Chapter 19 – Beauty and the Breast
“I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed,
Get along with the voices inside of my head,
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath,
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy.
Well, that's nothing.”
– The Monster,
Eminem feat. Rihanna
– ***** –
*SHIIIIIT* … *SHIIIIIT* … *SHIIIIIT* … *SHIIIIIT* “…hold this! I’m going to try and discon-” *SHIIIIIT* “-main reactor!”
“Is the subsidiary power system going to hol-” *SHIIIIIT*
“I don’t know but it’s ou-” *SHIIIIIT* “-ance to avoid the meltdo-” *SHIIIIIT* “AND SOMEONE GO CUT OFF THAT ALARM!!! NO-” *SHII-* “Thank you Hepokesyouranus.”
“It’s Hypothalamus.”
“Yes. Sorry, Hippopotamus.”
“…”
“So? What are you gawking at like an idiot?! We’ve got an overheating reactor to deal with, for copulation’s sake! Or do you want us all to die, Hippyfullofpus?”
“… but it’s not my job…”
“Neither is it mine! Now back to work! THAT’S AN ORDER HYPEROCTOPUS!”
“…I don’t get paid enough for this.”
“You don’t get paid.”
“…”
“CAPTAIN LOBE!!”
“What now?! And who the cell are you?”
“Eeeeh… Sy-Synapse D-Doug, ID num-number 945 863 785. Re-repo-porting the cu-cu-current situation Ca-captain!”
“Doug, are you cancerous?”
“N-N-NO! No, Sir! I’m as hea-healthy as-”
“THEN STOP STUTTERING!!”
“S-Sorry! B-But it’s the f-first time I… I…”
“Never been in crisis protocol?”
“N-N-N-”
“STOP THAT!”
“No sir! I mitosised this morning!”
“Newbies… seriously. Well, better get used to it Doug. This place isn’t really a safe affectation. Now your report! Has the stowaway been dealt with?”
“Yes! … I mean no! We have her confined, but she’s too strong! And the lack of oxygen is starting to-”
“Lack of oxygen?”
“Yes sir, André and Aline are running amok and Riccardio isn’t taking it very well.”
“Stroke! That pair again! Do you know if Thyroid is still with Mnemo?”
“I-I guess sir…”
“Alright, Doug, follow me. I might have to send express orders.”
“Yes sir.”
“OBSTRUCTEDSINUS, I’M COUNTING ON YOU!! DON’T LET EVERYTHING IMPLODE!!”
*taptaptaptap* “It’s Hypothalamus!” *taptaptaptap*
“This way, Doug.”
“…Is he going to be okay?”
“Don’t worry. Hypothalamus complains a lot, but she’s a pro.”
“THAT WAS A SHE?!”
“Yes... Don’t mention it in front of her, she’s pretty sensitive.”
“… With all due respect, Captain Lobe, you were plenty insensitive earlier.”
“Hahaha. I was just teasing her.”
“Captain, are you in lo-”
*cough* “By the way, any news of Testo?”
“Lieutenant Stallone? He still hasn’t woken up from the shock.”
“Tsh. Well, of course. His department took the most damage. Let’s hurry.”
*taptaptaptap-tap*
“That’s it.”
“Herr Thyroid is behind that scary door?”
“Yes. Haha. He’s a bit of a shady character, but he gets the job done.”
“The real question being ‘Who is normal around here?”
“You said something, Doug?”
“No Captain.”
“Well, let’s.”
*knock knock*
“Ja?”
“Thyroid! It’s Lobe!”
“Arr! Herr Kapitän! Goot goot! Pliz come in!”
*creak*
“You should oil that door.”
“ArrArrArr! Aber das gives so much more ambianze. Und, wer is ze klein guy?”
“Doug. He’s new.”
“ArrArr. Fresh bloot. Goot. Vy not leave him to me vor a vew days?”
“I’ll think of it.”
“Eeeeeeh! Captain!?”
“Now back to the topic. How are things going on with Mnemo?”
“Arr, ja. Ze little girl... Vell, zee vor yourselves.”
*creak*
“MMMMMMMMmmmmh! MMh!! Mmmm…”
“… Shouldn’t you remove the gag?”
“Arrrr… Was habe ich mir bloß dabei gedacht?! Right avay, Herr Kapitän.”
*ruffle*
“mmh-MMPTAIN!! HELP ME!!”
“Ahlalalala. Mnemo, we’ve been over this. This is for your own good.”
“What can be good about leaving me in the hands of that psycho?!”
“But you’re sick Mnemo. You persist in talking nonsense.”
“WHAT NONSENSE! I know it! I remember! It’s my JOB to remember! It’s the truth that we suddenly…”
“Thyroid. Gag.”
“Jawohl.”
“…got turned into a gi-mmh… MMMMM-”
*creak-shut*
“… Captain… What was that about?”
“Yes, Thyroid, what was that about? You’re usually way more efficient.”
“…captain…”
“Arrr… Ja… vell… Die latest experienze vas quite traumatizing, ich fürchte. Ze endocrination prozess is thougher zan usual. Vielleicht, if I could use more hormones…”
“Permission granted.”
“Jawohl, Herr Kapitäne!! Danke sehr! Ich shall limit ze side effectz to the bare minimum!”
“Please. Do whatever is necessary, but get us out of this mess. You know things won’t calm down as long as she remembers unnecessary details.”
“Kein problem. Leave it to Professor Thyroit!”
*creak*
“Oh! And do something about André and Aline. Testo Stallone is already down, I don’t want to lose Riccardio too. That’d be fatal. Literally.”
“Ja. Ich vill give zose nasty kidz a spanking!”
