Chapter 18:
Interview with the Zombie
“It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good”
– Feeling Good, <1>
Nina Simone
* * * * *
~ ♪♫♪ ♫ ♪♩ ♫♪…
The Kingdom of Erwyn had for centuries been plagued with eternal shitty weather... and undead. Never forget undead. Not that undead were part of the weather forecast, but… anyway. Dark clouds were filling the skies and obscuring people's hearts, and heavy rains were the sole veil hiding the tears of the inhabitants of this cursed country. This last sentence was awesome.
~ ♫ ♪♫♪ ♫♩ ♫…
Yet, in this land of despair, where the living trembled daily for their fragile existences, in the depth of a dense forest roamed by hungry corpses, the bizarre sound of pinched strings floated in the air, soon joined by a melodious female voice: "Aaaah... Let's say... ♪ Hakuna Matata... ♩ what a wonderful phrase. ♩"
<2>
The music rhythm picked up pace, and another croaky – yet oddly in tune – chant echoed the call of the joyous female: "♪ Hakuna Matata... ♩ ain't no passing craaaaze! ♫"
"♩ It means no worriiies ♫ for the rest of your daaaays! ♩"
""♩ It's our problem freeeee ♩ ♫ philosophyyyy!""
"♪ Hakuna Matataaaa~ ♩"
*Ukulele solo* ~ ♪♫♪ ♫♪♪♩ ♫♪…
How could this two idio- insouciant fellows sing a song in this country of the dead? Well, to tell the truth, they themselves weren't exactly alive.
"Why, ♩ when he was a young zombiiie~ ♩"
"♫ When I was a young zombiiiiiiIIIIIIIII-irk!"
"What's wrong?"
"My vocal chords snapped."
"Oh. Well... ♫♫ He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal. ♩ All throughout the cemetery he could not conceal. ♪"
"I'm a sensitive sooul, ♪♪ though I'm rotten-skiiiiinn'D! ♪ And it hurt... ♫ that my friends never stood downwiiiiiiind! ♩ And OOOH, the shaaame! ♩"
"He was ashamed!"
"Thoughta changin' my naaame!"
"You don't have a name!"
"And I got downhearted..."
"How did you feeeel?"
"Every time that I-"
"You’re a corpse dude. You don't fart."
"Oh... right."
A pause, an exchanged glance, and...
""♪ Hakuna Matata, ♩ what a wonderful phraaase! ♫♪ Hakuna Matata, ♩♫ ain't no passing craaaze!""
"Woof ♩ woo-oo woo-ooof ♫ woof woof woof woof ahooooo! ♫♩"
"You can't speak Toto..."
"Awhooo..."
""♩ It's our problem freeeee ♩ ♫""
"Philosophyyyy!"
""♪ Hakuna Matataaaa~ ♩""
Once again, the light-hearted musical tune resounded in the forest.
~ ♪♫♪ ♫♪♫♪♪♩ ♫♪…
Walking behind the trio of disparate undead – even the plush-ised dragon had joined the two idiots in their musical delirium – who were advancing at a brisk pace while swinging their heads left and right, a tall woman was carefully surveying their surroundings. For the umpteenth time, she repressed a sigh.
"Am I the only one who's concerned that all this noise might attract a shitload of monsters?"
"Thena!" the beautiful musician indignantly replied. "This is no noise! It's music!"
"That doesn't invalid my point."
"Peace Bro. Breathe out. All that stress will obstruct your vision of true happiness."
"For the last time: I. AM. A. WOMAN!!!"
"No waaaaay..."
"AAAAAH!! That's it! I'm killing this stoned piece of shit!"
The dhampir interposed herself between the snapping human and the pseudo-hippie archzombie.
"Please, Thena. You've already killed him four times in three hours. It'll only slow us down if we have to wait for his legs to regrow again. And if you destroy his head again, I might have to reteach him the lyrics from scratch."
"Tsk," Athena clicked her tongue but backed off. "Why are we taking him with us again?"
