“Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.”
~ C.S. Lewis
After my “cruise of the bay” breakdown, I didn’t want her to feel like she disappointed me. I had to understand sometimes the situation would allow things to slip from our hands. I’m a patient man and I understood our relationship needed that from me. I also had to understand I wasn’t the only one disappointed by such scenarios as we were both equally affected. I told her we would get together soon, our time will come, and for her not to be upset. She then hit me with the sights of the Hubble telescope, something I desperately needed from her.
12:19 p.m.
“I looked into changing my nursing status to “active” from being “inactive”. I have to take some courses but don’t know if I have to take the board again. The board only allows so many years of inactive status. I hope I don’t have to take the board again b/c well u know, it sucks! I’m just checking out my options. I need my own thing. I’m under “control”. Just keeping my options open.”
ME: “I had no idea you were a board certified nurse. I’d be surprised if they made you take the board again. Sounds like you may be required to take some continuing education courses for sure, but what do I know?”
ANYA: “It’s not my first choice to go back into nursing. In fact, it may be used against me financially if I go back. Just a backup. I’m frustrated!”
ME: “If you need anything from me let me know. Would love to help you out in any way I can. Don’t get frustrated Sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere. We have your spa weekend to look forward to. We should both be excited about that and not upset about this.”
ANYA: “Thanks for seeing the glass half full when I wasn’t able to. I am excited! Can’t wait! I have to go now, babe. Meeting w/the CEO to go over some issues. Thanks for listening and for your understanding. I love you!”
ME: “Just know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do Sweetheart. I love you too!”
ANYA: “Don’t know babe. Ur right in that I don’t need to do anything. Just don’t know…”
ME: “I know.”
ANYA: “U know? Hard to read text. Sorry what do you mean?”
ME: “I know this much babe - I know. I’ll just leave it at that.”
ANYA: “Ok babe.”
ME: “I love you!”
ANYA: “I love you too! Sorry about today.”
ME: “I totally understand.”
ANYA: “That’s why I love you! Don’t know what I did to deserve you. Better go!”
Even though she wasn’t able to meet up with me on this day, it seemed to light a fire under her, and put her in a mode of action. I just knew what she needed to do; she needed to leave him. I didn’t want to tell her that because of her son’s heartbreaking words, and I didn’t want to bring her down in suggesting what I believed would be the right thing. Her consideration of changing her nursing status to active told me deep down she knew too, even if she said she didn’t, and it meant a lot for me to see that kind of drive from her as I believed it was a step in the right direction for everyone, and another step closer to living an honest life.
On April 30th, half awake, I scrambled for my phone on my nightstand, as I wanted to be the first to wish her a happy five months before she could do the same.
7:06 a.m.
“OMG! I was just typing the same thing right now! Five months ago today was the best day because I didn’t think I would see you again. Happy 5 months! Xoxo!”
Although it was a struggle at times that brought me some of the hardest days of my life, the last five months also brought me the happiest days of my life, and that oasis made it worth all the time I spent thirsty.
Later that evening, Anya sent me a text that showed both sides of our relationship’s coin.
5:51 p.m.
“OMG! I forgot to tell u! When I went to the meeting today, the event I was responsible for was changed from May 13th to the 14th. They dumped on me and I had to eat two chocolate cookies after! Can we meet in PV on the 12th?”
ME: “Of course! No problem! Hope the cookies were good!”
ANYA: “They were. I needed them! Thank u, thank u, thank u!!!! I can just kiss u!!! I love you!!!”
ME: “Haha! Of course Sweetheart! I love you too!!! Can’t wait to kiss u again!!!”
ANYA: “Me too!!! Ur the best!!!”
ME: “Have you girls got everything figured out for this weekend?”
ANYA: “Well, on Friday night we’re going to a rooftop bar called N’ya and the sunset is supposed to be amazing! How was your day? I can’t wait to see you on Friday.”
ME: “There you go again, stealing beauty away from the sunset. Wish I could see that with you. I have hope we’ll share many sunsets together though. My day was good! I can’t wait to see you on Friday too. What do you think we should do?”
ANYA: “Whatever you want to do babe! I’m going over Deb’s house to further discuss the weekend. Can I ask you a question?”
ME: “Sure.”
ANYA: “Would you feel weird staying a night w/me? We can just hang and watch a movie or something.”
ME: “Feel weird? I would love to stay the night with you!”
ANYA: “I wasn’t sure how u felt about it since u haven’t asked if I had my own room. Again, don’t know which night if not both. Have to get the plan from the girls.”
ME: I’m so sorry Sweetheart, but I thought you and the girls were all getting a room together. I had no idea that was even a possibility.”
ANYA: “All of us in one room? No way!”
Again, without my knowledge, she found a way to love me and to touch me from the inside. I felt really bad she was left to wonder why I hadn’t asked, but I thought she already knew how much a night with her would make my life. The next day she sent me a text that showcased the height of her excitement.
