“Sup. I’m Kyle and I'm here to be a bad guy, so I can get chicks.” Kyle was up front and honest, just like his father always advised him to be.
“Rejected.” Mastermind of Doom pressed a button.
An impossible monster of incredible size and ferocity rose from below Kyle. The prehistoric beast knocked away the falling object and furiously roared at the supervillains who tried to kill its creator. Kyle would’ve been crushed to death if his pizza tyrannosaurus rex didn’t save his life! That was totally not cool bro.
“Now that’s fucking cool!” A man made of steel rushed at the dinosaur with a wide grin on his face.
The metal man punched at the far larger beast and managed to make it slide back. Kyle fled away from the two as they fought while keeping his eye on the other five. His hand stayed in his pocket while the pizza rex fought against the metal man. At first, the steel guy had the advantage as he didn’t let up on the dinosaur, continually punching it over and over. Not giving it the chance to recover but as seconds went by, the man’s punches became less and less effective.
Then, he was swallowed in one bite and the fight was over. The steel guy had power, he had endurance, and he had the toughness. But he didn’t have the speed to avoid the dinosaur’s bite. Even now, everyone could see him struggle from inside the monster’s body but actually breaking through was just a pipe dream.
“Listen bro, I'll forgive you for almost killing me if you let me in your group. I got more guys than this bad boy here waiting outside if you try doing something like that again.” Kyle threatened.
“You dare threaten me?! I rule this city’s underground! I will not be threatened by a boy who hasn’t even-” Mastermind of Doom’s words were silenced.
“Silence.” A robot lady with very sexy proportions silenced one of the biggest supervillains in the city. “How did you create this specimen?” She asked.
“I just did it.” Kyle remembered the time he was hanging out with some bros from school where they were just talking about cool shit.
Someone was talking about being hungry for pizza while someone else was talking about dinosaurs. Kyle thought it would be cool and scary as shit if something really delicious also had the power to fight and eat back. Like his pizza rex was a 10/10 on both the deliciousness rating and the danger rating. He didn’t know what could kill it honestly since it didn’t have internal organs and could come back from a single drop of cheese.
“Can you create more or is this the only type of specimen you can make?”
“Totally can make more.”
“Congratulations, Kyle Miller, you have been hired. Welcome to the company. Your first heist will be a week from now. I’ll forward any relevant information to your email and cell phone. You may leave.” She politely and seriously informed.
“Sweet!” Kyle didn’t know how they got his full name, email address, or phone number but hey! Supervillains got their ways and all that crap. “Dino! Let him out!”
The metal dude constantly punching the pizza rex’s stomach suddenly oozed out from its belly. He still had that crazy smile on his face as he looked up at the dinosaur, expecting it be dying. Confusion struck him instantly once he saw all the cheese, sauce, and toppings flowing back to the dinosaur as it walked away to Kyle. Metal dude then looked over at his friends and then back at Kyle.
“Look forward to working with you, little dude.” He gave a normal smile this time around.
…
Stolen novel; please report.
“Oh...” Kyle looked at the small squadron of henchmen in front of him. “When I got the job, I didn’t realize I was being put on the Furious Five directly.” He rubbed the back of his head.
“Well, you’re still in a trial period for now, Mr. Miller. If you do well enough, our name will change to the Furious Six. If you don’t live up to expectations, you’ll be with them.” A different bodied robot from the one Kyle saw at the interview responded.
“When do I get the chicks though? That’s all I really signed up for. All this crime and fighting and stuff is just extra. Ladies might motivate me to work better at being a bad guy, you know?!” Kyle suggested.
“I see...” Her monotone voice delivered. “Well, perform well and I’ll see to your... human urges.”
“You’re about to see a bad guy fighting machine, Athena! Watch me and my squad make a mess of this city!” Kyle was properly motivated after hearing that.
“We’ll be watching. Good day, Mr. Miller.” Athena left without delay.
“Alright dudes and dudettes, I'm more of a laid back and no stress kind of guy. So, just treat me like you’d treat any cool bro. Just so you all know, my priorities in this group are having fun, getting chicks, and looking cool.”
“...” They just looked at him.
“Alright then! First things first, let’s get y’all properly equipped to make a mess.” Kyle pulled out a large orange ball from his pocket.
He tossed the strange-looking ball into the air and everyone watched as it split apart into several more. Then the magic happened. Kyle’s henchmen looked on as a dozen of pizza raptors landed down on the ground in front of them. They flinched back and were about to flee if the creatures showed any signs of hostility.
“Don’t worry dudes, they’re totally obedient. Unless I get knocked out. Then they’ll revert back to their basic instincts. If that happens, you need to run away as fast as you can or stand still. I never knew if that movie was serious about dinosaurs not seeing you when you stand still.” Kyle seriously warned.
“Y-Yes!” The henchmen responded.
“You’ll be able to cause more damage with some weapons while riding the dinos. Take this.” Kyle walked over to his bookbag and gestured for everyone to come over and take one.
Each of the henchmen took out a marble-sized watermelon-colored orb and waited for Kyle to explain. Kyle took one of the spheres and everyone watched as the thing grew in his hand before rapidly shifting forms. First it turned into a sword, then a hammer, and even a frying pan! Soon after, similar shiftings happened as the henchmen began choosing their preferred weapons.
“Don’t forget you’re going to be using those on top of the pizza raptors. So, make whatever can cause the most damage while mounted.” Kyle got on top of his pizza raptor with a chained spiked melon flail.
Kyle chose H-District to debut at because there weren’t many chick heroes or villains at H-District. The K-Group, what Kyle decided to call his squad for now, traveled through the sewers. The sewers reached far enough that the K-Group could arrive underneath H-District discreetly without encountering any police or heroes. With a grin on his face, Kyle gave an excited cheer as they began wrecking H-District!
“For the hot chicks!”
The sight of a dozen pizza raptors taller than the average adult male was more than enough to send the people of H-District running away in a panic. The raptors were agile enough to leap over any speeding cars and strong enough to crush whatever was near with their feet. They were mainly there for the scare factor and their mobility. It took around five minutes until a hero came on the scene.
By then, the K-Group did more than enough damage to categorize this debut as a success. Parked cars were smashed in from their melon weapons, windows of buildings were broken, fire hydrants were split open and spraying water, traffic lights went down, stop signs were removed, and several people were injured inadvertently. The K-Group didn’t specifically target any people to harm as their goal was messing up the city. Sure, a high body count and injury count wouldn’t hurt but, those of the K-Group weren’t that far gone yet. Most of them were just people who were down on their luck and had to turn to a life of crime to make a living.
“You evil bastards! Quit wreckin’ my city!” A durag-wearing hero came crashing down from a rooftop, knocking a henchmen from his raptor mount and smashing it into a million pieces.
“Get him!” Kyle yelled. “Teamwork makes the dream work, dudes!”
Multiple pizza raptors and henchmen charged the lone hero who brute forced his way in. He valiantly fought against the superior numbers but was quickly overwhelmed and defeated by the group of dinosaur-riding evildoers. His only power was a stronger body than others from what the K-Group could see. One of the pizza raptors was about to bite into the unconscious prey but was stopped by his rider.
“We got more wrecking to do! We’ll split when we’re surrounded and about to lose!” Kyle shouted as he charged down the ruined street to where he saw the people fleeing.