"'Cause he's fun!" Victoria answered merrily with a twirl.
"That's so... *sigh* …you."
“Thanks. Are you jealous? You can sing too if you want.”
“I’ll pass. You enjoy your merry time. I’ll just be the lookout.” Then she added with a blush: “And my voice isn’t really suited for…”
“Have you heard his? He sounds like a squashed toad! Come on, Thena, your voice’s beautiful. Really manly! …Ah. Is that a compliment? Anyway… *sigh* Zombie dude’s not wrong, you know? You worry too much. We'll deal with mobs when they show up. There shouldn't be anything too strong around here, so why complain if EXP and loot come to us by themselves?"
Athena was forced to recognise the vague logic behind this unorthodox baiting strategy. Though she was also persuaded that Victoria wasn't at all thinking of hunting anything and just felt like singing for no reason.
*sigh* "Whatever. Just... Why a ukulele?"
"Because a xylophone would be too cumbersome, obviously. Do not confuse it with a glockenspiel!"
"…Sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
Victoria stared at her dejected friend massaging her temples for a couple more seconds. Then shrugged, played a few chords, and winked at their new undead companion, who sent her back a wrecked smile.
“Three. Two. One.”
““Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!””
“Oh~ It means no worriiies~ ♪ for the rest of your daaaa-aays. ♫”
““It's our problem-freeeee ♩ philosophyyyy! ♪””
""♫ Hakuna Matataaa~ ♫♩ Hakuna Matata!"" they continued in canon, stomping to the rhythm, ""Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!""
"AhoooOOOooooOOOOOH!!" – Toto tried again.
"...na Matata?" followed the archzombie.
"That's right!" the dhampir nodded approvingly. "You do learn fast. Maybe it's because your brain is empty."
The other tilted his head and distractedly scratched the inside of his mouth through the gaping hole in his cheek. For some reason, even though he supposedly regenerated no matter what was done to him – Victoria, and also a bit impulsively Athena, had experimented – his dilapidated appearance remained the same. Without better hypothesis, the Princess had concluded that this was how he had been when he evolved from normal zombie to archzombie, becoming sort of his default looks.
It didn't mean his quasi-immortality had no side-effect, as his memory was more than lacunar, probably from getting his brain destroyed so often... although Victoria hadn't been able to determine if that mnemonic problem didn't instead stem from his strange "unhealthy" addiction. Well, health-related worries were very relative once you were already dead.
"You really okay with that?"
Victoria distractedly plucked the strings of her instrument and casted a glance at the thin silver chain which their newest, rotten and smelly companion had coiled around his right palm.
This was just a [Necklace of Grace], a low-tier item that gave minor bonuses to the light affinity. Every player who became a Priest or something similar received one at the end of their class-gaining quest. Most adventurers quickly discarded it when their level rose, but Elric had kept the chain because he liked the simple design and because of the sentimental value it held.
However his opinion had always been that items, even mementos, were supposed to be used, not kept as decorations. Therefore, since Victoria couldn't even touch the thing without suffering from third degree burns, she hadn't hesitate to pass it to the strange archzombie, who had kept asking for holy items since their first meeting.
Unexpectedly, it had no visible effect on him, if one didn’t take into account his ecstatic stoned look.
"Yeaaah... It's awesome... I feel like my soul is trying to fly away from my body... So trippy..."
"Well, yeah,” Victoria answered with a half-consternated, half-amused tone. “That's exactly what's happening. That's called cleansing."
"Cleansing? Sounds like a drug. Awesome."
The dhampir giggled while scanning the empty forest that surrounded their group.
Hey, kid, want some… “cleansing”? Hahaha. Note to self: make an actual drug called like that, just to mess with the Temple.
“That aside…” she mumbled as she continued to look around.
As usual, the [Lost Woods] were gloomy and dark. Only the sound of the wind could be heard, as no living wild animal remained in Erwyn. However, even for a doomed forest in a land of undead, it was a little too quiet.
