayer. Seconds later, the Wind Demon breathed two massive columns of black Stygian lightning down on us before it was absorbed by the barrier the three had conjured.

The third living head of the Wind Demon breathed down another column at Francine's group. Francine conjured her own, smaller barrier that protected her, Barghest, and Jorg. It didn't do much for her remaining knights, who didn't even get a chance to scream before their bodies disintegrated into white powder.

"I don't suppose you can banish this one, can you?" I asked, lifting my lightning sword and aiming it at the Wind Dragon. I really hoped I didn't have another divine mishap while attempting to use it.

Sadly, I'd already used PERUN'S DIVINE LIGHTNING today. That might have been my only spell that could have hurt this thing.

"The spirit is willing, but the body is weak," Joan said.

"You must live, Lord Aaron," Thistle said, running up behind me and elbowing me across the face.

"What the fuck, Thistle!" I said, wondering why she’d bumrushed me.

That was when I saw she'd grabbed Perun's sword and restored her wings. Thistle proceeded then to fly straight at one of the heads and threw herself down its gullet in a suicide dive. One of its heads proceeded to explode from the inside.

There was a ping on my bracelet.

PARTY MEMBER THISTLE HAS BEEN KILLED

I didn't know how to feel about that.

Everyone else prepared for an epic battle even as I saw the wind dragon's remaining two heads focused on Ivan of all people.

Its mouths dripped venom, and its eyes stared with an insane but very personal fury. "CEZZZZZZARY!"

It smashed passed Francine and Jorg like they weren't even present, crushing Barghest as he attempted to heroically sacrifice himself like Thistle but only met his end under ten thousand pounds of monster. It was a meaningless death for a well-loved character.

No, a person.

"Kill it, dammit!" Ivan shouted, continuing his firing of his cannon to little effect.

"DISPEL MAGIC! DISPEL MAGIC! DISPEL MAGIC!" The Wind Demon said, lifting three pairs of its arms and causing the shield around us to vanish. Its divine power overwhelming even Rachel's spell. It then focused its mouths on us for another dragon breath assault.

That was when Rachel pointed at each of us in rapid succession and shouted, "TELEPORT WITHOUT ERROR!"

Everything went white.