Chapter 18 – Sleeping Beardy
“It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her- *GASP*”
– Prince Charming, Shrek 2
– ***** –
Day B-1, afternoon
Elric stepped into the guardian’s room.
“Three~ Two~ One~ ♪”
*SLAM*
“Aaalalalalah. Seriously... I get nobody likes draughty hallways. I really do. But is it necessary to close the doors so violently? Besides, that auto-lock is terribly unpractical, you know? I wouldn’t give more than four out of ten for the hospitality. And imagine if fire breaks out? Ah-AH! You’d be quite embarrassed, right? *sigh* Anyway… Guardian-chan~ Wheeere aaaare yooouuu? Elric nii-chan brought cookies! … Damn. I can’t see shit around here. You just got down to three.”
Like in the preceding corridor, livid torches were alone to fight a losing battle against obscurity, barely revealing the shadows of the nearest colonnades. In the little area brightened by his [Lantern of the Selfish One], Elric had the impression of walking inside a ruined temple floating in deep space, surrounded by void darkness and pale emerald stars.
Or maybe will-o'-the-wisp with sticks up their bum? Who’d cast a lighting spell so weak anyway?
“Look, you stupid sodomite fireflies! Be ashamed! BE VERY ASHAMED!! SEE! YOU’RE GIVING OFF EVEN LESS LIGHT THAT THE GIANT MAGICAL CIRCLE O..ver… there… … Oh… shit.”
At the end of the central aisle, on the opposite side of the immense room, a large cluster of convoluted glyphs had started to pulsate a nauseous purple glow rapidly gaining in intensity. In this second spooky isle of luminescence, Elric could distinguish impressive but damaged and half-collapsed columns, complemented by the usual junk of rotten banners and crippled statues, as well as a short flight of stairs topped by a broken throne, and, behind the ruined seat, a once-hidden passageway that opened in the wall, obstructed by an immaterial barrier reflecting the same purple.
Well, at least, I’m pretty sure it really is the boss room. You rarely find the boss in the toilets next to the throne room. … Rarely.
Elric began to run… towards the purple lights. He didn’t know how long the spell would take to activate, nor was he sure what it was supposed to do, but he was determined to at least try to get a look at the circle before it happened. After all, the Knowledgeable being able to disarm the construct on time was still a possibility.
The best way to stop the activation of a magical circle was to cut its power source, which was either one or several mages or a charged [Mana Gem]. Many though it was the only way actually, since trying to rewrite or interfere with an activating circle was as safe as manipulating high-voltage power lines barehanded next to a box filled with nuclear warheads – which means “not very”. As such, magic without clear origin was difficult to deal with, often leaving crude counter-spelling as sole defensive option.
However Elric wasn’t just anybody, and this wasn’t only his usual recklessness resurfacing that made him think he could hinder the awaking spell.
Indeed, like item enhancement, magical circles too derived from Runes, which he was one of the only persons – alive – to master on the Pandore Continent, although these copied another aspect of Runes than enchantments did. Enhanced weapons, for example, would possess permanent but limited powers. On the other hand, written magic constructs didn’t know any power limit, but were restricted to a single use, because they had to be drawn with special materials like [Magic Sand], [Holy Water], or, more commonly, [Spell Ink], which would be consumed upon activation.
Carving the construct of the spell on hard surfaces like wood or rock had been tried, but to no avail. Unlike runes, the furrow still had to be filled with some catalyst for the magic to work. At best, those carved circles helped shortening the time necessary to trace the spell, especially when the aforementioned catalyst was of the liquid kind. For example, some altars found in temples dedicated to dark gods would be surrounded by abstruse patterns, designed to receive the blood of living sacrifices. Although the best way known to date was still to carve the circle at the bottom of a reservoir.
However, like most magical traps found in any ancient dungeons, the construct glowing in front of Elric in the throne room of Bluerose Castle was of a trickier sort.
A Runic Construct. But of course. Great. And there are the glyphs of Holi-fucking-ness again. Not much I can do… Tsh. Now I wonder if there is- No. “What” is the link between those scribbles and the Erwynian Royalty. This castle used to be theirs, right? What about the Curse? Given those particular Runes are heavily oriented towards Soul magic… Well, I guess someone toyed with powers out of his reach and got burned… and the whole kingdom with him… or her. Never underestimate a woman wielding magic. Especially Fire magic. But Soul magic should be as dangerous… Now that I think of it, didn’t the old geezer say something about “young idiots” and “things they believed to understand”? Mmmmh... Also, I should try to get a closer look at those antique Runic walls the towns have around here. I found nothing suspicious up to now, but maybe there was some kind of illusion covering it. After all, if I was a Runic Soul Archmage, I wouldn’t want my secret runoglyphs to be openly displayed for the townsfolks to see.
