The cannibal Emperor Edward remained stranded in the core of the planet where living was hard, and finding a way out was harder. His stomach rumbled, grumbled, and cried out in pain. It was fortunate that had some emergency food on hand, but for now they needed to be kept alive for his own protection.

“Hey Snaggy do you think there’s any snacks hidden somewhere in this haunted temple?” he asked the foolish sidekick who had been following him like a shadow for a while.

“No, I don’t think so,” said Snaggy.

The clown smirked revealing deep wrinkles in his caked makeup. His teeth looked sharp, and his costume smelled like a neglected penguin exhibit at the aquarium.

"You should pick one of your own men like an apple, for it's much better than starving to death yourself," Snaggy giggled, and started biting at the air.

"Don't run your mouth too much friend, for knights are known to fight back, while king's find fools to be easy things to torment for pleasure," scolded Edward.

"Hehehe your secrets are safe with me chief, besides I'm nothing but a loose bag of rotten skin and bones at this point," laughed Snaggy.

Edward grunted and picked up his pace to get away from the annoying troll-like creature that wasn't helping him. The jester forced its wide perpetually open grin shut with its soiled formerly white gloves. It reached for the zipper on his mouth which slowly closed shut while his eyes twinkled with mischief.

Edward arrived at the top of the staircase. At the start of a hallway the knights had gathered. Their gear scattered and sleeping bags spread on the floor. They drank coffee standing under a hanging surreal painting that looked particularly confusing.

“Hey you lead the way to my teleport buddy,” said Edward.

The jester had seemingly vanished into thin air on the dark stairs. A cold breeze emerged from the hallway making hairs stand on end, and snuffing out a knight's lantern.

“Sorry King the hall leads to a dead end,” sighed the biggest knight aptly named Mooseman.

"We have concluded the teleport here is too primitive, alien, and unstable for us to dare using. Even if I could bypass the security key written in a language never seen, there's a 90% chance of being disintegrated by a horrible machine misfire," another Knight butted in confidently.

“I wasn’t asking you Bobby,” said Edward, turning his back around.

“Knock yourself out King, it's at the very end," said Bobby, adjusting his helmet in a futile attempt to cover the entire length of his neck.

“Hmm, I will have to look around here and see if you guys missed anything,” said Edward, pushing them away.

"Yeah, we will be sleeping here seeing as we don’t have anywhere else safer to go at the moment,” said a third knight, dumping the contents of his backpack madly searching for something between the trash.

Edward walked down the hallway of many dusty doors. The one at the end was different, and flashed crystal adjourned into shapes of playing cards. The handle was green, clover, slippery, and locked. He groaned and slammed it in frustration. The door swung open due to not being fully closed. He let himself inside.

There was one large machine threatening to overtake the space. A giant room-sized computer, and its accessories that adjourned the four walls. It had sea creature-like tentacle hoses thrown everywhere climbing into holes in the walls and ceiling. The main motherboard appeared off, but some lights on the large control panels flashed occasionally, and there was a faint hum of something inside the walls.

“What the farc is this thing,” said Edward, playing with some of the flashing buttons.

“It’s the mainframe computer for teleporting out of here silly goose,” giggled Snaggy.

“Hmmm,” replied Edward, pulling back his hand.

The large boxy monitor above the keypad lit up in a single tone of red.

"Well fool, do you have any ideas on starting it up?" he asked.

The jester's face paint was permanently melted into a frown even while smiling with his newfound fangs. He somersaulted over to the largest control panel to take a bow before the large tubes housed inside. Snaggy typed away at the keys at a speed that must have been 1000 words a minute with a shit eating grin and without taking his beady eyes off Edward.

“Ding!”

The room rumbled as four cylinders of crystal clear glass housing started rising from the floor. The cylinders eventually stopped moving at head height, and appeared clear of everything but air.

“Nobody leaves this place without a little soul sacrificing first hahaha,” laughed Snaggy, performing back-flips while he exited.

“Wait a second here I need you to start up the teleportation,” said Edward pursuing his guide back to the hall.

Meanwhile back in the hall the knights had managed to get a gas stove going, and some more of their oily coffee heated. The five remaining each took turns passing, and drinking from the same cup.

