Bessie’s goofy purple driving gloves gripped the wheel very well. The muscle car's cabin shook from steaming over the asphalt. She remained in the groove of outmaneuvering other vehicles. Unfortunately the custom hotrod built by her father was acting like it wasn’t designed for these speeds. She remained undeterred and abused the car's supercharged magma crystals to cut corners.
“Vrooom!”
They boosted ahead another gear combining into the engine a witch’s brew of alien nitro stored underneath the seats before rapidly converting into a terrifyingly fast magic gas. They might as well have been on a magic carpet ride.
Jed was no stranger to speed. Won a lot of small time races way back in the day. That was in the country where he was driving.
“Fuck man everything has been out of our control since we met and I hate being manipulated by mysterious outside forces,” raged Bessie.
She was the one controlling the wheels, not him. This death racer was gonna get them both mushed. Jed at least was always wearing his seatbelt. And now for additional protection both wore pieces of the “magic” armor they had bought at a gun store that sold no guns. They had partially changed into the distinctive classes at a roadside diner’s bathroom. The material was naturally fleece which Jed figured was the scammer rubbing in they had been fleeced. It was a very brief pit stop where they both gobbled burgers and pop.
“Should have bought magic beans instead,” he grumbled, messaging the expensive green luck sponge.
“Yeah yeah yeahs should have split our cash between two storefronts, but I need that spongy for my build, and also no time to spare bitch,” she snapped.
“Jeez,” sighed Jed.
“ Perhaps I would make one more stop for crystal swords,” she said.
“Those cost an arm and a leg. Hey, look at the road!” yelled Jed, pointing to the next hazard ahead.
She was beeping, and swerving into the rumble strip narrowly avoiding a slow horse and carriage taking up the fast lane for some reason.Suddenly a hidden box unlocked in her mind and before she could stop the unleashed energy she was slapping the steering wheel with [Forced Slapstick!] ability. She seemed to be mentally aware of the abilities like a third limb.
She slowed whilst her armor heated. A funny sound and flashing circuitry flashed runes within. More text for them to read on the armor's chest pieces in a large digital reader. The blue information boxes plugged into the same area and looked identical on both their otherwise completely different sets.
“Luckily that ability only works on organic life,” read Jed, studying some of the words displayed on her chest.
She was too busy giving a flame painted van driver the finger to notice the drooling slow learner occupying the passenger seat.
“Bessie trust me I know how important this last act is for you,” grunted Jed, adjusting his trucker hat, featuring a scraped duck sticker on the heavily bent rim
He was never giving up his favorite hat to complete the [Grower] armor set. He also rubbed his face that felt swollen, especially under his eyes. The armor headset came attached with a molecule hooked along the tight strap of a medieval kettle hat. No thanks.
Jed scratched his itchy scalp adjusting the hat featuring holes through the x large headband. He adjusted the mirror and his jaw dropped to the floor flashing fresh pearly whites.
“Damn man, they even gave me new teeth.”
“Haha man if Mule were here he would probably joke we look like the movie stars playing our life story,” she laughed.
Jed paused, noticing he had a 360 degrees circle of stitches sewn around his collarbone (directly below the neck). He shuddered realizing his fresh face might be a mask repurposed from others.
“We control the future,” she said confidently passing a truck.
“I hope so, you know the cargo is fragile,” Jed adjusted his seatbelt until he caught a look at her.
Bessie smiled.
“Phew they just fixed mine instead of taking me out, but gasp I might have had lip fillers,” she stuttered.
He thought she was a bombshell even in that ridiculous armor. Her long hair tied behind in a leather ponytail while runes hung over her chest and arms. She wore tight bright green leggings and a colorful knitted headband. The brown eyed crystal maiden he fancied so much had picked the [Lucky Fool] class armor for some dumb reason. He had picked the [Grower] armor which seemed to apply a constant boost on his body part. The shopkeeper hadn’t explained shit.
Bessie drove hard but looked at him with the innocence of a hardened nun. He looked away shyly at first but then turned to hide a sly smile. Life was good as they sped unearth a bridge before entering a short tunnel. The car was fast alright and so was his kick started heart. He had intended to take it slow, but who knows if they would survive what remained of the apocalypse. The vehicle was going 123 throttling towards a situation where she might get him killed.
