The fancy train on magnetized tracks continued steaming towards Capital City. Prince Edward was drunk with his band: the Death Drag Piercers. The instruments had been waiting to play a show before the attack. The royal dinner car's performance was taking place on the small stage in the lounge for the harem members on board.
“Come on Edward, you can do it,” yelled a topless fangirl.
“I'll be right back, I just need a snack first,” said Edward.
The band left the stage after him leaving the instruments sitting as it was announced that they would be right back. The five men dressed in the most cutting-edge feminine fashion garments strode out of the train car followed by their closest chicks. Nancy was the last of the crew to close a metal door behind with a loud clicking lock. The kitchen car was currently staffed with the Prince Edwards payroll. The top chiefs from the Crazin region worked away, and cooked their traditional dish. They were a purple people eating species, but otherwise really friendly.
“Yasham, I'm so hungry I could eat you up,” said the drunk Edward, biting his next victim's neck playfully.
A Crazin in a white apron with marks of the crystals tattooed thick over his face wheeled in an autopsy bed from the freezer car. Nancy unzipped the wrapper to distract herself from strong jealous emotions bubbling to the surface. Under the blanket was a muscular soldier who had been slain in battle, but Instead of rotting away in a field his magnificent body was preserved in ice crystals so cold they caused instant frostbite if handled without proper gloves.
“Oh, I'll be borrowing this one for myself,” Nancy cackled.
“Googa Zombino,” she cried, knocking over the cook and stabbing her zombie crystal in the corpse's eye.
The dead man was reanimated.
“Enough! Out with you and your corpse Nancy at once. You can eat his flesh raw in your room all alone when the spell wears off,” yelled Edward, spotting the stealing of his supper.
His former girlfriend stuck out a pierced tongue at him, and stormed out with her new dead friend.
“Ah yes well no worries we've got one in the oven nice and tenderly almost done,” said the chef helping up his fallen subordinate.
All gathered as a coffin-like baking pan was taken out of the oven by two more tattooed Crazins with huge mitts on their arms and placed onto a platform of gold. As the cover was lifted off and taken away by the cooks, succulent smells wafted out tempting the patience of the waiting hungry cannibals
“With every feast we grow closer to the crystals,” said Yasham, completing a ritual with burning incense.
The torches on the walls flickered as the cannibals began their feast. They ripped and tore off the tender arms and feet biting with sharpened cutting crystal modified teeth. Three bodies had been cooked and were now devoured with blood turned to gravy.
"Alright the show is back on schedule ladies and gentlemen give it up for the baddest band in all the land D.D.P," said the Slyman conductor before leaving the stage.
Edward was the lead singer, bassist and triangle player, while Cap played keys, Durner played lead guitar, and Roger played percussion. Cap and Durner started playing the intro chords to their latest hit single. This was a public service event broadcasting live audio by communication crystal on the rear train car with a large Terp crystal with an antenna.
“YEEEEAAAAH, YEAAH, YEAAH,” crooned Edward in a grungy voice.
The distorted guitar joined in with electrified riffing, as the drums shook the cabin full of dancing swingers. The crowd clapped, and the bar picked up more sales. The set lasted a half hour before the guys were backstage relaxing with the exception of their lead singer who was being a diva.
Prince Edward paced his gloomy dressing room finishing off another drink of schlock. The pale white male checked himself over for defects in front of the mirror, taking care to make sure his makeup covered the two scars on either side of his forehead.
“The only thing I want now is what I cannot have hah such is the paradox of man,” he sighed to himself, checking his nails.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
He blew on the fresh number 1 black polish to finish drying it, and made up his mind to visit one of his ex-girlfriend's. All that he had to do to win her back was dispose of the corpse she was currently entertaining. If his persistent attempts at love ultimately failed he would exile himself with haste due to shame. He was supposed to be the one who did the dumping, and was yet to lose this game.
In co-ed sleeping car #2 room #309 Nancy and her corpse were having dinner. The table had been set neatly with a vase of freshly dead flowers while the rest of the meal consisted of mashed potatoes, stink bug larva, beats, however the main meat was the arm of the very same reanimated man who ate on it. He had willingly donated for the occasion, and the couple sat silently , eating off the bone. The corpse, shaking salt onto his food.
