The jungle was hit by a storm, and all the men remained inside something. Snaggy sat with the rest of the fools in their segregated logging cabin. Some napped on bunks in the mid afternoon while the rest played cards on the kitchen table.
“I’ve got all the gold!” screamed Joey Jester, raking in his winnings.
“Arrrg how are you always choosing the best chains of stones and elements to branch off,” cried Snaggy, losing more of his crystals.
“My only talent is luck,” replied the winner, taking his spoils.
This week in “paradise” had been a disaster. The head royal fool excused himself from the table. He walked to the dwelling's singular porthole and stared at the raging rainfall flooding the other side. All the fools stayed inside regardless of the weather in order to avoid being bullied by the loggers for their entertainment.
“Remember when the fools had the balls to trick them all, and the intelligence to humiliate anybody who tried to clown on them by dragging them into the circus, ” said Snaggy, sighing.
“Hey man those were madmen you speak of, not fools.. Buurrp key difference between the two being a survival instinct,” protested Joey Jester.
He continued counting his winnings with one hand, and biting into a giant roasted bird wing held by the other.
“You will get over your insecurities someday, Snaggy” giggled Pimm from where she sat on the opposite side of the table.
She wore her red hair long, but liked to cut most of her jester outfits off short. The other fools were not entertained when it came to relationships. Snaggy’s attempts at romance had been rebuked enough times for them to have become permanent enemies.
“I thought you were going to make us a hot cider with spices,” Snaggy whined, while secretly taking shy glances at her reflection from the window.
A deep breath of wind smacked against the cabin threatening to blow open the front door. The air blew through cracks in the dwelling, dimming the oil lights. Those at the table shuddered while Pimm threw on a sweater.
“Snaggy, would you close those farking window blinds and give us some peace of mind,” yelled Joey.
'I'd love a good farc, but just a crystal or two of it, not a lot, ' giggled Pimm, returning to the game and eying Joey’s winnings for herself.
“I’d love to see your soul be sucked inside a farc crystal permanently and never come back,” fummed Snaggy with sass.
“No fool, I will be the one sucking souls while you continue to suck dirty things behind a dumpster," laughed Pimm, starting to lay cards from her newest hand.
“Good luck finding any rare farcs..thankfully I don’t give a flying fuck about ever finding one since I can barely keep finding schlock,” laughed Joey, glancing down at his cards and grinning.
He kept on laughing, all while pounding the table with his free arm.
"Good plan Joey there's elements out there much too powerful for us organics to be handling," said the third, and final person at the table.
A knight who traveled with the party who was also playing cards. He was the only reason they hadn’t yet been harassed deep into the jungle at this point. Unfortunately he hadn't been awake to stop the toilet paper assault from plying the cabin in many layers.
“Are you calling me stupid?” stammering Joey Jester, looking drunk and confused.
“Of course not. You being here at this very table winning so much proves your intellect,” said Knight.
“And that is why you are a man of respected opinions,” replied Joey.
“Hello! Old Snag, are you going to get those blinds anytime, any day now!” Pimm yelled a sonic attack.
Snaggy flinched thinking he was getting verbally trounced again much more than the winds.
“Fine I’m going to bed,” he huffed, shutting the first and only blind in the building.
"That's better," said Joey, taking out a concealed container from his clown coat.
He pulled out the cork, and slugged it down.
"Hey Joe what's you got in your hand?" asked Pimm leaning forward, her eyes wondering.
Joey Jester lurched back in his chair squeaking with it in protest. He quickly pulled back the contents of both hands, holding them close to his chest.
"Fools are never taught to be the normal functioning person who pretends to fit in. Only any idiot wouldn’t bully the weak, cheat, lie, and steal because that's what everyone else is doing. That's partly why we all become fools because society gets a sick laugh at our crude socially ineptness, our empathy, and pride in the art of comedy. Sigh everyone else here is a lost cause," moaned Snaggy.
“I see my lessons don’t seem to be kicking in yet,” called Primm.
“Hey some do find you a lot entertaining to poke fun at, but many others think that a fool can teach you more than any other teacher,” said the Knight focused on his own hand of cards.
“I’m going to have to see your knight's badge number sir. Any more comments along those lines, I might start to think one of us fools dressed himself as a Knight to play a prank,” Joey laughed, his chair leaned at a dangerous precipice.
"I believe he means that we show the average man how not to live. They have to do whatever opposite action they see a fool doing, or risk becoming one and ruthlessly harassed. That is why I will always be stuck having to partner another fool with no recourse from this fate available for a simple wife.. Wah I am even too much of a social pariah to get a regular non foolish woman no matter how ugly she be," cried Snaggy, tears forming under his glasses.
