"How did you figure it out?" Ivan asked.

"That's not really relevant now, is it?" I asked, staring at him and wondering how close we'd all come to being murdered in our sleep.

Prince Cezary von Piast-Jagiellon was a serial killer and pretty much the embodiment of Larry C.C. Weis' 'pitch black characters to contrast the gray.' Cezary may have been a child, but he was closer to Damien Thorne than a schoolyard bully.

"It is to me," Ivan said, dryly. "Also, no offense, Aaron but you're not someone who is particularly intimidating. It's like being threatened by a house cat."

"A house cat is a terrifying dragon to a mouse," I said, thinking of The Secret of NIMH.

"I'm not a--" Ivan started to speak.

I conjured a ball of arcane fire under his face.

"I am not in the mood," I said, coldly.

Ivan blinked. "Alright then. Please still indulge me."

I sighed. "First of all, you were last spotted in the books being sent to the Dark Undermasters. Everyone assumed that Weis was going to write you as being part of Garland's resurrection’s plot. Instead, I find you wandering around with a bunch of magical items and alchemical training you never had."

"That's because I spent the past decade in the Grand Duchy," Ivan said. "They have airships, you know."

"Next, you have the behavior of an extensive interest in toys and miniatures," I said. "Ivan was a whoremonger and drunkard but you never displayed any sign of interest in women beyond their tactical usage as well as haven't touched a drop."

"Maybe I showed self-improvement," Ivan pointed out.

"Third, you keep quoting Shakespeare, but Shakespeare isn't in this land even if you made up a story about him coming to Ledziania," I said. "A demigod, however, might have association with that kind of material. Especially one who is working with Epic DungeoneeringTM or has access to otherworldly knowledge."

"This is all very thin," Ivan said. annoyed.

"Which brings us to the fact you all but confessed when you talked about the fact that people who possess other bodies or shapeshift into perfect replicas are gradually transformed into the person they came to be," I said. "Which I thought was less about the Dragon Queen and more a disguised confession. Especially since you mentioned, without prompting, that Cezary attempted to steal Ivan's body."

Ivan blinked. "Okay, I'm going to give you that one. It was suspicious."

"Finally, the Wind Demon went after you directly and called you Cezary," I replied. "It certainly wouldn't be shouting its own name."

"I feel like you could have started with the last two," Ivan replied. It was hard to think of him as Cezary and my brain just kept referring to him by his false name. "However, I point out that you are lacking some important context."

"Like?" I asked.

"The fact that Prince Cezary was a boy monster, the son of Veles, and a killer of women," Ivan said. "Whereas I have been doing nothing but attempting to save the world since you've met me."

"Mostly, you've tried to steal the throne by convincing us to help kill your nephew, which I assume is the original Ivan," I replied. "Also, this is getting very confusing, terminology wise. I'm going to refer to you as Cezary from now on."

"Please don't," Ivan said. "I buried that identity long ago. My road to this place is a long and twisted one."

I nodded. "That was what I was interested in finding out before I killed you."

"Telling me that seems counterintuitive," Ivan said. "Especially since my brother—"

"Uncle," I pointed out.

"Uncle is outside," Ivan said.

"I wonder how he'd react to his nephew stealing his beloved brother's body since he already was on a quest to kill the monster, he thinks his nephew has become," I replied.

Ivan seemed to consider that. "Also, he'd be more inclined to believe you over me, I suspect. You are frighteningly persuasive for someone who acts like the handsome young monk a shepherdess lures away."

"What now?" I asked, confused.

"I do a lot of reading," Ivan said. "Not all of it tasteful."

I didn't want to execute him, but I didn't see much of a point. Mercy hadn't done me much good recently and he'd lied repeatedly to us already. Furthermore, that giant demon dragon down below the city was a direct result of his actions. Still, I found myself stupidly wanting to hear what he has to say. "Give me the truth and you may walk out of this alive."

