Queen Elizabethy the 13th pouted in the stands all by herself. Her twelfth son was setting up his one hundredth wedding. Edward had all eyes in the kingdom watching him including her. The fairgrounds below were packed with tractor trailers being unloaded from when they had been put into storage last week. The setting of the event was an event in itself with an army of stagehands working overtime. Tables were set with the finest crystal, the kitchen was on fire working overtime to prep. There was a line of delivery drivers wheeling in keg after keg labeled "water".
She was alone with evidently nobody caring that the King had died, leaving a widowed that also had the most power. A fly landed on her face that Snaggy lazily swatted away with his fanning leaf. She gave him the stink eye before going back to observing the construction of the wedding set. A stage set to perform a farce of a wedding with another victim for a murderer son. She would teach him right and wrong eventually, but in the meantime prevent him from arrest he did not deserve. He was her very special child, being the twelfth one.
Back on stage prince Edward was in control. He flashed his hands to instruct each carpenter, and electrician from making further mistakes. He strutted across the stage microphone crystal in hand testing out the sound system. Yesterday had contained many meltdowns, but so far today the replacement fuses had held strong.
“Prince Edward my lord, did you know you are first in line to be the king when the queen bites the dust?” said the eldest of the Harem in tow.
“Give them some more crystal fish-food guards, clap, clap, clap,” said Edward, making sweeping orders with his outstretched arms.
The spotlight shone a bright spot on an empty deserted stage. Edward made his way to the grand piano for a song. The spotlight followed his lead like a star. His fingers started playing the simple three repeating rhythm of a nursery theme. His vocal cords started to hum the intro in a deep-toned country voice.
“I come from a tower in the valley to make a feast in the alley on kings plate, the streets where we eat, oh let's break for song, and hope for more here or there, a tune to share leaving coin in my insulated travel mug,” Edward sang.
A solemn trumpet joined in behind the stage.
“Those lyrics do sound like an interesting lifestyle, maybe you should try living it for a change,” said Queen Elizabethy, interrupting by stuffing a crumpet down the end of the trumpet to silence it.
She had entered the stage with her guards kicking the stagehands, groupies, background dancers, parasites, and bootlickers out onto the street.
“Yes mother, and what schemes are you hatching to dampen my wedding, why not tell me all about them,” said Prince Edward, turning his seat to stare in her eyes.
“Well, firstly I've talked to this poor thing and with how boring she is I doubt she will last during the honeymoon before you hunger to devour her flesh,” said Queen, crossing her arms.
“Perhaps, but that's none of a nosy mother's business. I will do whatever I please with my property,” said Edward in defiance.
"Wrong, you are no longer a child with toys. You have a royal image to portray far more important than your selfishness. It will live forever, and you will not," screamed the Queen.
“I’ll find a way to cheat death itself,” he snarkily replied.
She took out her stuffed bat and whacked the Prince right in the head.
“Ow! you evil witch,” cried Edward, cowering.
The guards with their separate allegiances stared each other down. Edward recovered from the brief embarrassment and dissociated from feeling any further shame. He suddenly slapped his mother across the face with his human skin glove out of nowhere.
"You clueless crazy brat," She attacked back, giving him a bloody nose with a smack due to a dozen wedding rings.
The security guards broke into a scuffle holding them both back as the stage flooded. The opponents entered a duel of screaming swears,but Edward’s microphone got so hot it started malfunctioning in a loud beep whenever he tried to insult her. Three knights jumped at him, pulling at his hands while the Queen broke free and started slapping like crazy.
Elizabethy was pulled backstage. Edward sat back at his piano bench, and took out a handkerchief to wipe the red off his face. The fight continued as one of his Knights knocked out hers. She stormed out while he smirked.
"You stop nagging me now or I'll cancel your invitation to the next dozen special events, and never let you see your grand-kids," he called.
"Oh you will need me soon enough son, until next time," she gleefully called, leaving with a wave of her hand.
The Queen quickly located Yasham in her nearby dressing room. The place was decorated with dried flowers that smelled sickly sweet. There were two handy Slywomen helping to try wedding dresses on. They were in the process of changing her outfit to try out number ninety nine when a future mother in law barged into the room.