“That’s good stuff Bobby,” said Bronco

Scrappy cradled the hot mug of steamy goodness he had just been passed. He gave the bean water a good sniff in order to savor the aroma. Bobby whacked the other knight's shoulder.

“C’mon stop hogging the coffee, and pass it along while it's still warm. Mooseman hasn’t gotten a drop yet you fool” he scolded.

"Ooof" said the husky knight after taking a swig, and spilling some on his beard.

"Give it to me it's my turn" said a skinny little guy with armor three sizes too large.

"Calm yourself Zito ha ha you who were our janitor not too long ago remember,” laughed Scrappy.

"Remember things have changed," said Zito.

Mooseman let out an oversized burp, and passed the cup.

In the dark of another room was a lurking statue coming undone. The arms and legs cracked into motion composed of crystal exoskeleton, sharp thorns, many wires, and magic circuit boards popping sparks.

“That’s cool, I wish I could take that back with me to my lair,” said Edward.

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“You don’t want to be around it when it becomes fully animated,” replied Snaggy.

“So anyway what must I do to leave this place.. You must know the answer don’t you?” asked Edward, shutting the door to that unfortunate room.

“Oh that’s simple. A life sacrifice of four is in order to be filled. You better work fast while you still have enough of them to fill the quota set ha ha,” roared the jester rolling out of this room with acrobatics, and laughter.

“Hmmmmmmmmm,” said Edward, clicking the lock, and holding his chin.

His thoughts had almost finished calculating an exit strategy. He returned to the knights. They all missed the jester sneaking off again behind them back to the mainframe with glee.

“So guys, how about we all go check out that machine again together, I think I noticed something changed with it, and I believe it to be our teleportation that you all missed,” announced Edward.

The knights groaned in protest.

“You're the technology enthusiast here Bobby, please explain to our king what is in the room that makes it not worth the risk to life or limb,” said Scrappy.

“It’s extremely old technology made in a different language than any of us can understand. A dead ancient tongue coded we are dealing with making it very risky software because we can’t hope to understand what we are doing and the lifetime warranty has certainly expired,” said Bobby dissembling his self designed, and manufactured cook stove to store into his backpack.

“I put our odds of making it back alive at 50/50 each time we use it,” he finished.

“Fine I will be the first in line to try it,” declared Edward, waving his hand wildly. “I’m a beast that would rather be dead than caged, and this place sucks,” he stomped his foot.

The knights remained awkwardly silent for a while.

“Alright if that's your order sir. Then Bobby do your best to set it up for the king to teleport”, said Bronco.

“Gulp if that's what he really wants I guess I have to be the one to get it going' said Bobby, standing.

“It’s EMPEROR grrr,” huffed the frustrated leader.

The party was successfully lured back down the hall connecting them to the machine. They passed an empty room with the door open ajar. Bobby struggled back because his coffee mug had screwed on cross thread. Edward watched him struggle. He snagged a loose shotgun shell that had rolled out of the knight's bag.

The rusty armor in the room creaked while the first knight inside bent to study the suspicious device.

"Hey Bobby, what do you think about this development?" said Scrappy.

"The computer has changed. I've never seen cylinders connected to a machine before," said Bronco upon entering.

Edward walked in next with Zito, and Mooseman trailing behind him.

"Hey wait, wasn't there a statue in this room that has now gone missing," said Bobby, who had noticed a disturbance in the hallway.

He was alone out in the hall, looking into another opened door. He heard something lurking. It sounded like an exoskeleton clacking together behind him. Bobby swung around facing the animated statue of an animated mantis. The entire terror overtaken him was transparent crystal.

"Agggg" was Bobby's dying breath stabbed by raptorial legs.

The crystal exoskeleton began to fill with the shroud of the knight's dying inner being. His power being taken for a fresh energy charge.

"What's that outside it sounds like someone is getting stabbed," said Scrappy.

"Well go out there and find out," said Edward.

The remaining knights ran out to the hall. There they found a trail of blood.

“This is where the body was dragged off drats,” cursed Edward, shaking his stump he walked back towards the teleporter alone.

"Bobby.. Noooo he's gone" sobbed Scrappy, throwing up his arms in despair.