5:51 p.m.
“Hi! How is ur day going? I really can’t believe we get to spend some real time together! I I’m sooo happy! Xoxo!”
ME: “Day is going well! I can’t believe it either! I’m just as happy! How is your day going? What r u up to?”
ANYA: “GREAT! I’M JUST GETTING AROUND TO WALKING SUKI. SHE’S SO EXCITED TO GET OUT. I STILL NEED TO PACK AND GET SOME WORK DONE. WE’RE DRIVING IN AT AROUND NOON SO I KIND OF HAVE TO GO WITH THE FLOW. I’M SORRY I CAN’T COME SEE YOU TOMORROW AFTERNOON BEFORE I HEAD DOWN, BUT WE’LL GET TO SPEND QUITE A BIT OF TIME TOGETHER TOMORROW NIGHT.”
ME: “No worries! That’s what I thought too, we’ll get to see each other tomorrow night anyway.”
ANYA: “AND WE DECIDED TO START OUR WORKOUT NO LATER THAN 7 A.M. ON SAT AND SUN. I HOPE THAT ISN’T TOO EARLY FOR U.”
ME: “Not at all. That works. Thanks for letting me know.”
ANYA: “Thanks for understanding babe. After speaking with the girls about our plans 4 tom nite, I found out that we really don’t have one! So, I’m thinking 10ish somewhere tomorrow night in Laguna Beach. I’ll let you know. Is that ok?”
ME: “Of course it is babe.”
Even though I was a little bummed I couldn’t see her that afternoon, the evening carried such great promise it didn’t matter. I was going to spend a night with her and I really couldn’t ask for more than that especially when I took the possible suspicions of her husband into consideration. After I felt the jolt from our last moment of intimacy, I feared if I went there with her in Laguna Beach, whether on the beach or in her room, I would feel a mental anxiety like no other. I felt almost literally attached to her even without making love. If she went one way, I wanted to go the same way. Whenever she went the other way, I felt pulled apart by my limbs. We were one person now and we didn’t need to culminate love making to be so connected. My heart was hers. Her heart was mine. Not only did we know each other intimately, but we knew who we were intimately, and to be in love with your best friend was the best feeling this world could offer anyone. My partnership promotion finished a distant second to Anya, and unlike her husband’s place for her in his life, she was my priority. Even though we couldn’t share a sunset together, which was something I truly dreamt of doing with her, I knew the time would come as I hoped for sunsets, and not just one that would eventually fade into eternal obscurity.
That morning, Friday, May 2nd 2008, as I readied myself for the greatest weekend of my life. Anya sent me a text to provide some insight into her morning and evening.
7:52 a.m.
“GOOD MORNING! A LITTLE CRAZED FINISHING UP WORK STUFF! BAD TIMING BUT MY MOM WANTS TO VISIT AT 10 THIS MORNING! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THE GIRLS AND I ARE HOPING WE CAN LAY OUT BY THE POOL BEFORE DINNER THIS EVENING. HOW R U?”
ME: “Your mom’s timing is impeccable! Haha! I hope you’ll have time to catch some sun before dinner too. You deserve some time to relax babe. I’m good. Just excited and happy!”
ANYA: “I’m excited and happy too! Sorry again about the sunset. I’m really pushing it by ditching the girls later, girls’ weekend u know. I love u.”
ME: “Oh well, they have to be up early anyway right? I love you too!”
ANYA: “U don’t know my friends! They r going out dancing till past 2 am after dinner! “Play hard, work hard”! They see it as ditching! I don’t care though!”
I understood how the stress of being a mother and working could take its toll, and it was important for them to get out and relax, but to be honest, something didn’t sound right about this to me. It was a girls spa getaway weekend, I understood that, but these girls were also married. It led me to think Carolyn and Debbie had marital issues of their own or maybe even had open marriages. It did beg the question though; how many working mothers would be out dancing at nightclubs until 2 a.m. if something wasn’t wrong at home? Even though this confused me only because I believed my mother would never act like a single woman, I also believed they could be a little envious Anya had found someone like myself who was willing to give her what I did. Then again, I could be terribly wrong, but their conduct did present a nice addition to my essay as it could provide further validation in my belief that most people nowadays got married for the wrong reasons.
ME: “OKAY, WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW WE MET 11 MONTHS AGO TODAY! HAPPY 11 MONTHS!”
ANYA: “UR SO SWEET! HAPPY 11 MONTHS!”
Unfortunately, I found myself at work that Friday, and had a hard time concentrating as I couldn’t wait to join her, but Anya found a way to make me feel like I was already there.
1:39 p.m.
“Hi Babe! The sun feels great! Laying out by the pool facing the ocean w/a Bloody Mary! The ocean is beautiful. Wish you were here right now! Can’t wait to see u! I’ll let u know where to meet me later! C u 2nite! Xoxo!”