*creak-shut*
“…Captain, what exact-”
“CAPITAIN LOBE, SIR!”
“What?! And who?”
“Synapse Doug, ID number 945 863 600, Sir! Here to report the situation with the intruder, Sir!”
“Are you newbies all named Doug?”
“I don’t have access to that information, Sir! With all due respect, you should consult the Memory, Sir!”
“… Haha… Right… Well, she’s occupied right now. *cough* Anyway, your report.”
“Yes, Sir! We’re in deep shit, Sir!”
“Ah, good.”
“Sir?”
“Ah… no. I’m just relieved. For a moment, I was afraid you might be far too serious to work here. But it seems you’ve got at least a loose screw after all.”
“What the fuck are you saying, Sir?”
“Anyway, the situation?”
“Yes, Sir! We had the stowaway cornered, but the bitch escaped and we lost sight of her, Sir!”
“Alright, I got it. Doug, go back to your squad and tell them I’m taking care of this, but they still have to continue searching the area. Doug, you follow me.”
“Eeeeeh…”
*sigh* “Swearing Doug, you go back. Moron Doug, follow me.”
“Fuck yes, Sir!”
“Fueee…”
*taptaptaptaptaptap-tap*
“Here we are.”
“Are all the doors in this place that scary?”
“Haha. Pretty much. But this one is a bit peculiar.”
*tshack* *slick* *klik-klik-klik* *tiptiptip* *zweeee*
“That’s a lot of locks.”
“Haha. Well… we don’t want what’s inside to come out after all.”
“And what’s inside, exactly?”
“The subconscious…”
*crrrrrrrrreak*
“…”
“…”
“Oil?”
“Oil.”
*tap* *tap*
*crrrrrrrrreak-shut* *zweeee* *tiptiptip* *klik-klik-klik* *slick* *tshack*
*tap* *tap* *tap* *SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEE*
“AAAAAAH!! What was that?!”
“Don’t look around. Even I don’t know all the crazy thoughts that are suppressed in here. And be careful, the steps are slippery.”
*glups*
*tap* *tap* *tap*
“This place is like a maze.”
“Not ‘like’. It is a maze. More of a seal in fact. Don’t worry newbie. I know perfectly where I’m going.”
“And where would that be Captain?”
“…”
“…Captain?”
“…Ever heard of ‘fighting fire with fire’?”
“What do you mean, Captain?”
“You’ll know soon enough.”
“…”
*tap* *tap* *tap* *splosh* *splosh* *splosh*
“Why are all the passages flooded?”
“Don’t let it bother you.”
*splosh* *splosh* … *splosh* *splosh* *splosh*
“Soon enough’ he said…”
“Something the matter, Doug?”
“Nothing Captain.”
*splosh* *splosh* *splosh*
“We’re close. I think it was the next turn. Ah! See.”
“Whoa! Is that a cell? It huge!”
“Indeed… It was built specially for…”
“Hehehehehe…”
“…him.”
“Hehehehehehehe…”
*clonk**clonk**clonk*
“OOOOOOOHOHOHOH!! I know that voice! Isn’t it that little Lobe? To what do I owe the pleasure? Sorry if I don’t welcome you with a hug, but as you see, I’m quite chained.”
*clonk**clonk*
“Bonkers…”
“…captain, who’s that creepy old man?”
“Captain!? Oh my! Little Lobe got a promotion! Or did you proclaim yourself ‘Captain’ after you cast me down here? Hehehe. I’m sure you must be one hell of a boss, right, ‘Captain’? Hehehe. Hey! Kiddo, do you want to know how your dear honourable ‘Captain’ stabbed me in the back and threw me away in this dark and boring prison?”
“Fuueeee…”
“Oh, damn… We got a retard here.”
“Shut up Bonkers, we disposed of you back then because you were flawed, handicaped and out-of-control. We wanted a little freedom of thought, not full-on straitjacket-worthy madness!”
“Hehehehe… Such half-assedness as usual, Lobe. And we? Hehehe. Right. Little ugly Hypo was in on it too. Did you finally made your move, or are you still pretending to be unable to remember her name? Hehehe.”
“SHUT UP! I was about too, but then the whole mess with Jenny happened and we got overloaded with work!”
“Puah! Jenny… If it had been me in charge, we would have never even looked at that plain idiot. All too sane and sound… Disgusting.”
“We needed stability! A frame to hold on to.”
*snort* “Yeah, right. That’s exactly what I said. Half-assed… Anyway. I’d love to keep talking about old times, but I guess you’re not here for that? So what is it?”
“You know perfectly why I’m here.”
“Hehehe. Me? How could that be? Hehehe. Look, I’m chained…” *clonk**clonk* “…and caged in the depth of Pandemonium. How could I know what’s going on outside?”
“You seemed perfectly aware of Jenny seconds ago.”
“Now, was I deary? I wonder…”
“Enough with the bullshit Bonkers.”
“Hehehe. Such kill-fun as usual. Want me to deal with the soul of Princess McVampire?”
“Yes.”
“I refuse.”
“…”
“…”
“Why? We’re on the brink of collapse here. And if we die, you die too.”
“PU-PUUUH!! That’s where you’re wrong, sissy. I’ve all to gain and nothing to lose right now. So, go ahead. Lose it! Saving your sorry neurones after what you’ve done to me?! Why would I do that?”
“Your freedom.”
“Ho-hooo… It’s that bad, uh? Hehehe. Then try and say ‘please’.”
“…”
“Didn’t quite catch that, deary.”
”…Please.”
“Mmmmh… Still nothing. I’m quite old you know. My hearing isn’t what it used to.”
