“One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.”

~ Thomas Reed

For the first time ever, Anya and I both looked at each other without knowing what to say. I wanted to answer the door, I wanted to be known as I hated to be part of a lie, but I also wanted to answer it to protect her in case he became violent. If he had a bullet in the chamber, I wanted my name on it, not Anya’s, however I had to realize by answering the door I could unnecessarily escalate the situation and make it more hostile. As these thoughts kept churning, and even though I didn’t have one, I whispered my plan to her.

“I won’t open the door. I’m just going to look through the peep hole to see who it is. If it’s a man, I’ll let you come over to confirm and if so, I’ll hide away somewhere, not because I’m scared, believe me I’d love to talk to him, but I’m afraid he would rat you out to your kids. I’ll be right back.” I said as I put my finger over my lips as she nodded.

I then quietly walked over to the door fearlessly because of the wine yet also with consideration for the situation’s fragility. If he were to find out about us this way, it could be for the best as at least the truth would be known, but it could also be for the worse. The only reason I chose to do things this way was because she wouldn’t leave him without someone there for her, and I wanted her to come into the best situation possible so the transition for her and her children would be smoother. If she were to leave him for me right now, in this manner, it would be tough on all of us, as her husband would be certain to make it that way as the kids would be left to suffer the most.

When I reached the peep hole, and placed my eye within the scope, I could see no one out there. I then began to believe he was in complete ambush mode just beyond our view, and if and when we came outside, either one of us, he would be there for the attack. With my hand in the air so Anya understood to be silent, I decided to stand at the door for a few minutes to wait for another knock. When one didn’t come, I walked back over to Anya to come up with Plan B.

“I can’t see anyone out there.” I said as I lightly shook my head. “If he is out there though, I think it’s better if he saw you instead of me come out because he would expect to see you, and then would likely think you’re here alone. What do you think?”

“I think that’s the best thing to do babe.” she said as she quietly got out of bed. “But what if he wants to come inside or forces his way in?”

“I’ll stay outside on the balcony. I’ll climb down to the beach if I have to. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me if he does. Invite him in.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” I reassured her. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay.” she said as she made her way to the door. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll watch from the balcony.” I said as I began to head toward the moving drapes.

As I walked out onto the balcony, I quickly realized if I needed to make it down to the beach, I would probably have only one leg, if any, to get to my car as the beach below was well over a three hundred foot fall. I then watched anxiously through the crack of the balcony’s glass sliding door as Anya stood there in the dark with only the light in the room from the outside, that shone underneath the door, as my guide to know where she was. She peered through the peep hole for nearly a minute before she opened the door slowly as I watched her first look left then right and suddenly kneel down for a few seconds. When she rose to her feet, she closed the door behind her; locked it and came back to the bed as I withdrew from the balcony to meet her. It was then I noticed she held two thick yet compact white items in her hands.

“Candles, babe.” she said as she looked up at me.

“Candles?” I said in wonder.

“Yes.” she confirmed. “They brought us candles.”

“Who brought us candles? Room Service?”

“No, Debbie and Carolyn.” she revealed. “they even brought us some matches too.”

“They did?”

Their gesture touched me deeply as I was often worried that because they didn’t know about her husband’s infidelities that they possibly believed I was a homewrecker, but the candles told me they didn’t view me as such. It gave me the sense I was appreciated by them as they knew the happiness and a real love I had brought into the life of their friend, and to gain a sense of trust and acceptance from them, two women I really cared about as well, two women who were also married and could have rallied against us, meant the universe to me. It was also nice to know how much they knew this weekend meant to us, even when they were left out in the cold as it was one of the kindest most unselfish gestures I had ever known, and I was so thankful for their understanding. Not only did I love Anya and her kids, but I now also loved her friends.

As I lit the candles for us, Anya went into one of her many bags she brought on the trip and removed a CD. When Una Toda Vida filled the air, as the candles burned, and the waves rolled deliberately yet comfortably in our ears, we started to kiss each other again as our hearts returned to their usual frenetic pace. An hour later within the perfect peace that settled over us, like the shadows gently brought forth by the candle light, we fell asleep in each other’s arms, recipients of a most perfect REM sleep after a most eventful night.