As pathetic as it sounds, I had never experienced something as simple as lying out at a hotel pool with a girlfriend before. It sure would have been nice especially with a Bloody Mary in hand, but I held out hope one day it would happen for me, and for us. She then text me again just when I returned home from work.
5:24 p.m.
“Hi! Hope you’re having a good day! Sitting around w/the girls. Will start getting ready soon. I’m excited!!! Don’t know what the plans r yet but there’s a great bar at the hotel. Talk to u soon!
It was different to hear from Anya so randomly during the day as it brought the reminder she was no longer bound by her stress at home, and I was ecstatic for her because I knew how much it meant to have some time for herself. A half hour later, she sent me a text that showed me the beauty of her heart and mind.
5:57 p.m.
“Tahiti”
Her “Tahiti” text was arbitrary yet significant as it represented a dream of ours, a place we wanted to visit together, perhaps even a honeymoon destination. To know she carried such beauty in her heart and to know I would feel it shortly released an onslaught of endorphins that created a natural euphoria within me.
A couple of hours later, she sent me the beauty of her heart and mind again to share a moment we wanted to view together.
7:14 p.m.
“The sun is about to set at N’Ya. I miss u.”
ME: “I bet it’s almost as breathtaking as you are, but I doubt it. I miss you. I love you.”
ANYA: “I miss you and I love you too!!!”
And then, just twenty minutes later, her eyes, heart and mind synchronized within mine.
7:34 p.m.
“The sun just set.”
It was a beautiful thought for her to text me during that time. A thought only she could create, as it gave me goosebumps my skin had never experienced before.
7:46 p.m.
“I can’t wait till u get here. I have so much to tell u.”
I was a horse chomping at my bit at this point as the anticipation and intensity of the evening seemed too surreal to even imagine let alone happen yet less than two hours later after I received this text, the reality of our evening was revealed to me.
9:14 p.m.
“My room is on the 7th floor in the tower building. Room number is 272. The floor number is the middle digit. Weird. You can valet at the front of the hotel lobby. Walk across the street to Republique. We’ll be there. Great band!”
As soon as this text arrived, I was out the door in an instant and to a meeting with my destiny, and my fate, where truly anything could happen. Wonder filled my mind as I drove towards an ocean as vast as my dreams, and when my ride through the night that seemed to last a lifetime was over, and after I handed the valet my car keys in front of an extravagant hotel, I strode across the street to encounter the only person who held the key to my soul, and the only one who orchestrated the most melodic of choruses within me.
There are moments in time, in each of our lives; moments I never believed existed for me, when life shook you to awaken you from the mundane to a dream state, and in this very midst of truth, regardless of the surrounding reality one witnessed every day, you would still swear it was all a dream. As I entered the bar area, I remembered nothing I had seen or heard prior to the moment I saw Anya sitting on a barstool, faced forward with her back to the bar. I’ve glanced through and seen many beautiful women in magazines. I’ve watched many gorgeous women perform on television, and I’ve seen them everywhere I went, in every day of my life and with every step I took, yet in my entire lifetime I had never seen a woman look so incredibly beautiful in my own eyes as Anya did on this night as the greatest feeling of love I had ever known for someone overwhelmed me. The look on her face when she saw me, the way her smile lit up the dimmest of bars in my mind was not of this solar system as it left me in awe of how much a simple countenance of the most beautiful woman I ever seen, changed so dramatically when she saw me, just a normal guy. Her face, and the way she looked at me, caused me pause as I stood still in disbelief of how much my simple presence meant to her, yet it broke my heart all at the same time, and if I didn’t experience an arrhythmia at this exact moment, a moment I waited a lifetime for, I would be surprised. It then all hit me suddenly that tonight, I would not only have this beautiful woman in my sight for the longest period of time since we met, but I would also have her in my arms when the sun rose.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
Anya’s brilliant white teeth were hard to ignore as she smiled widely at me with a wildfire of happiness in her eyes. I gave her a fifteen second affectionate hug when I reached her and then gave quick hugs to both Carolyn and Debbie.
“You look far beyond beautiful tonight.”
“Thank you.” she said as she turned her face shyly away for a few seconds then put her hands on my chest. “Love your shirt. What do you think of the band?”
“Thank you. Oh wow…“Wish You Were Here.” by Pink Floyd.” I said as I noticed what the tune the band played. “Nice. One of my favorite songs of all-time. They sound great.”
“You like that song?”
“I love that song.” I said.
“I do too!” exclaimed Anya excitedly as she leaned into my ear. “Let’s go. I have so much to tell you. I’m so happy you’re here. I love you.”
“I’m so happy to be here.” I said almost through tears of pure joy. “I love you too.”
Anya then turned to Carolyn and Debbie, who both looked spectacular in their own right but they were up against my soulmate, as it seemed they were both resigned to allow Anya to spend time with me.
