The big rig's air brakes hissed to a stop beside the railroad tracks. In the center of the cross-ties burned a mess of tangled metal engulfed in flames. The truck's door swung open and Mule let himself out on all four hooves. Jed licked his wounds in the bushes. He sat on the underside of his flipped race car. His flannel was ripped apart revealing some scrapes, and a few scratches dug deeper into him.

"I know you took your armor off due to the heat so I was worried if you would still be in one piece,” yelled Mule, overlooking.

“What took you so long to find me? I thought you had X-ray vision?” sighed Jed, struggling to stand.

Mule ran to his friend and helped pull him up by gently biting his hand. Jed dusted himself off, and wiped oil, and blood from his eyes.

“My vision is only short range just like our radio receivers, and I had to find the road here that would fit the load. I was about to have to hide it somewhere under the leaves," said Mule.

“Well bud, I suppose we are going to have to leave my ride if we ever hope to deliver the jungle juice on schedule,” said Jed.

Mule inspected the wreck, turning to the crackling flames on the tracks.

“Hey at least you didn’t turn out like those fried knights in the clown car,” He said, heading back to the truck.

“It was a clown car and I only saw one fool in the driver's seat,” corrected Jed, following with a limp.

“Heeha.. Anyway I think I might be able to tow your car provided you can guide me to reverse quickly,” said Mule.

Jed caught the end of the tow rope midair. After spitting it out Mule climbed aboard the truck and trailer barely fitting on the dirt road. Behind the driver seat he was in full concentration to maneuver back and forth with careful turns of the wheel. Jed waved him slowly backwards, shouting when the trailer was as close it could be without falling with the car.

Jed quickly tied the line to his fallen vehicle, and gave the thumbs up to proceed forward. Mule grinned on feeling the added weight fix itself back on all four wheels. It pulled out of the ditch covered in branches, thorns and fender bends. Jed untied the line and waved the truck back further then he tied them together bumper to bumper. He put his hand inside the folded roof to switch his car into neutral before running up to the cab.

“Alright let's hit the road Jed,” said Mule.

Mule let off the clutch while his partner in crime climbed aboard slamming the door. The smoke stacks sprouted flames and soot . They continued on the trucking adventure down the road beside the railroad tracks. The jungle foliage had slowly begun mixing with a boreal forest of spruce and furs, but now it was really noticeable.

Mule slammed on the breaks coming to a stop. Jed hadn’t been wearing a belt and his face was plastered to the dashboard.

“What is it?” he asked, cradling his head.

“Danger ahead Jed there’s a person tied to the tracks, and bandits all throughout the woods waiting to ambush,” said Mule.

He shifted into reverse, but didn't let either hoof off the clutch nor the breaks. Ahead the wooden path was a sign that it was the only road carved through the mountain side, and to the only bridge over the river for hundreds of miles in either direction.

“Shoot, we don't have time to go around if we want to make this delivery, or even survive on our rations,” said Mule.

“This is the only path we are close to, yeah. It’s time to formulate a plan” said Jed, studying their map.

“Hmm well my eyes do give us an advantage in strategy. They look like rag tag peasants equipped with bow and arrows, and swords at best so what if I gun through the danger very fast?” suggested Mule, shifting into first.

“Ok I will climb outside the cab and hold on for dear life in my heavy armor while blasting them if it comes to that,” said Jed opening the door.

“Roger,” said Mule, pulling the break with his mouth.

Jed ran to the rear and popped open the trunk of his towed muscle car. He quickly put on his scavenged protection and then hesitated between choosing to grab the crossbow or a gun. The explosive ammo was stored in a separate hard case labeled volatile. The rifle was already locked and loaded.

“Oh man this better not blow up in my face,” he said, cautiously playing with the explosives.

Jed ran back to the front of the truck and opened the door to leave one weapon carefully strapped in the seatbelt. He stood outside on the running boards grabbing onto the big mirror attached to the door. With a thumbs up the vehicle began to pick up speed towards where they knew an ambush was waiting.