They locked lovey dove eyes again before he glanced down at her thick thighs. Cured of medical problems the young pair were becoming increasingly lust filled. He had to fight his animal instincts but it was increasingly looking like they might lose control again. The only thing in the way is that they could be caught any second by the zombies with his pants down. The annoying armor blocked many of his other fantasies from further progression.
“Uh.” He said dumbly, fumbling to find words. “You are a real pretty woman,”
“You know Jed before we do anything you should know i'm not like many of the other girls,” she blurted out, blushing and pursuing fresh blood red lips.
“In a good or bad way?” asked Jed, his mind jumping to her being a vampire or feeder.
“The doctors might have made me more beautiful, but underneath it all i’m still a traditional wife,”
“Uhm so you looking for a husband?”
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“Well actually.” she said, looking in the other direction uncomfortably.
The silence was extremely awkward but just kept dragging on further increasing the crush.
“But yes I do want the uber traditional twelve harem with a twist,” she said, toying with her ponytail like a playful cat.
“Well we’ll well,” blurted Jed, eyes popping when he realized she was far outside his experience level.
While he tended to wear his heart on his sleeve while she appeared to be a cold blooded reptile.
“I think it will be all women as I'm bisexual,” she said, shrugging. “And maybe a good man.”
Jed realized he was sweating like a pig, and thinking many pig pen thoughts, but hadn’t betrayed her trust. He swore to fight to remain level headed as he was raised mostly right (just poor). There was also still a chance to lock it down over the long term. He would play as long as there was only one rooster on the farm.
Also long term they were desperately going to need help with the chores. Jed was completely ignorant about how pregnancy affects bodies so he figured she could easily pump out a dozen free workers in the next ten years without too much labor. He knew enough to keep quiet, but knew he had to be right because magic had seemed to magically fix most problems. The biggest problem with magic was expensive. Besides, he knew exactly what he was getting himself into courting a rural traditional woman. If he wanted radical monogamy that only wanted to cook and clean he would have to search the cities.
The belt unclipped. Finally he shrugged loose and turned himself around awkwardly to fix a fallen box in the backseat. The nondescript cold industrial city left behind speeding down the highway. All that could be seen in the rearview mirror was the massive solar antenna towering over the mountains. The three suns were only tolerable due to tinted crystal windows and sunglasses.
“We have to find exit 99 off of route 666,” said Jed, studying a book of road maps with the same intensity he had used to cram for military academy exams so very long ago now. It was helping to keep his mind busy studying the streets.
“We should talk about our strategy for besieging the farm and different scenarios, like if the sheriff and his men are still occupying the land.. What if there's a hundred knights sent directly from the empire,” she wondered aloud.
“We will scope the entire place out.. Of course first we need to stop and put our gear together.”
The gun store might not have sold any guns however it had sold them wide zoom scopes for their already owned rifles.
“We should be almost out of city limits.”
“There’s a sign for the exit in two miles.”
“Let’s go,” they said together.
Jed sighed slowly realizing how locked in she was. Bessie’s driving was more terrifying than their trip to the techno witch doctors. His recovery was still ongoing. He reckoned he was back to 77 percent of life where before it was less than 20.
“Those two are together,” he said, pointing to another van coming up in the other lane.
The other vehicle was painted with groovy flowers and font saying boogie surrounded by musical notes come alive as pissing cartoon characters desecrating art.
“Get a gun from the backseat we aren’t getting boxed in by the boogie vans,” she yelled.
The van with boogie on its licence plate got over in the slow lane as if it had heard.
As the sky darkened they kept cruising on undisturbed by a false alarm triggered from too many ambushes on their adventures. As night set upon the thickets of pine, birch, and cedar that all looked the same in the low light. The big block engine spit crystal flames from the quad exhausts flying off-ramp. Jed closed his eyes as she drove like a fool. The wheels flew off the ground before they slammed hard on their heels.
“Last stop up ahead if we need anything is a small town where we sold our wares last year,” she sighed, pointing to a sign gone by.