“It’s okay. We’ll see you in the morning. Seven sharp!” said Carolyn to Anya as she signified the number seven with her fingers.
“Hear that babe? Said Anya as she turned to me. “Seven!”
“Loud and clear!” I said. “I’ll have her back to you girls by seven.”
“We’re holding you to that Landyn!” said Debbie playfully.
“I promise!” I laughed as I held my hands in the air.
I felt bad for Debbie and Carolyn as I could sense how a part of them appeared to be disappointed not because a friend left them, but because of what she found in me. I’m sure they were in non-romantic, unhappy marriages as well, enough so they could stay out dancing until two a.m., and it made me wonder if their husbands had been unfaithful too. I remember the time I saw them huddled together at a table at Paseo’s surrounded by a few men, and even though I witnessed them flirting, nothing more seemed to take place, and if it did, it was best I didn’t know about it because I would probably be inclined to weigh in.
I didn’t believe God, if he existed, looked upon Anya as being married because her husband’s infidelities and his broken vows, had taken her love away from him, but I believed God did believe Carolyn and Debbie were married because even if they were cheated on, they were more than likely still in love with their husbands, and from what I knew, they had never strayed. I believed what they did, flirting with guys, was actually somewhat healthy for their marriages as long as they didn’t cheat, but it seemed only one of them were living a lie—the one who held my heart.
After we bid Carolyn and Debbie good night and we were outside the bar, Anya snatched up my hand in hers as we walked back across the street to the hotel. The night was warm, and the moon shone brightly and massively above us which added to the ambiance of the evening as the smell of the sea penetrated our nasal cavities. With every step we took together, we held each other within eyes of cheer without saying a word, as I still found myself in utter disbelief I was going to spend the night with her. I did worry however what exactly the night had in store for us. Would we make love or would we really just watch a movie and fall asleep together? Whatever happened, I was honestly fine with, however it was impossible to discount this night presented an opportunity, one we rarely had or would ever have again. Even though I feared another bout of loneliness from a negative emotional response if we did make love, I decided to just let fate determine where the night would take us.
Upon our entry into the hotel lobby and just as the elevator doors closed behind us, Anya turned to face me with an eagerly affectionate look in her russet eyes. I then pulled her tightly to me, and we began to kiss each other as our hands, full of intentions, scrambled upon each other’s body areas that aroused us the most. I gripped her petite waist and with precise force brought it into mine and she whimpered with pleasure as she gripped my biceps tightly. The smell of her perfume and freshly shampooed hair enlightened my senses which deepened my passion further. Consumed with unbound desire and affection, and after we realized several minutes later the elevator had already stopped on our floor, we walked awkwardly yet perfectly within our arms and with our eyes on each other to her room just a few feet away as the anticipation I felt for an event now just seconds away was more intense than any other I had with her before. All the previous times we spent together she had to leave, but this night belonged to us, as we were now the creators of the stars, and the drivers behind our destiny.
When we got inside her darkened room and without seeking any artificial illumination, we began to remove our clothing as our naked bodies crashed upon the cool queen sized bed sheets as if they were waves on the shore below us. As we stirred on the bed, we satiated our hunger for each other with our hands and lips, exploring areas we had never been before, but just as soon as it all began however, our manifestation of love suddenly yielded to the rules of the game for the evening.
“Babe, I just started my period. I can’t do anything tonight.” she said nearly breathless. “You’re not upset with me are you?”
Even though my exploration of love had suddenly turned from a trip up the volcano Kilauea to the frigid trek up Mount Everest, I now knew what it felt like when I had come up cold on her in the past.
“Sweetheart.”
“Yes?” she answered.
“I’m just happy to be here with you.” I stated.
“You’re not disappointed?”
“Well, I won’t say I’m not disappointed, but like I told you before.” I replied, bringing my lips to hers “We’re not about that. And If we are…we’re not gonna make it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” I spoke before landing my lips softly into hers again.
We then continued our quest to make out and to feel each other the way we always wanted to as we didn’t need to make love to make love. The fact we were together meant everything to me as she was now with me and no one else—King Kong on top of the Empire State Building with my soulmate. I then began to look back on my life and all the times I was hurt and depressed that things never worked out for me with women and with love, and I realized all those failures magically added up to where I was at this moment, and if this was where I was supposed to be, the right here and the now, then it was all well worth the heartache I experienced because I knew this with absolute certainty; if I had a choice to be anywhere I wanted to be in this world and with who I wanted, I would choose where I was at this moment and with her. Even to this very day, after all I had gone through; it would still remain my first choice. This moment was what life was all about; happiness in its purest form, a dream that actually came true for me.