It's true that Thena's overly tensed, but it's also strange that we were attacked only once since we exited the tunnel, especially with all the noise we've been making. I wonder what's going on... Anyway, no use to worrying over what I don’t understand. Instead… I never thought I would find an undead immune to light magic to that extent. How entertaining.
Their new companion had told them how his oldest memory was him waking up surrounded by other zombies – more accurately eating other zombies – near the secret underground passage leading to the boss room.
Back then, the place was still saturated with André's holy aura, since the Butterfly King had just recently been turned into a putrid parody of himself.
However, probably because the archzombie had evolved into a species with super-regeneration, he hadn't burst into flames like the other moving corpses which had wandered inside the tunnel. It still had hurt like hell, but his body had refused to die – again – and over the centuries he had slowly grown accustomed, then addicted to the feeling of holy magic ripping his tormented soul out of his undead body. To the point where he started suffering from withdrawal when the holy aura began to dwindle by lack of a source.
After sixty-something years of procrastinating – corpses instinctively weren't prone to moving – he had been readying himself to leave the tunnel, in search for more "dope" elsewhere, when the tumult from Victoria and Athena's fight against Monarch had caught his attention, which lead to their fateful encounter on the wall.
Though I’d be damned if Chaos hadn’t his hand in the matter somehow… Oh, wait, I’m already damned aren’t I?
“And I’m not even sure Chaos has hands anyway.”
Myster C: As a matter of fact, it depends on my mood.
“Don’t care.”
The Progenitor tickled her ukulele once again, before jumping atop a protruding root and turning to face the rest of the group.
"Hey. Just got an idea. Zombie Bro, want to be my familiar? Not sure what's in it for you, but..."
"Wait Vicky," interjected Athena. "You can only have two right now. You've already Toto so you shou-"
"Familiar? Duh, Sis... We're all a big big biiiiig family... all brothers and sisters... kind of... "
"So, yes?"
"Yeah Sis... It's cool."
"Deal!"
Without leaving the time for Athena to interject again, the Bloodsoul Mage bit down through her tongue and spat a mouthful of bloody saliva in her opened palm… before crouching on the ground, wincing in pain.
“Ooooow… Id’ot!”
“Vicky… *sigh* What are you doing?”
“Bit my tongue. Need blood for the contract. First thing that went through my mind. Was going for the cool, brotherly, and slightly disgusting handshake. Seemed like a good idea in the olden days of three seconds ago.”
“… I don’t even know how to describe you anymore.”
“Just stick to ‘thoughtless’ please.”
“Even though I feel you’re way past that…”
“Hahahaw… Anyaway.”
She picked up a random knife in her inventory. She was tempted to use her newest [Sacrificial Dagger of the Soul-Eater], but something in the name dissuaded the dhampir. She didn’t want to accidentally destroy her new toy *cough* companion so fast.
With the knife in left hand, Victoria slashed the archzombie’s right palm opened – though she slipped and accidentally cut off a couple of fingers – before grasping it with her own right palm covered in blood and spit.
[Bloodsoul Contract]!
After she mentally called out the skill, her unusual mana burst from their joined hands before engulfing the whole body of the undead, who dumbly stared at the deep blue fog swarmed with bright red sparks.
A satisfied predatory grin spread on Victoria’s face. She hadn’t been sure it would work that way, since the world apparently hated her and her skill descriptions were always… let’s say “vague”. She only knew her blood was needed for the contract. In Toto’s case, she had just used a few drops on the managem holding Kalameet’s soul, before shoving it into the then inert plush dog – kind of skipping the whole “mutual consent” thing.
*ting*
[Bloodsoul Contract] has been successful.
You are now the master of [Archzombie “Nameless”].
Do you wish to rename your familiar?
[YES] – [NO]
“Oooooh! Indeed. [YES]. ‘Nameless’ is rather inconvenient. Thena! What do you thing we should call him?”
“Dunno. It’s your familiar. I don’t think I could come up with something good.”
