“And when you kiss me on the midnight street, sweep me off my feet, singing ain’t this life so sweet.”

~ “This Year’s Love” David Gray

After such a great day, upon receipt of Anya’s text my heart began to pound aggressively as a cold nervousness swept throughout my body. This text came too late to be normal from her; something was definitely wrong. After a day of the highest of highs I prepared myself to be brought down far below earth as I held the mindset of expect the worst and hope for anything else. With every ring that went unanswered, it felt my phone was ready to slip through my hands as they shook beyond my control, and even though I almost hung up before the last ring, I held on.

“Thanks for calling me.” she greeted.

“No problem. What’s going on?” I asked.

“I need to ask you something.”

“Okay. Sure.”

“Do you really love me?”

“What kind of question is that?” I said, laughing nervously. “Are you serious? Of course, I do.”

“I just needed to hear it from you.”

“Why sweetheart? Am I doing something wrong?” I queried.

“No…but my husband is making this difficult for me.” she clarified. “He’s definitely suspicious. It’s just that I’m dealing with a lot of emotions right now, and I needed to hear your

voice.”

“What do you think is making him suspicious?”

“Emotions are hard for me to hide, babe.” she explained. “I’m not a good actress.”

“I think I understand.” I said proud of the fact she was acting like an honest person but also concerned.

“Babe, I have to go.” She told me abruptly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just know I love you very much.”

“I love you very much too.” I replied, meaning every single syllable.

“Well, have a goodnight my love.”

“Goodnight, Sweetheart.”

As I hung up the phone, I knew another restless night would be upon me. I believed she was fine over there, but at the same time I truly didn’t know what her husband was capable of and I began to worry about her. We lived in a violent crazy world, and I wasn’t worried about what could happen to me, but a mother of two who I loved more than anything in this world, I had great fears for. If he did anything to her, even leaving the slightest mark or injury I would never forgive myself. I tried to sleep during the night but all I could do was toss and turn in anticipation of the morning to see if she was okay. It was times like these that intensified the missing on my end, and how to handle all the emotions involved was too foreign for me to handle well. When the clock struck five a.m., the time Anya usually woke up every morning, I texted her.

“Thinking about you.” I texted then sent.

5.15 a.m.

“You’re always so sweet to think about me. Woke up at 3 a.m. thinking about you. Couldn’t go back to sleep. Miss you, love you. Chat with you later.”

Even when her texts were so sweet and they made me feel so good on the surface level, I had a hard time deciphering any possible underlying feelings from them. The fact she couldn’t chat with me briefly led me to wonder if she truly was okay. Later that Wednesday morning however she helped ease my overthinking just before I went into the office.

9:42 a.m.

“Just thinking of you…have a good one!”

After I received this message, I text her the following.

ME: “I don’t expect you to feel the same way that I do. I know you have had many great days in your life but I just wanted you to know that yesterday was the best day of my life. It might sound pretty sad but it’s true. I just wanted you to know how much yesterday meant to me. Thanks again for coming by.”

ANYA:“I love you!”

In response I text her back “I love you!” and then drove to work while I held the knowledge today would be one of the longest days of my career because I had only one hour of sleep. When I got into my office I wanted to close my door and pass out cold for another couple of hours, but I had many work papers to review and a set of financial statements to draft on top of a deadline to meet before the end of the day. As I powered through the day, I found myself looking at Anya’s “I love you!” text just to keep me focused and motivated. It helped me realize there was a bigger picture here as the present day would soon be a part of my past in just twelve hours.

Later that evening, when I was off of work and back at home, I received a text from Anya, and a text exchange ensued between us.

7:45 p.m.

“Hope you had a nice day sweets.”

ME: “I had a nice day. How was yours?”

ANYA: “I had a nice day with you on my mind. How are you feeling? Did you get sick babe?”

ME: “Nope. I told you I was impervious! How are you feeling?”

ANYA: “You are impervious! Then again my love, it’s only Wednesday, and incubation period is 72 hours. I’m feeling better thank you!”

ME: “Okay I will give you an impervious update in 48 hours! I’m really happy to hear you’re feeling better.”

ANYA: “I miss you.”

ME: “I miss you too. I hope things are going better for you over there with him.”

ANYA: “Thank you. Not easy. Don’t worry about me babe. I’m fine. Xoxo. Do you have any plans for the evening?”