All the while scanning his memories for anything that could help him, the Sage of the Wild took several steps backwards to prepare himself to receive the creature the spell was, most likely, about to conjure.
Because, what could a giant magical construct inside an empty boss room be, except a summoning circle? A teleporting gate towards Cookie Heaven, or a world dominated by primates perhaps? Improbable.
Having put enough distance between himself and the hopefully-not-doomsday-machine, Elric stopped and clapped his hands rapidly in anticipations like a delighted fangirl.
“So-so-so? What will it be? Eeeh? [Fallen Executioner], [Bone Gargoyle], [Ancient Dark King], [Harbinger of Death], a good old [Grim Reaper]? Alucard? Kel'Thuzad? Skeletor? Naraku? Solomon Grundy? Sadako under testosterone?! Hahaha! SURPRISE ME BLUEROSE!! HAHAHAHA! Show me your worst! I’ve gone through hell to keep enough mana for your fucking boss! Don’t you dare sending me a squirrel!” <1>
Somewhere mid-way through, his merry expectant speech had turned into a boasting challenge rant, his voice dropping fast down to deep theatrical badass – or, at least, what he thought it to be.
Although Alucard is a bit… And *mental sigh* I need more recent references... But I like retro, what can I do? Ah! Don’t start losing focus at the wrong moment again. Dorothy! Think ‘Little Sis’! I’m almost there. Where? I don’t know. But I’m close… Damn. I’ve got the feeling I’m soooo going to regret thi-
“Oh?”
A ghastly bluish form had started to rise from the pulsating circumvolutions, constricted by swarming purple Runes that bound the powerful soul to these cursed grounds. Emerging from the floor like from a pool of thick mud, the inflating phantom beast laboriously set paw into the dark throne room, finally revealing its translucent being in all of its deadly majesty.
“Haha…”
Long whipping tail, humongous reptilian four-legged body, sharp claws each big as Elric’s thighs, burly shoulders and snaky twisting neck, spikes-crowned head, jaws filled with innumerable teeth and a breath carrying the fire of the underworld, the emblematic monster of any fantasy universe, although in undead form, now stood before Elric and let out a deafening roar that shook the room and made stones fall in cascade from the ceiling.
Dwarfed by the mind-blowing apparition, the Wandering Knight burst out laughing:
“HAHAHAHAHAHA!! A dragon! It’s a dragon! They took out the freakin’ Soul Dragon!! Great! Wunderbar !! HAHA!! Of course! You can’t go wrong with the classics. COME AT ME BRO!! Elric nii-chan is in need of something to trash!”
Rested, satiated by the [Healthy Cookie] party, disposing of a mana pool now filled to the brim, and stressed out by almost a week of over-focus mode, the frustrated knight was more than eager to discharge all his pent up rage onto anyone or anything insane enough to provoke him in his current unstable state.
Eventually noticing the insect in front of him, the massive [Soul Dragon of the Abyss “Kalameet”] turned its head towards Elric, and inhaled.
“Oh no you don’t!! I am the warrior of the Sun! The light titan, and YOU will burn!! [Sun Guardian]!”
Elric exploded.
Or it sure looked like it, as his body was engulfed in a storm of scorching light. A miniature sun suddenly erupted in the throne room, blowing the darkness away, and the nearest tattered banners spontaneously combusted while a few broken sculptures began to melt. The giant ball of gaseous fire then violently twisted, whirled and warped itself around the Solar Knight, becoming a huge red-orange blazing armour whose size rivalled Kalameet’s.
Just in time too, as the [Soul Dragon] released its breath the instant the [Sun Guardian] finished forming.
Ghastly blue flames poured over the burning giant, who in turn slammed its two palms together, creating a blinding shockwave that instantaneously dissipated the flames before turning into scythe of Light that trailed fast towards the invoked monster. However, with a sweep of its tail, Kalameet easily deflected the attack that bounced sideways and severed a half-collapsed column.