“Muuuuh!” Victoria pouted, stomping on the ground. “I asked you! At least try!”
“Eeeeh…”
The Shieldbearer scratched her copper-haired head, uncomfortable.
“What about… Slaughterer?”
“Too brutal. Not really fitting.”
“Pacific Slaughterer?”
“…I’ll admit, it sounds awesome. But where do you see any ‘slaughterer’ in that guy?”
Both adventuresses turned towards the archzombie, who was stumbling around while trying to catch the remnant sparks of mana.
“…yeah. Why not just Zombie then?”
“Thought of it, but it would be kinda confusing in a fight. And it’s not very original.”
“Sparky?”
“Is he a dog?”
“Smelly?”
“That’s just rude!”
“Rotbag?”
“Now you’re being racist!”
Athena hung her shoulders.
“... Sorry. My Sis always said I have a broken naming sense.”
“Aaaah~. With your brains, I was sure you could find something better. I don’t know… something like Lurk Sprywalker?”
“How’s that guy ‘spry’?”
“That’s the joke.”
“Then what’s wrong with Slaughterer?”
“Argh… You got me there. But it’s so not cute!”
“I think it’s cute enough though.”
*sigh* “We’ll never agree on that point. Dunno, the name of one of your favourite authors?”
“Einstein?”
“…seriously? Is ‘Relativity: The Special and the General Theory’ your bedtime book or something?”
I’m sure I saw it in the school library, but still…
Then, seeing Athena blush, Victoria quickly raised her right palm up while covering her face with the left.
“No! No, don’t answer. I don’ wanna know.”
“Sorry I’m weird.”
“No, no, it’s cool.” Victoria patted her shoulder. “I just don’t get why you’d ever pretend not to be smart, when you’re reading advanced physics theories for fun.”
“It’s not really for fun…”
“Do you enjoy it?”
“…yes,” the tall woman answered sheepishly.
“Then it’s fun.”
Athena made a puzzle face.
“Is that how it works?”
“It’s how I see it. And my point of view is the only one that matters to me.”
The Shielbearer looked at the Bloodsoul Mage with a frown that quickly turned into an indulgent half-smile.
“Well, except yours I guess… Hey! I actually meant that! How bizarre. Is it this body’s hormones, or is my mind affected by emotional stimuli? There’s also the gap problem I noticed when I logged out… Mmmh… I need to investigate.”
Victoria was mumbling something to herself, but Athena couldn’t quite catch anything beside the first sentence.
“Oh~ Guys! What’ ya’ doin’ over there?”
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With no sparky thingy left to chase, the still-nameless archzombie was stumbling back to them. Victoria spun around and faced him with a pondering look.
“We’re trying to find you a name.”
“Name? For me? Cool. Thanks, Sis. I always wanted a name.”
“You did?”
“Yeah! Like… for the whole past two seconds…”
“And that’s why you’re perfect for this team,” the dhampir nodded to some deep truth she alone was privy to. “Okay! I decided. Your name shall be…”
She reached out and typed on the translucent keyboard that had occupied half her vision ever since she had answered [YES] to the query of the interface.
Do you confirm changing your familiar’s name to [Frank Einstein]?
[YES] – [NO]
“[YES]!”
The window disappeared and the newly named Frank Einstein was engulfed in a light show accompanied by game-ish victorious sound effects, as his new patronym was displayed in golden floating lettered above his head before disappearing in a cloud of sparks.
Victoria grumpily complained: “How’s that ‘great realism’? Whatever really just switch from cliché gaming to VR whenever they damned please. Should I write a letter of complain?”
In fact, she had been startled by the sudden 8-bit trumpet sound. She didn’t like being startled. She was the Great Startler! And she really hated sudden fanfare sounds. For no good reason too, this was one of the things you disliked without exactly knowing why, like spinach or the colour purple, even though neither spinach nor purple had never done anything reprehensible to you or your family.