“My dear, I wish you a very excellent wedding,” she said, eating one of the last grapes from a wedding bowl that was shriveled.
“Thank you, your majesty, I'm sorry about the King’s death and thank you for bankrolling the wedding,” said the bride.
“Anytime, have fun,” said the Queen, scowling a split second before her face lit up with a smile, and a single tear ran down her cheek.
The royal party continued on the paved path through their park. The Queen walked along a forest stocked full of game they could hunt. The fishing pond was full of creatures big and small, some of which were deadly poison frogs. A creek ran through the entire thing, along a path of reclaimed crystals, and a wooden bridge she crossed. The stone outer wall of Capital City castle loomed above them. A grove of peach trees started growing next to where the steps began to climb up.
“Where can I find Humpy around these parts?” Asked the queen.
“You can find him atop the wall, your majesty,” said the gardener by his cart.
“Hmm I guess I'm getting my steps in today,” said the Queen as she went up steps.
At the top of the wall the wind blew at her dress and birds flapped by. It was on the grounds outside the wall a market gathered. A shanty shack town slapped together with royal trees cut down by axes and covered by tarps. They had brought their ox's where any goods could be purchased or bartered. She scowled at the loud haggling going on below her, as she walked atop the thick high wall that separated humans from animals.
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Humpy Dumpy sat in the third tower to the north with four other men at a table. The cards were strewn all over, and so were little baggies of crystal. They were gambling at the big dogs table high above the Rottweiler bar. Humpy was the rocks; he had doubled his starting bags of crystals. The door slammed in from a guard's boot kick.
“There you are, Humpy, you’ve been avoiding me!” yelled the Queen.
She entered with six Knights. All the other gamblers at the table ran out the back door. One grabbed at Humpy’s winnings, managing to snatch two baggies. It was a second before he noticed on account of being startled by the guests entrance. Humpy gave chase to the last man. He tackled him just before he got to the door. The queen snapped her fingers and three guards piled on further trapping Humpy and the thief to the floor.
“Take him away boys,” said the queen as two soldiers escorted away the thief. “Wait, all the crystals are mine, hand me over,” she ordered, stomping down her foot mad.
The soldiers hard started beating up Humpy who had tried to escape again when they had beaten up the thief. The guard gave her three bags of crystal before leaving and locking both doors.
“What do you want this time?” said Humpy from the floor looking up.
“I want you to keep an eye on my son and his bride,” said the queen.
“Oh which one this time?” he said, around one of his eyes was already turning black and blue.
“Prince Edward Longbottom," she replied.
“Ahh the twelfth son, the one said to be closest to crystal,”.
“Yes guard, bring the device out please,” ordered the queen.
Out of the shadows the lizard emerged, with its tongue slurping. Humpy Dumpy began to panic on the floor. The creature advanced on the war master who had turned over to hug the floor for comfort. The lizard laughed in a deep unhuman hiss closing in. Humpy shook as a small object collided with his backside and then landed next to him on the floor. The lizard headed back to the shadows. Humpy uncovered his hands from his head.
“Next to you is a paging crystal with one use. So once you press the button guards will come swarming to your location en masse,” said Elizabethy.
“Huh that's neat” said Humpy finally getting up and dusting himself off.
“Your orders are to track the prince and his bride, and snitch everything he does when I call. You need to wait for him to attack her, and page in the guards in order to save her life. You see, I'm very concerned about her. My son has a hot temper” she said.
“Yes mam, I understand my orders” said Humpy Dumpty up on his feet proudly doing the blue salute.
The Queen removed her gloves to untie the little knot in one of the baggies. She struggled, finally pulling it through, and her hands trembled. She took out a small crystal and shoved it up her nose. She made a stink face before taking out another, this time special baggie from her dress and pulling out a bigger higher end crystal from within to put in, replacing the inferior she had sampled. When she was done she threw all of the baggies into Humpy’s outstretched arms.
“There will be much more where that came from if you do your mission well,” she said.
“Yes your highness, but never-mind actually, ” said her servant as she left.
Across the castle wall to the west tower she traveled. This side was beautiful, with the untouched royal wood with the mountain where her husband had supposedly been slain up above. Inside the next tower, she found the master elite highest second in command of the Knights order.
“Nimrock, what's up?” said the queen.