Ending the first round on a tie, the two colossuses glared at each other while the huge neatly cut pillar slowly, very slowly, slid to the ground, like the flow of time had been quelled.
When, in a thundering noise, the falling stone finally shattered on the floor, time brutally took back its course, and the two opponents charged, both roaring, ghost maw opened and burning fist raised.
Reaching the beast, the Solar Knight abruptly halted his dash, took one more heavy step, transferring his weight onto his foot, and twisted his whole immaterial body to throw a right fiery cleansing hook, carrier of maddening inertia, at the incoming [Soul Dragon]’s head, in a merciless blow capable of shattering both physical and magical defences.
However…
*clink*
Before the attack could connect, a light crystalline sound echoed oddly over the chaos, and Kalameet’s body suddenly flickered out of existence.
“Uh?!”
His punch blasted through air.
Surprised to encounter no resistance, Elric lost balance, tumbled down and smashed into the floor, his [Sun Guardian] dissipating as he brutally lost focus. At his current level, the spell was already impressive and powerful, but still difficult to maintain.
Nevertheless shielded from damage, the swearing Solar Knight immediately stood up and glare at his surroundings, ready to face an undoubtedly impending assault by the unexpectedly teleporting dragon.
“…”
However, his fleshless foe kept him waiting.
“…”
After several minutes without a single ghostly scale in sight, the flabbergasted knight was forced to admit that the big ass reptile spectre wasn’t coming back, leaving all his hyped fighting-spirit targetless.
*crack*
“What WAS THAT?!?!”
A rapid glance towards the destroyed throne confirmed the purple barrier too had disappeared. Probably, all the pissed knight had left to do was to go through the tunnel, up the tower, and claim his prize.
Elric had somehow won. However he was far from satisfied of the outcome.
“IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?!” he shouted, but received no answer other than the echo of his own voice.
“… JOKE… joke… oke… oke…”
Infuriated and without much else to do, he nevertheless walked down the aisle towards the broken lordly seat.
“AAAAAARGH!! DAMN! WHO THE FUCK EVER HEARD OF A BOSS THAT JUST GO ‘POOSH!’ AND THE HERO GETS THE PRINCESS?! UH?!? FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! WHAT DID I EVEN SAVED MY MANA FOR?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! THAT SOOO PISSES ME OFF!! CHAOS!!? HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY THIS?!”
Whistling Divinity: Maybe he remembered he left cookies in the oven?
“Yeah… Right. I’m sure a disembodied dragon has much use for cooo-oOO-OH!!”
*slam*
“OUCH!”
*rollrollroll*
“WHAT NOW!? GOD! … I can’t see shit again! *sigh* In dark I walk, none is aware. For light I hold, but do not share. [Lantern of the Selfish One].”
His close surroundings immediately brightened as a small orb of light began to hover around his head. The fuming knight then got up and scanned the ground in search of the round object he tripped upon.
His eyes finally fell upon an oblong sapphire-like crystal, the size of an ostrich egg, inside of which swirled fleeting blue sparkles.
“Don’t tell me…”
Turning around and carefully inspecting a nearby column, he noticed a cracked recess in the stone, whose shape vaguely matched the gem.
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding… Vandalism or passage of time, leaving it broken is the worst crime. [Sculpture Restoration].”
Although the engravings weren’t technically sculptures, the spell worked on any kind of worked stone. In no time, the damaged setting took back its original form.
“Just how unkempt is this place? Seriously, when I see the princess, I’ll tell het that…”
Muttering bewildered gibberish, Elric pick up the large [Mana Gem] and thrust it back where it belonged.
As soon as the column and the crystal neared, a mana arc snapped between the two, and the latter was sucked up by its repaired niche. The stone shone brightly for a brief moment before an illusion hid the device. A low buzzing sound then started to echo through the vast empty throne room.
Elric had been right, that sound when Kalameet had disappeared had been the [Mana Gem] falling off its ruined socket and down to the ground.
Chaos: You…
Hearing the inorganic purring, the Solar Knight grinned like an insane starved hyena that just spotted a lone injured antelope.
“ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR!”
“You said it, not me. Hahaha… I am the warrior of the Sun. The light titan, and you will burn. [Sun Gardian].”
A fiery giant slowly spun to face a very pissed Kalameet.
“You should be ashamed. Leaving your guest all alone like that and forcing him to fix your home. Tss-tss-tss… You just went down to two.”
“RRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRR…”
“Hahaha. Right. Let’s do this Lizzy! HAHAHAHAHAHA…”
And, accompanied with the sound of overjoyed laughter, the blazing madman and the ghastly dragon once again charged at each other.
– *** –
“Ha… Ha… Ha…”
A panting knight was resting against a boulder, vestige of a column thrown at him by the “dying” dragon. Around Elric, mindless devastation filled the throne room. Solidified lava, stone dust, and still burning banners scattering floating ashes. In fact, it was a wonder how the ceiling even held with so many of its supports demolished.
“Ha… Ha… That… That’s what I’m talking about… Ha… Ten out of ten for the activity… Ha…”
His mana pool was as dried up as a desert in summer, he had barely any life left, his inventory had been emptied of all its potions, except for the few [Four Heaven Pill] he didn’t dare to use. Also, his armour had been shattered, unable to endure the repeated use of the Runic magic cooked up by the Knowledgeable, which had still been experimental, and thus incomplete and unstable. All Elric had left was his virtually unbreakable broken sword – He really had to encounter a [Rust Golem]. The red tear-shaped pendant of unknown use, gifted to him by the Elder, had too survived the battle.
On overall, the Wandering Knight had the sensation of having been ran over by three aggressive trucks, twice, then thrown inside an active volcano – he actually knew the feeling – , during an eruption, but… he felt amazing!
“Ha… Ha… Hahaha… Pfiouuu… Haha… That was so fun… Ha… But I lost some time, didn’t I? Oh well, it’s still only a game, right? You’ve got to have your fun once in a while. Those guys who’re all serious about their in-game performances are such a bore. Although I do respect them for keeping all those stats and number-thingies in mind. I’ve never been able to do that. Hahaha…”
Uncontrollably chuckling, he rose from the trashed floor, and started to limp towards the throne, distractedly slipping onto his finger the ring the [Soul Dragon of the Abyss “Kalameet”] had dropped. When he finally entered the tunnel, he noted in passing the glyphs of the magical barrier. After a short walk, he reached the bottom of a spiral staircase, and started to climb without bothering to check for traps. His serious mode was all but dissipated. He still was on the lookout though, since he didn’t consider failing Dorothy to be an option.
“In the highest room of the tallest tower, right? *sigh* Between goblins, undead, spooky light shows and a freaking dragon, this Bluerose is quite old-school, isn’t it? Not that it’s all bad once in a while… But too much cliché makes it predictable. Then predictability makes it boring. And boring pisses me off.”
On his way up, Elric passed by several doors, but all were locked. Behind those, unfathomable treasures might have been waiting, however the Wandering Knight wasn’t here for the richness, nor did he care much. True, he was a little curious, but smashing doors inside the home of a supposed immortal necromancer, and right before asking her for a favour… Well, it didn’t strike him as especially bright.
– *** –
Eventually, the Wandering Knight arrived at what seemed to be the top of the tower. Now before him was an archway obstructed by a surprisingly well-conserved blood red veil embroidered with a dark blue rose, the emblem of Bluerose Castle – …Duh!?
Elric rectified his appearance the best he could. After all, undead, lich, or whatever, he still was going to meet a princess. Using the little mana he had recovered, he cleaned himself and the formal-but-slightly-wild clothes he had equipped.
Choosing the latter had taken quite some time. The whole climb in fact. To be true, he had quite a few outfits. Not that he had many occasions to wear them, but more because tailoring was one of his hobbies, along with sewing and cooking. His few friends often liked to joke about it, saying he “would make a good wife one day” and stuff like that.
“Haha… ‘LOL’…” he sarcastically muttered.
Pushing the light curtain aside, Elric stepped into a round, well-furnished, well-kept bedroom, one suited for a young lady of noble birth, strikingly out of place in this cursed, ruined and monster-filled keep, although the sheer amount of red and blue in the décor somewhat made his eyes hurt.
His gaze was immediately attracted to the elegant four poster bed, on which a girl laid asleep.
Thankfully, she didn’t appear to be an undead skeleton.
Thanks gods…
“ …”
How have my standards fallen. Am I so desperate that the first criterion I look for in a girl is “She has flesh”? … I feel a bit like jumping out of this window right now…
In two strides, he was by the bed, staring at the visibly defenceless sleeping girl.