When I awoke a few hours later, I was shocked to see her still in my arms as my head started to pound from the wine. I then fought hard to fall back to sleep but to no avail as the persistent throbbing in my head prevailed. When Anya awakened she began to kiss my back as I instantly forgot all about my hangover. I then turned over so I could take in her morning beauty and moved my lips into hers to wish her a silent good morning. As her lips greeted mine, she rolled on top of me, and I could sense she wanted to make love as I was instantly aroused, but I then could see the pain in her eyes as she realized why she couldn’t.

“I feel so bad about this babe.”

“Hey. No.” I said as I put my hands gently upon her face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” she said as her lips formed into a slight pout.

“I know you do; more than ever. You’ve shown me the most beautiful weekend of my life.” I reassured her. “Thank you.”

We laid in bed together as we reluctantly tempered down our desire for one another. At six a.m., an hour before her run with the girls, she went to one of her bags and brought a bunch of bananas, a bag of almonds, and two bottles of water. Not only was this what I ate every morning for breakfast before I went to work, but more significantly, this was something I never told Anya.

“You know this is what I eat for breakfast every morning?”

“You do?”

“Yes! Bananas and almonds. Almonds have the good fats. Mono and poly unsaturated, fats that are easy to burn.”

“I’m impressed you know that about almonds!”

“See, you learn something new about me every day.” I laughed. “Very sweet of you. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” she said.

As we sat on the bed and ate bananas and almonds, with a sun that mischievously entered our room through the drapes, she began to show me pictures of her kids she grabbed from out of her purse. As she went through them, one in particular stood out, an adorable aged wallet sized print of her daughter, with her long black hair flowing under a red cowboy hat, on a horse.

“How old was Katie in this picture?” I asked as I held it.

“She was three, almost four.” she said. “That’s her own horse!”

“She had her own horse?”

“Yes, she did. She loved her.”

“Does she still have it?”

“That one and three other horses now, Babe.” she said. “She has her own horse ranch.”

“Well, this is one adorable pic.” I said as I smiled at her.

“Babe?”

“Yes?”

“I want to wake up in your arms every day.” she said as she teared up.

“Hey...hey.” I said as I brought my right hand to touch her face. “I’m doing all I can to make sure that will happen one day. Okay?”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you very much.” I said as I kissed her on her forehead.

“Everything seems so perfect about us.” She said. “Yet my kids represent the elephant in the room neither of us wants to face.”

“We’ll face it when the time is right, beautiful.” I said. “We can’t deny it’s there…among other things.”

As she came into my arms, it was moments like this which fueled my fight for her. Moments like this which allowed me to believe, and to hope, and to dream because I knew what she needed to survive, and as much pain as I would endure or have yet to, this is why I stood pat regardless of the hurricane warnings; regardless of not just an elephant, but a wooly mammoth that stood in our path. With her by my side, I felt strong enough to take on the world’s artificial sense of morality, a morality based on earthly perceptions rather than eternal perceptions. I felt love. I gave love. I knew love. Our love represented a stand against this world, against false perceptions and fears, and like any soldier who believed in the cause they were fighting for, I was going to march proudly all the way to the end, determined to return home with her in my arms, along with a purple heart.

Later that day after we left the drama and the beauty of Laguna Beach behind, she texted me.

4:04 p.m.

“Hi. Back home. I had the best weekend! Still can’t believe how natural and easy it was to be w/u! Tied up w/the kids now. Love u!”

I expected her to spend some time with her kids so I understood completely. I had the memories of the greatest weekend of my life on my mind, and felt more secure in her love than ever before. We had a beautiful weekend together, even better than I thought it would be. From the very minute I saw her in Republique, when my heart nearly stopped, I knew it would be the most memorable weekend of my life, one I would never want to see end. She did some very thoughtful things for me in Laguna Beach, from cracking the sliding glass door open so we could hear the waves, to bringing a movie for us to watch, and to bringing almonds and bananas for us to eat in the morning. I had to make sure I returned the favor in Palos Verdes, to make it as beautiful for her as she made it for me. I loved the fact what she did was nothing overboard as they were simply natural subtle things that perfectly reflected our relationship and our love for each other.

The fact of the matter was Anya loved me like no one else ever had or I believed ever could. Women have been free to love me when they wanted to; in any way they chose to do so, and here was Anya, bound by so many things in her life yet she always found a way to love me better than anyone ever had before. How could I not fight for that? I believed I wasn’t fighting for something that I thought existed. I also wasn’t fighting to try to rekindle anything I had destroyed time and time over again like her husband did. What perplexed me the most about him was that he didn’t see the love he had for himself was greater than the love he had for his wife. I believed he was trying to salvage his ego more than anything at this point. And I’m sure he would angle it to the masses as if he was trying to save his family, but if he truly cared about his family, he would have never cheated in the first place. Trying to save his family and loving his children were mutually exclusive here, and I’m not saying he didn’t love his kids, I believed he did a great deal. I just felt he didn’t truly love his wife and that’s what truly made “family” a family.

