The King's coffin was carried by a dozen of the most loyal to the royals. A heavy weight sparkling in the suns beside the sea, blinding the crowds gathered with its sheer glittering might. The subjects bowed among the rocks and continued trying to hum in harmony. The elite guard's polished ceremony armor further increased the suns effects. The swanky final resting place was adorned with sparkling jewels, but most importantly a crystal coated exterior.
The trumpets began to play along to the natural beat of a natural formation of Terp crystals hammered by two giant drummers wielding tree trunks to hit. The crowds found themselves sectioned off from the royals with an iron gate cage. The funeral procession slowly moved along the path to the ceremony. The red waves splashed ashore beneath them on a volcanic ledge. A small volcano bubbling somewhere underwater, while the moist air was especially salty. The band increased intensity of their playing as the waves increased the same tempo. Eventually the band would fade away giving in to the seeming endless march of mother nature.
“Our history will never forget the day that King Mardin the 4th slayed a dragon, and died defending his kingdom as a legend. It is the greatest of honors for any to be buried a hero with full honors," mumble the eldest Duke in attendance, Bronco Blitz.
“Let the black curtain roll then,” said the eldest Princess, Marry Poison-mixer, holding the front.
She let go of the luxury box holding her father, and the rest followed. The king's sarcophagus was dumped.
“splash”.
It floated for a second before surfing a wave into plunking the ledge. The strong currents took it out, while the water held it in a grip bubbling with a fierce intensity. Finally the last jewel disappeared from view beneath into the depths.
"Good thing I paid extra for a reinforced coffin," said Queen Elazabethy the 13th, sipping hot tea on the rocks.
The crowd clapped and screamed in wild celebration. The executioner's axe cut lopped off spout after spout of big wooden kegs of schlock that had been hauled out.
"Since you have all given troth to the crown, those in attendance can drink themselves silly in remembrance of the lifestyle of my hero husband," sighed the Queen. "Enjoy it while you can,".
A thousand tongues gathered at the trough formed in the rock filled with schlock. The common people began fighting each other hand over fist on their knees and stomachs for a lick. Those most fortunate to be in front lapped as much liquor as they cooked. Many Royals headed away from the mob who's appetite was being satiated. The Queen almost blew a socket as she watched, then she huffed off, but stopped.
"Call in the riot police and sober them up in ten minutes," she commanded, before exiting stage left.
"Yes your highness," mouthed the guard, holding the green salute.
Snaggy sat all alone in the throne room, whilst the party still raged outside. The jesters' soiled garments lay on the floor beside him as he reclined in the King's old throne in his underwear. The sun had set.
The King’s soul had long gone underground to the center of the planet. This process of dying was described in great detail in many of his books that were now his only remaining friends. Death was natural and not something to be sobbed at. It was greatly believed in the Kingdom’s scientific community that living beings eventually became raw crystal energy to be harnessed for the gain of those living. It was a natural never ending cycle with a few unlucky ones returning as servant zombies.
Snaggy removed his glasses to wipe away the annoying tears from his ducts that remained unable to grasp logic. The door loudly bashed open. Snaggy jumped from the throne to touch the ceiling, and then ran to cover. The clicking sound of approaching high heels drove him crazy. He stuck his head out from a hastily wrapped window curtain to see Queen Elizabethy glaring at him.
"Uh um your majesty I was just fooling around on the throne I promise, You know summer is still out, and the heat is very extreme," he managed to stutter out.
"What are you doing Queen?" he said, his face now blushing bewildered.
Elizabethy the 13th had him in her claws squeezing him out like a snake. She smelled like a dwarf den and much of her weight was now resting on him holding her up.
"Oh dear what have you been into?" he said, exhaling away from the sharp chemicals.
"Everyone needs some kind of stimulation, even a wicked witch like me," she slurred with red eyes.
"No problem my lady, just a hug I hope.. you don't want to fool around with a fool ever especially in that state of mind" said Snaggy, his face matching her eye color.
"Just one more minute of embrace, but if you speak of this after you will be sleeping with the king" she said her voice getting nastier and sounding more sober.
"Oh of course you can trust me more than any single bootlicker you've ever confided in the Queen of the kingdom, we need you to take charge," cried Snaggy.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
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Traveling outside the kingdom of humans and deep in that of the dwarfs to continue our adventure in the mines.
“What is your name pacifist?” asked Jed as they descended deeper into the stale dark.
The jester riding the donkey could no longer be by himself anymore on account of the narrow path. The troops crammed together sandwiched between slow moving tanks. The tracks barely fit as dirt from the treads pushed over the cliff edge. It was slow going in narrow margins when all they had was light from torches to guide the path. A cold stale breeze of death blew into them coming from the dwarven mines below. It was stale as hell.
“I’m Ned” the jester said, taking out a book to sketch in the dim light.
“Nice to meet you, I am Jed” said one of the many soldiers walking beside the donkey.