“Did you really call him Einstein?” Athena commented in dismay, too closed off to fantasy-oriented fictions to be aware of Mary Shelley’s work <3> or any of its numerous subsequent adaptations, and thus as usual missing the pun.
“Zombies like brains, so it’s fi~ine!” the pale girl shrugged with yet another twirl, her very baseless bad mood already forgotten. “Don’t you, zombies?”
“Well… the whole body tastes pretty much the same to me…”
“That’s because you’ve got no taste buds. Well, it’s interesting to know regardless, but I wasn’t talking to you.”
“Wha-”
“GRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!”
“HAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
A dozen [Lesser Zombies] suddenly appeared from between bushes right behind Einstein, jumping him and beginning to tear his body apart.
Victoria had felt the slow approach of those monsters with [Soul Sense], while [Echolocation], even if tuned down in humanoid form, had picked up the characteristic gargling wail of zombies in the distance. Athena too had actually felt that a bunch of somethings was coming, and had silently placed herself between the dhampir and the potential threat. However, in an atypical burst of selfish grudge, she had completely neglected their newest companion.
Screaming his dysfunctional lungs out – which brought out the question of how he was even speaking in the first place – Einstein was trying to repel his mindless cousins, more under the effect of sudden panic than because he was feeling any sort of pain from having large chunks of flesh bitten off him.
Unexpectedly, although his weak punches made no damage whatsoever, whenever his fist holding the [Necklace of Grace] made contact with one of the rotting assailants, the monster actually lost a few points in health and, more importantly, was stunned and fell on the ground.
That gave the idea to Victoria of equipping their abnormal friend with as much holy equipment he could handle.
He would be the ‘highest’ Paladin ever! Or an undead priest! All hail the Stoner Priest! HAHAHAHA!! It would be like wearing a complete set of magic mushrooms! Wait… Don’t I actually have an armour like that? Ah! More importantly.
The stunned zombies were rapidly standing back up. Rapidly… for undead, meaning like puppets manipulated by a puppeteer suffering from Parkinson’s disease. But still getting up nevertheless. Athena casted a sidelong glance at her grinning friend.
“Should we help him?”
“I think so. It’s too late for the shirt I gave him, but at least the pants can probably be salvaged. A few holes won’t hurt the undead-vibe, so…”
“Alright. Stay behind, I’ll-”
“I’m taking the front line! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! TO ME, FRED THE FRYING PAN!! Fuck the metaaaaahahahahahaHAHAHAHA!!”
The overpowered cooking device materialised in her open palm as the dhampir rushed forwards while laughing hysterically.
At some point unknown to the Shielbearer, Victoria had taken the time to draw the face of a laughing red and black clown, with sharp teeth, on the underside of the pan. The paint she had used was actually home-made. The dhampir had made it herself from dragon blood and phoenix ashes – two of the most priceless ingredients in the world – and it was thus completely fireproof on top of not impeding at all the flow of mana through the runes.
Fred the Frying Pan used to be at the level of a national treasure, be it only by the virtue of the rarity of runic weapons. Not mentioning the absurd combination of strengthening, fire and light-weight magic that had been imbedded in this inconspicuous utensil. Now it was also worth a little manor, with furniture and maids. Of course, Athena ignored that fact, otherwise she probably would have fainted… after having “fainted” some common-sense into the extravagant Progenitor.
As it was, the Shielbearer just sighed and leaped after Victoria, who had accelerated her movements with wind magic and was taunting the slow undead whistle pummelling them with the glowing frying pan of scorching doom.
Then the dhampir tripped and fell head first into a cluster of hungry zombies.
* * *
Later…
“HAHAHAHA!! Everything went as planned!”
“…” ~ stare ~
“Haha… Well, as expected.”
“…” ~ stare ~
“Well… as usual…”
*bang*
“Ow…”
Of course, Victoria had nearly died fighting the zombies. Only Toto’s in-extremis intervention had saved her life, although it was unclear what or who the dragon had been targeting. Being immune to soul magic, the Progenitor hadn’t suffered any damage from the sudden storm of blue fire, but she had nevertheless ended up extremely thirsty, something Athena had needed to remedy to.