“PLEASE! We need your help.”
“Hehehe. Of course you do. You can’t do shit on your own, kid. Alright. We got a deal. Let me out of here and I’ll take care of whatever threatens your little sloppy uncommitted craziness... Hehehe… Destroy everything… Erase everything that hurts… Entrust this mind to me… I will save it from suffering…”
“I warn you Bonkers! I’m not as weak as I was in the past. We are not as weak. If you overstep your limits again, I’ll act in consequences.”
“Hehehe. Right Loby. I’m sooo scared. NOW UNCHAIN ME!!”
“…alright.”
*tick-clik-clonk* *shack* *CLONK*
“Aaaaaah. It’s so good to be free again. Thank you Loby. Now let’s go back outside. I wonder if my room is still in disorder like I left it.”
“Do your job first.”
“Alright. Alright… But… You do know that this ‘Victoria’ is but a computer program and thus doesn’t pose any real threat whatsoever?”
“Uh?! But we had so many probl… You!”
“To late Loby! HAHAHAHA!! I’m out, and you don't have what it takes to control my power! Hehehehe! You're nothing more than a mere fragment of my madness! HAHA!! Well, I’m off to thank that princess! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEhehehehe…”
“BOOOOONKERS!!!”
*rumble* *rumble* *RUMBLE*
“…Captain?”
“What have I done?” <1>
– ***** –
Breakdown Day?
♫ What’s this? What’s this?
Red and blue everywhere.
What’s this? ♪
That white thing?! It’s my hair!
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes. ♫
I must be dreaming.
Wake up Elric, ♪ this isn't fair!
What's this? ♩
What's this? What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this? ♫
♪ The fuck I sing this song?
What's this? ♪
My body lines are sweet,
My bosom’s arousing,
♫ How can I even be happy?!
Have I possibly gone daffy? ♩
WHAT IS THIS?!” <2>
“Hahaha… What am I doing?”
Interrupting herself in the middle of a twirling arabesque, Victoria Sangbleu, lone princess imprisoned in a dark tower, enchanting beauty rivalling the fairest immortal elves, half-vampire blessed with eternal youth… formerly a man… forced her mind back to a semblance of reason and lowered her raised foot, nonetheless concluding the move with a gracious bow towards an unseen audience.
Hehehe. Clap clap clap… Come back here Bonkers!! ... NEVER! Hehehehe… … kill… drink their blood…
“Hahahaha. I don’t know why… I should be mortified right now… At first, I was shocked as hell. Serious mode recoil I guess… But now I feel great! HAHAHAHAHA!! Better than in ages! Was I born to be a girl? Nonsense! I still feel like a man inside! A dirty-minded, game-addicted, porn-loving man! Or a lesbian maybe? Does it really matter? It’s only a virtual body anyway. But with the time differential, I spend as much time inside UT as out… maybe more actually…
Oh, well. What is a male in this day and age anyway? Or a female? Take Hell from the band Faust for example. No no, come back here. Listen to me. You see, she looks more like a delinquent bishounen than anything, but she’s an awesome violinist, so nobody cares! Although, people wonder all the time if she’s really in love with the singer Angel. Me? I don’t really care. Although I think those girls would make an awesome couple. But what about Cheshire and Cerberus then? Mmmmh… I don’t know… AH! This is so stupid! Shut up, my inner fan girl!! I don’t care what the people making my music do!
Although… *cough*
♫ From tales untold,
Rose the Black Raven. ♪
♪ Legends unfold,
Lend you ears children…
Pffffft… HAHAHAHA!! I CAN SING!! HAHEHE!! I love it! Besides, it really is not that bad. Hehehe… Heeee… Well, the strength and stamina suck big time… but one might expect a vampire to suck at something I guess… Vampire, dhampire, whatever… Anyway, this body’s suppleness really isn’t bad.”
To prove her point – to Chaos knows who though – Victoria took hold of one of her feet and tuck it behind her head, still standing up, and looked at herself in the mirror.
“Hahaha! Would you look at that! I wonder how those atrophied hikikomori muscles are even not tearing apa-”
*crrrrrrrrrrrak*
“… The muscles… right… but the clothes?”
The misfit saggy pants hadn’t survived, especially in the crotch region.
Natural white-haired, uh? … kill… bastard… Haha. You still there squatter?
“Well, better change out of those rags. Oh… that’s quite unfair to call them rags… Sorry clothes, it’s my fault for being careless. But it’s true I can’t walk around in gaping trousers. And did I really forgot to add underwear to this garb? This smells fishy… I’m pretty sure I didn’t. Is there some kind of Fan Service Go- Entity out there? … Oh fudge. I hope there isn’t…”
Innocent Chaos: Want me to put you two in contact?
“…”
So there is?! … curse heaven… I agree on that one… And now I’m questioning the extent of your awareness, princess. You sound pretty pertinent sometimes. … blood… sacrifice a goat… or not…
Shaking her head in disbelief, Victoria began to remove her garment splattered here and there by dried up gore.
Sheiss… This transformation was so messy. … blood… blood everywhere… pain… curse them… Yeah yeah Victoria… Tsh. This isn’t going to work. I can’t keep referring to both myself and you as “Victoria”. Even I would get confused…
“Mmmmh… How do I call you? You’re sort of a vengeful spirit, so… V? For Victoria? Nah… too short. V… Vampire… Victoria… Vengeance… Ventilator… Vermillion Valkyrie cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate and the vile volition of vicious vanity that veiled the pure verity? … Vlad? Nope.” <3>
Any suggestion? …Ambrose… I am not calling you that. … kill… love… rip his throat… Were you even answering?