They were in formation in front of the mechanized vehicles. Another soldier pointed to the knight at his side who was still alive but pale and grim. He almost resembled a zombie whose essence blunted so much on their return, with much of it never returning from the afterlife with them. Lost forever to the crystal when the corpse was resurrected from the core of the planet where most spirits rested in limbo.
“Your silent friend doesn’t look well, friend,” said Ned the pacifist.
“I know but unfortunately there is nothing I can do to help him,” said Jed, his face having grown worn with the grit of war, and worry.
The fool pacifist reached into one of the donkey pouches pulling out a wrapped tin of something strange.
“Here, my friend gives this to our friend to chew. It will give him strength as his vitamins look low,” said fool.
“Okay well I somewhat trust you in your naive ways sir, but you have to understand a man that goes to war with no weapons is somebody I strongly suspect of being extremely mad” said Jed, taking the chew in his hands with a suspicious mind.
The other laughed.
“Yes, that does make sense to me. A man who will die before he kills another probably does look very strange to you” said Ned.
“Yes indeed at least you seem to be self aware” said Jed looking away over at Fred, who pushed away a helping hand to get a piece of gum.
“I do believe in things very strongly and logically you know.. I think," said Ned, trying to rein in his misbehaving animal that seemed to smirk. "Ahem anyway we should strive to treat all other creatures with respect, with whom we all share this land that lives and breathes, if you listen close to the trees,".
"This stuff rocks," said Fred.
Jed scowled at the randoms around him and helped themselves.
"There is plenty more homeopathic medicine where that came from besides you already let that witch doctor have a go at your friend eh. What harm could another quack accomplish” said Ned.
“Very well I suppose he does not have much more to lose at this point” said Jed feeding his friend who ate from his palm.
“Very well I suppose I don’t have much left to lose,” said Fred, between nibbles.
The many soldiers around snickered at the fool, and his newest converts. What had to be an hour later they were still headed down, and nothing had changed but the passing of moments. Even that could have been a trick and they were treading time itself. The sunlight no longer helped them even a sliver, and the air had started to become oppressively stale. The only thing that had slightly brightened was Fred's face in the torch, and crystal lights.
“Dead dwarf ahead!” yelled the soldier in the very front of the line.
Lights intensified as lanterns were cranked to maximum strength pushing back the unknown.
“Soldiers ready arms, and hold fire,” screamed the biggest commander.
Five hundred swords sounded as the bows were drawn and crossbows aimed at the ready. The Trooper in the front pointed to the dead dwarf lying on the ground before four more came into the light, stacked in what was the beginning of a massive pile.
“Stab 'em we don’t want any traps,” a voice yelled as swords were inserted to check the dead for signs of life.
The little bodies crunched under heavy treads as the advance continued. A gust of dead air blew up from the depths still below blowing out the torches. It was pitch black.
“MOOOOORAAAKAAA!” was loudly chanted by a hundred voices bouncing off the walls.
A loud deep horn of battle sounded pounding eardrums as the sound waves passed bouncing by.
“Relight your torches at once soldiers,” yelled a commander while sparks of flint flew all around her.
“MOOOOOORAAKA!” the Dwarves yelled again, getting closer.
“BOOM!”
The tank behind them shot its cannon over the soldiers' heads into the dark.
“AAAAAAAAAA” screamed Fred falling to a heap on the floor.
"Out of the way you weak waste of space," said a soldier pushing past as another kicked the fallen man.
Ned got off his ass and slapped its rear, sending it galloping back to safety. He stood beside Fred helping him up off the dirt as Jed drew his sword in front of them ready to attack.
"It is time to go to a happier place, soldiers take my hand. Jed, and Fred join me in prayer to the crystals that power our civilization" said the jester wizard.
Jed was silently focused, looking for enemies in the dark. Ned took off his sneaker then turned it upside down and began to shake it out.
"Hmmm I know I put that somewhere" he said, taking off his other shoe.
"Ahah" he grunted.
Ned pulled out of the jester's footwear a tied dirty sock. Ned led Fred to Jed. He then dumped something out of his sock in the dark.
"Still here boys?"
"Yes, I will defend the pair of you fools as long as I remain on my feet there is no need to fear death," answered Jed.
"You will come with me and your friend to a happy place far from here if you wish. There is no sense in dying in this pointless war" said Ned holding Fred's hand.
"Do you understand the army will kill us if we turn around, and flee. I didn't plan on dying down here but I'm not a coward. There’s sometimes with life there's nothing you can do but go down fighting tooth and nail"
"Hmmmm. Well I might have a few magic tricks in my sleeve, young man," said Ned touching Jed's back with a crystal ice cold that stung like a hornet.
"Oh boy," said Jed.
"Poof!"
The sounds of battle had gone quiet. All the colors, but black and white had left the picture as well. A breeze of hot air lashed out at them, and the sound of waves hit some kind of shore. In the distance massive chunks of crystal icebergs drifted in a sea of what looked to be dark liquid magma.
"Where are we?" asked Jed.
"A happy place," said Ned.