"Really?" Ivan asked. "Like I said, a house cat."

I narrowed my eyes. "Radu probably thought that."

Ivan paused. "Fair point. Very well, are you familiar with the Ship of Theseus paradox?"

"I'm confused as to how you are but yes," I said. "Athens used to have a tourist attraction thousands of years ago. They had the ship of the Argonauts that people would pay a coin to visit. Plato pointed out that, being made of wood, it suffered weather damage and had to have parts replaced routinely. Eventually, the entire thing was brand new, and he questioned whether it was the Ship of Theseus still."

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

"Yes," Ivan said.

"The answer being no," I replied.

Ivan frowned. "It's a bit more complicated than that. After all--"

"Once you replace everything, it's not the same ship," I replied, having always wondered why philosophers come up with such stupid shit. "Mind you, it's completely irrelevant because Theseus never existed. I think. I’m going to have to ask Perun about that. Did Theseus exist?"

Yes, Perun said. However, that wasn't his boat.

"Well, you replace your body's cells every seven to ten years but maybe this isn't the best way to approach it," Ivan said, sighing. "Your mind is atypical so I will just relate the literal statement of what happened versus trying to use metaphor."

"That'd be appreciated," I said, wondering if he was trying to wait out the ENTANGLE and WEB spells.

Ivan paused. "I do not consider myself to be Cezary or Ivan but a combination of both. Cezary's magic was designed to replace my, Ivan's, mind with his own when I was married to Agata Rose. He was jealous and already chafing under his mother's command. The spell didn't work, though, because his command of sorcery was incomplete and Ivan, the Old Ivan, was strong willed. At least at first."

"At first?" I asked, looking at him for some sign of duplicity. I had no luck because my emotional intelligence, the basis of WIS, was still shit. It was average but think how terrible the average person is at understanding other people.

"It was more a delayed reaction than a complete failure," Ivan said, looking to one side. "Gradually, the two of our minds became entwined. By the time I arrived at Dragon Keep, I found the town of Crossroad was under attack by Veles' forces and being defended by Garland. Except, it wasn't Garland. The presence of Cezary in my mind allowed me to see through the illusion and enchantments laid by the Wise Man to see someone else."

"Valentin," I said, guessing this was the first cycle of the fifteen that existed in Ledziania’s recent history. "That makes sense, really. A full party would consist of at least three and Ania is the only one there for the later cycles during the tutorial."

"I have no idea what that means," Ivan said. "I fled from the area in terror and struggled with the merging of our personalities. In the end, I found another Garland who was a woman this time and she ended up killed trying to avenge a group of farmers that had slain a giant's child."

"Becky," I said, remembering Jon's raven that we hadn't run into yet.

"Yes," Ivan said, looking over at his webbed-up wrist. "I liked her, and she had much compassion. Maybe I even fell a little in love with her she died before I could express that or ruin it with some ungentlemanly action. I took her mark of the champion and that...changed everything."

"Bullshit," I said.

Ivan shook his head, which was barely possible in his current state. "No, Perun's presence nullified the influence of Veles on my soul. The reason for Prince Cezary's dark psychopathia. I went from being a bad seed that was compelled to kill by my diabolical father to being an ordinary boy, in a man's body admittedly, but true. Furthermore, it gave me the opportunity to 'level up' and I exploited that."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Ivan/Cezary wasn't exactly helping his case despite how good of a yarn he was spinning. Things like 'ungentlemanly behavior' reminded me of just what sort of a scumbag he was in the books. There was a reason the entirety of the internet had cheered when he died on the TV show.

"Tell me, what is your WIS score now?" Ivan asked. "I understand it started low."

"Not that it's any of your business but it started at 7," I said.

"Prince Cezary, me, started at 3," Ivan said. "I had no impulse control. Which combined with the power befitting a royal prince and the magic running through my veins was a deadly combination. However, with the mark of the champion, I was able to continually raise my WIS. In effect, I was receiving treatment for insanity."

