The giant crab-like monstrosity constructed of fused together skeletons scuttled through the underground graveyard. It clicked and snapped its claws blindly destroying everything it came into contact with. A tomb was toast, as those hiding inside barely dove to safety.
“Hey dumb dumb over here help me out,” a muffled voice called out.
The crab followed the soundwaves of trapped hands beating to free themselves from the rubble of a collapsed tower. The claws descended to rip and tear up the terrain searching through the area like a backhoe. The first dig site turned over nothing except an old box spring mattress. The claws furiously smashed into the ground digging up a kicking leg it immediately discarded.
“No, over here you dummy.. That thumping is my arm kicking underneath something separate,” yelled Ned the dead wizard.
The spiky legs of the crab slowly rotated itself holding the flailing arm high over the dead head babbling away below it. A little of the neck and shoulders remained of Ned, but everything else had been cleaved off in the tower fight by Edward.
A set of skulls attached on the underside of the monster laughed in his face. The monster's six legs worked overtime to crawl to a higher section of the ruble. A claw latched onto Ned’s exposed entrails and twisted. The monster flung him spinning into space among its many skull faces. The dead wizard's flesh began to fuse to the spines of hundreds of others, his eyes were the only ones aboard the creature he now shared consciousness with.
"Grrrr, I put all that work into enhancing my hook only to be easily defeated like a chump. It gets stolen and my body parts cleaved with it," complained Ned.
The crab collective he was part of continued moving sideways. It easily adjusted itself onto a section of the fallen tower forming a ramp down. While the legs scuttled the claws danced menacingly overhead.
“Well now look who's the boss of this arena it's time for round two,” all the heads cackled together blending into a chorus of the dead.
The two surviving knights gazed at the horror. They had ducked into freshly dug graves as the ground rumbled. Mooseman fumbled with his shotgun at the death directly above. The monster waltzed right past them, then across the graveyard until it smashed through the outer wall.
“Well I don’t see any way to destroy that thing, or stay alive regardless,” Mooseman sighed, sticking his head out.
“I believe you’ve said that many times already about many things. Well I’m not giving up,” said Zito, holstering his revolver.
He jumped at the roots in an attempt to climb out of the hole. He fell backwards holding rotten wood knocking him to the soil.
“I suppose it’s best to remain silent and remember all the good times of my life before here and while I still have the opportunity,” said Mooseman, climbing from the hole.
“That’s a whole lotta talking,” laughed Zito, jumping in a feeble attempt to escape the grave.
Mooseman lowered his hand to the smaller knight that ignored him. Zito kicked at the dirt trying to get attached. He finally found a foothold and climbed out all by himself. He dusted off, and shook the dirt from out of his boots, armor, and trousers.
“Before the crab returns let's try and find ourselves somewhere it can’t fit, or climb” said Zito.
They began speed walking along a gothic fence of sharp iron points. It twisted along the path with its fine metal working of roses, and rivets.
“Quick thinking buddy,no point moping about the inevitable,” said Mooseman, slapping Zito’s back in encouragement.
They began jogging in a graveyard that appeared frozen of life. The massive underground cavern they were in had a hole in the ceiling letting in black and white moonlight. A ceiling also coated in crystal deposits that seemed to sparkle. A powerful supernatural energy seemed to flow from the ground into their bones.
Outside of the cemetery a cliff edge leading to a void of nothingness was a seldom used path. Gnarly trees long dead covered in a thick layer of frost. It coated everything here including a scattered array of well worn coffins. They had previously been tossed out from a speeding hearse.
The wind moaned blowing from somewhere unknown blowing in clicking and clacking sounds. Hearing the approaching crab the coffin stuck wedged between a gnarly old tree and a rock pile began to thrash. The monster took notice and clawed onto.
“Hey give me control numbskull,” yelled Ned, fighting for full access to the claw.
Finally he was able to direct it to yank apart the splintering wood to reveal a skeleton dressed in Elven plot armor. Nancy was no longer imprisoned.
“Wow Ned you look awful,” she cackled, falling onto the gravel.
“And how would you know Nancy blind witch?” he retorted.
“I’ve found a pair of fresh eyes to look through while I was trapped here,” she said.
The monster turned six legs, rotating itself to look behind. A possessed dead bird was watching them with its feet planted on a corpse's crows feet, and eating the eyeballs. The zombie crow had growths where the resurrection crystals had impaled its rapidly dwindling feathers. It flew away to settle at a safer distance watching from the top of the mangled skunk spruce. Nancy controlled its hollowed out void within the outer layer of original flesh.
“Huh you really are an old bird,” said Ned.
Nancy nodded, dusting off what she could observe from above of her armor, and bones. The crow flew into the smaller cave next door. She was making maximum use out of its beady little eyes. Next they spotted the broken windows, matches, and other signs of her ex boyfriend.
“He’s down in that cave kill him Ned,” Nancy screached, while pointing towards the cliff that dropped to the void.
“I think you mean the tunnel over in the other direction where your eyes, and beak have just flown,” replied Ned.
