The muscle car roared under a covering of mud. It stalked the road running through cattails, while tearing up moss and fiddleheads. The hunk of metal jumped out of the ditch scaring grazing gazelles while before continuing airborne. The vehicle slammed itself across the dirt road coming dangerously close to swiping the slowest of the group.
The car's hood smoked profusely after driving all night long without a break in the action. Its energy stone had never been fully charged in the ancient garage they had discovered it rusting in. It was an unfortunate fact that just like everything else batteries slowly stopped functioning as well after years of neglect in particular and this one needed a replacement ASAP. After the relatively short escape, the energy gauge was flashing towards the end of its life.
The supplies in the cargo hold remained in limited reserves due to being ambushed without time to pack anything substantial behind their survival kits.The attacking Knights had seemed only interested in cashing in on easy scraps like metal to melt and low tier wanted bounties like him. Jed pondered how much he was worth both dead or alive. At least they hadn’t gotten a free double dipping in taking him and the scrap from what he had called home back there. Jed knew he was a wanted man that many knights, soldiers, and other underlings would recognize his identity on site. They had to stay far away from anywhere populated. As well as military bases where his picture would be shot on sight.
The morning birds flew overhead chirping. The only thing separating the road from the surrounding wild grass was length and the occasional spot of gravel. They puttered up a hill riding in the deep jungle camouflage vehicle that had previously saved their asses.
Mule pulled his snout back inside from the open window from which it had been hanging for fresh crisp air. The passenger seat had never been installed so he had plenty of room to squeeze in between the roll bars.
“We made it due to your tremendous skill behind the wheel there buddy, but hey uh where do you intend to drive now?’ the talking animal asked, chewing on a reed he had brought in his riding sack.
“I think we better hope there’s a town coming up with an auto parts, and gun store. Hey before I go digging for a map, why can’t you use that super power of yours you know to find help,” said Jed, elbowing his friend for information while stopped at an intersection of two country roads.
“Yeah well unfortunately my energy levels have fallen too low for that right now, but later if I see any town I'm planning on skipping it, and advising you do the same for without sounding paranoid forget it son if you want to stay living,” warned Mule, as his hoof bent unnaturally for a donkey to bring a coffee cup to his snout. “Blah that’s a hundred years old blah,” it spit back into the container in disgust.
“Hey, how about shutting that trap to conserve my nerves if you can't be of help!” yelled the driver, swerving a sharp bend in the overgrown road.
“You could live in a monastery for a thousand years and they still couldn’t make a monk out of you,” said Mule grinning.
“Enough!” yelled Jed, smacking the steering wheel to drive home his dammand.
“Okay Jed, but where do you intend to get the money for these very expensive items? Are we going to be doing a stick-up?,” prodded Mule.
“Shut up.. No robberies,” said Jed.
Mule's point proved he remained silent as they continued to ride. He thought it funny how a man who claimed to give a damn about free will let himself be so totally controlled by his emotions.
The road had grown muddy like the contents of a pig pen. A steep downhill before a stone bridge sat over some kind of river. Jed gripped the wheel straining to concentrate on holding her steady as they barrelled through the sink. Mule braced himself and looked forward as they continued to gain speed. The bridge was coming in hot.
“Watch out for that bridge bump!” yelled the passenger.
“Too late,” said Jed.
The race car hit the ramp leading to the stone bridge, and everyone went airborne again. Jed looked down as they flew high crossing over the river, and then to the other side of the train tracks.
“SPLASH.”
They crashed off the tracks into a swampy bog. Mule spit out swamp water standing in the thick of it. Jed struggled to force the door open trapped by water pressure. The liquid began gushing in through the heaters. He remembered that the car never had a working door and grabbed hold of the window crank.
“I’m gonna go are you good Mule?” he yelled, fully focused on retracting the window to escape.
In gushed the lilies, and thick blankets of green algae overgrowing in the pond mixed into a muddied soup by the crash flooding through the openings.
“Great, just great,” said Jed, seconds before being fully underwater and starting to climb out the window.
“Splash."
“He-haw,” said Mule from the passenger seat, kicking on the door.
