Prologue:
Let Them Burn
“Burn!’: An exclamatory response,
generally used by a third party
after someone has just received an insult.”
– Urban Dictionary
– ***** –
The room was dark. The curtains were closed, the ceiling lamp turned off, and the furniture bathed only in a dim blue light. Amongst the shadows could be discerned a narrow double bed, a wardrobe, a chair and a simple desk covered in thick medicine books.
Like a lost isle in this ocean of tomes, a single framed photograph stood on the desk, of a smiling blond young man and a laughing brunette girl, their face smashed together and immortalized in very-close-up. The legendary so-called “couple selfie”.
As per the ancestral rule of such noble pictorial art, the – no doubt beautiful – background was barely visible behind the two lovebirds, any attempt at decent framing rendered utterly useless by the sheer lack of distance allowed by the length of one’s arm when holding onto one’s cell phone – because who needed a real camera when you had fucking Instagram, right?
The picture had supposedly been taken next to the Grand Canyon, but it could as well have been Tata Maurice’s backyard and nobody would have been able to tell shit. Besides, the current lighting made them both look like overgrown smurfs on Uranus anyway.
The source of that peculiar bluish aura was a screen, set on a huge white apparatus sitting in a corner of the room. A modern artefact which, in all fairness, could only be described as a gargantuan alien-looking suppository – which explained why its light made the Grand Canyon look like Uranus. <1>
“Sarcophagus Diving Capsule”, an object mostly famous – or infamous – for the monumental fuck-up of its designer. The man had later been duly fired, but the damage had already been done and it was too late to change the finished product.
The machine was now a bit dated – with everyone buying W-Chair these days –, however, back when it first came out, the dolorous price of the then cutting edge VR pod only further supported the inelegant comparison.
The apparatus was, in more ways than one, a pain in the ass.
Gamers being widely known for their subtlety, reserve, and tasteful sense of humour, the device was granted the affectionate nickname of “Sarcophanus Diving Capsule”.
A name that obviously engraved itself in the annals of Virtual Reality. <2>
Although, really, it worked just fine. It simply looked ridiculous and was embarrassing to own, and thus was the number one VR dive system found in second-hand shops. If one could bear the shame, it was an excellent price-quality purchase.
From the depth of the capsule, a faint breathing could be heard. Then a muffled voice rose in the silent bedroom.
“Untold Tales. Log In.”
A diode flickered.
– ▲▲▲ –
White whooshiness consumed the world, and William found himself bodiless, a disincarnate entity floating in endless immaculate vertigo-inducing void. Nothing distinguished top from bottom, nor left from right… nor any direction for that matter. It was similar to being seated on a chairlift during a snow storm… but without the chairlift, the snow, nor the storm… nor gravity… wrong analogy after all.
He wasn’t cold either for that matter, and after a very fleeting urge to puke, his whole body now only felt… numb… or “inexistent” to be precise. Though feeling like one don’t exist is a quite the paradox.
William let out a smug chuckle… or, at least, convinced himself he would have been doing so if he had had a body.
During the seven months he had spent saving up to buy this capsule and the hyper-hyped Untold Tales, William had thoroughly documented himself on the game. Now login in for the first time, nothing came out as too much of a surprise, despite still being slightly disorienting. It also helped that he was subconsciously under the usual noobish delusion that he was smarter than anyone else playing the game and would obviously find some hidden class that would rapidly propel him amongst the elite of the game.
Well, no blaming him there. Everyone thought that… most males did at least.
Incidentally – lucky him – the quantum zombies were on strike for better unhealth care, the god of urban legends was bedridden with the holy flue, and the Gate of Truth was closed on Wednesday, so nothing too unexpected was likely to happen.
And now, there should be…
*tirilili*
A monotone female voice reverberated in the endless whiteness.
William mentally blinked a few times.
Number of t… What? Is that really… Well, maybe something changed with the last update, he rationalized.
“Yes.”
The emotionless voice continued:
“Hoy!”
<…>
“…”
“Rumex Sanguineus.”
“Vampire.”
Several versions of himself had begun to materialized, but they flickered out of existence, leaving behind only the one which looked terminally sun-deprived yet eerily charismatic, a handsome geek of sort… or maybe a good-looking albinos with a black wig.