Haha… Isn’t that awfully creepy? That reminds me of that terrible movie I saw once. Although I quite liked it… It was so bad it was actually funny. I really thought it was a comedy back then… Still think it is. Although… “I like watching you sleep” was it? Right… I’m sure that scene was supposed to be all sweet and lovely, but that was just creepy… And good think the guy doing the staring was the immortal vampire. I wouldn’t want an immortal overpowered girl to catch me checking her out during her sle- Oh wait… Haha… How do I go about this?
On second look, Victoria – It is unlikely anyone else lives here. – , who he had first thought to be a young girl, was more of a woman of an age – rectification, an “apparent” age – closer to his own, but her small frame, height around one-sixty, pale doll-like delicate face, and smooth baby skin made the confusion easy. Although her breasts weren’t that of a child… not huge, but not small either, well-shaped in fact, and suitable for her.
Wow… I don’t mean the breast… Well yes, I do… but no… God, I don’t want her to wake up and see me staring at her boobs. Worst first impression ever… Well, about the rest. How does she do this? Maybe she has elven blood? Although I never heard of an elf necro. Nature and undead don’t mix well together. A dark elf at the very least, but she’s far too white for that. Isn’t that somehow racist? Oh well, I don’t care.
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He couldn’t actually see the shape of her ears, because her long, thick, and immaculate white hair covered them entirely. Besides, her visage, despite the breath-taking beauty, seemed too human for the Forest People, although it still held some kind of exoticism.
Okay. She isn’t some kind of mummy. Great. So what now? … Stop looking there you suicidal idiot! … Well, we’re not going to stay like that all day, are we? You might be immortal, but I’m not, and I have a tight schedule to keep up with… which I already screwed up… So…
Elric took a few steps back and cleared his throat:
“Eeeeh… *cough* Miss? Princess Victoria?”
No response.
“Princess? Sorry to intrude”, he raised his voice a little. “But I was recommended your assistance by the Elder of Kansas and… This isn’t working… and I feel stupid.”
Walking back to the sleeping beauty’s side, he started to poke her arm.
“Princess?”
Still no response.
She’s not dead is she? No, she’s breathing… What then?
In doubt, he poked her face, pinched nose, and checked her ears, which happened to be round.
So no elf then. Even halfs’ ears are at least a little pointy…
Actually, he would have fondled her breasts too, but the Knowledgeable was too familiar with a few potions and curses that gave all the appearance of sleep, but kept the mind perfectly aware of the surroundings, to be reckless on that one. If he could pass off some poking as necessary check-ups, there was a limit to the bullshit anyone could take. And if she was some kind of pervert who liked to be touched in her sleep, it wouldn’t be too late to do it after confirming she wouldn’t blast his head off for the cause.
Although all this didn’t solve his immediate problem.
In desperation, he tried shaking her awake.
Grabbing her shoulder, he agitated her sleeping body and shouted:
“OH! VICTORIA! WAKE UP! I MADE A LONG WAY TO SEE YOU AND YOUR WELCOMING COMMITTEE SUCKS!!”
Seeing that she still stayed limp in his grasp, he unceremoniously let her drop back on the sheets, sat on the side of the bed, and stroke his short six-day beard.
“Well… I guess… Without any potions, ingredients or information… The last thing left is ‘that’… Right… It’s for the quest… And I promised Dorothy… Right… Obviously… and this castle follows all the basics… So it make senses that… Okay. Let’s then…”
Getting up, he blew on his hand and tried to smell his breath.
Smells like cookie… and blood… could be worse.
He had of course magically washed all trace of puke and gore during his little chat with Headison, but the fight with Kalameet had caused him to spit haemoglobin more than once.
*cough*
Elric stopped trying to give himself dubious excuses – Shit. I confess. I haven’t kissed a girl in months! I’ve got no remorse if this doesn’t work. Happy, conscience-san? … I am. … Good. Now shut up. – and leant over Victoria’s sleeping body, himself closing his eyes. Not that he thought it was more romantic that way – kissing an unconscious girl he didn’t know was creepy, however anyone put it – but he thought seeing someone face so up close was just weird.
More for himself than anything else in the end, the Wandering Knight laid his mouth on the young woman’s one, not expecting much.