“Yes, Go kill him gently so he can finally join me forever married to death,” sighed Nancy. “Don’t ruin his body if you can help it,”she finished.
The claws snapped excited by the thrill of the hunt. The creature was stuck walking back and forth.
"Hmm, I'm still figuring out my new body, still fighting all these other connected heads with minds of their own to wrangle, haha No promises," said Ned.
Nancy cracked her joints propping herself on a tree. The vibrations meant she could feel the giant crab moving away. She cackled with pleasure while her crow flew deeper into the factory. Revenge was going to be easy. Getting dropped from the harem was one thing, but getting assassinated by a random was beyond the pale. He didn’t have the balls to do it personally which made this super personal now.
Ned the crab knocked out the partially broken window in pursuit. He climbed inside to disappear scuttling among boxes in the next room.
Up ahead Edward’s hook was stuck grinding onto an air rail. He traveled at high speed through warehouse after warehouse while dodging obstacles. He had to get off this ride before being splattered like overpriced art. A large square type face plastered sign warned “Objects May Fall Wear Hard Hat”.
The rail traveled along the factory floor until suddenly soaring towards the ceiling. Edward glanced down at his feet hundreds of meters above an industrial maze. He was over what looked to be a skate park. The sitting tanks of green acid, and the vats of pink labeled “mystery flavor” revealed it to be something else.
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The speeding man tilted his head to prevent whiplash while the track took a crazy left turn. He swung far sideways narrowly avoiding the massive no smoking bolted to the ceiling. A light fixture threatened to catch the sparking rip cord attached to the flying hook strapped over his stump of an arm.
Edward grabbed the key stuck in and began gruesomely winding himself closer, spurting blood. The air rail creaked while he slowed near the summit. He saw the drop approaching. It was too late to unhook.
“Aaaaaa,” he squealed, dropping like a roller coaster.
Stacked boxes flew by his feet. The wind peeled back his face full of sparks from his hook. A sign on the floor marked workers quarters. The rail, and surrounding factory was getting more, and more covered in dusty rust. A section of ceiling had dissolved, letting a drip of acid collect from somewhere.
Edward spotted the flooded tunnel seconds before he plunged into it. The impact of the belly flop rang his royal armor underwater as the rail continued overhead. The momentum whipped him through a school of fish into growth. The area had opened into a large underwater cavern full of floating orbs clustered everywhere in positions to spawn. A home to many plants and algae blooming, fish, and large tarps of kelp growing .
The bubbles escaped out of the spinning man surrounded by swimming toadies that swarmed. He was unable to unhook to defend himself and was wrapped like sushi in what tasted like a plastic tarp. The webbed flippers grabbed at him from everywhere.
Edward kicked to fight off the attacking bootlickers but the hook stuck his arm in an awkward situation. He thrashed like an infant throwing a tantrum whilst being carried throughout the water. The wires connecting to the hook were coiling around his body. His vision was dimming, and the lack of air was slowly suffocating him. The energy was only enough to struggle a final time putting all his effort into breaking out. A vain attempt to not join the dead.
The attackers swam at a steady pace delivering him exactly where they wanted until he gasped for air above the water's surface.
“Arg” gasped Edward swinging his free hand. “Let’s fight then shitbricks,” he finished, looking around madly to inflict violence.
Having been torn at the arm round, and round he was disarmed. The seaweed wrapped in a coil of his own appliance.
“It's funny the second injustice has befallen me again since I forgot my self interest in favor of family, how foolish,” he moaned, bobbing among the egg sacks.
Inside the sacks dozens of amphibious bodies were taking form.
“Hmm wait a second..” said Edward, bobbing underwater.
He spit out coughing into a hysterical barking seal like noises of hardened vocals before being sucked back under. He was face to face with three Bootlickers. Their green skin was covered in warts, they had gills, and their eyes were fishy. Edward raged at them, thrashing bubbles they swam for cover. He kicked upwards with full force splashing, coughing, and struggling like a fish out of water. This surface area was a small pocket of air with nothing to stand on but the water.
“Get back here at once and communicate or fight me cowards,” he bellowed belligerently. “Ugh” he huffed, then sighed, and finally took a deep breath before plunging underneath.
His previous movements struggling had kicked around the tiny forms of aquatic life making vision blurry. He could still see a grouping of eggs floating besides him. The edges of the sacks were transparent while Inside the darkened centers things were beginning to move. Edward shuddered wrapped in his own chains slowly rotating in kelp. It was time to rise again for air. He found himself again with the three familiar fish staring at him. They grabbed onto him gently forcing him to surface.
Edward gasped for breath spitting out water. The fishy three stuck their heads up around him curious about the ugly intruder.
“This is you guys' operation?” Edward asked.
The toady fish remained silently staring.
“Ahh unsophisticated members of this special species. Yes you the ones I’m friends with speak,” sighed Edward. “If only I could get some help instead of everything in the planet's center being fucking hostile, ill give all of you a lifetime supply of food and a tank twice as big if you know english,” he finished.
