The waiting room spun around with blades of three ceiling fans made of bones of unknown origin. A poster of traffic signposted the pedestrian slow jazz played riffing for an extended ten minute loop as if to rub salt in their wounds.Two injured people slumped into chairs heavily breathing and holding on for life. The pain hit hard with their grievous wounds sustained barely surviving large sums of untreated traumas. This hospital looked empty and yet the picture kept distorting as if magic was projecting the veil of normal.
Bessie and Jed collapsed after using everything to escape the night of the triple threats. First the falling asteroids from an exploding moon, then being captured by the sheriff’s men before finally being attacked on the farm by the living dead. They were the lucky ones although Jed had his suspicions that his old friend Mule was alive.
“Ty6 the payment has cleared you may heal them to 100%,” a mysterious voice commanded out of nowhere.
“Dingdong!” Rang a gong.
“Hello patients and thank you for waiting. I am the AI secretary of this legendary operation. The techno-rock-doctors will now see you. Please follow the glowing green arrow illuminated on the floor,” said the robot.
The monotone artificial voice played over the speakers muddying the jazz. The lights dimmed as a smoke detector chirped and the green arrows coated the glossy floors in flashing glows that appeared to linger. The AI finally found the right security camera in the ceiling and zoomed in before enhancing it down to study the patient's pores.
“Oh no you appear too weak to walk, hold on,” The boring tone continued droning on.
Something about it was phony enough that it was like the perfect artificial whistle to piss off anything with ears.The hairs on the back of Jed’s neck stood up as he heard miniature spinning blades moving through the air. He wanted to run away and his body ignored the alarm bells because it was too distracted from the pain caused by a bad knee.
“Squeak, squeaky, squeak!”
A self rolling hospital bed wheeled out from the shadows.
“Squeak, squeaky, squeak!”
And here comes an even squeaker one in tow. The beds tipped and burdock shackles extended like tentacles scooping up both heroes too weak to resist the incoming aid that would cost much of their fortune just to stay alive. However they had to remember that no amount of money mattered to a zombie. So they might as well pay the exorbitant fees even if they lost their minds in the process.
Whatever remained of the briefcase full of cash remained unmolested for now and shackled swinging from Jed's arm. The extended adventures had grown into some serious mental troubles that kept him paranoid and restless. He was self aware enough to realize he was burnt out to the maximum, but at least he had gotten handsomely paid by the finish line. A final rest crept back into the picture as doors swung closed behind them, His place here a necessary choice made on the quest. Without magic their broken bodies were only human and so these horrors had to happen to progress with a good life going forward. It's too bad the goop plaguing his mind couldn't be messaged out.
Bessie meanwhile dreamed of nothing but revenge. She would be returning ASAP home to the farm at any cost and avenging her fallen father. In due time there would be redemption, but for now she remained disturbed by bad dreams of his final moments. The zombie that took over her dads body after he was killed was not him. Its actions are not his and needed to rest. It suddenly dawned just how scary the mental scarring of using the crystals to heal psychical wounds and fighting the upcoming battle was going to be. The price of revenge couldn’t be hitting her more in the head, but there was no other logical path forward. Too bad they were only human and would never fully function again without bad magic. She grit her teeth and prepared for the worst. Hopefully this was a knockout procedure.
“BASS DROP!”
The horrified patients rolled through hanging tarps composed of rotting compost into a claustrophobic enclosure filled with shadowy figures manipulating controllers.The cyborg witch doctors rose from the floor in choreographed fashion, They snapped into the picture with static shock X’s, and stars of pulsing sonic metal. Their version of the chromo-zone robot dance was terrifying. They were covered in mossy organic motherboards connected to fleshy veins attached with fresh polished prehistoric chrome medical equipment for arms or legs. Unfortunately their bolts were in the beginning stages of rust.
As the dance continued the scalpels and bone saws were dipped in vats of bubbling acid. They looked brand new when raised but the sickly scent of heavy duty cleaner and formaldehyde gave away the cover up of the rotting cyborg underside. A shrub grew from one rock doctor's crystal head while another dragged behind roots planted into the walls from crystal mutation. They all had severe scales covering any exposed flesh like reptiles and while all goons had unique features they all were connected to the mainframe in some manner.
At the furthest table steam poured from the combination of an air/zombie crystal plugged in a scent booster infesting the atmosphere with extra spooky particles and the doctors psychic orders.A thick outer shell of bark was retracted revealing the heart of the hospital’s operations deeper inside. Blinding flashing neon bulbs red, green. and white mixed with a urine like yellow filter that made the picture muddier.