ME: “I’m just going to relax here at home. How about yourself?”

ANYA: “Quiet night. At the batting cages now with my son. We were playing catch earlier and he thinks I “throw like a girl”! Thankless job I tell ya!”

ME: “Well, I guess he does have somewhat of a point Sweetheart. I mean let’s face it, you are a girl therefore it’s quite likely you throw like one.”

ANYA: “What an astute observation babe!”

ME: “Haha! I try! Sweetheart, did the call help you last night? Did I do okay there?

ANYA: “I loved it! I needed to hear your voice. Thank you for calling me. You should call me more often!”

ME: “Okay, you asked for it. You might want to change numbers.”

ANYA: “Why would I want to do that?”

ME: “Your phone may ring all day long. I love you, you know.”

ANYA: “Ha! I don’t mind! Love you too! Well, I guess I better go.”

ME: “Okay, you have a goodnight.”

ANYA: “Have a goodnight too. I have to be honest, it was not an easy day for me. Just know you’re always in my heart.”

Upon the receipt of her last text, I knew I had to ask why she had a hard day. I didn’t want to toss and turn all night thinking about these underlying feelings she had, and working on one hour of rest already with another long busy day ahead of me no doubt I would have been up all night again if I was left to wonder. I tried to just sweep it all under the rug, but I simply needed to know how she was really feeling and why so I sent her a probe text to see if she wanted to discuss it.

ME: “Would you mind if I asked you why it was such a hard day? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’d understand.”

ANYA: “Can you call me in ten minutes after I drop my son off at home?”

ME: “Sure. I’ll call you.”

All we did on Tuesday was basically talk on a thirty foot long wooden bridge at my apartment complex and it was simply the happiest memory I had ever created with someone. I absolutely loved being around her, and I know she had a hard time today because I did too. When you experience pure elation spending time with someone doing very normal things, it’s extremely difficult to part especially knowing when you have no idea when you will see each other again. If she had a hard time focusing before Tuesday, I knew she would really struggle now simply because we experienced the same feelings. Still, I needed to know how it affected her because of the things I can’t see when she is not with me. Even though I knew my phone call requests (for the most part so far) were never a good sign, it was important for me to embrace it in order to see her side of things. Communication means everything in every relationship, but it was paramount in ours because of the unknown variable when we were apart. The good and the bad had to be known because if we lost touch of being able to communicate our feelings to each other, this would never have a chance of working out.

“Hey there.” I said when I heard her pick up.

“Hey.” she replied softly.

“So why was today so hard for you?” I asked.

“My husband is watching me really closely.” she stated. “It’s just making things difficult for me.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to sneak around babe. Maybe it would be better if I let you go. It’s not because I don’t love you or because I don’t care. It’s because I do.”

“This sure sounds awfully familiar.” I said with a little bit of a laugh.

“I think I should do the right thing and leave him first.”

There were two things now at play for me, my enormous feelings for her and my belief that if she stayed she would never choose happiness. The bottom line was this; I knew what she wanted. “Kids are resilient, nothing is impossible. I hurt every day because I miss you so much” rang loud and clear in my head. I knew letting me go was not what she truly wanted and I realized the task now, after a lifetime of taking things personally, was to not take this personally. My job was to get her to listen to herself so she could help her help herself. I had to somehow find a way to reach her, to get her to fear a life of dishonesty and to give her the fortitude and courage to live an honest one. I didn’t want to push her at all but my heart was involved now too. It wasn’t easy to just walk away when every part of me knew what she truly wanted and needed as I believed her heart was into this just as much as mine, and I wasn’t going to leave her hanging out to dry with so many feelings; feelings that were worth having and holding onto. I had to dig deeper as I believed there was a bigger issue here.

“Can I ask you a question sweetheart?”

“Yes babe.”

“Where are you truly the happiest?” I asked.

“With you.” she responded without a second’s hesitation.

“Then is this really what you want? To let us go?”

“No, but I’m scared.”

“What scares you sweetheart? You can tell me. You can tell me anything. Brutal honesty is all I ask from you.”

“Have you ever seen the TV show “House?” she asked.

“I’ve heard of it but have never watched it.”

“There was this one episode I watched last night where a married woman left her husband for another man, but once she left her husband, the man bailed out on her. It scared me.”

