The Elves preferred things unnatural so there were no trees or shrubs in the sprawling urban blocks of the city. The streets remained spotless, windless, and unoccupied. Not a fly, tick, or anything else was buzzing around to disturb the peace. What was left of a river trickled through the center under a towering suspension bridge connecting the city all together and eventually leading to a highway with large toll gates on either end, and massive billboard advertisements flanking the sides in order to fund its operation.
In the center of the city sat a massive pyramid flanked by smaller ones that grew smaller and smaller. On the very top triangle of the biggest structure Elf brains resided. Rumored to be pickled to save them from the disease of old age. The hive minds below it claimed to be their own bosses, but at the end of the day the orders all came from the top of the pyramid. As no two things in elves' culture could be the same, everything was forced to the list and only the top of the food chain was celebrated. Their ancient culture was rumored to be decided by the same hive-mind currently in control centuries ago albeit with influence from the pawns who had long ago lived below it.
Elves were far too intelligent to reproduce the way rats, humans, and other species much lower on the tier list did. A baby was something that took years of brainstorming to plan out, and then write up a business contract between the two partners. A lot of things were at stake between the gender-less parties so a lot of precautionary law had to take place first. Sure a lot of this was an excuse, because being a culture of pure individuality the elf society functioned best with as little reproduction, and competition as possible.
Elves ran businesses, made profit, climbed the pyramids, or focused on an intellectual pursuit that would pay good. The performance of any form of manual labor was strictly outlawed, and punished by a forced resort vacation to forcibly relax. Hard labor was intended for animals with a lower ranking, and made the rest of them look bad. Laws limiting elf babies and affairs with other species meant profits stayed good.
“ZAAP!”
A violent burst of energy exploding out onto a privatized main street. A newspaper stand was knocked over, and a billboard pleading “Stockpile gold, not crystals” burst into green flames. The private human security paid in neither of the above came running to control the commotion. The guard out in front covering his face with his hand to avoid the wafts of black smoke pouring down the alley.
“I don’t believe the boss-men are paying us to fire brigade,” said the guy in the back, stepping back.
“Cough cough, Lets enjoy what we are dealing with here Gregory, before we have to type the seventy five page incident report for the Elves,'' coughed the guy in front pushing on.
“Come on Billy, don't become a fool on me,” said the other guard leaving the alley so he could breathe cleaner air.
The guard still in the thick of it covered his mouth with a spare sock he brought in a pocket for wet weather. An iron rung fire exit headed above to evacuated apartments, while at ground level their rented bin had been knocked over leaving trash ripped apart all over. Billy actually crept forward with his flashlight as the smoke started to clear in the immediate area. He peered forward straining to see with his smoke stung eyes.
A bolt of black flashed towards him narrowly missing. Billy belly flopped on the concrete covering his hard helmet with both hands. He turned, his body slowly shaking to see behind him. Right behind his left foot a stack of metal mailbox lockers darkened from the heat and pulsing with electricity. A figure emerged from the alley cradling a bloodied crystal cutting hook in one arm and a woman slung over his other shoulder. King Edward looked down at the guard who had drawn his weapon.
“I’ve teleported here to save my mother. Do you mind showing me to the plastic surgery clinic?” asked Edward, dropping a sack of currency at the grunts feet.
“Yes at once come with me, oh ah what salute do you prefer sir” said the grunt pausing.
“Oh this is a deluxe mercenary right here, how else can you serve me?” asked Edward.
“I will show you the best Elven steakhouse after you drop her off for the procedure” he said, taking out a hand for a split second by instinct, and then quickly hiding it.
Edward smiled and offered his hook to shake, dangling the offer while looking the man in the eye.
“I thought they didn’t eat meat,” he laughed following his guide.
“Well it’s technically fake, but so magic you can’t even tell, trust me,” stammered the guard.
“That’s ok I think most restaurants are a rip off and prefer to cook for myself as I have very specific tastes,” replied Edward.
“See down this street here, and then two more blocks to our destination,” announced the guard before he stopped talking.
“Martha, can you please call the surgeon at once. We have an urgent patient” yelled Gregory, bursting through the front door with barely enough breath to get it out.