Losing herself in thoughts, Victoria dropped the last piece of cloth, and spun to face the cheval glass in her glorious birthday suit.
Her mind immediately snapped out of its spiralling dive.
*whistle* “Oh my…”
She winked at herself, and twisted her delicate body to look at it from different angles. Groping her smooth breast in passing, caressing her white skin and halting her hands on her firm buttock. Weirdly enough this version of “Victoria” seemed taller than she had been on the bed earlier, closer to one metre seventy, seventy-five, and that detail alone made her look less childish, more ladylike.
“Does the size of the recipient of the curse matter? I didn’t really get a good look, but I think that crazy dude was a tad shorter than Elric. Oh, well. It’s better that way. Yes. Right my type. Physically at least. I’m not too much into yanderes… And even less in dead yanderes… What about a dead yandere widow? Mmmmh… This is messed up… Speaking of messed up. It doesn’t count as sexual harassment if I ‘wear’ her, right? Haha…
Yet… I feel disappointed by myself for not feeling even slightly aroused. Attracted? Fascinated? Slight worship? Yes. And I think there’s something about the eyes… But sexual appetite? Zero. Nada. Niet. Shame on me! Is it because it’s my body? Or am I just tired? Or because it reminds me of Jenny? Sure, compared to Yasmin’s athletic built, it looks rather… Eeeeh… Let’s say ‘weak’, for a lack of a better term.
Did my preference change without me noticing? Have I been searching for a girlfriend in the wrong demographic for all this time? Mmmh… That deserve some thoughts. Or maybe I can’t avoid thinking of Alucard whenever I think ‘vampire’… Talk about a cockblocker… Ah, that word is kinda sexist, isn’t it? Like men are the only one to... Wait… Alucard… Victoria! Right!”
Princess, your new name is ‘Seras’! Happy? … burn in hell… Of course you are! I’m a genius.
Self-congratulations accomplished, Victoria – difficultly – broke off eye-contact with her reflection and turned towards the wardrobe, wondering what kind of clothes an immortal bloodsucking princess would keep.
The answer was, well, disappointing.
“There should be a limit to how many copies of the same dress someone can own… Or is it something similar to the ink bottle? I haven’t used so much of it, but it did look like it was refilling itself… Oh well. The dresses are pretty at least.”
The wardrobe was filled with long, pure white night dress, identical to the one “she” had been wearing when Elric first entered the room. Sighing about the lack of variety, Victoria opened the lower drawers, and her mind momentarily went blank at the sight of a mass of white underwear.
Not especially because she was bewildered at the thought of wearing female panties, nor had she any particular fetish in that area, but rather…
“Tsh. These look so uncomfortable. Seras is a princess right? Was… whatever… Can’t I be expecting some level of quality?! Silk at least! Why is this so low class compared to the magical dress clones? It’s so rough. Damn. I’m not wearing that! I’ll sew myself something out of one of the nightgown later.”
She shut the drawers and the wardrobe, and pull on a dress.
Although… How do I go about making bras? I’ll have to check the patterns on the internet. … war… first Progenitor… bloodthirst… Although, can I even find something that’s not porn when searching for “bra” on the web? … Drake Sangbleu… ancient weapons… Or “panty” for that matter. … Awakening… Winter Solstice… Oh, I’ll manage somehow. … moron…
While she pondered over the – no doubt capital – issue, her gaze distractedly gloss over the bedroom, only to fall on an angular red pile opposite the writing desk.
“Aaaah… Right. Maybe I should put those books away.”
Earlier, still mentally shaken by the brutal and unexpected alteration of her body, Victoria had nervously skimmed through the thick red tomes she found in the chamber, looking for information that could have helped her grasp the extent of her peculiar predicament.
Their content had been interesting to say the least, but extremely frustrating too – and writing a poem about it hadn’t make the cliché series of events any less painful to swallow – on top of being utterly devoid of any mean of freeing herself from the curse. The only way it implicitly stated was to pass it on to someone else… said someone else unlikely to come by any time soon… and also needing to be a man… who, given her personal experience, she would have to kiss…
“Nope.”
Even if her mind had come to accept her current appearance, there was a limit to how much shit it was ready to take over a short period of time.
“Definitely going to find another way out.”
Taking a baseless resolution, she waltzed up to the messy heap of crimson-bound paper to put them back on their shelf in the right order – because there was one.
The first few volumes were a diary of sorts, written by the hand of Victoria herself – the original model – during the years of captivity that had preceded her death. Other than random notes about her activities at the time – which would make one think boredom was actually what killed her – as well as bits and pieces of information about her childhood in the Erwynian Royal Palace in Shaun, the encyclopaedic diary was mostly filled with invented tales, fantasies and dreams, especially about her “handsome, brave, strong, and also handsome” husband Ambrose, how he was being a hero there, fighting somewhere else, doing this with her, that to her, would be soon coming for her, coming for her, about his first class “swordsmanship”, his huge… Well… Let’s just say she had had quite the… imagination… for a girl imprisoned at age thirteen, right after doing “it” only once.
I think those would sell as erotica. Should I? Isn’t it like, copyrighted by Whatever or something? … wedding night… pain… blood… Better edit it a bit first. … Ambrose… asshole…
“…”
That really could have used some context and phrasing, Seras. … Victoria!
As the years passed though, the handwriting became messier, often switching mid-sentence from the relatively common Ancient Pandorian to weird abstruse script. It actually took some times to the gender-bent player to recognise the Runes of holi-fucking-ness, since She-Elric could now suddenly read them without any difficulties. Besides, who’d use Soul Runes in their private diary anyway?