A spray of water that looked like it came from a small whale smashed inside flooding everything. The donkey seemed to flow together forming an easy escape out of the water. Jed held his breath squeezing himself through the half opened window. It was taking forever to get his chest through and his heart was racing. He couldn't see anything but himself in the clouds of muck stirred up from the vehicles impact. He felt back into the car and cranked the window all the way down with kicking motions, then slithered to safety. He exploding out the surface. Jed spit water out his mouth while more dripped off his mangy thinning hair covered in kelp he swiftly wiped away.
“No kidding, back in soldier mode now huh, on second thought I shouldn’t have warned you so much about the heat we’re under,” said Mule at the surface.
“Come on, let's get going to solid ground and stop treading water," said Mule, nearing the beach.
“Never mind all that nonsense man wet is wet..splutter.. something got me,” said Jed, as he was pulled back underwater.
“Splash.”
Mule dove under to save Jed who thrashed his arms while his legs remained constricted. He couldn't see what was attacking him in the murky pond due to the algae. Suddenly he dragged straight to the bottom. There he was spooked motionless, held together by a large snake-like creature slowly cutting off his body's circulation from below. Of all the things to kill him, he was gonna be drowned, and feasted on by an ordinary giant eel, but fortunately for him four hooves kicked down to the rescue.
The predator wrapped around its prey became the one in trouble. Mule turned around looking to get set at the perfect angle, then he kicked and kicked. The eel hit in the head by two hoofs recoiled away, fading into a thick green mat of plant growth as a gruesome smoothie. Jed was out cold. Mule grabbed onto his tunic with a soft bite and pulled him to the surface. The donkey was a good swimmer. Jed’s body quickly found itself drying on a beach in the morning heat. A space crab laid its eggs behind a rotten stick of driftwood.
“There we go,” said Mule, slinging Jed to his back.
Mule being without thumbs, had his own ass backwards ways of doing things. He had not wanted to frighten Jed so he had kept him in the dark about the deadliest predator for of all the strange things that stalked the underbrush the tigers remained kings of killing. A strict lone beast culture of stripes, discipline, knowledge gathering and never knowing love. Tigers were something you either successfully avoided or died in the process. The ordinary cats on Tenare were deadly enough.
The path traveled under the trees, vines and shrooms that hung overhead of exposed roots carved into the woods. A place where gentle mist rose off the fauna from the evaporating water. A hummingbird purred close as a woodpecker worked a tree job far off. The monkeys remained uncharacteristically quiet. Perhaps something was different in this area of the jungle filled with a fallen mixture of needles, and spores. So somebody had to be dwelling nearby, and using the pond as their water supply. Around the next bend Mule came face to face with another donkey chained to a redwood.
“Howdy,” said the other donkey.
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“Hey mister I take it there’s a village nearby?” asked Mule.
“What’s it to ya huh?” asked the other donkey.
“My friend and I are in need of a lot of assistance, uh getting our sunken car pulled from the ditch.. Why can’t ya see he's passed out here,” said Mule, circling around her like a shark.
“I ain’t a mister, mister, but there is somebody around these parts if you pay for it,” said the mangy donkey exposing a hairless neck on account of a collar placed on too firm.
The beast began to scratch her dry back bone on a rigid rock near the tree that was chained. A mist of dead skin cells flew into the wind with each rub.
“You want a little piece of the pie I've looted on my adventures, miss?” inquired Mule, raising an eyebrow before turning his vision to the .
“Yes please,” gulped the other donkey, stopping the process of scratching.
“You must serve somebody eh? We will pay whoever it is handsomely for both of your help in order to pull us out of this rock and a hard place we have submerged ourselves into. Can you go get them?” said Mule.
“I’m afraid the master is on vacation leaving me chained between this rock and tree,” said the donkey.
“I see you're in the same kind of predicament we are. Would you want me to cut you free, and join our journey,” said Mule.
“Nope, The work I know is the work I know and I like it that way, now just give me something valuable and leave me be,” said the donkey.
Mule approached, and set down a small teleportation stone next to two half empty water and food dishes labeled “Jenny”.
“You know how to use one of these teleports in case he doesn't ever come back. This one this small isn't much to take you a distance just outside your shackles,” said Mule.
“Ooooh shiny, it’s so pretty,” she said, inspecting her newest jewel.