He was running on empty to the front desk of the clinic, and behind him he heard the door opening. He winced.
“The doctor will be right to just take a seat please,” Martha instructed them from where she was placing a crystal call.
“I'll wait outside, '' said Gregory, rapidly shuffling away from danger.
Edward carried his unconscious mother to the front desk. A severe addiction to unlimited power had run her ragged. She had wanted the high of cultivating 24/7, and always improving every little part of her being that could be exploited until she was cold as a diamond. It eventually culminated in an extended stay in paranoid seclusion locked away in the core of the planet for many moons. There she sat taking in all things crystal including pills, ice plunges, sleeping on slabs of the stuff, and using it as weights. The strict regimen also included staring at the moon for three hours every morning, following a strict fast, cleaning anytime she wasn’t doing anything, and pacing around double checking areas in the castle where she had previously heard voices.
Eventually the power grew too much, consuming her lifeforce. She was frail, toothless, loose skin, visible bones, and sunken set eyes with bruised tear ducts completed an ugly picture to him. Even if he had her killed nobody should see her like this.
“Yes I need you to work your full magical powers here plastic witch surgeon,” said Edward dropping his mother onto an operation table.
“Nice hook there man, and yeah I am thinking about doing six tucks, then implanting a few implants including a new nose entirely, leaching, bloodletting, and injecting a lot of good stuff, oh and saving her life” said the doctor sharpening a buck tooth saw with a file.
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“Do the best of everything doctor. I want to love my mother again, because her personality already drives me away,” demanded Edward.
“Ha ha, well give me a little down payment here, and another out at the front desk,” said the Hobgoblin doctor, starting to cut into his latest project.
Edward threw bands of crystal to the floor, then more, and more.
“Do the best that can be bought,” said Edward, glancing at the matriarch a final time.
“Of course,” said Dr. Hobgoblin, smiling.
Outside acid rain fell far overhead the clinic where it was caught by the purple barrier projected over the entire city. Edward loosened his collar with his hand. When he died he planned to have a piece of him pickled in the golden brine found at the top triangle in place of the Elven executive tomb. But first he had to conquer the city and take it for himself. Ultimately chunks cut from Edward the emperor would rule all 12 kingdoms together from different thrones long after his natural life span expired.
He was still figuring out the finer details, but something like this was the ultimate test of a man's character. When it came to making a name for himself in the planet's history you wanted something left behind that was to last forever when the life for humans was one of the shortest around it was hard mode. So much more plotting, killing, and scheming to earn the title of most masterful manipulator of all time.
“Other human beings where have you run for, don't you remember I pay well," Edward called, looking for assistance.
There was an echo of the ruler's voice, and nothing else. Edward was here to speak to his own Elven council. A law office that he needed to locate, as well as room, and food. He had teleported here straight from the core thanks to those behind the control panel sending him to this location. Later he would teleport with his new lawyer to take the capital throne officially crowned. Edward’s king size boots clobbered down a golden path marking the way to the fingernail, and hairspray district. Further on a skid row where money was counted, tallied and maintained 1-1 with the crystal by the leprechauns, before going back to the vaults somewhere else.
“No person in sight, doesn’t anyone want to work at night,” moaned the King. “If I ruled this place my slaves would be killing it with productivity blah I sound just like my father”.
He kicked a rock into the water as he approached the toll for the river crossing.
“How much do you want?” he asked, pulling up to the tollbooth and out his wallet.
There was no response, and on closer inspection the post was coin operated. The inserted human change was rejected, and spit back out as a foreign object. Having no other options Edward swiftly limbo-ed under the guard beam. In response an air horn honked while orange and white beams pulsed out from the toll, and additional shrill alarms played behind the blaring lights. The guards swarmed from out the small toll shack four, then six blocking him on the bridge.
“Drop that weapon immediately trespasser,” said a guard taking the front who was equipped with shocking taser gloves powered by wires running to somewhere in his high-tech armor.
“Ohyou can’t take me for not having any loose change,” protested Edward, as he climbed the guard rail.