The figure was wearing the typical “newbie outfit”, which was comprised of a sleeveless shirt, a pair of shorts and a small dagger. Not exactly Alucard material, but that could be would be a working progress later.
“No need.”
“No.”
He was quite confident in his looks after all.
A ticklish sensation and a new surge of vertigo seized him as the virtual body fell under his control and his point of view brutally shifted. Experimentally, he clenched his fists, then slowly extended his fingers, cracked his neck and moved his feet. Satisfied, he smiled and clattered his new fangish teeth… successfully puncturing his tong.
“Ahw! Sss’it!”
<*chuckle*>
“Uh?”
<…Do you wish to take the tut->
“No.”
“Pass.”
“Citadel of Lurch. Kingdom of Firstland.”
“Pass.”
“Pass.”
“Pass.”
“Pass.”
“…” William mouth hang agape.
The feminine voice had lost all its monotonousness now, as well as its echo, and sounded mightily pissed.
“Eee-”
“I don-”
The voice was getting louder and louder, flooding William, now Rumex, under a torrent of insults.
The hell is happening?
As Rumex began to overcome his initial bewilderment, he decided he wasn’t about to let a computer program flip out on him one-sidedly. Stubbornly crossing his arms, he directed an angry glare – “+1 vampire scary” – in the direction of… well… nowhere in particular in fact, but he hoped his annoyance was properly and fully conveyed.
<…and then I’m being here, nice, polite, composed and you frea->
“Hoy.”
<-king degenerates that can’t even lift a swo->
“Hey!”
<-rd properly will->
“HO!!”
The voice suddenly interrupted its now nonsensical rant, then:
<…Ah. You still there?>
“OF COURSE! How am I supposed to leave?”
“NOT THA- …*sigh* The hell was that about?!”
“Yeah, I… No, I somehow get it. But who would listen to that crap anyw-”
That gave Rumex a pause.
’Her life’? That… that’s kind of sad actually.
Though he was somewhat arrogant by nature, he wasn’t heartless for the cause and the AI sounded genuinely pitiful.
“O-Okay. I’m sorry… But, seriously, who listen to tutorials these days?”
Who’s tha- Ah! I think I’ve seen something in a forum. He’s that nutjob Deep Explorer, no? There were rumours, but spending six hours chatting with the tuto AI… That’s a whole new level of stupid.
“Eeeeh… So… I… Eeeh…”
<*sigh* Never mind. Lurch in Firstland, right?>
“Eeeeh… Yes?”
<…>
“…please?”
<…right. Two seconds. I’m initiating the transfer.>
“Thank god,” he muttered almost soundlessly. “The fuck is wrong with this crazy AI? Who programmed that bitc-”
“No! I mean… No, absolutely not. Please don’t mind me.”
The fuck with the gangsta accent?
<…right.>
“Hehe…”
There was a small tensed pose.
“…By-”
Rumex suddenly disappeared, interrupting his hesitant half-hearted parting words.
*ting*
Right then:
Though not really capable of doing more than holding on a player for some time, as long as it was within her domain, there’s nothing Siri couldn’t hear.
*ting*
In the endless white void, a blue window briefly popped into existence, before filling itself with a short message and swiftly disappearing.
*ting*
*ting* *ting*
*tirilili*
Siri took a couple seconds to recompose herself.
“Pass.”
<…I hate my life.>
– *** –
“-e-bye?”
Rumex stumbled as the immaculate flashiness receded and ground under his feet suddenly turned solid. Blinking, he glanced at his surroundings and fell silent, impressed despite himself by the perfectly rendered medieval city. The sarcastic female voice had vanished, replaced by the bustling background cacophony of players and NPCs going about their business.
He now stood next to a black granite statue representing a large open book, under a wooden pavilion that covered half of a small plaza. The statue, he recalled, was the city altar, though “altar” was merely a generic term. The resurrection stones were rarely shaped like an actual altar.
Loud cheering abruptly erupted from his left:
“Yahoo! Another one!”
“Go for it Blood Lad!”
“Hahahaha! Someone go fetch a [Vacuum Cleaner]!”
Rumex glared towards the three players, a human and two wolf beastmen, who stood in the sun at a distance from the pavilion and were apparently shouting about him. The human looked like your typical adventure-ish ikemen-ish arrogant-ish swordsman – most human males did – and the beastmen were basically anthropomorphic bipedal wolfs.