The sparkling operating room l looked like a basement dance floor that filled to the brim with alien horrors to their human minds. Hundreds of thousands of drone dragonflies flashed as the hard techno beat began to shake liquid tubes. A spider’s web taped together a collection of turbocharged crystals all 13 types harnessed together from the ceiling. The power concentrated into person sized cylinders holding patients comatose plugged into the organic mainframe wagging around in grotesque fashion. So many exposed organs beating to the doctor’s songs slowly fixed by wires in murky liquid bottles.
“This ain’t no human hospital what the fuck have we gotten ourselves into,” said Jed.
“It is what it is,” muttered Bessie, too weakened from her injuries previously sustained to further protest.
"SLUUUUUURP!"
A disgusting sound caused by thick slime sludge oozing down the walls lowering two clear crystal pods. The faint hum accompany automatic pod doors popping open in unison. A sunflower wand shoved in Jed’s face triggering him to cough. The fruitiest scent ever concocted shoved down his throat making him laugh and try to dance in bed. He flashes forward in time influenced by drugs laying down before crashing out.
It was time for the rock doctors to go to work. The techno turned industrial, clamping them with metal instruments. Only one doctor still had human hands heavily mutated while the rest used either cold medical instruments or pine-cones instead of latex gloves.
The room filled with anchored orbs buzzing with powerful energies bouncing off the walls between millions in an eventual loop. The walls reeked of funny smelling gas, medical mishaps, and madcap laughter. The rock doctors beamed x-rays deep into their skeletons.
He passed out unable to fight any longer. The bad dreams seemed to become real. A dissociated out of body experience of the operation continued in a hazy third person view. The power surge continued repairing skin and cartilage with high voltage magic. The procedures accelerated without painkillers as the broken leg snapped back into place. Every painful second pulsed with the flashing lights forming a sick seizure.
The strange surgeons remained mostly the same in the dream version of life. They communicated through beeping headsets with boom mics working away, wore wired vests full of circuits and exposed chips on their motherboards. Each had hollowed crystal balls for helmets that received a lucky jolt if selected to be next in the chain of 0101’s. Plastic gloves manual made sure the healing was going well while snapping a bone back into place. Another sewed stitches with robot fingers applying top of line disinfectant. The bass dropped like an elevator sabotaged with explosives as they all stopped to let the head doctor enter the picture
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“Beep, Beep!” the technology doctors said, while collectively spinning up their various appliances.
Later following a boring montage of slow rehabilitation magic that lasted what must have been a week. They were both sleeping soundly having avoided any electroshock therapy. Still the rock doctors used their strong smelling salts to keep them docile. when suddenly woken by the staff.
“The AI determined you are healthy, thank you very much for staying and paying come again soon!”
“Woosh!”
The hospital beds they were sleeping on tipped towards open vents releasing Jed just as he woke up.
“AAAAAA," he screamed, falling down a giant tube.
The partners in crime entered the parking garage feeling good restored to practically perfect health. Jed and Bessie wore matching bland tan sweat outfits.. He grunted, pulling open a metal dumpster to throw the empty quest reward container. What had taken them so long to get reduced to bills stuffing a fat wallet because neither had health insurance.
“I’m sorry about the trouble I’ve caused you,” said Jed, climbing into the driver's seat of the plain looking, but supercharged turbo bootlegging vehicle built by Bessie's deceased father.
“It is what it is, we've had a long string of bad luck you didn’t bring anything,” sighed Bessie.
Jed gripped the steering wheel with a hand while dripping with sweat. He gulped down water from a plastic cup on doctor's orders.
“We have two options and it’s up to you little lady,” frowned Jed turning the key the big block engine road to life shaking the frame and non padded bucket seats. “I’m gonna leave you the money to help you buy a new place or we can go back to the farm and face the heat for revenge,” he finished already knowing the answer.
Bessie frowned as her eyes pierced through the dark alleys surrounding the vehicle.
“Let’s go do some shopping,” she said.
“We should have enough left for quite the arsenal, plus the stuff hidden in the trunk,” said Jed, putting on his jacket from the trunk.
With the jungle juice traded in there was nothing but a few guns hidden in storage with the spare tire. Bessie put on shades in the driver seat.
“Good I hate driving in the city,” said Jed.
“Vroom.”
The ground was covered in snow and every street went underneath towering trees removed from leaves letting three suns into the picture. Bessie turned on the blinker outside the “gun store” that was sandwiched between a “liquor store” and the red lit “strip mall” that was mostly taken for a gentleman's club. The car pulled directly to the parking spot closest to the front of the establishment.
“Sniff that smells like baked beans and pork fat,” exclaimed Bessie, before slamming the car door.
“In and out, can’t spend too much if we still want to afford anything to make money on the land once we take it back,” cautioned Jed, gently closing the passenger door.
“You are putting the cart before the mule,”
“Sigh it’s been nothing but bad luck since my buddy went, we need to figure out how to gather more allies somehow, maybe move my family across the lands.”