“It is too bad your taste buds, and brain have rotted away. Oh zombie man how I wish I could have you at your prime,” sighed Nancy before taking another big bite.
The door slammed open and in prance an intoxicated Prince.
“Oh dearest Nancy how I have wronged you with my foul inner disordered self. I will fix it by giving you crystals, and anything else you desire like shoes and purses,” pleaded Edward.
“I desire you to leave at once you ugly man with your repulsive words that are forever rotten to me,” she yelled back at him with a throw gob of potato in rage.
Edward tried to dodge the projectile, but he had been slowed by his drink. It splattered him all over the chest with potato mash shrapnel coating his expensive new clothes from head to toe.
“That's it for humiliating me. No more fun with your corpse bitch!” yelled Edward, reaching for his trousers.
He unsheathed his shining crystal cutting sword. The zombie stumbled around with a groan while the prince rushed round searching for the best angle to stab the walking dead.
“Fuck you stop this at once! You ruin everything I have for your own amusement you awful man,” screeched Nancy
“Take that creature,” yelled the prince distracted in the fight.
He thrust his sword in and out the back of the corpse. It wasn't being re-killed until he sliced deep into the brain. It slowly collapsed on the floor.
“That's it you bastard we're forever finished,” said Nancy
She walked calmly across the room to the sink, and unsheathed a large cast iron frying pan. The prince looked up and smiled as she drew on him and he inched back toward the door.
“Now honey how about not doing anything stupid dear,” said Edward, lowering his sword half-mast while still pointing it at his Ex.
“Don't patronize me I HATE YOU,” shrieked Nancy.
She jumped him, and swung the pan. The fancy sword clanged onto the floor as Prince Edward cried out in pain. He ran out of the room clutching his hand. It was pulsing and already blue and swollen from the impact of the cast iron pan.
"You can't get rid of my love that easily," yelled from the hallway outside.
Edward pranced off with one final last loud huff and puff. His pain would be further numbed real quick, but he remembered something important. He turned around, and worked up the courage for another advance to grab his fathers sword. As well as one last attempt with the romance skills he was so famous for.
"Just one more thing dear,".
"CLANG!"
The whistle blew as it quickly steamed over a mountain range of thick snow. The following horns were overpowered with an extended cacophony of screams from a wailing Prince defeated.
The train continued barreling towards its final destination spreading thick dirty smoke throughout the pristine countryside. Edward stepped out onto the open platform at the rear while his locks of long black hair blew behind him. He shut the door to a warm cabin letting the cold kiss him. The dusk sky had a special hue of green as the trees passed by. The cars banged and rocked threatening to come loose squealing around a sharp corner.
Edward had decided to settle down, and finally get married another time. As soon as they were back in Capital City he and his newest bride would be wed. He rested his hands on the outer railing, as he became lost in the fantasy of making others jealous. There would be a big party, and many small ones leading up to it. He would indulge in a many weeks binge of schlock, and cannibalism until he tired of it and finished eating Yasham. A heart tasted the best after it had been broken.
The Prince removed a small wrapped object from his coat. A pipe with dwarven carvings lining it, and a container made inside a human skull. The white cracked crown was lifted off. Edward took out fine ground crystals and placed them in his pipe. He cackled as his brain lit up with pleasure. He did not actually wish to marry Yasham for long, as she was far too easy going and did whatever he wanted.
What he really wanted for a long time was Nancy, his ultimate challenge. She was somebody who would never be pleased just like him. Whether she wanted to admit it or not they were exactly alike. Both would never feel true happiness apart, but maybe they could fill in the holes in their brains together with their own tainted version of love. He began to wrap the device back up in cloth. Legally you were allowed twelve different ongoing marriages as a royal so even marrying the friend to make the main girl jealous there would be a slot left for her. Carlos had been recently stabbed, filling the palace basement freezers with his meat. There remained only one man on the roster, but he could always clear up another spot if things got boring.
“Might as well,” he sighed, taking out the pipe for just one more fix.