After thirty minutes of catching up on our love for each other and as we cooled down, she sat up on the hotel bed and began to tell me about her evening in animated detail. She revealed Debbie became emotional after dinner which prompted a group discussion about her behavior as she explained that she “just gets like that sometimes”. When I asked Anya what got her so emotional, she said they were teasing her about something and she became overly sensitive to it. No doubt the Bloody Marys the girls had at the pool earlier had played a role in the softening of Debbie’s skin. She then began to tell me her husband took her out to dinner again as he claimed he was now willing to lose both arms if he could take back the things he did, but I was just relieved to hear he appeared to be running out of extremities.
“Did you say anything to him when he told you that?” I asked.
“I just looked at him and didn’t say anything.” she told me. “He then conceded he believes I’m staying for the kids and not for him.”
“Do you think he’s asking you these questions because your fifteen year anniversary is coming up?”
“No. Not at all. I think he’s suspicious that I’m seeing someone.”
“I see.” I told her, nervously. “Does he know you’re here in Laguna Beach this weekend?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think he would maybe show up here unexpectedly?”
“He might. I don’t know.” she said. “He really isn’t a bad man.”
“I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad man even though I must say he’s done some things good people don’t do.” I retorted. “but I only believe him to be a bad husband.”
“I agree.”
“Was there a reason why you didn’t say anything to him when he told you that he would lose two arms if he could?”
“I didn’t say anything because it’s already too late.” she stated without hesitation.
“Even though you told me your feelings were empty and you were numb back in June, one of the reasons I left you was because I was hoping you guys could work things out.” I said. “But when we reconnected and you told me nothing had changed. I thought those five months apart was enough time for me to believe that even in my absence things would never change.”
“Even as of today nothing has changed.” she further elaborated.
“It’s such a shame people who cheat are always sorry only after they are caught. If they were truly sorry, they would have stopped before they were caught.” I said. “I don’t believe your husband would have ever confessed or told you he was sorry if you didn’t find out about his betrayals. He’d probably keep living his life the same way believing he got away with it, leaving you still believing he was the greatest husband on earth, the great shame that it is.”
“He would’ve never told me if he wasn’t caught.” she agreed. “And I resent him for what he did to me.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised, just based on his history, and I hate to even say this, that there are probably times you don’t even know about because we’re not talking about an isolated incident here. We’re talking multiple partners at multiple times. Even after times he apologized and received your forgiveness.” I said. “Maybe he had more opportunities than most men have, but if you truly love someone, especially if you’re married to them, you just don’t ever act on it. You’re simply never compelled to because it’s not even a thought let alone an action. And I don’t care what people tell me, you may be able to forgive someone but it’s impossible to forget because of all that you’re left to feel.”
“I agree with you on everything babe. I believe there are times I don’t even know about.”
It broke my heart into pieces to tell her these things. I was in love with Anya beyond earthly expression, and I hated to see the sadness in her eyes, but she was my best friend, and I wanted the best for her whether it was with me or not; I loved her that much. I truly wanted her away from this man so he could not fuck with her mind ever again and lead her to believe she owed it to her children to stay with him, the greatest of all lies ever told, a lie that could only be spewed forth from the mouth of a demon inside him.
“Just so you know. Your happiness means the world to me, even if it was with another.” I said. “I hate the fact that you ever experienced this even if it led you to me. It was just so unnecessary, and if I could change things, between you and him, so you never felt the pain you did, regardless of all the love I feel for you right now, I would.”
“Thank you babe.” she said as she leaned in to kiss me. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” I replied. “I’m going to fight for you to have a real love in your life. I think it’s more important than you realize but maybe there are things I don’t realize that keep you there regardless of the kids.”
“I have this guilt hanging over me.” she explained. “It’s holding me back—I don’t know.”
“I’ve been thinking about your guilt.” I broke. “I don’t think you should feel guilty at all.”
“How come?”
“Because marriage should be bound by love, not by contract.”
“Would our marriage be bound by love?” she asked. “And not by contract?”
“I would never ask you to marry me if it wasn’t.”
“He did tell me he would leave me. He said he would even give me the house and my share of the money.” she revealed. “But he would not give me the kids. He would fight me for both of them.”
“I wouldn’t trust what he tells you babe.” I reminded her. “He knows how much the kids mean to you and he knows that’s his only leverage to keep you there. No matter what he says about his willingness to part ways with you, they’re lies…because if he did, he would be willing to share custody with you too, especially when you consider all the turmoil he’s caused within your heart. You should never find yourself in a position as his wife to be in a relationship with another man because you couldn’t help it. That alone should tell you everything you need to know about the kind of man he is, what’s best for your life, for your well-being, and for the well-being of your children.”
With her eyes in mine, Anya grabbed my hand and nodded. The things her sociopathic husband told her truly vexed me because of the fake intent behind them, but it was nice to see him realize she wasn’t there for him and to fight for her would be moot. Then again, all we could trust in was his lack of integrity, and in the games he played with Anya’s mind as I was certain if he believed she was seeing someone, he knew the things he said would be heard by me through her. I didn’t feel it was necessary to bash her husband, but I felt inclined as Anya’s best friend, to point out his game of deception just in case she missed it. She had a protector now, and even though every second that passed brought the chance a fateful knock on the door could possibly end our time together, I readied myself since Day One of our relationship for the possible consequences of my decision to save Anya, and I was ready for anything that came my way, even if it meant I would lose my life because quite frankly I never could go back to the way I felt before I met her anyway. That alone would carry a death sentence all its own.