However, as soon as their lips touched, electricity sparked between them and Elric suddenly felt dizzy. He tried to jerk away, but was unable to move. Opening his eyes, he met Victoria’s, staring at him, bewitching, slightly slanting, with bloody irises encircled by inverted crowns of dark blue. Her pupils were rapidly twitching, changing shape and alternating between human-like discs and vertical oblong slits that incongruously reminded him of McLeon. He felt drawn to those living gemstones like a sailor lost in a storm was to a lighthouse, drawn and scared.
Scared, not by the unnatural attraction he felt towards the woman, nor by the sudden compulsion he had to obey her, nor even by the weakness that progressively invaded his body, but by the murderous madness, the psychotic hatred, the devouring insanity that had visibly long ago swallowed the princess and that shone ominously in her bottomless black ever-changing pupils.
Victoria was grasping his head, maintaining their lips sealed. However, it wasn’t her feeble grip that held the Solar Knight in place, but the scorching torture that reached every corner of his body and paralysed him. His skin seemed on fire, his muscles were shrivelling, sharp needles piercing every cell in his body while his organs melted and reformed, his bones broke and mended themselves, his brain in turn lost all sensations and was overcome with waves of pain biting at his sanity, over and over again in an agonising cycle of suffering. The aftereffects of the [Four Heavens Pill] seemed like a pleasant memory in comparison to the indescribable butchering his whole being was currently subjected to.
All the while, a vaporous fluid continuously poured from the mad princess’s mouth and down his throat. Despite the mind-distorting torments that assaulted him, Elric could still perfectly perceive the ghastly substance as it burnt its way to his heart, invaded his arteries, and spread throughout blood.
A bright ruby light suddenly emanated from the region of the knight’s neck, then a white hot knife pierced through his chest, and he finally could spasm away from the insane witch.
Collapsing on the carpeted ground, he started to convulse while a disembodied female voice in his head was reciting a grisly litany in a hoarse voice:
… blood… all… all of them… I’ll eat all… I’ll devour… I’ll get revenge… kill… Sangbleu… Ambrose… all will die… kill… rip their hearts… Just wanted a fucking subclass… rip their souls… lock them away… like they… me… I… kill… blood… death to… damned prophecy… I’ll show… them… What the fuck is this? ... blood… failure… monster… love… hate… why… why… WHY… didn’t do any… mom… dad… scared… slit their throats… drink their blood… help… dark… where… Ambrose… Elder, you old asshole, I will… kill… curse… curse you… bastard… all die… bath in their blood… soil their corpses… eat their hearts… Dorothy, just wait for Big… eat their souls… hunger… pain… pleasure… more…
Struggling to separate his own thoughts from the bloodthirsty ranting, Elric saw through his teary eyes a blurry Victoria raising from the mattress, sitting on the side of the bed, and staring at her hands in puzzled wonderment. Then, a large grin bloomed on her face and she started to… change.
Her tiny frame began to broaden, large muscles ripping through her light white dress like a demented butterfly wrecking his cocoon to show its distorted body to the world. Her pure immaculate mane fell from her scalp by slabs, replaced by messy dark-brown shoulder-length hair. At the same time, her doll face bulked, lost its smoothness and turned edgy and coarse, and was soon covered by a bushy unkempt beard.
From the floor, the tortured knight stared flabbergasted at the tall burly man, wearing but a loincloth that had once be a delicate dress, who in a few blinks had replaced the beautiful maiden.
Palpating his whole body with an ecstatic expression, the unknown stranger – That isn’t princes Victoria. That can’t! – took out a long inspiration and raucously burst out laughing.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! FREE!! FREE AT LAST!! GONE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I DON’T HEAR HER ANYMORE!!! FREEEEEEEEE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! NO MORE TOWER!!! NO MORE NIGHTMARES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I CAN FINALLY RETURN TO MY HOME!! MY TOWN!! HAHAHAHA!! SUCH A FOOL I WAS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHAT PRINCESS?! WHAT UNDYING BEAUTY?! WHAT ETERNAL YOUTH?!?! HAHAHAHAHA!!! … Hahahaha… Once I get home, I’ll ask Adelle to marry me. Hahaha… I hope I’m not too late… I don’t know how long I… Ha! But before, I will go back to that village. Gut that old man. Kill the icy bitch. Kill… SLAUGHTHER THEM ALL!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I WILL BATH IN THEIR BLOOD!!! EAT THEIR HEARTS!! EAT THEIR SOULS!!! KILL!! I WILL KI- *cough* Uaaaargh *cough* *cough* *COUGH* *wheeeeze*”
In front of the increasingly stupefied Elric, still assaulted by ungodly pain that didn’t seem merciless enough to make his body go numb, the man grasped his throat, struggling to breathe. Then his impressive muscles began to melt, his hair once more fell to the ground, his teeth left his mouth, his eyes caved inside their sockets, his whole body shrivelled until he looked barely more than the mummy Elric had feared to encounter a the top of this cursed tower.