The guards stopped and stared before one of them was able to fish out a coin, and raise the automatic toll. They rushed onto the bridge splitting up to search for clues to where Edward had hidden. A light came from the other side of the bridge. Guards charged forward towards it with their weapons drawn. An electric fist came down in the center of the bridge, shocking its target who fell overboard. The light rose revealing a pair of confused mercenaries watching the guy who had come with them being the target of friendly fire.
“Cool it, cool it!” another guard called to calm them.
The patrol kept a well manned search of the entire bridge for ten minutes with no luck.
“Where is he? I wonda know, I wonda know tho. If it taint him here where he at?” a soldier wondered in a foul accent barely comprehensible to Edward.
He found himself hanging underneath the bridge wincing, and losing brain cells from the guards' stupidity. His hook wrapped around an underside stone tit. Edwards' feet hung with no support over a vast, and steep drop to a dry river bed of death. The former waterway was lined with large sparkling shards of sparkling green clover crystals that would stab him. A demise caused by the rocks brought out to cover the shame of drought for such an advanced species.
“A man who finds himself humbled by these sorts of cliff hangers doesn’t deserve the crown of king,” said Edward.
He began to swing back and forth gaining momentum from where he remained hooked.
“Who said that?” responded a guard.
All the mercs swarmed together at the center of the bridge with their backs pressed together. An archer readied a shock stone arrow, while next to him the man in power gloves let off sparks from an overload of amps, and a third had a sword with a button to temporarily activate a defensive shield around the user from the hilt.
“En guard,” said Edward, leaping above the crowd from a vault below.
His momentum was so great he continued flying overhead until landing much further on the dark side of the bridge.
“Get him,” yelled the guard with a fancy sword running forward.
“I’m going to do an overkill,” taunted the mercenary of electric shock, hanging in the back as the final boss.
Out of the darkness rolled the man's lopped off head to the rest of the pack's feet. The archer blew his first load, missing the dark shadow drawing closer, and closer to them. The next arrow was right on target until Edward carrying the Elf sword popped its defensive shield. The projectile was returned next to the sender, hitting the rail, spouting sparks, and electrocuting three guards touching it all along the bridge. Edward leaped forward in the confusion, raising his hook for the next fight. With no time to think another head came sliced off by sharp instinct, then sliced right through both hands of a reloading archer like butter. The screaming casualty dropped his bow running away leaving a stream of red in his wake.
“Zap, zap,” said the large man in electrocute gloves smacking them together charged in last alive.
Edwards' hook met its match against his adversaries' shock glove. The two combatants exploded in a shock-wave of energy. Both men went flying away from each other's punches straight off the bridge. One was impaled far below on the green luck crystals exploding in a big ball of electric light, while the other's hook dragged slowly cutting through a ledge pulling him down. The human king was hooked above a dam, with roaring rapids smashing into his legs once again left dangling. Ice cold water splashed over Edwards body as it squirmed all around momentarily blinded with a spray. He rocked from side to side above where he could die. His hook was well dug in, which meant he wasn't going anywhere. For better, or for worse.
“I gotta stay a bit humble I suppose. Ah really this is nothing but a detour ha ha,” said Edward, trying to fix his hair, but humiliated with another spray of water.
Becoming so lost in his own world of hatching an escape he hadn't noticed he wasn’t the only one laughing. The Elves happened to live a very long time, and with all this free-time had developed an extremely sophisticated system of gossip, and public ridicule. Word had already quickly spread, and many elves had descended from their apartments to watch the self appointed king of humanity struggle over the dam. The elf scholars formed the bulk of the early onlookers. Their information gathering Nth crystals encased in transcribing devices recording the action for historical purposes, future replays, and viral popularity. This was a very important moment for their culture.
Edward finally took notice by the time the crowd had grown to the hundreds. He relaxed himself swinging side to side cold, wet, and coming down off his own sessions of being incredibly lost snorting crystals in the core. He would lay still her in protest not to give them any more ammunition.
“I would hope my lawyers will see me hanging here, and jump in with a helping hand,” screeched Edward, with his face beginning to go rage red.
The water coming into contact had begun to steam while he continued being stuck.
"Fascinating," said an elf scholar, writing on a tablet. "Man's fabled anger displayed.. An S ranked member of that tier list,".