“But that’s not me Sweetheart. I would never do that to you. Just like it shouldn’t cheat on them, love doesn’t do that to anyone. You know, I may have never felt love before but I can tell you this; I know what love is. When I tell you “I love you”, I mean what I say and say what I mean. I am truly in love with you. It’s not my character to tell people things I don’t feel. I don’t believe I’m like any other man you’ve ever met, and I’m especially not a man who would bail on a woman after she took a huge leap of faith for me. Can you trust me? Because Sweetheart if you can’t, then I have no choice but to let you go.”

“I trust you.”

“You told me that you would never leave or choose happiness if I wasn’t there for you, and I can’t let you go through the rest of your life without something you need to get through it. Look, just go about your day. My love for you is not going anywhere. You mean way too much to me. We can slow things down a bit if you need to, but I don’t want you to leave because I know what you want, and one day I will prove to you all that I know what you need. It’s just going to take some time and some faith.”

“Okay babe.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll do my best to stay positive.”

“We have to both be positive about this. We have to believe we are doing the right thing. If not, if we can’t believe in our love, then it’s better if we parted ways.”

“I believe in our love.” she announced. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. I dream about being with you. It’s hard for me to be patient when I miss you this much. It’s not easy at home right now. I just want to run to you and never leave. I can’t hide my emotions and I think he senses that. I just have to control my feelings better and try to act rational…it’s for the best.”

“Sweetheart, this love we have is one I’ve been looking a long time for and let me tell you something…it’s hard to come by. This is a once in a lifetime feeling and we have to both believe in that. People throughout history had written stories and have even died for this kind of love. We can’t just let it slip away. I am trying really hard not to distract you so it doesn’t affect you at home. I’m not distracting you am I?”

“You’re not doing anything to distract me. I just can’t help thinking about you.” she said. “I agree. I think you’re right in that our kind of love is hard to come by. I’ll try to be patient my love.”

“You’re a special person Anya, the most beautiful person I had ever met, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell you this but I will; there were so many times before I met you that I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. Yes, I have a career and all that but without love in my life, I have nothing. Without your love I feel like I’m nothing and its made me see how empty my life has been the last thirty seven years…I guess you would have to go through your life not ever feeling love to understand that about me. You’ve given my life a real purpose and I appreciate all the kindness and warmth you have shown in just two months. You’re always thinking of me, always so considerate, but I want you to think about you too. What you want and you know what? I’ll think you’ll find out what you want is all you really deserve too.”

“You just made me tear up. You’re a dream. Can’t believe this is real. I’m a lucky girl.” she said. “Thank you for being in my life. You always make me feel special. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Thanks for calling me my love. I better go. Have a goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Sweetheart.”

And that’s all it took; one simple phone call to obtain a good night’s rest. Before I fell asleep, while I laid on my bed and got lost within the plain whiteness of my ceiling, I thought about all those days of past disappointments that seemed to hang around my neck like a noose, just waiting for me to slip. My brain did not handle loss well. I always battled back eventually, and rallied, but after Lexi, I thought that would be my last chance at redemption in life. No one ever had to crucify me, I was more than willing to nail myself to a cross if I had a chance to at that time. Now though I saw myself through lenses of gold instead of black as I took a stand for what I believed to be right as I tried to reverse the backward momentum the world had spun on for far too long. As I started to feel a real sense of purpose, I began to care less about the real world around me, the one I used to care about that punished me on a daily basis. Even though I was within an atmosphere ripe for popular judgment and the blind would not see things my way, I knew true righteousness was on my side and just like any biblical apostle, all I had to do was show others not only what my eyes had seen but also what my heart had felt; that my truth was the truth. I was not a sheep; one to obey the rules, absolutely, but to follow the crowd, absolutely not. The only part of a herd I belonged to was my own, and a huge reason I was alone for so long.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

The next day was another long workday for me, nothing out of the ordinary during the month of January. The firm had begun its busy season which ended on the holiest of holy days for CPA firms, April fifteenth. Busy season days required us to work roughly twelve hour days including Saturdays with Sunday being our only real day off, however I usually worked Sundays as well because I wanted to get ahead. I was an ambitious man but not overly ambitious as being rich wasn’t my motivation. My only motivation was to be able to provide for a family one day with the only goal being to have enough money to feel safe and secure. I understood money meant something in this world but it wasn’t everything. The million dollar a year partner position was not even on my radar when I first started my career, but that’s how life is, you have to expect the unexpected.