Mooseman ran to give him a hug of support.

"That makes only five of us left surviving," sighed Bronco.

Alone inside the mainframe a little hand pulled on Edwards pant leg.

"That means you can't afford to lose another man until they are in the sacrifice zone, if you ever want to teleport out of here again," whispered Snaggy in his ear.

"Hmmm," said Edward, looking down to see nothing where he expected to see the jester.

The knights outside drew their weapons and backed into what they thought was an empty room. In the corner of the room the mantis was eating. The body it held no longer had a head on its shoulders.

"Bang, Bang!"

The knights shot at the mantis. One shot hit, and one missed. They stormed from that room. In the hallway the door with the most crystals housing the machine was calling. They ran back to safety inside the mainframe.

"Let's break this machinery down and use it as a barricade for the door," said Scrappy.

Zito was still in the background double checking the thick bolt was keeping away the killer mantis at bay.The door starting to thrash widely being attacked from the other side. Edward got between Scrappy and the computer parts he wanted to dissemble.

"Please remove yourself from hampering us man," yelled Bronco.

"I am your boss and you will stand down at once, you fools promised me a teleport out of this place using this device not to destroy it due to panic," said Edward.

"Well our technician has recently been killed so what buttons you suggest we hit because you're really pressing mine," yelled Bronco.

"Everyone go stand by those cylinders in the floor and we will brainstorm a course of action go go go," said Edward.

"Yes sir," said two knights going to their positions.

Two knights remained next to the king standing in the circle painted in the room's middle. .

"Well?" asked Edward.

"Why don't we debate things right here as a committee of equals?" asked Scrappy.

"Yes we are all equally stuck down here in the mad mad core," added Bronco.

"C'mon do what the king says and get to your places," said Zito.

“Emperor…Never any respect,” spit Edward, pissed.

"That's right when in doubt, obey the crown," added Mooseman.

“A sensible man” said Zito, checking his revolver.

“Alright fine” said Bronco, throwing up his arms in surrender.

Scrappy remained standing in defiance.

“On every ship there are always some rats that try to sabotage you in rough waters,” said Edward.

“I thought you just pretended to be a sailor come bath time,” taunted Scrappy.

Edward was stunned into silence.

“Guess you ain’t worth any more than us down here buddy remember that, from now on we will work as a committee with equal voices,” said Bronco, reengaging into the debate.

“We have our hierarchies for a reason, and they long ago decided for us that I am the one who controls you,” said Edward, playing with his crown for a boost of confidence.

“What are you going to do about us not following orders then?” said Scrappy, raising his sword.

It came down and sliced apart a computer hose that steamed while a nearby cabinet shot hot sparks. The machine seemed to protest in pain, as the lights to the room flashed in and out and warning tones played. Edward frowned, and then struck out at the offending knight fast. Mooseman, and Zito stuck to fumbling with their guns in the corner still figuring out what to do.

“Scrappy watch out,” yelled Bronco, raising his arms as he jumped between the two to stop a fight from breaking out.

Bronco took a smack directly to the face, and tumbled towards the ground. Scrappy managed to raise his sword to block the second, and third strikes. Edward’s rapidly crystallizing stump was momentarily repelled. Bronco struggled to his feet from where he had been knocked behind.

Scrappy blocked another blow, but there was a snapping sound from his elbow. Edward reached into his coat with his hand. In the background Bronco found himself pinned by the two knights on his back. He kicked on the floor where they had tackled him.

Edward took out the weapon he had hidden after the van driver had exploded. It was an extremely charred, and battle scarred shotgun from the second knight caught in the blast. Scrappy was distracted, and dead set on freeing his sword lodged into a scaled hide of the stump where the hook had been.

“Here goes nothing,” said Edward.

“Bang!”

Scrappy fell backwards, with a red cloud splattering the wall behind. The knight's body smacked the gray tiles, and made the last struggles of dying breath.

Slow listless elevator music began to emit from the machine. The cylinder closest to his body began to take on the color green, while the floor turned red. Everyone stood still while it was filled to the brim. After the sucking process was completed the cylinder automatically sucked into the floor below the pool of blood.