"Poor you, perhaps try at least partnering up with a bigger fool. A jester chick so foolishly nutty that you can look down on them to feel better about your own traits," teased Pimm.
Snaggy slunk away leaping into his top bunk. It was a swift jump up, before quickly closing his covers to hide tears. He had already been long covered in shame for being born this way. The rest of them continued dealing cards for the next round of the game.
The next morning a howler frog loudly croaked. Its cries for help reverberated against the nearby mountains as it was murdered by growling guttural screams. Snaggy woke to the racket. He was calmed down by the spiced scent of freshly brewing hot cider entering his nose. He dropped out of bed with a somersault, before cartwheeling to the ladle. He filled a cup with the steaming liquid and joined the others at the table.
"Thank the 12 colors we are leaving this place this morning hey fellas" said the Knight, slurping away on a cup of his own hot liquid of choice. A brown magic bean brew that greatly increased testosterone.
Everything going on was interrupted by the loudest sound in the jungle. Outside the trains whistle blasted a dozen times. The spirits were high as the chairs were pulled out and everything was given a final inspection. Snaggy rushed back to the top bunk. He began frantically packing his bags as the others left the building with theirs already packed.
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“Hey guys wait up!” snaggy pleaded, sprinting out the building.
A loose shirt fell out of his untied bag as he ran. The only thing remaining behind was not going to be the head Jester running to the parking lot. The others had already climbed into the waiting royal clown car. A specially reinforced enforcement vehicle designed to safely transport even fools. It had spiked tires, cut off horns ready to stab in rear/front ends, sirens of every sort, and a grab bag of other secret tricks. He scrunched into the driver's seat, swatting away an arm that was blocking space.
The car headed down the bank where it parked waiting for the train to pass.
"This is why you get going as early as possible in the morning," complained the Knight from where he had been crammed into the trunk.
"We are patrolling these tracks to report progress for the Queen, so we must stay close" replied Snaggy.
"Snaggy he's not a fool while you are. A commoner's logic would tell you that we can fully relax on vacation as nobody would ever dare try to disturb the crown's heavily guarded rail for a few twigs of timber," said Pimm piling on.
"Surely a knight would advise following one's orders, while a fool should be suggesting otherwise," noted Snaggy.
"Truly the fools have their day coming if it ain't here already" laughed the Knight from the back.
He had gotten up early to complete the laborious process of putting on his rigid armor; only to be stuffed in the back of an idling clown car waiting by the tracks. The long train kept on chugging past. A thick fiery trail shot up the 20 foot smokestack into the sky as the engineer shoved in more magma pellets picking up momentum. Of course the head Jester could not reveal to the fools lower in the order that there was also a lot of crystal variety riding aboard and it was Farc.
By the time the train stopped whistling passed Joey Jester was loudly snoring directly into Shaggy's ears. This was going to be a very long escort mission yet he had not come across any escorts out in the jungle to pass the time either. This was standard procedure on all royal escorting affairs.
“Alright we will take this road diverting from the tracks for a second before catching back to the train in ten minutes,” said Snaggy who had finally figured out his map.
The clown car lurched over the planks helping the road cross the tracks. After crossing the small motorized death machine climbed a hill out of view.
Hours later the fools found themselves loitering around a ditch. Their car pulled over to the side they stretched while Snaggy frantically looked over his map.
"I told you we should have left early," said the plainclothes knight, his armor still stacked where he had dropped it.
"We would have been fine if this clown hadn't been driving," said Pimm stomping.
"Everybody calm down and give me one second of quiet time to think!" Snaggy screamed.
"Alright fine" a few fools agreed.
"Alright now so I think we just got to go back to this bend by a rocky brook that's where I lost us and then..." Snaggy pondered.
"Hey guys that looks like big smoke stacks on wheels barrelling right down this street instead of the tracks,” said the knight, looking intently out the back window.
“Let's stop em!" yelled Joey Jester interrupting.
Snaggy glared at his crew from where he stood studying the map on the hood.
"No tricks, what I say is legit we should get out of the way," said the Knight pointing.
"That rig has at least 50 tires on her and she's a speed demon," said Joey, rubbing his stomach.
"Get ready to flag it down" instructed Snaggy, already retrieving his engraved large white fold-able flag from the car.
"Hey that's a race.."
"ZOOM!" said Jed flying by in his car, knocking into the tip of Shaggy's extended surrender flag.
The fool fell over backwards tumbling into the ditch before cratering on his ass. Not to be lost out here forever Joey ran into the middle of the road to stop the truck from advancing.
