"Get up man, it's time to start your shift," whispered one leprechaun, shaking another.

Mickey tossed Ratom like an old maid hitting a rug outdoors.

"Hmmm school can wait mom," mumbled Ratom.

"This calls for emergency measures," said Mickey, starting up the process of a wet willy.

Ratom smacked away the wet fingers and threatened a punch.

"What's the meaning of this.." he groaned, stretching by touching his toes.

"Shh keep it down," Mickey whispered.

The other grumbled something fierce climbing from his makeshift nest among the gardening supplies. The candle stub waiting for him cast a small flame onto Mickey making him look evil. Ratom yawned while cleaning his eyes of the debris they had accumulated. Next he turned to inspect the progress that had been made on the tunnel while he was dreaming.

"You need to start setting posts down there Mickey you're damn lucky you made it so far alive to tell the tale," he scolded.

"As I see it I'm younger and more strapping. I figured I'd do most of the digging, while you handle the fine carpentry," responded Mickey, nervously glancing away at the shadows.

"As you see it until you're buried permanently in a collapse," shouted Ratom.

Mickey shoved the dirty shovel into the ground, and began climbing onto bags of compost. The words seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

"Shh I'm trying to sleep, I did my part," he hissed back, continuing to mumble after zipping himself away inside the sleeping bag.

"Alright keep doing it your way and that's gonna double as a body bag" mumbled Ratom, crouching to enter the small tunnel.

The cramped crawl space of the project they had been working on for several days now could only fit smaller critters like them, dwarves, or groundhogs. Ratom shrugged in defeat having given up at his latest effort to try to help his family not die off from stupidity. He pawed through the pile of dirt where he found the sack that had been buried over. He took it out and shook the fabric off of dust, before removing a hammer and nails freshly forged by the smith in Leprechaun alley that morning. Next from the bag the tunnel boards cut per their order, bundle of fresh old school candles, and free wood scraps they had thrown in.

The candle went into his mining hat he lit with a click of flint. He nailed two boards to one board along opposite corners, then gently guided them a short distance into the tunnel, nailing some more. The process was repeated deeper into the dig until everything was secure.

“Hum hmm hum” hummed Ratom, clapping his hands caked in stuck on soil together.

He was heading back into the shed for fresher air, and supper. As he climbed from the hole something in the garden outside began to move. He froze in place. The floor began to shake and dust fell from the ceiling. The tools hooked to the wall bounced threatening to rain sharp points below.

He dove out of the way as a pair of hedge clippers fell off at the end of their hook, injecting a swarm of butterflies directly into Ratom's stomach. The bass dropped as club music reverberated from the depths below. One compost bag was impaled with a dozen tools. Whatever lurked outside loudly snorted leaving the area. The snoring continued in the nest.

The mind had to be pretty numb to enjoy any of this backbreaking work Mickey thought to himself while taking another break. He had been digging away again in the claustrophobic tunnel for a good hour after shift had turned over. The air was almost as stale as what he could register of the ancient club hits, vision poorer, and his stomach rumbling. A tightening of the chest, and gasping at the burning throat. His shovel removed scoop after scoop of soil following instructions downwards at an angle printed on the blueprints they had paid almost everything to acquire.

Mickey journeyed it back to the miniature wheelbarrow they were borrowing. He hated wearing an air crystal mask on account of the taste, the straps, and being a quarter of his weight. It was only really used when signs indicated that he was about to die. The mask hung from the beam by the cart. He put it on for some deep breaths before he went back in without it on. Some more was dug out of the tunnel. Progress was slow, and the heat would have been unbearable if not knowing he would never work anything but a schlock tab again after this. If calculations were correct Ratom would be the one to break ground in the vault tomorrow on his third shift of digging.Then they would have all the gold they could carry.

"Alright Ratom, it's your turn to shovel" said one leprechaun tussling the other back to action.

"Sure enough boss" he said, going into his stretching ritual before labor.

Mickey laid onto the overturned plant pots exhausted.

"Sweet dreams champion" he said to himself thinking of the gold that they would soon heist come morning.

Ratom began to cart a full load of dirt below while even lower down an underground a cavern party raged. It was a place where anything goes, and schlock was legal. The intoxicants flowed as if water in a fountain in the center while loots, fiddles, and trumpets played interlaced in the dubstep.

“Unfortunately I have to announce that Prince Edward Longbottom will not be playing tonight with his band,” said Dick Richard, enjoying an aged schlock in the backroom through a straw installed into his knight's helmet.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

He was sitting at a loaded table with an Elf executive. The entire room was covered in crystals and bricks of gold stacked around the walls. Another Elf sat as far away in the cramped vault quarters watching the shifting through of bricks while mentally tallying every last one. The henchmen were re-stacking them onto an industrial moving cart.

“K why did he even send a messenger.. is this just to offend me?” asked the highest Elf executive, playing with their fancy business chair also on wheels.

The two lizard guards hissed behind to drive their point home.

“He's looking for a certain sort of crystal, and knows you have the connections to find them,” said Dick Richard, folding his arms on the table.

“I think I can guess which hoo ho and you will pay pretty just like your little brother” said the Eleven executive with a smile.

“Let's make a deal, a trade of goods" said Dick.

"I'm listening," responded the Elf.