I also believed if he was suspicious, it only proved Anya had spoken meaningfully without saying a word, like the silence of outer space, about how she felt about her marriage to him and what it truly represented. The Anya, that I knew and loved, would never jeopardize her children or “family” being hurt if they truly were a family, because I knew her kids meant everything to her. Our relationship was as deafening as a collision of galaxies, as not only was it important but also essential to her well-being. Her husband couldn’t lose to me and I couldn’t lose to him simply because Anya’s heart was not a competition, and if I thought for a single second her being with him was the best thing for her, I would step aside, no questions asked. In fact, I would push her to him, and I would disappear from her life forever, but I knew she would’ve never pursued a relationship with me of this magnitude knowing how much she loves her kids if she didn’t feel strongly about her resentment for her husband and the falsehood of their family. It was prominent, in her face every day, and it was as real as the ground underneath her feet. She had lost trust in his love, so much so she no longer loved him, and there was no way I could simply walk away from this. I knew too much, and most importantly I knew what everyone else around her didn’t know. I knew the truth.

The next morning, Anya sent me a text that made me feel like we were back in Laguna Beach together.

5:06 a.m.

“Good morning! Waiting for the girls to go running. I had a blast! It was an amazing weekend in that I felt so comfortable sleeping in ur arms! How easy was it, right? It was as if we’ve done it before!”

ME: “I have never felt more comfortable sleeping with anyone before. It seems like we’ve done it so many times.”

ANYA: “I know! I loved every moment from Republique, falling asleep w/u, waking up to the waves crashing, banana breakfast, riding in ur car, and Splashes! I wish I could tell the world that ur my “boyfriend”! I miss u and love u very much!”

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

ME: “It was easily the best time of my life Sweetheart, and I consider myself your “boyfriend” regardless of the situation. I miss u and love u very much too!”

Later that day, while on my lunch break, I sent her a text to see how she was doing.

ME: “Hi! How r doing? I can’t stop thinking about you! I had so much fun with you this weekend. I love you!”

ANYA: “Hi! Can’t stop thinking about u too! I’m super busy working on several projects w/u on my mind! I feel almost “high” w/good feelings! I love you too! I thought you were cute when u said u wouldn’t want a stripper for ur party. I loved looking into your beautiful eyes in the morning.”

ME: “I meant that babe. I wouldn’t want a stripper. If you could have only seen how beautiful you looked this weekend. I feel blessed because I was the only one lucky enough to feel all I did when I saw you. Your beauty blew me away this weekend. It’s like I get to watch a beautiful sunset every time I look at you.”

ANYA: “Thank u baby! You’re making me blush and cry! I was a little embarrassed about “starting” on Friday. Totally out of my control U made it a “non-issue” and I really appreciate that. I love u!”

ME: “Love of my life, that’s always going to be a non-issue. I love you so much! Everything I ever do with you, from talking to you, to looking into ur eyes, to holding your hand, to kissing you, to making love to you will always carry equal weight with me. That’s how I know this is true love! I was just so happy to be with you! I miss you and love you more than ever! I enjoy every moment I share with you.”

ANYA: “That was the sweetest thing ever! Don’t know if it’s possible but I just fell more in love w/u! We are so perfect together! After this weekend I want to see you every day!!! I could fall asleep in your arms every night! I miss you more than ever! If I die tomorrow I would die happy b/c I had true love.”

ME: “I could fall asleep anywhere with you and be comfortable. I don’t know if you feel the same way about me at all. I’m sure I would have to do something really special for you.”

ANYA: “U don’t have to do anything! It doesn’t matter as long as I’m w/u! Btw, I didn’t do anything this weekend. U did all the work! U had to drive down every day!”

ME: “I would drive anytime and anywhere to be w/u! No work whatsoever!”

ANYA: “Really???”

ME: “Yesssssssssss!!!”

ANYA: “I love you more than chocolate and that’s big!!!”

ME: “I’m above chocolate? This is big!!!! I am deeply, madly and completely in love with you.”

ANYA: “Me too babe! R we really crazy?”