As I was beginning to wrap up for the evening, Anya unexpectedly called me to ask if I would be able to meet up with her next Thursday evening.

“What time on Thursday night and where?” I asked.

“About nine in Cerritos. Caryoln, Debbie and I are meeting at an RJ’s near the Cerritos Mall. We’re training for a half marathon so we’re going to catch a movie on marathons before we go to RJ’s. The movie starts at six and the theater is near the mall.”

“That’s perfect. I should be off work by eight. I’ll be there.”

“Okay!” she said. “Babe, I have to let you know a couple of things.”

“Alright.”

“I have a business trip up north planned that weekend. I have to meet up with my husband Saturday evening but I’ll be back Sunday afternoon. I also can’t kiss you because I still have my cold sore plus we’re out in public. Is that going to be a problem for you?”

“Are you kidding me?” I answered excitedly. “I just can’t wait to see you again!”

“Great! I can’t wait to see you too! So excited!”

“That makes two of us!” I exclaimed.

“Can’t wait my love. Thank you. Okay, I have to go now. Goodnight. I love you.”

“Okay, goodnight. I love you too.”

My days were definitely no longer normal as good news now awaited me at the end of long work days; days that were usually spent alone with no future plans with anyone. The situation worked out in a weird way because even though we were both so busy, our planned meetings gave us something to look forward to, something to work for, and something to live for. Even though Thursday was a week away, I knew it would be well worth the wait.

When Thursday finally arrived as I wrapped up my work for the day and was set to exit the office, my staff person, Nikki, who had set me up on the date with Lexi, stopped by my office to ask me a question as apparently I found myself again caught up in my aloofness.

“Mr. Lastman… you’re leaving already? It’s only a quarter to eight!”

“Oh I have a place to be at this evening. Did you need anything? How are we coming along?”

“Things are going well.”

“What time did you come in this morning?”

“Seven. I wrapped up cash and all of AR today.”

“Wow. You’re an all-star.” I said as I was shocked at her progress. “Go home will you?”

“I thought you wanted me to wrap up AP by today as well?”

“I set my staff engagement requirements a little higher than normal so it challenges you guys to meet them…don’t tell anyone my secret okay?”

“You mean I’m ahead of schedule?”

“Let’s just say you’ve met the high end work requirement for my staff on this engagement. How’s that?”

“I’ll guess I’ll take it.” she laughed.

“Good. Now get out of my office and go home.” I said. “and oh, I almost forgot…”

“What’s that Mr. Lastman?” she asked. “What did you forget?”

“Good work and thank you.”

“Mr. Lastman can I ask you a question?”

“No more questions. Last time I answered a question…”

“Okay, can I make a statement then?”

“A statement. Well in that case…”

“It’s nice to see you… happy.”

“Happy? Am I ever in a bad mood?”

“No, it’s just that I can tell somethin’s different.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, you were just whistling before I came in here.”

“You’ve never heard me whistle before?”

“No.” she said. “You never whistle and I’ve been here for over a year now.”

“You know what. I think you’re right. I never whistle. You got me.” I said as I threw my laptop bag over my shoulder and began to walk out. “Good evening Nikki!”

“Are you in love or something?” she blurted as I walked by her.

I stopped in my tracks and looked back at Nikki. In her widened eyes, I saw how much my perceived happiness meant to her, but because they danced too, that perceived happiness could only be described as real happiness to me, as I could see how much my being in love affected the people around me. How it appeared to give them hope. Even though I never mentioned a word about it and it wasn’t her fault at all, I felt Nikki still carried the burden of introducing me to Lexi and having it not work out. This was my chance to lighten the load if I was half right about this sentiment.

“In love.” I said as I looked at her, looked down to gather my thoughts further, and back at her. “Am I ever.”

“I am so happy for you!” she said. “I would love to hear all about it!”

“One day I will tell you, but let’s keep it between us for now okay? Kevin is the only other person here who knows.” I said. “Hey Nikki, I gotta go, I’m runnin’ late.”

“Okay Mr. Lastman! Have a fun time!”

“Thanks! See you tomorrow!”