“Hey Jenny, where can I find the town?, by the way name Mule” said Mule.
“Huh, how do you know my name?” she asked, confused.
“Never-mind where's town?” said Mule.
“You look like trouble,” she said, twisting a hoof into the soil.
Mule left her on the path with Jed strapped to his back. He did leave one more offering of small green luck crystal behind in front of her to bring good fortunes. Ten minutes later the lights of the distant village beckoned them as dusk approached.
Getting closer the scent entered Mule's nostrils long before his hoofs did. The overpowering pollution of heavy citrus dilution only became stronger as the path grew closer. The powerful stench was enough of a combination to wake Jed. He sputtered alive, falling off his stead and onto his ass.
“What on Tenare is that overpowering essence, some kind of poison cloud comes to choke us out?” coughed Jed, sputtering on the damp leaf covered floor he fastened a shirt over his nose and mouth.
“We’ve got no choice but to march forward for their stinking help,” said Mule.
He barreled forward shutting off smell receptors with a mind of stubborn pride. From where he lay Jed spotted a half visible trip wire reflecting as Mule pulled it with one leg.
“Nooo!” yelled Jed.
The jungle came alive as a net below sitting camouflaged pulled itself tight. Jed and Mule flew up smashing together in a tight net triggered by carelessness. They found themselves caught in the same trap while swaying to and forth between the trees.
“This isn't a good place to find ourselves snared trusted steed, Out here outside the domains of civilized men and women cannibals feed,” cried Jed, rocking.
Finally he found his commando knife and started cutting.
"Oh man, good on saving us again," said Mule.
The pair came tumbling to the ground where they rolled together in pain. A crowd of many sharp spear tips formed a wall near their faces. Jed froze seeing the outlines of Crazins behind the weapons.
The captives found themselves paraded into the center of the village. A place of multistory rock huts fastened together with some sort of clay cement. In one area the huts were much nicer than all the others. Further on the feeding area where a large snake was being chopped into food, a court to play some sort of ball based game, and then a palace or ritual area in the center fastened with human skulls with crystals put into their eyes. A large pool of bubbling orange took up the town center. The citrus stank was so funky Jed gagged involuntarily as they went by.
Man and Mule found themselves gently guided to the base of palace steps where they were left alone.
“Hello jungle friends, are you ready for today's show?” called an amplified voice from above as the light show began.
The crowd behind them let out a ravenous applause as drums pounded along. The many flashing lights were accompanied by fireworks. Another human was pushed on stage covered in nothing but tiger stripes, and bones covering his bone. The crowd began to drool.
“At least if we are eaten it will be in style,” said Mule laughing at the spectacle.
“Ain’t it awful being doomed,” sighed Jed.
“It’s called gallows humor for a reason buddy,” replied Mule.
“Tribe today we welcome our savers here, as we have sacrificed enough souls unlocking the achievement just in time to get their help as well,”
“Now to clear the citrus orchids, then truck, truck, truck our juice in a big rig loaded across the kingdom in record time for the first ever wedding between us and a royal family member to be revealed,” said the Crayzin host, glowing blindingly purple.
The crowd went wild loudly cheering “drink,drink,drink,” The host began to sing as a spotlight focused onto Jed, and Mule. The donkey enjoyed the spotlight while the man shyly shrunk away.
“No more drought, now we drink!'' screamed the leader, triggering a soundboard of air horns, cowbells, and explosions.
“What did we just get signed up for?” Jed stammered in shock.
“Who knows, stop complaining about a good thing, just keep your mouth shut even if they want something really awful like us to wear the outfit of that other human, but even then hey at least it’s better than getting eaten” whispered Mule.
Jed was rolling his eyes the entire time. He turned around as the crowd swarmed the pool behind them cupping the orange juice from hands lowered to the pull to then gulp into their mouths. Jed winced as an ancient tribe member in a loincloth licked all he could eat off the dirty floor.
Mule pulled on Jed’s arm turning him back around. The purple chief waved at them descending the steps.
“Welcome to the village my name is Travis,” he said.
He extended both arms shaking a hand and hoof at the same time.
“Nice to meet you, I'm Mule, and Jed,” said Mule, offering to shake his hoof.