"We have an entire shipment of the ultra rare cracked version from the Dwarves to trade with you. I’m sure you're aware whatever process of alchemy they apply to the rock infuses them with special powers no one else can produce on the planet ” said the Knight through a protective crystal face covering his identity, however Dick Richard still had full transparency of the other side.

“We can produce those better, and more pure with our machines and goblin labor, a lot of things you humans don’t know about because we like to keep you in the dark” said the Elf.

“Hey look here, how about just a little deal for some of those teleports?” said Dick.

“Farc your boss for canceling on our boss. I want the location of where the Queen stores the shlock stolen from her own people after her husband built the very factories that made it. That is all.” said the Elf, making a dismissive swift hand motion.

Dick Richard was escorted out of the room by a lizard who dashed any plans of the knight staying for the party. He was bounced out by a remarkably long tongue attached, escorting him into an elevator heading up. The tongue snapped and with one move of the muscle the creature threw the knight out on the street with the trash. He went sailing through the air before smacking into a building, and then splashing into a bin of human sewage. His armor was ruined.

Back at royal headquarters sparks flew into Prince Edward's focused face on the throne.

“Scrape, scrape, scrape” went his hook sharpening on a whetstone.

Prince Edward would be king soon once he plotted everything meticulously. He hadn’t decided what to do with his mother yet, and she hadn’t returned from where she had run. He had his own assassin who was primed to hunt, and kill the queen at his command should he feel like giving it. She would deserve it if he found definitive proof she had ordered the hit on his favorite lover. Nancy was however dead 100 percent, his most trusted scout had confirmed it yesterday morning.

So he sat, and waited on his little network of birds focused on a single objective to find him teleportation crystals at any cost. He had been reading nonstop about the core. It made sense with his crystal addiction. Well could something so commonplace in society really be an addiction. It was so similar to breathing air, that in fact sometimes that's exactly what it was. A natural way of living better in moderation just like cannibalism.

The door burst open and someone entered while smelling of shit.

“King, there's elves there at the illegal fountain of schlock, but they have what we are looking for. I was able to confirm the teleportation building blocks with my very eyes” said the knight,trying to do the blue salute.

“Very good Dick Richard I will ready the troops at once, but before I do I will again thank you for taking what I said about finding me those crystals at any cost to heart” said Edward as he pranced out.

A fountain of schlock was just an added bonus for the palace when he got back from the honeymoon postponed to the ire of the few prostitutes that he had already eaten in the meantime. Snaggy was waiting at attention just outside in the hallway. The Jester jumped in fear as the Prince exited.

“Deliver a first message to the army at once fool” Edward commanded.

“Actually the army is still under your mothers name technically, but I will round you up a group of paid soldiers with swords. I will at once, sir, how many men do you desire?” asked Snaggy, bowing.

“One hundred and fifty men and many big guns from the armory. Send them as soon as possible to the neighborhood where the crystal-less leprechauns supposedly live, the massive mansion on the end of one block you can't miss, a residence where many crimes against nature and the crown take place,” said the Prince.

“At once your majesty” said Snaggy red saluting.

He was diving to action, before Prince Edward stopped him with an extended hook close as a hair length.

“Call me king,” said Edward.

“Yes at once King Edward prince of crystal music” said Snaggy.

“The only title of mine is king now fool! I am a man now, I can’t be bothered with the pointless arts anymore” said Edward.

“Yes king” said Snaggy running off to give orders.

The jester jumped off the castle wall, his arms grabbing onto a nearby tree branch as he swung to another getting closer to the ground. He would find men to give his masters orders out before noon. He sprung onto the grounds on a pile of leaves, and then sprinted forward. As his body was in motion Snaggy's mind considered all his possible contacts that could be utilized in organizing a task force for the crown on short notice.

“It's your turn to dig again,” said one leprechaun, shaking another awake.

“This time the charm Mickey I can feel in my bones” said Ratom getting an apple out of his sack and chomping down.

Mickey curled himself over onto his stomach trying to relieve some of the pains from his back. He cradled it with what he could reach from his arms dreaming of all the gold. Ratom lit another small candle from his sack and put it on his head. Their tunnel had grown steps of wood leading down, down, down. There was no way anything could be buried this low. The only reason he would dig this shift is because they both had already invested so much. This project had a lot of risk to both their bodies sunk into this endeavor. The sinking feeling intensified with every dig. What if they had been scammed with a fake blueprint.

“I'll dig all night, and then if nothing tells him it's all over in the morning,” the dust-caked leprechaun said to himself.

As he was digging away with all his effort, the prince's new gang had formed and they rode into the Leprechaun neighborhood. Due to city regulations it was a convoy of horses, big land-birds, donkeys and mules pulling carts of big guns from the royal locker.

“BOOOM!”

The front of the upstairs mansion had a holes was blown to bits in an instant. Cannon, after cannon shot exploding into the residence, and flattening anything behind for good measure. Elves and their mercenaries dove for cover underground as the crowd that had gathered for the schlock froze realizing they were trapped.

Meanwhile Ratom's foot was slipping away from him. His leg sucked into the quicksand after the floor of where he had just been digging gave out. He reached his arms out in desperate attempt to cling to something but nothing was holding in the slide.

"Ooof," he sputtered as his head was pulled under.

The leprechaun lay unconscious from the fall. His head had hit on a stack of gold bricks stacked in the empty room.