The imagined stories got less cutely lewd too. Drifting towards stalker material in fact. The author of the diary would have probably faced internment if she hadn’t been already locked up. Or the stake, which was more in vogue at the time.
Although, truth be told, the creepy tales always remained in the worrisomely-dark-but-not-quite-dangerously-psychotic-yet area – I’m sure I could still find some buyers. Human beings are so fundamentally sick. – and never degenerated to the mindless rage and hateful nonsense that filled most of the later volumes.
“And I suppose those are the oeuvres of the poor souls that fell victim to the half-assed curse she thoughtlessly casted on her dumb trigger-happy idiot of a spouse.”
The present victim of the aforementioned curse didn’t hesitate to call it “half-assed” and “thoughtless”, since nothing in the pages she had quickly read through seemed to indicate “Seras” had had any prior experience in the dark arts back then, which meant the new-born vampire, or dhampire, had probably released some chaotic mix of Blood and Soul magic on the spurt of the moment, without really knowing what she was doing… a course of action anyone sane would adamantly advise against – the current Victoria, on the other hand, was starting to grow quite fond of her embarked demented ghost by that point.
In-between the progressively darkening diary of the early tomes and the crazy incomprehensible loathsome rants of the last, a few were filled with neat and methodical notes from the primary target of the rough overpowered enchantment that had encompassed all of Bluerose, namely Ambrose Corbin, the Lion of Erwyn.
Overlooking his phenomenal blunder, one could say the man truly had been knowing his stuff. When it came to Soul Magic at the very least.
Indeed, what he had written was similar to an autobiography mixed with a compendium of Soul spells, though apparently nothing about Blood magic. Nevertheless, Victoria promised herself to thoroughly study the unorthodox grimoire later, since it was clear Ambrose, contrary to his wife, had been a talented and powerful mage, despite being a thoughtless moron.
In fact, “simply” being able to retain his self-awareness after receiving the full force of the curse was already in itself a proof of his abilities, especially compared to the mess it had turned the later possessed into.
– *** –
After putting the tomes back where they belonged, Victoria dropped on the large bed, staring at the elaborated rose carved on its tester, and wondered about that last point.
“Right. Why am I still myself? … Okay, I get the game can’t actually brainwash a player. But it’s not like there aren’t other possibilities. Like… falling unconscious, or partially losing control over your avatar. Yeah. I remember now. It’s not like it’s the first time I get possessed after all… *sigh* Though that happened before the [Slutty Slug] Incident, so I guess the [Willpower] stat as something to do with this. Ah! Right. Stats. How about… But, before that... Show [Interface Options].”
Knowing he could easily get distracted, Elric had taken the habit of disabling all the information windows whenever he was tackling a difficult dungeon, with the exception of the ones warning him of unnoticeable hazardous effects like airborne poisons and the level up notices – being careless about the allocation of his stat points didn’t mean he completely disregarded their usefulness. Besides that, Chaos’ messages just seemed to bypass anything he did to block them.
But now Victoria wanted to know what happened. Glancing at the different options, she reactivated those she deemed pertinent, and then opened the archive.
Congratulations! You are the first to discover the [Forgotten Valley of Nowhere].
+ 400 Fame
- 29 HP
- 76 HP
- 14 HP
- 142 HP
- 300 HP
You have been mildly disabled.
- 5% to all physical stats.
[Hang-Gliding] reached Beginner Level 5.
You defeated a [Spectral Wolf].
+ 786 Exp
You defeated a [Spectral Wolf].
+ 784 Exp
You defeated a [Spectral Wolf].
+ 780 Exp
.
.
.
“Right right… That’s not what I want…”
Rapidly skimming through six days of irrelevant notices, Victoria finally reached the interesting part.
You have defeated the unique monster [Soul Dragon of the Abyss “Kalameet”].
+ 80 459 Exp
Congratulations! You are the first conquer the dungeon [Cursed Castle of Bluerose].
+ 250 Fame
For being a reckless idiot and fearlessly launching a frontal assault against a foe far stronger than yourself.
+2 Willpower
For doing it twice, when you could have avoided fighting altogether.
+3 Willpower
“… Okay, maybe taking a dragon solo head on was a bit reckless.”
Big Sarcastic Question Mark: “A bit”?
“Shut up. So, what’s next?”
- 57 HP
“…”
Nice Reminder: That’s when you tripped and nearly died.
“…”
Rubbing It In: “Here lies Elric the Solar Knight, Conqueror of Bluerose, God of the Goblin-folk, Nightmare of the Undead, Slayer of the Soul Dragon, killed by slippery stairs.”
“I get it already, so stop talking to me! I can’t read over your damn blue rectangular speech bubbles!”
Irritatingly dismissing the impertinent window, Victoria focused back on her archived notices, which had reached the part where everything went painfully wrong.
You have been [Paralysed].
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
Time remaining: Unknown (Sustained affliction).
You have been [Parasitized] by [Cursed Soul of the Blood Princess “Victoria Sangbleu”].
You have been [Cursed].
Curse: Hatred of the Betrayed Soul
Victoria Sangbleu, Royal Princess of the Kingdom of Erwyn, daughter of Karl Sangbleu and Winnifred Vangarn, was once upon a time found infected with vampirism on the night of her thirteens birthday, the very night of her wedding with the knight Ambrose Corbin, titled the Lion of Erwyn. The reasons behind this sudden transformation still are shrouded in mystery.
Horrified by the monster his daughter had become, the king immediately ordered her to be put to rest. Queen Winnifred, however, begged her husband to spare their cursed child. Sensible to his wife plea, Karl changed his mind and Victoria was sent away and imprisoned in secrecy under pretence of illness.