I was sure he was tailoring his story to his audience: me. "Uh huh. Raising my WIS score didn't change me. It just made better at things."

Ivan looked annoyed. "Either way, I felt very different about myself and struggled with my own identity. I felt, if not guilt, then a revulsion at my previous behavior for its crass boorishness. I managed to make my way to the Grand Duchy and spent the next ten years there. I studied science and sorcery both despite losing most of my previous abilities as Veles' son. That is where Epic DungeoneeringTM has their trading post, and I came acquainted with reading material from your world. Works like those of the Bard."

"Oh, dear god," I muttered, not impressed with his reading choices.

"But my education and quest for self-enlightenment ended when Prince Cezary, or what he'd become, marched the armies of the Mad Queen and Empire into the Grand Duchy," Ivan said. "I could no longer ignore the consequences of my actions."

Despite myself, I found myself enthralled by his story. "So, just so we're clear, the real Ivan was walking around in your body this entire time pretending to be you?"

"I can only guess my uncle experienced much the same as me," Ivan said. "To make a long story short--"

"Too late," I said, quoting Clue.

"He found me and chased me out of the city," Ivan said. "Did I mention he was a dragon now? He was a dragon now. My uncle burned every friend I made in the Grand Duchy and everything I had built for myself. I fled to the Dragon Queen's home and there found myself--"

"You knew," I said, making a leap of logic. "You knew she wasn't the real Celestyne."

"I had no way of knowing--"

"Ivan knew his sister," I said. "Cezary may have never known her but he would have figured out she was an imposter."

Okay, I was just taking a wild stab at the dark but I had a bad feeling I'd been played for a sucker this entire time. Somehow Ivan had ended up with Thistle and Joan in Radu's castle.

Ivan sighed. "Yes. I ,made a deal with her and she, the False Dragon Queen, bound the Wind Dragon here before sending me to meet with Joan and Thistle."

This was getting very complicated. "And she bound all of the Wind Demon's essence into him."

"Yes," Ivan said.

"That is a bunch of shit," I said, shaking my head. "But I give props for the story. Unfortunately, I know that you are a bard and they're the class of spinning lies to--"

He's telling the truth, Perun said. At least as he perceives it.

Goddammit, I thought. He's still a mass murderer.

There's a lot going around, Perun said. Far be it for me to tell you how to dictate your party--

But you're going to, I said.

Fair enough, Perun said. But he might be useful to defeating the Wind Demon. Also, he's another individual who has been affected by magic. Maybe the Cezary that previously existed no longer exists. Maybe this is someone new.

We're a little late in the game to be arguing that it's a new form of life ala Star Trek, I said.

Are you resistant because you fucked up with Thistle or are you resistant because you know your party would hate you for it, Perun said.

I'm resistant because Agata was brutalized by this man, he lied to us, and he created the monster below, I replied.

But do you have it in you to execute a prisoner, Mr. Neutral Good? Perun asked. There's a big difference between killing a man in combat and--

I put my palm on Ivan's face and said, "ARCANE FIRE."

It was effectively like a gunshot at close range.

PARTY MEMBER IVAN CROOBACK HAS BEEN KILLED.

LOYALTY MISSION: PRINCE CEZARY'S REDEMPTION

I stared at the corpse of a person that I had considered a friend.

Huh, Perun said. I did not see that coming.

I turned around to see both the Bastard Knight Jorg and Agata Rose standing at the doorway to the bathroom.

"How long?" I asked.

"Long enough," Agata said.

"I heard everything," Jorg said. "You have done a great service to the House of Piast-Jagellion, but I doubt my sister will see it that way."

"I don't give a damn what your sister thinks," I replied, simply. "Agata, are you--"

"He was a friend, my husband," Agata said. "This was not he, though. The monster down below is and is probably beyond salvation."

I had no response to that.

Ania looked over her sister's shoulder. "It's time to speak with the queens."

"One thing first," I said.