The bootlicker in front of him didn’t blink, however it opened its toothless mouth.
“You will have to excuse this treatment as we aren’t normally like this except when it comes to guarding our spawn before they hatch, and we expire,” said the fish floating in front of him.
“Yeah sorry fellas, but I’m not trying to have a feast of roe here. You see I was just heading through the area trying to find the exit from the core, I hate it here I need some ass ASAP, and no I don’t do other species,” said Edward.
“This is where we hatch, while that factory is where most of us work”, said another fishy voice behind.
“Us here our work guarding the next round of workers before they hatch for the next seasonal period of labor,” explained the third.
“Yeah alright, So how about untangling me?” said Edward, flashing his best crooked smile.
“No can do. We can’t risk the safety of our spawn,” said the Bootlicker directly in front of him.
“So you're drowning me then?” said Edward.
“Of course not,” the three cried unanimously.
“We are a peaceful species that has recognized our place in the pecking order as hierarchies meaned everything to us,” said the one in the center.
“Ahh haha,” chuckled Edward “You must be working for the Elves I should have known,”.
“You guess wrong, but regardless we will feed you and give you life support for the rest of your natural lifespan ” said the other to the side. “That will be our distant ancestors giving you a factory standard funeral when you pass of old age. You have already met the master of this facility”.
“Who?” interrupted Edward.
“Hehe should we tell him,”
“Hint, it isn't organic,” blurted another.
“I know the mainframe computer!” Screamed Edward.
“Yes, artificial intelligence,” they said together.
Edward stopped struggling. If the computer doesn’t want him to leave he would be stuck trying to outsmart it. Thus accomplishing an escape will be virtually impossible. The difficulty level was ultra nightmare auto loss unless he found a legendary exploit.
“I really wish my hook that was just shooting sparks would have just electrocuted every egg in this filthy pond,” hissed Edward.
“The reason you didn’t succeed in getting us is precisely because we do our job instruction to the letter of maintaining our workers quarters filtration system controlled by the synthetic master who knows best,” said the fish together.
“Well this place looks filthier than a zoo so I remain skeptical,” mouthed Edward.
He heard splashing from his back, and side. The one fish in front of him remained above the surface, staring.Soon there was plashing as the other two returned in front with him carrying objects.
“Want to take a closer whiff of these fake props we use to make the quarters more natural,” said the fish who remained empty handed.
On the other hand the objects held included a plant in his hand, and fungal growth in the other. The last fish held a painted wooden stage prop of an underwater shrub, and bit onto a fake sea cucumber.
“Here take a bit to see for yourself that they have been manufactured,” said the fish shoving the plant in his face.
Edward raged here harder than he ever had before. An emperor had never before let himself be dominated by Bootlickers. All of a sudden the fish looked scared, and dropped their objects.He remained stuck in the kelp cocoon wrapped with many layers. He floated arm tied and twisted to the hooked rail. He was constricted like a snake and the bootlickers cautiously reproached.
“What’s that moving fast below the surface?” cried one in alarm.
A black streak shot underneath their feet, and past exploding into the air pocket. A pop as a dead crow hit the ceiling and fell to the water to float. Edwards feeble jailers had fled. He looked down with apathy at the rotting floater.
The dead bird lay lifeless stuck full of zombie crystals floating among the plastic theater props. The beak began to slowly twist from where it had been stuck in place looking underwater. It snapped 180 degrees with a crack to lock eyes beady red on him. The bird saw something it didn’t like smacking the King with a wing. After being hit with a winged attack Edward also started thrashing.
The water intensely bubbled. It wasn’t the bird. Deep underwater the bootlickers ran for their lives. A giant crab creature tore in pursuit through the roe. The claws descended on their prey, while the crab’s swimmerets worked overtime to catch.
The slowest of the bottomfeeders found themselves grabbed. The body crunched as it compacted by a giant claw. The crab's other snapper snipped the cable connecting via cable to the modified cutting weapon. Unhooked Edward spun towards the rocky bottom.
“Nobody gets the hook now hahaha,” said Ned, head of the monster.
He was still struggling to break free of being coiled. He smacked into the river rock only for it to squeak and cushion the impact. He wriggled, struggling to stay awake while his vision became increasingly vignetted.
Ned ate through rows of egg sacs with the rest of his heads. The crab smashed, and destroyed the careful planning of the computer and hard work of the bootlickers.
“Where is our Eddy boy at?” he said, as a claw snapped.
There were detached parts of leaking bodies floating to the surface clouding the water in a much darker monochrome. The crab brushed it away in looking for its prize while the prey swam to live in different directions.
Edward swam like mad before panicking past a filter sucking in water. He struggled grabbing the nearby ledge and pulling himself out of its suction. The ground dropped out from underneath him leaving an abyss for the liquid.
He did a double take. At the deepest section of the pool looked to be a stopper cork attached to a chain in the drain. He could gamble on diving downwards with limited oxygen remaining. He was going to drain this fish tank, and it's killer seafood along with it, or die trying.