I doubted I would ever be able to tell Nikki the details of my relationship, but I knew the dilemma would fall upon me soon enough especially when more people at the office knew I was in love but I had to treat my love interest as if she was Snuffleuppagus from Sesame Street.

Under a steady downpour, I still arrived at RJ’s in Cerritos thirty minutes early at eight thirty however upon my entry into the restaurant, and much to my surprise, I saw Anya, Carolyn and Debbie already perched on stools in the bar area which caught me completely off guard. They looked like they were having an animated conversation and I almost walked back to my car to wait for thirty more minutes as to not disrupt their time together, but I missed Anya and an extra half hour with her meant the world to me if it was possible to have.

Anya, dressed in a white top with her beautiful dark hair flowing past her shoulders, had her arm on the neck of the open bar stool next to her. Carolyn, who sat next to Anya was dressed in a yellow cashmere sweater, while Debbie donned a light blue long sleeved top as she sat next to Carolyn. Their conversation consisted of mainly laughter so from what I could tell they were all in jovial moods. I felt almost inconsiderate to intrude on their time together as it seemed like they were having a lot of fun, but when I saw Anya sitting there with her arm on the empty bar stool as if she was afraid someone would take it from her, I felt less fearful to approach them. I wanted to embrace all three of them at once but I was clearly there for one.

“Good evening, ladies.” I said cautiously when I reached them.

“Hey!” said Carolyn.

“Hi!” said Debbie.

Anya said nothing. She just beamed at me as if I was Brad Pitt. I had never felt a warmer reception in my life from anyone before and it was done in silence.

“I saved you a seat.” announced Anya after I greeted Carolyn and Debbie.

“Thank you.” I replied before lightly rubbing her back.

“So good to see you. Thanks for coming.” Said Anya as she leaned into me.

“Thanks for inviting me! How was the movie?”

“It was okay. We left early. We’ve been here for about an hour.”

“No kidding? Oh well, at least you get some time to talk with one another. Hard to do that in a movie theater.” I said.

“Oh, we run in the morning together. We talk all the time.” said Anya.

“How are you Landyn?” asked Carolyn who was the closest to me.

“I’m great Carolyn. How are you?”

“I’m good. Very busy at the hospital these days.” she said.

“Oh, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a doctor.” Carolyn revealed. “I bring a lot of babies into the world.”

“It takes a special person to do that kind of work. Very admirable.”

“How was your work babe?” asked Anya to me.

“Oh, it was a good. No complaints. How was your day?”

“It was good, but now it’s great.” she exclaimed as she leaned into me to further whisper into my ear. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I whispered back.

It was subtle, just a simple delicate “I love you” and it drowned me as the noise of the bar area seemed to disappear along with all its patrons. As Anya’s gaze never left mine we got lost within our eyes as if to leave us disconnected from our bodies for a few seconds so we could see into each other’s soul.

“Did you ask him?” interrupted Carolyn.

“Not yet.” responded Anya. “I will.”

“Ask him now!” Debbie added.

“Okaaaaay!” conceded Anya.

“Ask me what?”

“They want to know if you would meet us at Paseo’s next Saturday night.”

“All of you are goin' to Paseo’s?”

“Yes!” responded Carolyn. “It would be really nice if you could join us Landyn.”

“Is she going to be there?” I pointed at Anya.

“Ha! Of course she’ll be there!” responded Debbie.

“I’ll have to think about it then and get back to you.”

“Yeah right!” Anya said as she again leaned into me.

“Was this some kind of trick question?” I exclaimed. “Any time I get to see her you can always count me in.”

“Cool! It’s a date then.” said Debbie. “for all of us!”

“Sounds like fun.” I said.

“I wonder if Michael will show up?” pondered Carolyn.

“Oh, stop it!” said Anya.

“Michael?” I asked.

“Anya hasn’t told you?” asked Debbie.

“She hasn’t mentioned anything?” asked Carolyn.

“Not at all.” I said a little worried.

“Anya, you better tell him!” pushed Carolyn.

“He doesn’t want to hear about it.”

“Hear about what?” I laughed.

“You better tell him the whole story Anya.” said Debbie as she stood from her seat. “I told Paul I’d be home by nine. I have to go.”

“Me too. I have some things to do before I go to bed and I’m on call at the hospital.” stated Carolyn.