“Noooo… *wheeze* Please… *cough* *wheeze* please… Ad- *wheeze* …el *cough* s…ry… lov…”
Briefly turning into a skeleton, he stumbled forwards, bony arms raised as if to reach out to someone, and he abruptly crumbled to dust, along with his hair and teeth, leaving behind only a tattered white piece of cloth.
Elric didn’t understand what just happened, he couldn’t. In fact, he wasn’t in a state that allowed him to think properly at all. His ever-breaking-and-reviving body and the crazy murderess in his mind weren’t kind enough as to give him a break to attempt to comprehend what was going on.
… The fuck just happ… night… wedding… black… death… red… rose… blood… Ambrose… love… mom… Will you shut the fuc… night… feast on their corpses… rip their heads off… mom… help… I don’t want to… Please… You crazy bitch stop th… No… where am I… why… WHY… monster… curse… demon… shame… shame to the blood… shame to the line… destroy… hate… blood… line… blood… blood… BLOOD… drink theirs… bath in theirs… laugh to the moon… Don’t take out your problems on me like th… mom… dad… mom… mom… why… what wrong… Listen, you should just have a family reunion and… kill… kill them all… break their bones… eat their hearts… chain their souls… torture their souls… Okay, if you killed them that will be more comp… didn’t do anything… why… monster… no monster… not me… mom… father… queen… king… Ambrose… This guy comes back quite often doesn’t he… husband… wife… yes I do… bastard… curse… curse you… waiting alone…. years… demon… moon… night… kill… KILL… Okay, I’ve had enough… DEATH… death to all… Sangbleu… traitor… suck his marrow… bite his throat… NOW YOU SHUT UP YOU PSYCHO BITCH!!! THERE ISN’T ENOUGH ROOM FOR TWO INSANE PERSONS IN HERE!!!... slaughter… thirst… blood… AND! THIS! IS! MY!!! BRAIN!!!!!
Punctuating his mental declaration, Elric rammed his head into the nearby bed footboard. It hurt like hell. And his actions made no sense. But he was already in so much pain that he didn’t even care anymore, and he persisted in his attempts to knock himself down until finally a welcomed darkness embraced him.
– *** –
… kill… blood… hate… … … strangle them in their sleep… kill… Yeah. Yeah. You said that already. … slaughter them all… Okay, I’ll tell them. Now shut up. … pain… no monster… no monster… Victoria will be good… blood… enslave their souls… *mental sigh* Well… That’s what is called a work in progress… … Ambrose… What did this guy do to you exactly? … curse… kill… hate… bastard… love… Ah! This is useless. Like I needed a psychopathic tenant in my mind. … blood…
Collapsed on the comfortable thick carpet, Elric was slowly regaining consciousness. His body felt like it had been thrown into a mixer and then put back together by a drunk surgeon suffering from Parkinson's disease. His mouth was awfully numb, and the taste of bile and blood lingered inside, and a stabbing pain persisted right above his heart. His head, especially, still felt like he had an axe embedded in-between the two hemispheres of his brain.
“Oooooh… My hea-”
He suddenly jerked awake and up and the sound of his… high-pitched? melodious? and beautiful voice?!?
“What the…”
Leaving is sentence unfinished, mirroring the nameless madman from earlier, he palpated his beardless face, his smooth skin, his long flowing white hair, his… soft and plump chest – On that he was rather conflicted about what to feel – , then, with growing horror, he slowly lowered his hands towards his manhood. Or the lack of thereof.
*craaack*
“Haha… Elder… what the hell did… Haha. Right. I knew I was going to get screwed… but isn’t it a bit… Ah! He promised me subclass, right? Not that it matters much… Haha. But what the hell! Hahaha! Tell me I at least got something out of this mess? Hahaha… Dorothy. I’m sorry. Onii-chan became onee-chan… What the hell… Hahaha… Where’s my fucking subclass?! Show [Identity Window]!”