They shook on it, and Jed followed with a hard grip. With no other choice they had become clay figures to be molded for whatever the tribe needed.
“You have heard of the missions that will be done for us. So what favors can I return for you before you must go to task?” said Travis, showing them into his pad.
They pulled up stumps at a dining room table molded from fungus. Around them stirpes hung to the walls, and the floor was covered in burned boards.
“It looks like you have more than enough of your own people out there, so why oh why do you need us so badly?” demanded Mule.
“Good question, as you know the Empire loves schlock, but the Crayzin tribal tradition calls for Jungle Juice instead of that shit. We are outlawed from its production but produce it in open secret anyhow for our religious customs. Of course we are under constant watch; it's just inept and corrupt, but closer to the capital we can’t pass checkpoints you see for people's fear of being a snack,” explained Travis, while he lit candles.
It grew silent while the leader fiddled with his lighter.
“Speaking of juice, this one's right back to finish infodumping,” said the chief, storming off.
The room they sat in had everything made of animal parts. The draps, and couch were leather, and so was the lamp shade hung over two femurs glued together.
“Anyway we need you to drive a tanker loaded with Jungle juice to our sister tribe past the Madlands for a wedding much closer to the Kingdom. None of the needed ingredients grows anywhere overthere, and production is much much easier to get away with rurally. Lot more to eat though Ahem anyway there is a very important wedding happening between my daughter, and the other tribe's son. This premium cocktail of juice will be my gift to them, our tribe has collectively brewed it with as much love as we can muster”' said the leader, lighting a candle.
He sat down between them, putting a hand to pat each head.
“Also that lousy looking car of yours was contaminating the water we use for production of our drinking supply so currently it's being fixed up for you in the tribal garage” he finished, showing a picture of a tanker.
“What is that? A stick shifting 16 wheeler crystal hauler loaded with jungle juice is well outside my wheelhouse. I will need training,” said Jed.
Travis went to speak but Mule cut him off at the first syllable.
“That means the machine has 24 tires man, but I'll drive it. I might not look it but I’ve done just about everything for crystal, and that includes lots of driving rigs of all sizes and even barges. When it comes to the art of smuggling and trucking I'm a pro,” Mule butted in.
“Good to hear, but first you will need to go with our warriors to free an occupied citrus grove for ingredients, and tomorrow you will be trucking away on an incredible adventure of a lifetime,” said Travis, whose many skulls almost looked like they were smiling along with him.
"I will drive ahead in my death dealing machine clearing the path for the attack," said Jed.
The soldiers patrolled the citrus farm making sure the workers were picking enough fruit. The trees sprawled row after row as far as the eye could see. Every twelve rows a new fruit tree variety. At the front of the farm a big rig hauler was being loaded with fruit from a mobile conveyor as the workers dumped buckets of harvest.
"Boom!"
The rock wall on a far corner was blown in with a massive explosion. Jed sped into the hole in the wall plowing over a soldier, and several small trees. He restarted his engines, tearing off between the rows of fruit while throwing back a stream of dirt. The soldiers out front unlocked the gate, and ran inside the farm to enforce their authority.
With a bounding leap from a trot Mule was at the big truck. His teeth ripping open the door in a swift flick of the jaw. He got inside, and uncapped the brakes. He shifted the big engine into first gear using his teeth. The Crayzin warriors ran beside the truck to the gate. They locked the baited soldiers inside the farm before climbing onboard. At a nearby guardhouse the two inside found themselves being stabbed many times.
Mule picked up the receiver connected to the Terp communication crystal onboard with his mouth.
"Little buddy this is your friend here Mr. Mule letting you know I got the citrus all concentrated in one load,'' said Mule, using a spare hoof to hold the push to talk on the cupholder.
The truck's many wheels flung mud as the pedal hit the metal, and the dirt roadside flew by.
"Roger buddy be there soon," said Jed before he was cut off by static on the radio.
He smeared a guard into red paste on the road before blowing a third into meatballs with the car's cannon. Another explosion rocked the orchid's rock wall. Jed flew out of the newly minted entrance burning rubber on the cobble street outside. He sped up on spotting Mule hauling ass in the distance with his big rig.