“What time are we meeting up tomorrow for our run? Five?” asked Anya.

“Around five. I’ll swing by your house to pick you up” said Carolyn as she also stood.

“Okay I’ll be ready. I’ll be freezing but I’ll be ready.” said Anya. “Thanks for staying with me.”

“Have fun.” Carolyn said to Anya and I. “Have a goodnight. Good seeing you Landyn.”

“Nice to see you again Landyn. Goodnight.” said Debbie.

“Goodnight. Good seeing you both. Be safe it’s wet out there.” I said.

“See you in the morning!” said Anya.

“Bye!” waved Carolyn as her and Debbie made their exit.

“It was nice to see them.” I said. “Too bad they had to leave so soon.”

“You’ll get to hang with them next Saturday night.” She said with a smile.

“Now who’s this Michael character?” I asked. “Should I be worried?”

“Oh, those crazy girls.” she said. “They’re just teasing me about Michael Buble.”

“Michael Buble? The singer from the CD you burned for me?”

“Ya.”

“Why are they teasing you about him?” I asked. “He’s phenomenal by the way.”

‘You liked his music babe?”

“I sure did. Great singer.”

“I’m glad you liked him.” she said. “I was worried you may not have.”

“No way. In fact, I must say every CD you’ve burned for me I’ve liked so far. Thank you.”

“You’re most welcome.” she said. “Before you came the girls were teasing me about Buble because he has a girlfriend now.”

“Why would they tease you about that? Do you have a little crush on him?”

“Like most girls do babe. I’ve always loved his music. I went and saw him in concert a few months ago, just before we reconnected.” she said. “With ten thousand or so people there that night, he went into the crowd and brought me on stage and sang to me the entire night. The girls were just teasing me about him having a girlfriend now.”

I didn’t know what to say. Anya was a beautiful woman no doubt. Her looks were magnetic and when you got to know her, that magnetic quality turned into a full on gravitational pull. It’s a good thing Michael Buble didn’t get to know her because I’m sure he would have gave her the world. There was a lot of truth to what the girls said even though they teased her, but I had to admit it made me feel insecure as I had no idea I’d have to compete against actual celebrity heart throbs, and even though I didn’t know who Buble was nor had I ever seen what he looked like, his voice and Anya’s crush told me all I needed to know about him and surely more than I wanted to know.

“Well, if it means anything.” I said. “I’m glad he’s found a girlfriend.”

“Oh babe, stop it. They are just teasing me. You know that’s not an option.”

“What happened at the end of the night?” I asked. “Were you able to talk with him?”

“After the show he invited me to go backstage but I just thanked him then told him I was married.”

I almost choked on the air I inhaled when she told me that. I didn’t know what to think. She told Michael Buble, a famous male celebrity who women all over the world were mad about, that she was married? Then I realized something pretty significant; she never told me she was married, in fact my friend had to put her in a position to do that. To be honest, with my low self-esteem, I could have found several ways to see this, yet I trusted Anya’s love for me so much that I honestly could not see it any other way but to be extremely flattered.

“Michael Buble. Eat your heart out.” I said as I took a sip of my drink.

“Ha! You’re so cute babe.”

“Hey. There will be no talk of cute here. Dogs are cute.”

“Okay, handsome.” she said excitedly as she gazed into my eyes again.

“I guess that will have to do.” I joked confidently.

Suddenly Anya’s cell phone began to move on the bar, and the gaze she gave me broke as she looked down to retrieve the vibrating mood wrecker.

“I have to take this babe. I’m sorry.”

“No problem sweetheart.”

“What do you want?” she asked softly but sternly. “I told you I’ll be there by seven tomorrow evening. Can’t we talk about this tomorrow? Why is this important now?”

At first, I feared by the way she spoke that it was one of her children and I felt saddened that she may have taken that tone with them because this time alone together was precious. The more she spoke though, and I tried to be respectful by minding my own business and not listen, the words ‘business trip” and “itinerary” led me to conclude that the other person on the line was none other than her husband. When I learned it was him, I turned the other way. I didn’t want to hear anything. The less I knew the better off I was, and this was their business, not mine. A few minutes later she hung up with a terse “goodbye”, and I could tell by the redness in her cheeks she was flustered with what just transpired.

“I’m so sorry babe.” she said. “He never calls me. Now he does. Drives me crazy.”