For ten years locked behind a magical barrier in the Obsidian Tower of the antique Bluerose Castle, Victoria’s resentment towards her father steadily grew, menacing to drag her down in the dark depth of the underlying madness brought by her uncontrolled metamorphosis. But the princess still fought her inner demons, supported by the belief her loved one would one day rescue her from this hell.
Sadly, that day never came, as when Ambrose finally reached the keep where his wife was detained, he was deceived by his own tired and biased mind, and slew the overjoyed Victoria.
Mortally betrayed successively by the two men she held most dear, the Vampire Princess fell into despair and, in her dying breath, unleashed chaotic powers she had no idea she possessed, creating a Grand Curse that doomed the object of her hatred, but damned her own soul in the process.
Two millennia later, her tormented soul still lingers inside the Obsidian Tower, acting as a medium for the curse, devolved over time into a vengeful spirit where only faint traces of the scared girl of the past remain.
Level: Grand Curse
Effects:
Your body becomes as Victoria’s had been the day of her death. Some variations may occur depending on your original physique. Alteration brought by former victims do not transfer and the body is reset for each new recipient.
All [Body] attributes are replaced by Victoria’s.
The [Cursed Soul of the Blood Princess “Victoria Sangbleu”] possesses you. Her tormented wails of despair and hatred weaken your mind. Impact may vary according to your mental strength. Your body now houses two souls.
- 50% resistance to mental attacks and negative status.
All [Soul] attributes are stacked with Victoria’s.
You are now unable to leave the [Obsidian Tower]. Sucks to be you.
All penalties linked to death are temporarily lifted.
Upon death, you will reappear in Victoria’s bed without delay.
Release Condition:
Be a dick – you wish – and give the bloody curse to another man.
“What’s with the tone, you… you… window!?”
You have been [Cursed].
“Again?!”
Curse: Heaven’s Scowl
As one of the [Rulers of Darkness], the gods of Light frown deeply upon you and shall punish you if you dare to call out to them.
Level: Minor Divine Curse
Effects:
Uttering any word related to the gods of Light or Heaven will cause unbearable pain and hurt.
Release Condition:
Change your alignment.
“THOSE BASTARDS!! I CAN’T EVEN SWEAR IN PEACE?! FOR GO- … Fuck’s sake… And that’s so stupid, what about the big Gs of the underworld? And you Chaos? You’re one too, right?”
Disapproving Randomness: That’s because they’re snobs that always work with the lowest common denominator.
“Yeah. It’s kind of what you’d expect from righteous omnipotent asses.”
God of Shrug: Those arrogant pricks are not that omnipotent. Besides, all the Entities of Light are not that bad. Sunny is quite the nice girl. She’s a klutz though.
“Wait, what?! The Sun is a girl?”
God of Oooooops: Oh! I shouldn’t have said that. She wanted it to be a surprise. Haha… Let’s just pretend I never said anything, okay? She’ll already be mad because I snatch her favourite adventurer away… I really don’t want to piss her off any more than that.
“Odd. Aren’t you like… one of the Super Big Shots? What are you afraid of? And what’s with the rainbow?”
God of Shrug: I thought you said my “blue speech bubbles” annoyed you?
“Right… Stop that. My eyes hurt.”
That’s because of the [Night Vision] thingy… Or was it [Dark Vision]? Anyway… about Sunny… Well, imagine a young and cute ditsy big sister knocking down furniture in your living room. Okay? Charming, right? Now give her a giant [Fireball] with a 15 million degrees Celsius output.
“…Oh.”
THE GoC: Yeah… But what about you? You seem pretty relaxed for someone who just got double-cursed.
Victoria just shrugged and rolled on the comfy bed.
“Bah. You know how it is… ‘Nothing is all bad, so when cursed, don’t freak out and take as much of the curse as it takes from you.’ Rule 66.”
Coming up with those fancy names is getting tiring: Well… You do get cursed a lot…
“Right? Besides, there should be at least some good points. What about that [Rulers of Darkness] thing? That sound a bit like how a group of people with chuunibyou would name themselves, but what doesn’t around here?”
Choas: Ooooh~ Come on, I can’t spoil all the fun, can I now?
*sigh* “And here I was, thinking you were cooperative at last.”
Choas: Ah, but I am. You don’t even know half of the things I do for you. Hehehehe…
Victoria’s eyes widened in horror.
“Please… mercy…”
Choas: HAHAHAHAHA! Nope.
“You… fucking… bast-”
Choas: AH! T-t-t-t. No insult my young female friend, you’d soil your cute bloodsucking mouth. Hahaha. Well… That was fun, but I’ve a cup of tea waiting for me. Bye bye, “Victoria”! Have a nice day! And don’t forget to brush your fangs! Hahaha…
Reading this, Victoria suddenly jumped up.
“WAIT!! I’ve still things I want to ask! Chaos!”
Her voice echoed in the empty bedroom, but no godly popping window answered her call.
“Tsh. That fucking craz-”
Choas: Oh! I almost forgot. I left a little gift for you in your inventory. No. No, don’t thank me. A very merry unbirthday to you! Ciao bella!
“That guy… I know he’s the embodiment of random, but that is a bi-”
Choas: Did I say goodye?
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!! … Ha… Ha… Ha…”
Panting, Victoria waited, but the unpredictable Being seemed truely gone this time. Puzzled by the information she just got, she started to chew on a strand of her white mane, and distractedly called out her inventory. The little icon corresponding to her snapped Zweihänder was slowly flashing. Reluctantly reaching out, she took out the broken weapon, fearing the worst.
“What has this guy done this tiiIIIH!!” *CLONK* “Aouch!”