“Yes mother, what can I do for yah?” said Nimrock as he put the final touches on polishing his fancy armor.
She sighed.
“May I take a seat?” she cried.
“Of course,” said the knight.
“Your father had this place running rampant with crime, it is time to crack it all down, the taverns, the hotels, and the red lights, it's time to outlaw schlock for only special occasions and special relations to the crown” she commanded.
“Of course we are going to need a very large force to enforce unpopular policies like those, and our men will need to be well stocked in crystal to remain professional,” said Nimrock standing up.
“Of course the vault has been opened, and the train tracks to dwarf mountain are nearly complete,” she said.
“Yes your plans sound good enough to me, we will at once double our manpower and equipment in order to destroy the unneeded distractions out of the communities so they can think of nothing but the crystals we all worship, enough to improve our fortunes I might add” said Nimrock.
“Yes you do that,” said the queen heading for where she figured Snaggy would be waiting.
Prince Edward was due to be wed in two days. He was now in the tavern guzzling down schlock, at the bar getting drunk. Where had Nancy gone to hide? None of his little birds had found the prey yet, until they did he would have to make do with boring old Yasham.
“Another round,” he said to the bartender.
The prince had enormous bank vaults full of crystal stored all over the kingdom. It was enough to make life too comfortable. Edward was a man who enjoyed pain, and inflicting it. His life was lacking in that department at the moment. He thought of all his former lovers, and haters. Now which ones had hurt him the best. Nancy was top of the list; she had the highest volatile energy out of all the other life forces he had become entangled with.
The room had brightened far more than before, and everything was buzzing with pleasure. The shots had begun to stack up. The prince was in a good mood, nobody would be getting eaten alive tonight. He got up to the dance floor as the band began to play a funky tune, and he saw the bodies dancing the floor loosely with the rhythm. He was lost in his own thoughts as he began to dance alone, maybe he would find a quick little morsel of a snack dancing on the tavern floor before midnight to quench his unquenchable thirst for blood.
Nancy sat across the street watching from above, laying atop the building. She was spying on the prince, and was ready to kill him, and then his mother. They would eat her steel as their last meal before another innocent victim could be cannibalized without her participation. All that was left to do was enact the plan for the hit, and to escape to live another day. This wicked empire would soon crumble, or in the worst case the queen would be a martyr. She was guilty of many crimes forever associated with the royals. She would finish this mission before traveling to the crystal core at the center of Tenare.
Snaggy was in the throne room all alone. The Bootlickers had gone to play with the Prince, on his orders. In order to act as bait to anyone who was interested in his coy charm. Snaggy heard a whispering voice in his head calling him to attention. It sounded like the King was faintly talking into the ether. He was wanting for something that could not be deciphered.
“Oh no I'm going mad, get a witch my eyes have seen too much” the jester cried.
A bookcase pulled back and the king peaked his head out from the other side. Snaggy jumped back in surprise as he approached the hiding place now revealed.
“Oh my most trusted servant and loyalist friend. I hope you haven’t yet errored on her bad side” said Mardin the 4th from where he hid.
“You did not die like they all said you did king,” Snaggy said.
“Shhh be quiet fool, and listen here my former wife is unhinged. I plot to divorce, exile her and retake my rightful place at the throne” whispered the king.
“Snaggy, where are you lurking about? I need your input on my plots at once" yelled the Queen outside, getting closer.
“We will plot her destruction later, and I’ll have you fill out my divorce papers. Do I have your word, you are committed to being loyal to me above all, my loyal friend that is on my side,” said the King.
“I served you first, so that means I always will,” said the jester as the bookshelf slammed back shut right in his face.
The door creaked open. The Queen approached.
"Jester it is time for you to record a decree that from now on all schlock is restricted by the crown, as it directly prevents us from growing closer to the crystals," she stated.
"I will decree it at once and order all the taverns closed at once due to your orders," he said.
"Order that they burn to the ground," said the queen.
"Anything else?" asked Snaggy.
"Yes, our army is lacking. The age for joining is to be lowered, that is all," said the Queen.
"Right, I will have it broadcast to the entire kingdom at once, about your new policy combating the over-consumption of booze. It will no longer flow from the tap on the corner of every street pub," said the fool.
He flung himself off to the command center to relay the news.