“Is the ocean right below us?” I asked, realizing I could hear the waves hitting the shore below.
“Yes babe!” she spiritedly informed me. “The beach is just right outside. I left the balcony door open so we could fall asleep to the waves.”
“The beautiful thoughts you have never cease to amaze me.” I replied, while watching the balcony door shades sway from the ocean breeze.
“I want you to see this movie I brought called “Knocked Up.”” she sprung. “Do you mind if we watch it?”
“Of course! I’ve been wanting to see it but never got a chance to.”
“It’s hilarious!” she told me before sitting up and jumping out of bed to put the DVD in the player. “You’ll love it!”
After she set up the DVD for us to watch, Anya climbed into my arms and rested her head upon my chest. We both laughed heartily for the first thirty minutes of the movie at almost all the same parts, as it dismayed me to know I had missed out on this part of life for most of it. About forty-five minutes into the movie, I noticed Anya silently had fallen asleep, and I felt the greatest sense of happiness to know she felt so comfortable around me and at peace to do so. As I held her in my arms, I maneuvered my free one to grab the remote to turn down the volume so the sound of the waves would overtake her sub consciousness. I kissed the top of her head gently as to not awaken her but after I did, I teared up just a little bit when I thought of how much this moment of peace meant to her and how a simple moment like this for two people who genuinely loved each other should not have been too much to ask for.
I had a hard time falling sleep not because I didn’t feel comfortable, but because I didn’t want the night to end. I found myself in a dire need to savor the moment, every passing second of it as I held this beautiful person in my arms, and if I was to die at this very moment, I couldn’t think of a better way to leave life. When Anya began to roll over to her side and out of my arms, I felt saddened by their sudden emptiness, but seconds later she reached for my right arm to hold it around her, and I happily obliged as I kissed her shoulder.
I watched Anya sleep the night peacefully away from all the turmoil and the stress that consumed her on a daily basis, but while I beheld her physical beauty, she began to shiver as the room started to get cold from the air coming inside. I then covered her exposed body with the bed covers and wrapped my arm around her to bring her as much warmth as possible. Around six a.m., she rolled into my arms and began to touch me that heightened my arousal. We then began to frolic upon our base of paradise as I brought her naked body tightly to mine like the waves that embraced the shore underneath us. When seven a.m. quickly came upon us, I slowed things down as I didn’t want her to be late for her run with Carolyn and Debbie.
“I don’t want you to leave.” she said to me.
“I don’t want to leave either, but I don’t want Carolyn and Debbie to hate me and get upset with you.”
“I don’t want to run this morning.”
“Babe, you have to run. I’ll be back tonight.”
“You promise?”
“Not only do I promise.” I said as I kissed her. “I guarantee I will be back tonight. I love you.”
“Ok babe. I trust you.” she said. “I love you too.”
I passed an exam only seventeen percent nationwide pass when taken for the first time yet the hardest time I ever had in my life was getting out of bed with Anya on this morning. I could literally had stayed there for days with her, but I somehow summoned the strength to do so and to say good-bye so she could get ready for her run.
It wasn’t long however before I heard from her that very morning.
9:44 a.m.
“Did u make it back ok? I loved last night!”
ME: “I made it back ok. I loved last night too!”
ANYA: “It was very natural for us. I felt so comfortable w/u! I loved every second! I’m sorry about the love making part. It came early! Didn’t expect it!”
ME: “It felt so good to have you fall asleep in my arms. I felt like I was by myself it felt so natural. I could have stayed in bed with you all day! Beautiful, no need to apologize for the love making part. I totally understand. We’re not about that.”
ANYA: “Me too! Thank you for understanding. I just finished breakfast w/the girls. I guess the girls went home last night b/c Deb was grumpy. I’m listening to the waves now. Wish u were back here.”
ME: “I wish I was with you too, but we’ll be together again soon.”
ANYA: “I’m thinking about ur take on my “guilt”. “Marriage is bound by love not contract” was interesting.”
ME: “Ideally speaking, I believe so. I believe God envisioned marriage to be bound by the heart. That was his intention. I feel when your husband cheated on you several times, he didn’t just break his vows to you, but also to God, and the day love died in your heart for him because of his betrayal, was the day I believed God considered you no longer married. That’s why I believe you’re not committing adultery in his eyes. In the eyes of our society, our government, the ones who allow tax deductions, then you are married and committing a sin, but I don’t think you should feel guilty because the sin is not being committed in the eyes of God. That’s my take on it anyway.”