"What the fuck are these clowns doing!" Mule yelled from where he was loaded and barreling down a hill to a target.
"If he doesn't move you gotta hit it because they are going to call in reinforcements either way," said Jed into his royal band receiver.
"Get out of the way ugh!" yelled Mule blasting the big rig's air horn.
"Joey he ain't moving, get out the road," cried Pimm, from outside the car.
The Knight finally figured out how to open the trunk and sprinted past her. The truck tried to break right before the Jester. The Knight completed jumping back inside the open driver door to do a tackle just in time, saving Joey by throwing him. The two tumbled off the road before free falling down a steep drop with a piece of the car's torn off bumper following.
"Splash!"
The two fell splashing into a stream. On the other side Snaggy had climbed back to the clown car. He shook his fist at the big rig driving off.
"Get back here fools, we need to take up hot pursuit this instant," Snaggy ordered.
Pimm gave him a nasty look and ran to the other side to check on the others. Snaggy briefly joined her side looking far down at their waterlogged friends. He ran back to the car throwing out rope after rope in a sloppy haste of poor dissensions.
"Tie up these ropes and pull them I'm pursuing!" Snaggy screamed climbing into the car.
He turned on the sirens, and pressed the pedal to the floor speeding off. Pimm put out her hands in a rage directed at him. She began to beat up a smaller tree, before body slamming a dead one toppling it then tied a rope to it.
Ahead on the road Mule had already heard the sirens starting to follow them.
"Some kind of undercover roadblock by undercovers dressed as clowns, that was definitely a knight I almost splattered on the road," said Mule.
"All undercover I would guess and now we got trouble with them following us and probably bringing a lot of friends" said Jed.
"What do you want to do bud? The options where I can drive this truck out here in the jungle are rather limited" asked Mule.
"You keep driving Mule I'll catch up to you, for now I'll keep the Knights off your trail while you focus on the delivery," said Jed from where he had parked on the side of the road.
"I guess there's no other options due to you being much mobile, hopefully this will be just a brief detour for you, over" said Mule steaming past.
"Ahyeahup ten four don't worry about me buddy they don't make knights like they used to," said Jed.
He could hear the approaching sirens, but could not yet see them. Where not far off Snaggy had his foot to the floor. He had been pushed around for the very last straw, and wasn't going to be taking prisoners. Legally Jesters could do just about anything they wanted due to be thought of so lowly, and unthreatening. Being able to kill for petty reasons was an easy business to cover. Maybe he would just blow up that truck. The culprits would suffer plenty after in the Queen's dungeon.
That's funny, the race car was straight ahead, and the big rig was nowhere to be seen. The fool accelerates tapping on Jed's bumper. He saw the beady little bloodshot eyes glaring at him through the window under a jester cap. The sirens played the circus song of death as two bumpers smashed.
"Damn guess I got to shake him off off-road," said Jed shifting into neutral.
He drifted onto a grassy off-ramp. Shifting to 2nd gear he gunned down into a gravel pit operation. Meanwhile Shaggy's clown car spun in circles before he got it under control and could begin to follow Jed's dust into the pits.
"I just can't get rid of this dude," said Jed, increasing his speed.
"It was a big mistake to take this off-road when my tires are covered in spikes," laughed the rapid Jester on the chase.
A bend was coming up marked by a little sign covered in mud. One side was easy going while the other was taped off with caution tape.
“Let's see how he handles me now,” said Jed smashing past the ribbon.
"It's just one guy stuck to me like a tick but I'm just about to shake him Mule, over" said Jed into his receiver.
"Alright man good luck I got you in my beastly heart" said Mule in response.
Jed roared the car smashing aside branches as the road further narrowed. He could see in front of him now that this road had a dead end straight off a cliff. He kept driving forward noticing that in the chasm below him something was steaming. It was a train running along. It was coming and the sirens behind him were growing close again.
"I got to make this train!" yelled Jed accelerating at full power.
He hit a mound of soil and the car hit the air. He looked to his side to see the train extremely close. It whistled, screaming a dire warning directly into his ears. The car was crashing, rolling over several times. Objects flew around the cabin smacking Jed was strapped in place.
Snaggy had matched Jed's speed and followed him to jump the train. No longer would he be a fool. He would change himself to be a normal man, and not a sheep. He was going to catch this outlaw, and transform himself into somebody that was respected for being one of the good ones. A hero of the Kingdom, he imagined himself center stage at a knighting ceremony. Queen Elizabethy and everyone else would have no choice but to say how wrong her assumptions were.
“BOOM!”
The train continued blowing. A clown car had exploded into bits on the engine and began raining parts and blood.