“Hey scatterbrain, let's invest to win a shootout or at least get as many of those bastards as possible,” she scolded spit on the ground. “I’m focused on one goal. Are you ready to pay the ultimate cost with me if things get tits up?”
Jed gulped. “I’ve got my own personal stake in this, that sheriff and his men killed my best friend Fred,” a tear ran from his eyes. “I don’t have anyone else nor enough resources to go on my own anyhow so thus I am committed to being a business partner like we talked about mam, so that we can both grow the investment,” said Jed, opening the door to the store for her.
“Please stop being so corny,” teased Bessie, making a gag motion.
“Sigh maybe I should grow some super GMO corn to get rich once we finish this drama for good,”
“Hello, can I help you?” Boomed an aggressive voice.
A massive belly with red cheeks and white whiskers was dressed like a stuffed cranberry in Elven clothing. The big man stood behind the counter and front of an arsenal that decorated the entire wall. Bessie looked around the shop with a deeply confused look.
“What’s wrong?” whispered Jed.
She ignored him pushing past the big man at the counter.
“Hello mister. Uhm excuse me but don’t you sell any guns?” she asked.
The shopkeeper sighed.
“We sell defensive equipment only,” he burped out, while flexing towards magnetic tapes, paints, air masks, and smoke grenades.
“What about all that deadly looking stuff on the wall behind you? Please mister see I've got a really bad zombie problem on my farm and can’t spare a minute to return to my father who was left behind,’ Bessie pleaded, beginning to cry.
Jed had been searching through his duster, but squinted in on the shopkeeper's laminated nametag until the reflection of a laser pointed him blindly towards a security system. Fortunately he tumbled into a wooden barrel filled with discount items en route to spinning reels on a giant vacuum cleaning system.
“You lot aren’t from this area are you? hahahah,” laughed the shopkeeper, loosening the belt to let out some gut as he stood from his stool.
“Hey ZYO we have the cash for some serious equipment, show us something good if you want to make a buck,” demanded Bessie fearlessly.
“I can sell you full sets of armor with built in crystal magic, a gun that shrinks things temporarily, a net gun and zombie bait, lures, tackles, and distractions,”
“Crash!”
Jed interrupted flipping the barrel and falling out on the floor surrounded by dish sponges, sanding sponges, and a green luck crystal sponge directly in his face.
“Ring it up and we will take this,” he said, climbing to his feet and beginning to clean.
“Ahh a [lucky sponge] (throw on ground after soaking to trigger random help 3 uses).” explained
“Let’s keep looking around the store and make sure we buy exactly what we need,” said Bessie, looking through the selection of caged traps of various sizes.
“Psst Hey ZyOx you don’t have anything under the counter more lethal for a lot of money,” whispered Jed, to the man putting the items they had picked out so far through the laser scanner.
“You naive corrupted screw-up probably thinks the liquor store sells something other than the chocolate stuff for baking purposes or the strip mall next door has anything but the girls next door eh?”
“Yeah that makes cents haha,” replied Jed, pausing as Bessie gave him the stare of death, while placing two extended wide scopes into the shopping cart.
“Well we follow the laws here mister and if you ever try saying otherwise I am booting you from my store,” yelled the man behind the counter, beating the counter like a judge on the bench. “Going forward I only deal with her and don't make the same mistake as your friend.”
“I understand he has a big mouth. What is here on the counter is exactly what we need except armor," said Bessie.
The register continued to beep as items were scanned through. The shopkeeper stopped the cover and ducked underneath to haul up a hefty box.
“Can you sell this portable sucker for a very low price?”
They both shook their heads.
“Well well well I have three different choices of magic armor to pick from: [healer],[looter],[grower],[lucky fool], oh and I got [sexy witch outfit] in stock as well,”
“Looter doesn’t sound very defensive, what does that do,” blurted Jed.
“Out!” said the shopkeeper, strictly pointing him towards the door.
Jed handed her the wallet as he left like a scolded dog.
“All purchases final, no refunds,” the shopkeeper adjusted his monocle before licking his fingers to flick through a catalog. “Ah for what your friend said about only selling defensive uh, um maybe we can bend definitions here in paradise city. Ahem. The [looter] sucks in metal things you program as being valuable, I must confess to having an obsession with suction technology.” The big man's nose blushed like an inbred reindeer. “It also boosts loot from select mystery boxes in Dwarf mines due to hacking their ancient codes,”
They went through items over another hour. The wallet of cash was unloaded and in exchange the car was loaded with special defensive items. As they drove away Jed studied the book of maps looking for an off ramp.
Bessie cruised in the left lane behind a bus. She hoped like nothing else her childhood home was still standing despite the apocalypse. Any damages could be fixed in time once they reclaimed it. Maybe Jed would stick around. She hoped more and more every day that he would remain in her life for the long term.