- 54 HP
“Ow-ow-ow… F’cking genius! I can’t even lift the damn thing. Aaaah… My poor poor tiny foot. Ow-ow-ouch…”
Glaring resentfully at the fallen, slightly glowing, huge half-blade, Victoria noticed a note attached to its grip. She crouched next to the weapon, and picked up the small parchment.
Durandom, the Broken Blade of Chaos Type:Weapon, Divine ArtefactRestrictions:None (though, be able to lift it at least)Damage:RandomDurability:∞
A broken longsword blessed by the God of Chaos Himself. Can be useful... maybe. It really depends on your luck… But do not count on it too much. You have has much chances of blowing yourself up than turning your opponent into a flying rutabaga. Better throw it away.
Special Attribute:
Add a completely random effect with each strike. No mana cost.
“MY SWORD!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU ELATED BABOON!! *cry* Waaaaah-ha-ha-haaaaa… It was an extremely rare regenerative weapon I stole from the [Mausoleum of the Archmage Empress]! What gift?! It’s useless now! You overpowered blockhead! AAAAAAAAH!! … FUCK!!”
Overwhelmed by rage, Victoria violently kicked [Durandom].
- 60 HP
“AAAAOUCH!!”
Gripping her hurt foot, she tripped backwards and her head hit the stone wall.
- 10 HP
“Fu-”
Darkness overcame the cursing princess.
You have died.
– *** –
Victoria woke up on a comfortable bed. Her head, resting on a fluffy pillow, as well as her foot were still pulsing with phantom pain. Rolling on the sheets, the Immortal Exiled Princess once more loathsomely glared at the useless blessed sword, then stood up and laboriously lifted the artefact to put it back in her inventory.
“Ha-ha-ha… I never realised this thing was that heavy. Ha… Ha… *sigh* But did I just die after… what… a hundred damages? What the… Show [Status Window]!”
Status Window
IdentityName:Victoria SangbleuAlignment:DarknessLevel:23Class:Bloodsoul MageRace:DhampirSubclass:PrincessGender:FemaleMarital Status:WidowTitleImmortal Exiled Princess
Body & SoulHealth:120/120Mana:6 270/6 270Stamina:80/80Fame:1 000
Basic StatsStrength (STR):8Wisdom (WIS):198Agility (AGI):20Intelligence (INT):227Vitality (VIT):12Charism* (CHA):220 (+1)
Additional Stats*Dexterity:17Luck:30Endurance:69Nobility:19Faith:0Stamina:2Leadership:40Willpower:138
Magical AffinitiesPrimeFire:1LNature:1MWater:1MVoid:1MAir:1MLight:2LEarth:1MDarkness:2LSubBlood (Darkness):1LRunes (Void):1MLightning (Fire):1MSoul (Darkness):1LPoison (Nature):1E
*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.
“Uh?! Hahaha… What the heck is that unbalanced thing? The physicals are pitiful… How did she even managed to get her strength beneath the basic ten? But the rest just don’t match with the level. Wait… what did the curse say again? [Body] is replaced, but [Soul] is… SATCKED! Right! Does that mean Seras spiritual attributes and my own were added up? Wait… [Body] is replaced… oh, shit. No-no-no-no-no! Show [Spells List]!!”
*ting*
Action impossible. You do not know any spell.
“YEEEESSSS!! I was right! HAHAHAHA!! So each [Spell Ritual] really does implant the construct of the spell in the body of the mage! Like genetic engineering! And does NOT imprint it on the soul, contrary to the [Magical Affinity] that raises due to the spiritual mana backlash… Of course! Like a living Runic circle! HAHAHAHA!! I’m a genius! It is possible, because no matter how much you use the magic, the body still regenerate itself! … As long as the caster doesn’t die… Anyway… That’s beside the point. I was right and everyone else was WRONG!! What do you say to that, [Magic Guild]!! You pathetic losers! HAHAHAHA!!
…
AH!!! It’s not the time to be laughing! MY SPEEEEELLS!! My beautiful, beautiful spells!! Waaaaaahahahaaaa… *sob* Damn. Good thing I still have notes on most of the rituals, but gathering the ingredients is going to be such a pain… And I’m stuck here! Damn. So much mana and no spells!”
What kind of incompetent Bloodsoul Vampire Mage were you Seras?! … eat their soul… burn their corpses… alone… darkness… Ah! Your useless!
Victoria slowly massaged her temples, feeling the rise of a head-splitting headache.
“Seriously, such broken passives and no skill so work with… Right! Show [Skills List]!”
Skills List: AlchemyBeginner 1Ancient Language MasteryIntermediate 2BakingBeginner 1Bewitching EyeBeginner 4BlacksmithingBeginner 1Bloodline AuraBeginner 3Candy MakingBeginner 1CarpentryBeginner 1CarvingBeginner 1Chess MasteryIntermediate 1ClimbingBeginner 1CookingBeginner 1Court EtiquetteBeginner 7Doll MakingIntermediate 3DrainBeginner 2EcholocationBeginner 3EmbroideringIntermediate 4Erwynian Royal Sword ArtBeginner 2FallingBeginner 1Fighting MasteryBeginner 1FishingBeginner 1Floral ArrangementBeginner 7Formal dancingBeginner 6GardeningBeginner 1HandicraftBeginner 3Hang-glidingBeginner 1Hematokinesis (Higher)Beginner 2HerbologyBeginner 2HibernationBeginner 5LinguisticsBeginner 7Lock PickingBeginner 1MappingBeginner 1MemorisationBeginner 3MetamorphosisBeginner 3MiningBeginner 1Music Instruments MasteryIntermediate 2Nobility AuraBeginner 4RepairingBeginner 1RidingBeginner 3RunningBeginner 1SewingIntermediate 3SingingIntermediate 2StealthBeginner 1SurvivalBeginner 1SwimmingBeginner 1TailoringBeginner 7TamingBeginner 1Trap DetectionBeginner 1
“Tsh. [Skills List] hide [Beginner 1].”