Now they were finally out of the woods and back on the road to Cali, and everyone was making their best to pretend this recent humiliating episode never happened.
Well… some were…
“Hahaha, Sis, that funny yelp you made when that dude tried to bit you in the face! Awesome! And Bro, you were so cool back there!”
“How many times do I have to repeat myself: I. AM. A… *sigh* Why do I even bother?”
Athena shook her head dejectedly, to which Victoria interjected: “Don’t be too harsh on Einstein. He’s blind, so I guess he sees his surroundings through mana or something…”
“You think? Can’t you check your familiars’ skills via the interface?”
“I can?” Victoria’s eyes turned into two saucers. “Wait… Oh shit! Yes I can! Here it is. [Advanced Mana Perception]. Let’s see… sees everything that has a sufficient amount of mana coursing through it… no dead angles… H’y shit! That’s OP! Dude, you can really do that?”
“Yeah~ Everything is all blue and cloudy… It’s awesome…”
“What do you even need drugs for… Anyway… Then how… Ah. Level two, so… yeah. That explains why he didn’t detect those zombies until it was too late. Or maybe he’s just freaking distracted all the time. Yeah. I bet on that too. Well, flesh in general is pretty much the best insulation against mana. Otherwise it’d be far too easy to just materialise a [Fireball] directly inside someone’s head and POOOF… or maybe SPLORSH… but you get my point.”
Athena was getting the point and she grimaced.
“He seems to see us well enough though.”
“Me maybe. I’m leaking mana like a freaking fountain. It’s quite embarrassing. Probably because of the discrepancy between my level and MP. My body can’t contain my power or some twisted mago-technico bullshit. I swear, that stuff fascinates me, but it doesn’t make any damn sense most of the ti… Oh. Wait. That’s exactly why I like it. Never mind. Mmmh… I’m sure I found a skill book for the [Aura Concealment] skill before, so that’s a thing. What did I do with it again? Ah. Right. The assassin birdy. Oh, well… Guess I should put getting that skill somewhere near the top of my to-do list. Going to suck at stealth otherwise. Well, I’m a vampire, or half of it, so I’m bound to suck anyway. Loli-lol! … That joke was terrible. Though it’s not like [Advanced Mana Perception] is that common in the first pla-”
“Ahem,” Athena interrupted, somehow feeling that Victoria would go on for another half-hour if she wasn’t stopped. “What about me then?”
“You? Well, I guess he mostly sees your armour, and maybe you a little. No wonder he keeps confusing you with a man. Your stature isn’t exactly feminine.”
“I know that,” grumbled Athena.
“And to my great concern I find you very hot.”
“You said something?”
“I said that Einstein is also an idiot,” salvaged Victoria without missing a beat.
Athena replied with something like a sighed “Ah.” Then, she scratched her head.
“By the way, isn’t [Advanced Mana Perception] an extremely high-tier skill?”
The dhampir narrowed her eyes and turned to observe the archzombie who had just collapsed after walking straight into a tall rock. The human followed her gaze.
“…”
“…”
“I think? Well, ‘arch’-somethings are usually powerful beings. Like archliches, archmages, archangels, archdemons and Archibald.”
“Who?”
“Yeah. Don’t make fun of his capillary situation. He’s a hair susceptible.”
Victoria was shivering and looking like she was relieving some deep trauma, so Athena didn’t insist. Then the dhampir shook her head, and called out their potentially, maybe, dubiously strong ally.
“Hey! Enstein! You sure you’re not some kind of overly powerful monster? I’d like to know before we get to Cali, in case you suddenly snap and I need to stop you from destroying the town before I do.”
“What?!” Athena yelped.
“That was a joke Thena… probably.”