No kemonomimi in Untold Tales. Beastmen were full-furry.
Well, in-fact, half-beastmen were still possible, plus character customisation. Many would have sued Whatever if the company had dared to create a fantasy world without nekomimi girls… or inumimi, to each their fetish – though full-furry also had its adepts.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
However, his thought empty of consideration for the depth of mankind’s perversion, the newbie vampire simply frowned.
What the hell is wrong with everyone here?
Annoyed, he strode towards the trio and called out:
“Hey, you! What do you want from m- Whoa!”
He was once again interrupted by a sudden shift in his balance. It took him a fraction of a second to understand what had happened. As soon as he had stepped out of the shadow provided by the pavilion, his shoeless foot had turned to ashes, and his forward momentum was now carrying him further into the sun.
The cheers redoubled.
Before Rumex could register the pain caused by the brutal amputation, he caught glimpse of the crumbling fingers of his extended hand, then a brief burning sensation swept across his whole body.
You have died.
In the plaza, the trio whistled in glee and applauded, while other passing adventurers glanced mockingly at the six piles of ashes surrounding the safe revive zone.
Somewhere else, in a realm of madness and absurdity, the God of Chaos struggled for breath as he wrongly swallowed his tea, shaken by convulsive fits of laughter.
– ▼▼▼▼▼ –
<1> Sorry. I am deeply ashamed by this joke…
<2> I was in a bad place, okay? I’ll try to hold back on the butt-jokes from now on.
----------------------------------------
Spoiler :
Hi, everybloody! Here’s a little mise en bouche for volume 1, with vampires!
Been a while, I know. I had to deal with some stuff… Important stuff… I swear… Like…
- Ark (Had to read it at some point…)
- Bathrobe Knight (The) (Meh… ups and downs)
- Black Knight Who Was Stronger than Even the Hero (The) (Refreshing. Plus the MC’s a girl.)
- Coiling Dragon (Need to introduce?)
- Daybreak on Hyperion (Gender bender… just to warn.)
- Death March kara Hajimaru Isekai Kyusoukyoku (OP and incognito, that’s the style I love)
- Desolated Era (IET. That’s it.)
- Douluo Dalu (I easily get tired of those permanent training arcs. DO SOMETHING WITH THOSE TECHNIQUES!!)
- Dungeon ni Deai wo Motomeru no wa Machigatteiru Darou ka (Me like… Though there’s a anime now… a good one, even if LN-based animes always feel a bit too fast-paced.)
- Dragon Life (A personal favourite, if only because the MC eats people and she barely gives a fuck.)
- Elf Tensei Kara no Cheat Kenkoku-ki (Meh…)
- Haken no Kouki Altina (aka. “Altina the Sword Princess”) (Maybe a bit too soft and unassuming… fun read though.)
- Henxiang Henxiang Ni (aka. “Really Really Miss You”) (A bit out of place, given it’s a strait non-fantasy romance. But my inner maiden demands more romance.)
- I Reincarnated into an Otome Game as a Villainess With Only Destruction Flags… (Some of those titles are so long… It’s funny though.)
- Isekai no Kyansera - Fuguu Shoku Demo Kyanseru Sukiru de Musou Suru (aka. Isekai Canceller)(Conventional. Not great. Not bad.)
- Isekai Mahou ha Okureteru: here and there (Not sure I agree with the MC’s motivations. Needs more romance too. Everything does.)
- Jashin Average (Funny.)
- Kansutoppu! (Hahaha… the level 2216 little girl in a world where lvl 40 is considered strong… yes… lvl 2k+… no typo here.)
- Kenja no Deshi wo Nanoru Kenja (This one’s GB too. Not only the MC actually.)
- Kenja no Mago (or “remember to teach your children that because they know how to use a A-bomb launcher doesn’t mean they should use it”.)
- Kenkyo, Kenjitsu o Motto ni Ikite Orimasu! (Cute. Slow too.)
- Knight's and Magic (*sigh* Would be better if half the chapter didn’t talk about the technical specificity of the mechas and how they are built.)
- Konjiki no Word Master (Good, just good.)
- Kyuuketsu Hime wa Barairo no Yume o Miru (Take Overlord. Add GB. And… soften it a bit? Not sure. Good read though.)