ANYA: “Thank you babe. I appreciate that. I love you.”
ME: “Of course babe. I love you too. What’s the plan tonight?”
ANYA: “We have dinner reservations at Arturo’s at 8:30. I’m thinking maybe we can meet around 10ish again and meet each other at the hotel bar downstairs? How does that sound?”
ME: “Sounds like I’ll start my countdown right now! I look forward to it babe. Sounds great.”
ANYA: “I’m excited!!!”
It was an eventful weekend to say the least as another beautiful night awaited me spent with the woman I loved more than life itself. This weekend took shape into the best weekend of my life simply because I had never felt so loved and so respected by another human being, as it felt like if I didn’t exist, neither would she. It also didn’t bother me that Anya was unable to make love. She was my best friend, and just hanging with her meant everything to me. I believed this form of love we shared was not only worth fighting for, but also worth dying for even if her husband becomes enraged enough to seek me out. I was aware of the consequences of a situation of this magnitude, and most importantly I knew I had to feel strongly enough about us to be here for my demise was a probable consequence, but after the previous night, I found that fate entirely acceptable and worth the risk.
As I anxiously waited for the clock to reach ten, she text me a couple of hours early.
8:00 p.m.
“Hi! How r u? Whatcha doin? At Arturo’s. Crazy busy! Cinco de Mayo weekend, Do you want to meet me at the hotel bar or do you want to rescue me from here? I took a taxi over here.”
ME: “I’ll jump in the shower and be right down. You don’t want to hang out there together?”
ANYA: “It’s really crowded here!!! Actually a meat market!!! We just sat down to order. Would you mind picking me up here at 9? I’ll come out to meet you. Let me know.”
ME: “Of course Beautiful! I’ll be there at 9 sharp!”
ANYA: “Thank u!! Let me know when ur here. I’ll come right out. Love u!
There was no drug on the market that could have competed with what I felt inside when I knew I would see Anya. She took many breaths away from me last night as I anticipated how many more she would take from me when I saw her again in an hour. I may need a respirator before the night ended.
After what seemed like an eternity instead of an hour, the clock struck nine as I brought my car along near Arturo’s entrance. A line of scantily clad women and brooding collared shirt wearing men stood near the entrance when I informed Anya via text I was outside. When she emerged from the restaurant I spotted her instantly and drove another hundred feet to where she stood. She then jumped inside with the widest of smiles and leaned over my center console to kiss me as I was left blinded by her omnipotent beauty. As I pulled away from the curb and onto the bustling street, not only did this moment bring me the purest feeling of joy but also the purest feeling of honor to have Anya seated next to me in my car, in a seat that had been just like me, empty for years.
After she leaned over my center console to kiss me again while we were stopped at a light, she grabbed my right hand and held it in her lap while I steered with my left. She then began to tell me about an incident that transpired in the restaurant.
“Some twenty-eight year old guy approached me in there.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. You look gorgeous!” I sincerely replied. “What did he say?”
“He said “all I want is one night with you.” she informed me. “just one night.”
“Well, that was pretty straight forward.” I responded, irked he had been disrespectful to her. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him. I have two kids. I’m married.” she told me, then pausing. “and my boyfriend is on his way to pick me up right now. Good-bye.”
We both started to laugh as I imagined the look on his face when she told him that, but the thing I loved most about her comeback was her “boyfriend” reference. It meant a lot to me to know I was the “boyfriend” as I was more loyal to her than even her own husband, and I felt I deserved that title regardless of the circumstances at least in her mind. It was also nice to know, after being on the other side of the fence so many times, the side this twenty eight year old kid now stood on, that the girl he wanted to spend time with only had time for me as it was nice to be on the side another wished they could be on for once in my life.
I could tell Anya had a few drinks and was feeling little to no pain. And as we stopped at another red light, she leaned over to kiss me once more, but this time however, I got lost in her kiss, lost in the excitement and beauty of her gesture. When I heard a horn announce its impatience, we kissed a few seconds more before we pulled away to laugh as we continued our irresponsible journey to her hotel room.
“I love you so much Landyn. So so much.” she told me, sweetly.
“Me too.” I said, smiling at her.
On our trek to the hotel, she pointed out places she used to hang out at in Laguna Beach. I was surprised to learn she knew the place so well, but when she informed me she grew up in the nearby city of Tustin, her knowledge made sense. She then said she used to know a lot of pro beach volleyball players which surprised me also, but her perpetual tan skin hinted she probably frequented the beach often back then. As she shared with me stories about her younger days, It made me long to know her during that time, but my low self-esteem surfaced to inform me she probably would’ve never given me any of her time let alone the time of day, especially in the presence of the tall volleyball players she already knew.