The archzombie was making his way towards them, and for the first time, Victoria noticed that he was walking very carefully, probably to avoid stumbling on every mana-less rock on the road. Also, even if he looked clumsy at first, her enhanced vampiric hearing couldn’t pick up the slightest sound from his footsteps.
Forget the undead paladin… though that still is an awesome idea, but he’s too squishy for the job anyway. That dude’s made for stealth. Probably should drop him at Birdy’s for some ‘light’ assassin training. Yeah. Let’s do that. What was the location of the secret headquarters of the guild Shadow Plume again? I remember it took some effort to find it this time. It’s annoying how they keep moving after each of my visits. Don’t they like my awesome slumber parties? Hahahaha. Is it the ‘eternal slumber’ part that bothers them? Hehehe. I wonder if they ever got that blood out of the carpet. They were really mad about that. But how was I supposed to know it was manticore fur? Seriously, don’t put legendary items on the floor!
“Vicky, you’re grinning evilly,” Athena commented, concern in her voice.
“It’s because you can’t spell ‘slaughter’ without ‘laughter’. Hehehe.”
“I asked nothing.”
The Shielbearer closed her eyes and looked away, metaphorically washing her hands off anything Victoria was planning which included both those orthographically overlapping words. At the same time, Einstein finally caught up to them.
“You were saying something, Sis? And did you mention Cali? Is that where we’re going?”
“Yeah. I was wondering if you weren’t super overpowered in fact. But never mind that. You actually remembers something?”
Victoria was mildly interested, at least enough to casually shrug off the potential death of innumerable innocents.
For the first time since they met him, the zombie looked faintly annoyed. He was actually frowning.
FROWING!!!!
“Yeah… kinda… Cali… Just that I have this feeling I don’t like that place… I’m not sure why… What I am sure though is that the people there are assholes. If I really was super powerful of the dead, I’d have destroyed that place al… rea… dy…”
Einstein’s speech progressively slowed down as the aforementioned town of Cali came into view. It was abruptly quite close because it stood after a turn in the road and the forest had been hiding it until now.
The reason for the archzombie’s hesitation was that, although unable to see in the conventional sense of the term, his mana perception was very clearly picking up the magic emanating from the colossal defensive runic wall encircling the large settlement.
Or, more accurately, what was left of said defensive wall…
Though the remains of its ancient power still were leaking all over the place, the actual gigantic architectural artefact was crumbling, smashed to bits like by some monstrous fist, while the equally antic and runic silver gates had been torn of their hinges. From behind the ruined wall, only silence could be heard.
Victoria, Athena, and even Toto slowly, very slowly, turned their heads towards the stunned – okay, even more stunned than usual – Einstein, who abruptly looked back at them and raised his hands in denial.
“That’s soooo not what it looks like.”
* * * * *
<1> This song most likely has nothing to do with weed or stoners, but I can’t help but think of it.
Spoiler :
<2> It’s much better with the song playing in the background.
Spoiler :
<3> For those of you who might ignore that fact, like me fifteen seconds ago, Mary Shelley is an English novelist from the 19th century, best known for her book Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus. On a side note, I’d like to remind you that Frankenstein is not the name of the monster, but of the man who created him, the Dr. Victor Frankenstein.
----------------------------------------
Spoiler :
"Zombies are better than people~ Einstein don't you think that's true~?"
"Yeah, people will beat you, beheaded you and burn you! Everyone of 'em's bad, except you."
"Oh, thanks buddy... But people smell better then zombies~ Einstein don't you think I'm riiiight~?"
"That's once again true, for all except you!"
"You fucked it, be ready to die~"
"Spare me..."
"Carefull even dhampirs... bite!"
Couldn’t find a place to put it without feeling forced… Anyway, thanks buddies and see ya next chap’.
PS: Go read Midnight Moonlight, it’s great! Or at least vote for it on topwebfiction! We get bonus chapters if the story is in the top ten! Consider this a donation for my awesome work. …No that’s not cheating. Nobody mentioned you had to read something to vote for it. Come one guys, I need more of that stuff.