- Magi Craft Meister (Another entry in the not-aware-how-OP-he-is style.)
- Mushoku Tensei (Well… It’s MT… Not to mention it’s one of the only harems where the MC actually b**gs the girls… The plot is nice too…)
- Nekama Shiyou to Omottara, Isekai Tensei Shite Onna ni Natta n da ga! (GB… again. A bit like Victoria actually: high magic, shitty physical stats).
- New Gate (The) (1st chap: here) (Another discreet OP guy. I really like those.)
- Only Sense Online (GB-ish? Could be better.)
- Otome Game no Burikko Akuyaku Onna wa Mahou Otaku ni Natta (ROMANCE BANZAI!! And humour too, which is good. I dislike tragedies.)
- Ore ga Isekai Dungeon da! - Tensei Shitara Karada ga Dungeon to Kashiteita (Now who got the idea of a guy that becomes a dungeon is beyond me… Tough Japan is beyond me in general…)
- Overlord (Not sure I dig into the whole bad guy MC thing.)
- Rakuin no Monshou (Secret identity, conspiracy, subtle romance, action and strategy, painfully slow translation…)
- Risou no Himo Seikatsu (Hey! A married couple! No really, have you tried to find a manga/anime/Light or Web Novel where the two main are adults, in love, and married? It’s freaking hard!)
- Ryuugoroshi no Sugosuhibi (Way to kill a high dragon by coincidence…)
- Spirit Migration (Nice.)
- Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari (Nice too. The MC’s a tad annoying though.)
- Sayonara Ryuusei Konnichiwa Jinsei (A bit too calm. Difficult to care about what’s going on, which is a shame, because what’s going on is great.)
- Shinde Hajimaru Isekai Tensei (Only one I know where siblings get reincarnated together… with GB too.)
- Shinka no Mi (Why is the first heroin a female gorilla… Japan, you lost me again.)
- Stellar Transformations (Honestly, it’s awesome. But I would be soooo glad if they could stop repeating themselves. The style is heavy. All of IET’s works kinda are.)
- Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai (Not sure I like it…)
- Tilea no Nayamigoto (I hate misunderstandings. I think it’s a cheap trick to create intrigue and drama. But… I guess when you push it that far, it becomes an art of its own.)
- Tsuyokute: New Saga (Do it again… why don’t you go ask the demon lord why he wants to kill mankind since you got the occasion?)
- World Customize Creator (Again. Generic world-jumping.)
- Worm (a complete story… with an ending and all.)
- Yomigaeri No Maou (I like the concept of reincarnating in the future of your own world. A bit like Forgotten Conqueror actually.)
- Zectas (VMMORPG, dark gamer, the usual recipe.)
- Zhan Long (VMMORPG, but the ‘real’ world has chi and werewolf-thingies soo… Eeeeeh...)
- Zombie Knight (The) (Dark, yet funny. Could use more romance maybe… but the girl would just get herself killed.)
And Midnight Moonlight, which I am singling out because it is freaking awesome!!!
Some I discovered recently, some I had to catch up after not reading anything for a few months… And I think I probably forgot some… Plus some others I dropped midway. Plus the stories on this very website… *sigh* So much to read, so little time. (Animes to watch too… tragic.)
Wha? “Eks’zams”? What’s that? Sorry, English isn’t my first language, I still lack vocabulary.
Anyway… Now I need new eyes (two much screen staring… smartphone mostly… merciless), a new brain (same reason, eyes hurt -> brain melt), a new heart (sleep is lost time… more Coke!) but I shall provide you with more chapters in the following weeks.
So, thanks for the wait to old followers and welcome to new readers. And see you next chapter with more Nicolas and less William/Rumex.
PS: At first, I had no idea what I would do with this William guy… still not sure.
PPS: Isn’t the footnote longer than the actual chapter?
PPPS: Also recommend the “Elfhome Series” by Wen Spencer. First tome’s “Tinker”. Nothing to do with capes if some Worm readers wonder. For the others who do not get the reference, just go read Worm. It’s Fantasy/Sci-fi/Action/Romance/Elf Stuff/Racial Change/Fucking Awesome… Those are real novels though, not web ones. Not that web novels aren’t real… anyway, you get what I mean.
PPPPS: Ooooh… byyyy the way… This month, we get that:
Spoiler :
Yiiiipeeee!!