“No worries.” I said as I rubbed her back. “Don’t let it bother you.”

“Thanks. I worry that it bothers you.”

“Not at all so please don’t let it bother you. I understand.” I said as I tried to make her feel better.

“There was this one time, before I had Katie, my husband and I went out on a dinner date with a couple who were friends of ours.” she said. “My husband went to use the restroom during dinner and so did the wife of the other couple. When they were gone her husband, who was a good friend of my husband and was an oral surgeon, leaned over to me and said “take a chance with me.”

“Really.” I said surprised by her revelation. “Do you think he knew about your husband’s infidelities?”

“I don’t think so.”

“How would that come about then?”

“I’m a girl. It happens.” she said.

I had to admit her story was bothersome to me simply because her husband’s good friend had no knowledge of the infidelities. I just found this story of friendship to be rather bizarre and I felt like Anya wasn’t telling me something. How that went down without some kind of prior history between them all puzzled me, but I decided to not let my low self-esteem make me appear to be the jealous type so out of fear I could ask the wrong thing, I decided not to say anything further, but it was clear Anya was part of a world I did not understand, a world I was certain it was best not to. After about twenty seconds of silence, Anya turned to me.

“Babe, I don’t want to leave but I have to get going. I’d like to make it home before my kids fall asleep.”

“Absolutely.” I said as I stood and took a last sip of my drink. “I would never want to keep you from that.”

As Anya stood, I reached for her coat on the back of her stool and helped her put it on. As we walked out together, we could hear the rain as we stood under the only thing that kept us dry.

“I don’t know what it is about the rain here that makes people suddenly want to jump in rivers.” I stated randomly.

“What do you mean?” she began to laugh. “Jump in rivers?”

“It just seems like every time it rains here people get crazy. They even forget how to drive. I had no idea Los Angeles even had a river until it rains, and I hear people needing to be rescued from it.”

“You do have a point.” she said. “But I don’t think people are jumping in rivers babe.”

“No?” I joked.

“I think they’re just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Okay.” I conceded. “If you say so.”

“Do you like the rain?”

“You know, I don’t like it. It’s such an inconvenience.” I said. “I’m more of a sun and beach weather type guy.”

“I like that weather too, but I love the rain.” she said. “Just listen to it fall babe. It’s so soothing…rejuvenating. Imagine being warm and cozy inside; by a fireplace listening to it fall

against the window. The flames dancing quietly, the wood softly crackling, the room dimly lit only by a fire, and the sound of the rain falling gently outside. That’s the way I see the rain.”

Looking into her eyes, I pictured the scene she painted with her words, and for the first time ever I found something beautiful in something I disliked, and I was one step closer to never being the same way again.

“I never knew there was beauty in the rain.” I told her. “Until now.”

“There’s beauty in most things if you think positively about them.”

“I couldn’t agree with your more.”

As the rain seemed to fall harder and harder, we stayed under a wooden overpass outside the restaurant and waited for the rain to let up. I wanted to hold her so bad but we were outside in public, and near her home. She then turned to me after a minute and spoke softly as she probably tuned into my thoughts.

“Let’s go inside my car for a minute until the rain slows down.”

“Okay. Where are you parked?” I asked.

“Just a couple hundred or so feet away.” she said as she opened her umbrella and motioned for me to get under it with her. “Follow me.”

As we began our journey to her car, I felt awful I had forgotten my umbrella but I had no idea it was going to rain today, but I should have known because I washed my car the day before, and whenever I did that, there was always a one hundred percent chance of showers. When we reached her car, a black Range Rover she must use to drive the kids around in, we both jumped hurriedly inside. Now out of the public eye, and on a dark and rainy night which told us there probably weren’t many people around to see us, we leaned over the center console to embrace each other for the first time this evening.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” she said. “it hurts that I can’t at least hug you when I see you.”

“I know the feeling…but we’re together now and that makes it alright.”

“I agree babe.” she said as she reached for something on the side of her door. “I have something for you.”

She then handed me two items, a small pink book and another CD.

“Thanks Sweetheart.” I said. “You sure have been doing a lot of giving. All I’ve been doing is a lot of taking.”

“You’ve given me a lot babe.”

“Like what?” I asked incredulously.

“Hope.” she said.