Identity Window
Name:Victoria SangbleuAlignment:DarknessLevel:23Class:Bloodsoul MageRace:DhampirSubclass:PrincessGender:FemaleMarital Status:WidowTitleImmortal Exiled Princess
*crack* *crack*
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2fo6Ch4mD.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/o6Ch4mD.jpg]
So that’s her… my? … full name… vengeance… Sangbleu… Shut up. I gathered your family has issues, already!
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2f0efNDo1.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/0efNDo1.jpg]
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2fFsp9oEX.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/Fsp9oEX.jpg]
… the thirst… blo- Well, this explains that. I don’t care much either way…
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2ftZ6jKMY.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/tZ6jKMY.jpg]
*crack* *craaaack*
“Hahahaha… I guess I can’t complain. Hahaha. Right?”
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2faF21Jue.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/aF21Jue.jpg]
*crack*
“Still. Hahaha… That hurts asshole.”
… Ambrose… kill… enslave his soul… Okay! I got it! I got it already.
“Guess I’ll have to find the guy, or something, or you won’t shut up…”
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2fsJdoUKm.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/sJdoUKm.jpg]
*craaaaack*
“From [Single] directly to [Widow]. Haha. Did I miss a few steps or what? Hahaha… Go directly to the cemetery. Do not pass by the church. Do not collect your dowry? Haha… Ah! No. Right. I AM the fucking bride! HAHAHAHAHA!! Or is it fucked bride?”
*craack*
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2fCGCuoYk.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/CGCuoYk.jpg]
*crack* *crack* *crack* crack* *CRACK* *CRAAAAAACK* *CRAAAAAAAACK*
“How… Is… that… even… freaking… POSSIBLE?!”
*blink*
Unwilling to believe his… no… her eyes, he… she did a triple take on his… her [Identity Window]:
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2fCGCuoYk.jpg [http://i.imgur.com/CGCuoYk.jpg]
*CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK*
“Hahahahahaha… That’s not funny. Not funny at all.”
Lifting his… her head, hi- her gaze fell upon the delicately carved cheval glass standing in the room. In the mirror, a pair of bewitching eyes looked straight at her, and returned her a dazed stare where you could read that the girl these eyes belonged to, clad in formal-but-slightly-wild male clothing that didn’t fit her, was reaching her breaking point, and that not much would be needed to tip the balance and made her fall deeper down in the abysses of insanity.
*ting*
Chaos Rolling on the Ground Laughing: … LOL.
*CRAAAAAAAAA- snap*
A wide grin crept up Victoria’s beautiful face, she took her doll-like face between her small hands, and her frail shoulders started shaking.
“Hm-hm-hm-hm… Hahahaha… Hahahahahahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…”
Progressively, as she laughed louder and louder, her smile slowly turned into clenched fangs and curled-up chops, while her enchanting eyes looked capable of incinerating people on sight.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…”
– ***** –
<1> Just in case (Warning Spoilers): Kel'Thuzad is from World of Warcraft, Skeletor is from “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe”, Naraku is from Inuyasha, Solomon Grundy is a super-zombie from DC, and… well… Sadako is Sadako. (See what I did there?) I won’t make the insult of explaining who Alucard is. Although I’ll do this:
Spoiler :
It’s my little baby… Did it back in 2011… Feels a bit dated…
----------------------------------------
And that’s it! Now you can just reread from chapter one and continue in a loop. I’m done!
.
.
.
I’m joking… Haha. Funny, no?
Me2: No.
Me1: Okay.
Me2: Good thing you make both the questions and the answers.
Me1: I know, right?
Me3: Stop that.
Me1 & Me2: Riiight…
Anyway, just to mention it, when I made my last correction of this chapter, I noticed I had written:
“A miniature sun suddenly erupted in the throne room […] and the nearest tattered banners spontaneously composted…”
Which is stupid…
Another thing I find worth mentioning, although you might not care, is that, while I was writing the part where Elric kisses “Victoria”, my random music playlist suddenly switched to “Low of Solipsism”, for Death Note… Which confused me…
Spoiler :
Apparently, “solipsism” means “the extreme form of scepticism which denies the possibility of any knowledge other than of one's own existence”… deep. I’m too late for this kind of thing.
Well, that took some time… but thanks for sticking with me, and see you next chapter…
Which will take place after chapter 1 if you’re following.
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