Mule strained to reach over and roll down the manual passenger window so he could reach cover, a reload and communication. The truck roared down the country road.

Many miles down the dirt road a royal hostage was being tormented again.

“Lucky for you missing the first train through here, but our gang still did a good job smuggling you here while the elves got glassed,” cackled Killin Hood, checking his sundial.

He was decked in traditional camouflage and wore a matching green sack over his head with holes cut for his evil eyes, a thick mustache that formed horns sharp enough to prick, and a mouth full of crooked teeth. He kicked the bound figure squirming below him. She was tied in knots above the railroad tracks with a gag.

“By midnight I will either slay a Queen or get paid. It all depends on the actions of your family,” said Killin Hood, playing with his mustache by twirling it.

The Queen attempted to talk something back with a guttural hiss like a stray raccoon. Killin Hood only grew more amused by the futile attempts at resistance. This was his wood that he knew like the back of his hand. Under normal circumstances the law didn’t ever dare enter the area.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“The perfect bait has been set, now men in our trap,” he called, prancing off into the woods.

Elizabethy squirmed with all her might trying to loosen her bonds. Eventually she went limp to take a breather. This didn’t last long when she saw something far off in the dusk. She squinted to make out an approaching trail of smoke kicked up far away. A loud horn announced the end was approaching down the tracks.

“Thwack!”

A barrage of arrows bounced off the incoming grill, others cracked the glass or stuck into the hood. Jed scanned everywhere for threats but could see an army of still standing trees covered in moss speeding past.

“Where should I be shooting buddy? '' yelled Jed, tossing his rifle on the floor for the crossbow.

The next volley thwacked around narrowly avoiding him. Mule winced as three arrows penetrated the cab roof, and stuck pointing down at him.

“There’s a lot of them, we are surrounded by a hundred or more!” cried the driver.

“Well that would have been good to know before... Our only hope is you putting the pedal to the floor” cried Jed, shooting his weapon at a stump that looked suspicious.

“Boom!”

A section of the woods exploded, felling a dead tree that crushed something.

“Spikes dead ahead Jed, I'm going too fast to spot in time to shoot the road,” yelled Mule.

Jed turned to shoot but couldn’t see where the spikes were in the road.

“Where is it?,” he yelled, turning his head inside for a second to ask the driver for assistance while aiming.

“OOof!”.

Suddenly Jed was struck by an arrow to the knee knocking his aim way too close for comfort the second he fired his own shot.

“Shit,” cried Mule, ducking below the wheel.

“BOOM!”

There was a danger-close explosion that briefly surrounded the rumbling cab that plowed through it. Jed felt himself being cooked as the vehicle banged over the bump he just created until they suddenly sped out the other side alive within moments of him taking critical damage from the heat.

“Thunk, thunk, pop!”

The tires exploded upon hitting the hidden road spike trap while the vehicle skidded out of control. Mule corrected the angle, and the truck limped to a stop further down the road. Jed shot two rounds rapidly behind them to buy time. There were those uncomfortable screams of death he had inflicted again. This time throwing gibbed enemies screaming into the air before they were returned to the ground. The lucky one was hunting for their bloody missing parts in shock.

“I'm afraid our only option is to take as many as possible down with us,” said Mule.

“It was good knowing you friend,” said Jed shooting a bandit out of a tree with two crystal tipped bolts.

“Farc I’m all out of big booms,” he cursed.

A dozen more of Killin Hood's men ran from the forest with tattered rags. They held rusted machetes, axes, a scythe, and the biggest among them held onto a knotted tree branch. Jed blasted the first target in line straight through the heart. Mule struggled inside the cab to retrieve his shotgun from the glove compartment without adaptable thumbs. Jed shot two more.

“Wack!”.