When we reached her hotel, I had the valet park my car as we decided to spend time together inside the hotel bar, Splashes, before we ascended to her room. When we entered the dimly lit tavern, we both approached the bar and each ordered a glass of Conn Creek Cab. With our generous pours in hand, we first took in our surroundings and pondered where we would sit as we realized we were the only ones inside the entire place. As we sat down in a booth, side by side, right in the center of the bar, we were treated to a panoramic window view of the ocean and a fully lit moon as the waves bounced upon the beach just about twenty yards or so in front of us.
Before we took a sip of our wine, she made a toast to us, and with each sip thereafter a passion I never felt before filled my heart as I beheld her beautiful face, heard her sweet voice, tasted her delicious lips, smelled her sensual perfume, and touched her smooth skin while in a state of complete harmony and perfect intoxication. An intoxication I couldn’t distinguish from the love I felt or from the wine I drank. The closer we got to the bottom of our glasses, the more we got lost in each other as silence prevailed over the spoken word.
“If we got married...would you have a bachelor party?” she wondered.
“I don’t think I’d have a choice.” I laughed. “I think my friends would want to throw me one since they’ve been waiting for so long.”
“Would you have strippers?”
“Honestly, if I was in my twenties, or even in my early thirties, I would probably want a stripper.” I admitted. “But I wouldn’t want them now. I wouldn’t want any strippers at my bachelor party.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t need a last hurrah; I’ve already experienced the best in you.”
She then quickly leaned into kiss me as she seemed surprised by my answer.
“I also thought about something else I would want to do…if we got married.” I said.
“What babe?”
“I thought if we ever got married, I would write my own vows.” I exclaimed. “I believe you deserve beyond regular vows and promises from me considering all you’ve gone through with your husband. I would want you to know my love is for real and it’s beyond forever…that marriages based on true love are realistic.”
I held her hand and rubbed her legs as she seemed to become a little emotional as her eyes began to water. She then leaned in to kiss me again as our lips crashed into each other like the waves just beyond us. If we were married, it was important for her and everyone else around us to know that my promises and vows would remain unbroken until death did us part, even if she lost a breast or became a vegetable. I knew Anya without a doubt was my soulmate as I felt it was entirely possible we were reunited from a past life even though I wasn’t a true believer of the clairvoyant. Everything just seemed to always work out for us and nature always seemed to play a part as evidenced by the beauty of the lunar gleam upon the water in our full view, and so a love affair in a past life explained it better than anything. As I held her hand in mine and as the waves pounded the shore like my heart pounded upon my chest wall, I felt secure that her love was not going to be deterred by a suspicious husband as this weekend had shown that our relationship was as vital to her as it was to me.
“Do you worry about us financially at all?” I asked.
“Not really.” she said. “I think we would be fine.”
“I’m in a fairly lucrative career.” I explained. “There is really no ceiling to my earning potential. I just wanted you to know that in case you ever worried about it. I’ll go into details about it with you when I can.”
“Okay babe, I think I’m more concerned about a sudden environment change for my kids.”
“I understand.” I answered, a bit disheartened. “Would it help if I bought a home in your area so your kids wouldn’t have to leave?”
When I said that to her, she clutched her hand to her heart as it nearly brought her to tears.
“You would do that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I said with a smile. “I love you. Whatever it takes. I would want to give you back the life you had given up to be with me.”
“I love you so much.” she replied, placing her lips softly upon mine.
“Should we go back to the room?” I asked, the kissing turning into a wave of passion.
“Yes.” she replied, breathlessly.
We then took the final sip from our glasses of wine and began the short walk back to our room. This marked the first night I’ve ever been drunk with Anya and I knew the night would get interesting simply because it would really open me up more than ever. Once inside the elevator, we became playful and the more the alcohol played a role in my temerity, the more it intensified as I almost had her top off. When we entered her darkened room, I picked her up in my arms and cradled her in them as I gently yet dominantly laid her down onto the bed. As we removed each other’s clothing, I could hear the waves as we began to stir restlessly upon the bed like the waves that rolled into the coastline below us. Anya then suddenly stopped to give me important instructions.
“I’m putting you on a ten minute tsunami watch tonight babe.”
“Tsunami watch?” I laughed. “Love, we’re in Laguna Beach not Sumatra.”
“I still worry.” she said softly. “after what happened a few years ago.”
“Okay, I’m on a ten minute tsunami watch, then.” I replied with a broad smile.
She then smiled and laughed as she collided her lips into mine. I then moved my hands along the smooth curves of her naked physique, and while I hovered over her, I began to kiss her entire body, but as soon as I began my descent into a deeper measure of me, a part I had never been allowed to feel before, a forceful startling knock was suddenly heard at the door.
We both froze as we knew the possibility existed that her husband would confront us as we were now left to wonder, in the middle of our own little paradise, is if these breaths we took together would be the last ones taken in the presence of each other.
At that moment, I didn’t care though. I was at the apex of my life. My entire life I had spent in preparation of this moment, and I was prepared to leave the world as I knew it behind, as either literally or figuratively, I was ready to die.