After she said that word I paused, and hugged her again, kissed her on her cheek then whispered in her ear.

“You’ve given me that too.” I said.

“Thanks for coming tonight. I’m really flattered you came.”

“Why would that be so flattering?” I asked.

“Well, you came to see me without any motive.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I wanted to see you.”

“I know but you came knowing you couldn’t kiss me. You let me come visit you on Tuesday knowing you couldn’t kiss me. You have no ulterior motives or any hidden agendas. You’ve shown me you care. Thank you.”

“Well, it’s easy to do because you’re the best thing in my life.” I stated. “I love seeing you. I love listening to you. I love talking to you. I love you for all the right reasons and anytime I spend with you is valuable to me.”

“I love you.” she said softly.

“I love you too.”

After holding each other in silence for another minute, I then pulled away and looked at the pink book I held in my hand. When I saw the title, I began to laugh.

“”Girls are Weirdos but They Smell Pretty”? That’s the name of this book?”

“Ha! Aren’t we all and don’t we all?” she said. “Yes! It’s funny!”

“The Weirdo part of it I must agree.” I joked.

“Ha! My daughter came home with it today. Carolyn, Debbie and I couldn’t stop laughing when we read it so I went to the bookstore and picked up a copy for you. I thought you might like it.”

I began to skim then read aloud some of the funnier passages which were written simply, humorously and rather matter of factly by a guy who poked fun at the idiosyncrasies and tendencies of girls, such as having too many shoes and loving the color pink too much. With every passage I read Anya and I laughed more and more. I had never really heard Anya’s true laugh before. She didn’t bellow out her laughter nor did she go into hysterics, it was just a cute giddy laugh which pleased my sense of hearing. As I sat in her car, and continued reading aloud, I learned a lot about what tickled her and even the kind of person she was, considering the book was poking fun at her in a lot of ways as she was the total “girlie girl” type the author clearly poked fun of. The best thing about this time together though was how we could be ourselves and I have to say nothing in my life has ever felt better than having that kind of safety with another human being.

After we were done, about ten minutes later, we decided to begin our goodbyes for the evening.

“Thanks for the book and the CD.” I said. “Any particular track I should listen to on here?”

“You’re welcome babe. Check out track number four; This Year’s Love. It’s one of my favorite songs.”

“I’ll be sure to do that.” I said.

“Thanks for coming out again. I love you!”

“I love you too! Please drive safe and text me so I know you got home safe if its possible.”

“I will babe.”

“Oh and please do me one more favor?”

“What’s that?” she asked.

"If you could, please fight the urge to jump into a river on the way home." I said as I quickly closed her car's door and waved goodbye to her while she shook her head, smiled and then waved back.

On my drive home as the rain pelted my windshield, I decided to put in my CD and went directly to track four. The rain that fell outside seemed to be an accompaniment as I was greeted by a delicate piano and when I heard the concise words of the song it felt as if I was outside of my car in the middle of the downpour.

“This year’s love had better last.

Heaven knows it’s high time.

And I’ve been waiting on my own for too long.

But when you hold me like you do

It feels so right.

I start to forget

How my heart gets torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Feeling like you can’t go on.”

The more I listened to the song, the more it infected me and I even began to tear up because the words were just so real and poignant as it seemed to provide a detailed description of the hurt Anya had possibly felt. It just broke my heart to no end to know a married woman felt on her own, lonely, and to me, that was a real tragedy in life, a fate I had to save her from. The more she opened herself up to me, either through her musical taste or through her words, it felt like her love was a tsunami generated wave, one that gained momentum and strength through the passing of time. This year’s love for her was not going anywhere. It was always going to be there for her no matter what pain I’d have to endure, and no matter what lied ahead. If it meant I would lose my life, I was ready to die for her happiness.

When I finally reached my garage, I noticed she had sent me a text while on my drive.

10:24 p.m.

“I made it home safely. I hope you did too. Thanks for coming out, had a great time! I love you L! Goodnight!”

I exchanged the same pleasantries with her and smiled until a thought froze me solid as realized I was confronted with an obstacle I horrendously forgot to consider when I was asked to meet at Paseo’s next Saturday night. I then suddenly and instinctively began to think of ways I could back out due to the real fear that this could all blow up in my face because of the presence of one person who could care less about Anya’s happiness…Mitchell Black.