Nutrek’s Odyssey:

Back from the Dead

“I am Evil! Stop laughing!”

– Veigar, LoL

– ***** –

While a peaceful afternoon began in the hidden village of Kansas…

Elsewhere, unbeknownst to the blissfully ignorant citizens of the world, Fate was calling back Its most faithful apostle. Over the wrecked soils of a cursed and devastated sacred ground, gathered ominous black thunderclouds, darker than even the soul of the cruellest murderer. Torrential acidic rainfall flooded the surrounding ancient woods infested with roaming fester corpses, rapidly turning the area into a putrid marsh. Berserker whirlwind tormented trice-centenarian trees, and blinding lightning erupted in the sky like the drums proclaiming the End of Time.

The destructive unbound elements saluted the return of one of the Lords of Darkness, the immortal warlock that trough death had achieved eternity, the demented necromancer that had strayed the land for centuries, leading his hordes of merciless reanimated decaying minions, the evil psychopath even his late forbidden arts master had attempted to put to definitive rest, but also one that, by the sword of a champion of Light, had ultimately met his doom… but only for a time.

Clusters of unholy magic sinisterly crackled in the congested, overcharged atmosphere, inflating until they bursted into an unique humongous bolt of ghastly purple fire that tore through the air, coiling disorderly like a mad snake, distorting the very boundary leading to the afterlife, resounding with the agonising shrieks of a thousand damned souls, and blazingly struck the centre of a muddy jagged clearing, leaving behind a fuming crater swarming with sparks of corrupted mana.

Suddenly, the earth in the gloomy pit bulked, and four skeletal claws emerged from the smelly muck. The twitching appendix soon were followed by a fleshless paw, then by an arm, then a shoulder blade, and eventually a sniggering skull whose eyes shone with ghastly greenish foxfire, and whose lipless mouth was filled with sharp pointy short fangs, clattering deliberately in a vicious threatening manner. Using its free limb, the creature savagely dug out the rest of its body, and slowly, laboriously, the lich extirpated itself from its detested imposed grave.

The revived necrotic sorcerer twisted the darkness into a cloak of pure abyss, covering its naked yellowish bones, then looked convulsively at its ruined surroundings, and recognised the grotesque theatre of its humiliating, if short-lived, demise. A heinous wheeze filtered through its teeth and the flames in his empty sockets twitched in hatred. It started raising a talon curled up towards the stormy clouds, as if to utter some esoteric curse, when it suddenly froze, struck by a perverse foreboding. Anxiously searching for something, it felt its whole undead body, reaching even into its own ribcage and braincase, but to no avail. Its most prized possession, its misfortune-bringing artefact, the cursed source of its boundless dark magic, was nowhere to be found. Falling on its kneecaps, it threw its fists at the sombre sky, and let out a loud screech of raging despair:

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

– PAUSE –

*Larsen*

… one … two? ... one two … test test … Does this thing work? ... Yes? What? … It’s already on?! Oh. Sorry.

*cough* Hi everyone…. author here… really hate to do that, breaking the fourth wall etc… But it came to me perhaps some of you don’t fluently speak Squirrel. Don’t be ashamed, it’s more frequent that you might think. I’m sure you’re not alone. And therefore, and I apologize in advance to the die-hard fans of original versions, I reluctantly decided Nutrek’s lines would be dubbed in English. Only his though. Don’t try to make me believe you don’t understand Horse. I’m not stupid.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Well… that’s all. Sorry again. Now back to the story.

– PLAY –

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Where?! How?!! WHO?!? Who dared dispossess the great, the mighty, the fantastic, the MAGNIFICENT NUTREK ACORNAZIETH?!? Who?! Who! Who who whowhowhowhowhowhoWHOOO!! …AH!”

As if struck by lightning – again – Nutrek the Hyperactive Magnificent froze – again –, then jumped off the ground and on his metatarsi, and exaggeratingly slammed his bony fist into his bony palm with a bony “tac”.

“HIM! Of course! None content to trash my paradisiac dwelling, thou miserable fiend, thou nithing, thou VILAIN dareth flee mine domain with what to this one belongs?! Kikikikiki! Very well. I deem thee my nemesis! Thou shall soon halch the whole extent of my wrath. Just wait, miserable fool.”

Relapsing into his never-cured habit to speak silly when emotionally strained, and his overly dramatic tendencies – reasons why his creator/master wanted to dispose of him in the first place – the miniature necromancer struck a tentatively lordly pose, and called out in a hysterical high-pitched voice:

“COME FORTH! ANSWER MY CALL! COME TO ME! MY UNDYING MINIONS!!”

“…”

“…my minions?”

*inexistent cricket*

*cough* “He can’t have killed them all, can he?”

– *** –

Three hours later, Nutrek Acornazieth was running on all four through the [Lost Woods], his cape flapping in the moderate wind, swearing in every way he knew, and inoffensively cursing the sunlight-clad swordsman that had taken his precious away from him.

“Squeeergh…. Why! Whywhywhywhywhy doesn’t the location spell works. IIIIIIIIIIIH! It’s like something is interfering with my extraordinary power! Is it him? That flaffery filthy firefly thief! It has to be him! He must have realised, yes yes he, that felon, he must have, how much power mine artefact holds! YES! Tsk. I can’t let him keep it! Nonononono... It is mine. MINE!!!”

Incapable to feel the presence of his stolen power source, all the way behind the [Misty Soul Barrier], the critter overlord with performance issues was reduced to guess the probable direction his declared arch-enemy had left, two days ago.

Utterly devoid of any non-magical tracking skills, Nutrek somehow ended up dashing with all his strength in the completely opposite direction.

This marked the beginning of the little lich’s travels, an epic journey that would bring him to places he never even nightmared of, a fated tale that might derail destinies, doom nations, start wars, destroy civilisations, and forever change the face of Pandore, and the world…

…or not.

– ***** –

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And… It’s short. I know. But it’s only a side story. I personally don’t like stories that stray away from the MCs for too long. And the true chapter 9 is mostly written already anyway. I thought it was the right time to bring back little Nutrek.

What do you think? Do you want more Nutrek? Do you not? Do I piss you off for posting a side story when I can’t even get out of my own prologue? Which companions should the grandiose squirrel lich make on the way? What would you like to see happen to him? Please comment and tell me?

As always, squeeek squek kiiii squeeeeeeking, and squeeek kikisqueek squek squeekikipter.

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