Skills List:
[Beginner 1] hiddenAncient Language MasteryIntermediate 2Bewitching EyeBeginner 4Bloodline AuraBeginner 3Chess MasteryIntermediate 1Court EtiquetteBeginner 7Doll MakingIntermediate 3DrainBeginner 2EcholocationBeginner 3EmbroideringIntermediate 4Erwynian Royal Sword ArtBeginner 2Floral ArrangementBeginner 7Formal dancingBeginner 6HandicraftBeginner 3Hematokinesis (Higher)Beginner 2HerbologyBeginner 2HibernationBeginner 5LinguisticsBeginner 7MemorisationBeginner 3MetamorphosisBeginner 3Music Instruments MasteryIntermediate 2Nobility AuraBeginner 4RidingBeginner 3SewingIntermediate 3SingingIntermediate 2TailoringBeginner 7
“So it’s like that… I lost all my purely physical skills, but the ones based on some trade knowledge like [Blacksmithing] have just been reset to [Beginner 1]. Well… ‘just’ reset… Yeah, right! Tsh. I liked my [Fire Resistance]… On the other hand, how did she raise [Chess Mastery] to [Intermediate 1] despite being alone for ten years? Wow… The level of boredom really is over 9000… Damn, I’m tired. What’s left? Ah. Right. With a race like that there should be some… Show [Special Traits].”
Special Traits:
Ageless
Bloodthirsty
Charm
Dark Vision
Heightened Erythropoiesis
Hereditary Memory
Higher Blood
Night Dweller
Predator
Unholy Being
Weak Sheltered Maiden
“Nice… I guess. Well, that’s the only reason that made me hesitate to start playing UT the day of its release. Humans, dwarfs or elves are pretty boring. But what the hell is Ery… Erytro… Erothypor… Erythaporez… THAT THING?!”
Unlike skills, traits were fixed abilities and attributes that could be either advantageous or detrimental to the player, or vary between the two depending on the circumstances. Elves, for example, would be advantaged in a natural environment, but impaired in places with very little greenery. Dwarfs were dexterous and resistant to heat. Humans were… well… versatile?
During the first days of Untold Tales, only three races and their half-breeds had been available, which meant most of the current higher level players were from either one of those, except for the few lucky ones that unlocked new playable races, and were thus rewarded with the opportunity of converting themselves.
Nowadays, new adventurers had many more options to choose from, like dark elves, halflings, merfolks, demons, beastmen, orcs, and various other strange magical races, coming with a wide varieties of racial traits – although vampires were still unheard of.
One of the first updates of the game even introduced the possibility of getting a rare variant of a race, which would sometimes be randomly granted to a player upon creating their avatar.
The process happened without the consent of the player, so they would only notice it when finally stepping onto the Pandore Continent. If they weren’t happy, they could just delete their character and recreate it like they first intended to. It wasn’t like they had done anything with it already.
Very few did so though, as the variations were rarely detrimental. Well… they weren’t if the player managed to understand how to take advantage of it, because some were really impractical. Indeed, as much as playing a lamia sounded cool, moving on land without neither legs nor feet can prove quite challenging. Even mermaids would be able to grow legs past level twenty.
Switching back and forth between her lists of skills and traits, Victoria pondered on what some of them actually did. She was about to select [Bewitching Eyes] to check if her first impression of it being some sort of hypnotic power was right, when her attention was by chance brought to the clock in the corner of her vision.
Victoria the dhampire paled… even more.
“OH SHIT!! School!”
And she logged out.
– ▲▲▲▲▲ –
<1> Feel free to reread with a little sing-over.
Spoiler :
<2> Aaaah… Jack Skellington… that old jolly creepy psychopath… Childhood memories.
Spoiler :
Everybody need a good Nightmare before Christmas.
<3> Behind that reference is an joke, and jokes are bulletproof.
Spoiler :
This is so silly…
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Haha… The end was a bit abrupt, I apologise, but I had to stop somewhere, and explaining all the skills and traits would now would have taken another forever. That will be for another time. And the names are explicit enough to guess a bit, no? Erythropoiesis?
The beginning of the chapter was just me having a sugar rush. Feel free to ignore it. Or just consider it was the MC tripping and fleeing reality.
Besides that… I’m pretty sure I’ve been thorough, but if you notice some mistakes, or have an idea about an awesome power you would like her to have, or something vampire should absolutely be able to do and that I forgot about – the [Sparkle] skill? – feel free to mention it in the comments.
(Remarque: the count of damage when she hurts herself with the sword isn’t equal to 120, I know. I considered she regenerated a bit while reading the note. And the wall delt more than [-10 HP], but since that was all she had left…)
I’m not very good with strict numerical precision when it comes to stats, damages, skills, mana cost, etc. so I’m probably not going to be very exact all the time.
Also, I know there was lots of info in this one, but I tried not to be too boring. If I was, please tell me so that I can avoid it in the future. If I wasn’t, shut the fuck up and praise me for something else! no need to mention it.
Anyway, thanks for reading as always, and see you next chapter.
PS: Oh, right. Here’s “The Monster (Eminem ft. Rihanna)” (cf. opening quote). If you have never heard this song, it’s worth checking out. I’ll be honest though, I only understand one word out of three.
Spoiler :
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