Approaching closer to the outskirts it sounded like a distorted synthesizer was building in intensity. Bessie tried to turn the volume down however the radio was already off. A tree popped into view before its foliage glitched green and blue. It was finally enough to wake Jed from his nap.
“YawnLittle Rocks Village are you driving through,” he paused to look far toward the horizon. “Wait stop.”
“We need to turn around and take the long way out,” said Jed, pointing to the tattered carnival tent blowing in the wind.
“Remember Me and Mule stumbled across a nasty witches dungeon and it looks like she’s set up here putting everyone else out of business. If we get sucked into her zone it will trigger quite the time sink and right now Bessie time is of the essence to get home,” he quickly explained, not moving his body due to being scared of accidentally using an ability.
Dust kicked and twirled a magic building dance in the distance. The stingers continued building into a climax before attacking.
“We need to turn around, that evil bitwa aaaaaaaaaa!” yelled Jed, being stung by the unleashed swarm of Isabela’s zombie bees penetrating his armor.
He tried to fight back the old fashioned way, but the bees turned out to be digital. They flashed, glittered, and glitched in and out of play faster than any human reaction speed. Very confused, and in increasing pain as the enemy found more flesh Jed ended up activating his armor's [Stomp] ability by mistake. His feet felt an itch as the rubber boots expanded 6 sizes and turned extra wide instantly killing anything stinging that area.
“Fuck that hurts watch out,” he bleated.
Jed retreated his seat all the way with an inch to spare while his clothes continued out. The killer bees in turn had found a bigger opportunity for much more flesh to sting while descending down the pant legs.
“Yooow” he cried.
Jed was fully [stunlocked].
Doomed to die by zombie bees, what a farce.
The swarm combo the [Zombie Apitoxinx23] fastly drains his life. It was worse than death for him becoming a zombie slave to the zombie witch he had originally killed.
[Slapx11]
[Full forcex1]
[Eat shitx23]
At inhuman speeds Bessie first swatted away bugs, then she tried saving Jed but ended up slapping him out the window, then in trying to apologize her armor activated forcing her to eat the bees. With a cool combo hit it lit up with flashing lights like a circus as simple show tunes played. She slammed on the brakes, keeling over from intense stomach pain of the first stings. Time seemed to crawl slower than a slug while the lights dimmed.
[x3 combo mana boost granted]
The words flashed like lightning into her mind, while the armor steamed around the rapidly heating rainbow crystal core. She felt the tickling of nuclear energy as the person and item started fusion. The first of a hundred stingers pricked her stomach lining.
“Honk, honk, honk!”
The vehicle skidded to a stop beeping from the driver laying on the steering wheel.
Fortunately she had activated the armors' [clown nosed stomach] ability eliminating the remaining enemies.
The showtimes continued raging as she passed out. All energy used up and was very bloated.
7 hours later.
“Bessie, Bessie can you hear me,”
“Splash!”
She thrashed waking up with the fishes. The air was sucked from her longs escaping as she was hauled backward out of a pond.
“Why did you pick the [Lucky Fool] class it’s going get us killed?” pleaded Jed, cradling her in his arms.
They were practically kissing at this point.
“WHY did I wake up drowning?” She demanded.
“You weren’t I was in control and had to wake you up besides you almost killed me with your fucking abilities,” he was getting heated.
“Only a fool would ever seek revenge especially against a sect of the Empire’s law enforcement. I lied before about marriages because I'm not thinking of a future after this,” she sobbed, pushing him away to stand on her own two legs. “You know I’ll be making my stand on that land as long as I’m living and a lucky fool might make it a long time,” she walked away having found the nearby parked car.
“Let’s go.”
“Beep.”
Dozens of trees popped in and out of view before its foliage glitched green and blue. She switched from forward to reverse three times changing directions. The lines on the road switched between a hundred decals a million miles an hour.
“Alright, an extra 15 minutes detour,” she laughed like a maniac.
“Vrooom!”
“Don’t trust road signs or land.”
“I know these lands like the back of my hands honey shhh,” she said, turning on the classic rock terp tape in the vehicle’s player.
“Pa’s favorite tunes.”