He saw stars with a surprise attack from behind. The big bandit knocked the gun from his hand striking him into the dirt. Jed looked up as the man raised his club to deliver the finishing blow. Mule jumped from the truck kicking two waiting enemies over with his hind hooves.

“BANG, BANG!”

He blew out the giant's guts with two 10-gauge shells delivered from the saw-off strapped to his back. It sent the donkey flying backwards into another enemy that had their neck twisted sideways and broken with a pure lucky kick.

“You really have a habit of saving my ass,” said Jed, picking himself up off the ground.

“ENOUGH KILLING!” screamed a voice.

Jed and Mule looked around to see an army of camouflaged men aiming bows. Two of the bowmen stepped aside to let a slender man enter. He ripped off his green forest mask letting his mustache twice the width of his face fully unfold in all its glory. The defeated enemies on the ground still alive continued to groan.

“Hello gentlemen, the names Killin Hood, and this is my wood if you couldn’t tell,” the leader announced, motioning, slitting his throat to pretend with an edgeless finger.

“You’ve made that point sir, sorry about the men we have already shot down,” said Mule.

“I suppose we might have some cargo to bargain for our safe exit instead of more of this shit,” sighed Jed, looking like he was going to collapse but holding himself on the truck for now.

“Nah it was actually our bad to attack you in the first place we thought you were somebody else,” laughed Killin Hood pulling out his knife. “You see we set a trap with bait for royals here so we are going to help you fix those tires and get you right out of here before you give up the jig..” He bent over one of his wounded men, whimpering as he slowly bled to death. “It’s you guys lucky day because any other we would scalp you for entertainment” he finished, putting out the misery with crude sawing motions slicing through the jugular like butter but struggling with the spinal cord.

“Twack, Twack, Twack,”

The other injured were silenced with arrows delivered mercifully.

“How hospitable of you,” said Jed.

“Just taking them out of their misery,” replied the boss who had gotten red splatter all over his previously blond facial hair.

“What did you eat him out or something,” Mule quipped, unable to stop himself.

The woods exploded with laughter.

“Funny you know I’m always in need of more mules for my company,” chuckled Killin Hood, drawing closer.

“We have to finish this job first,” said Jed.

Killin Hood smirked and looked over the truck then the two they had surrounded like he was about to do something evil. The Queen squirmed on the tracks behind them working overtime to loosen her bonds briefly catching his attention.

“Right.. actually thanks for reminding me we have to finish our mission too,” said Killin Hood, putting away his sticky knife he never cleaned. “I guess we have unfinished business if you ever try coming through here again,”.

The highwaymen dragged away the fallen bodies, while others rolled out spare tires from the woods. Mule worked the jack with his hoofs to raise the rig. Jed gripped the tire iron in both hands to remove the wheels held by assisting forest people. Soon the fresh rubber had been swapped on and they were ready to depart.

“Well at least this story could have a relatively happy ending, thanks for your help I guess,” said Jed shaking Killin Hood's hand.

“Until next time gentlemen, and remember in our woods we see everything you do now get out of here faster,” laughed the bandit leader.

“No issue there, we will follow the road straight out of here to our delivery destination far far away," said Mule.

As the truck pulled away Killin Hood gave the gesture to toot the horn. Mule gave three honks as the truck drove off into the night.

Meanwhile the remaining jesters finally found themselves back in the logging camp after hiking miles. They had been left behind when Snaggy pursued a threat by himself.

The camp was empty with the loggers still out cutting wood deep in the jungle. In the parking lot outside the schlock bar some magma dirt bikes had been left unintended. Primm climbed aboard the only cleaned one with pink flames.

“Let's catch up quickly and teach that fool his final lesson,” she yelled, speeding off.

The Knight followed by stealing a mud covered bike. Joey Jester struggled to climb aboard the last, and smallest bike with Lil Tim who ran out of the cabins after being left behind on his back. A steady stream of dust kicked behind the pack of clowns revving off. They fumed down dirt roads seeking some form of revenge and not understanding the full scope of the situation.