ME: “I’d think we would be crazy if we weren’t in love!”

It was the truth; I would have to be considered legally insane if I didn’t love this woman. The situation we found ourselves in was the only thing that made our sanity questionable.

The next day we kept the good vibes of our weekend in tact as there was too much beauty within us to ignore as we now found ourselves at the point of texting each other throughout the entire day.

ME: “Good morning! I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night. I miss having you in my arms. Do you have any events coming up?”

ANYA: “Good morning! Me too! I have an event tomorrow and next Wednesday. Thanks for asking. I had a banana before my run this morning and thought of you! Can’t wait to see you again! I miss you so much!”

ME: “I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO!”

ANYA: “I FORGOT TO TELL YOU I RECEIVED MY NURSING RENEWAL APP YESTERDAY AND IT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TAKING THE BOARD. I JUST HAVE TO PAY AND TURN IN 30 CEU’S. MAYBE AN OVERSIGHT? CHANCES ARE I WON’T EVER GO BACK BUT I SHOULD KEEP UP MY LICENSE. U NEVER KNOW.”

ME: “THAT’S GREAT! YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU NEVER KNOW SO I THINK THAT WOULD BE A SMART THING TO DO. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN INACTIVE FOR?”

ANYA: “Inactive over 8 years but “expired” for 4 years which basically means I would have to take the board again, I think. We’ll see what happens. I’m going to take my CEU’s and turn it in. I’m not worried. I think I can do it online.”

ME: “Very impressed babe. That nursing degree was hard to get. It’s a lot of work and a lot to know.”

ANYA: “Thanks babe. You give me too much credit. I better get going for now. I miss you like crazy! Haven’t stopped thinking about our weekend! I remembered you covered me with the blanket a couple of times. Very sweet. I just love you so much! I’ll never be the same again for the rest of my life! I love you!”

While on my lunch break, I couldn’t get her off my mind. It was a downer to feel the euphoria and anxiousness of last Friday at work to the dreadfulness of not having the faintest idea when I would see her again, and that’s what made things difficult for me at times. I truly missed being around her and I even worried about her during the day now. If something happened to her, like if she was in a car accident and was seriously hurt, what would I do? What could I do? The man she truly loved wouldn’t be allowed to be with her at the hospital? After our beautiful weekend in Laguna Beach, I felt a part of me went missing now, so I sent her a text to get what I was feeling out in the open with the hope it would help me focus better as my heart had taken my head out of the game.

ME: “It sure is different knowing I won’t see you tonight. I was getting used to it! I can’t believe how much I feel right now. I care about you so much. Xoxo!”

ANYA: “I know hun. I care a lot about you too! Did you ever think we would literally fall crazy in love when we met in June? It’s been so much fun! Xoxo!”

ME: “I did because I knew how I felt about you when I walked away. Did you think we would fall this crazy in love with each other when we reconnected?”

ANYA: “Never to this level!”

ME: “If I was to fall completely and madly in love w/someone I’m glad it was you. You’re not only a phenomenal woman but a phenomenal human being. There isn’t enough room in my heart for all the feelings I have for you. I had the best time of my life this weekend b/c I was with you. You know how to love someone, and when I decided to pursue this relationship after you told me what you needed from me, I feared if I left you again, you might meet some jerk who could never understand the depth of your heart and your mind and I just knew if you gave me a real chance you would love me too.”

Little did I realize when I sent this text, it would open the floodgates to a lengthy response from her, the longest text she had ever sent me.

1:47 p.m.

“Landyn, that was very very sweet. I knew when I met you in June that you were different. I didn’t know why or how but I knew that you were not the typical. I was right. I would like to clear something w/u. When u say u didn’t want me to meet some jerk, I hope u don’t think I was looking. Believe me when I say I know people. I never meant even to get involved with Lance. I was not available and am not available what so ever. I was not looking at all. I was out with Debbie trying to forget what had happened. Don’t take it personal but it was an act of a higher power for me to meet u and actually talk to u. I thought you were cute but I don’t usually give time to a man. I’ve been in my marriage and been in mommy world that I never even gave it a second thought. When Lance left I guess it was a blow to my big ego. He and I never shared what we’ve shared, not even close. I never wanted to meet anyone else. Sure I was not happy b/c u know why, but I was willing 2 live w/it. When I met you, I knew we had something. When you stopped I was kind of relieved b/c I knew it would have developed into something big. That’s how much I felt! If you were not in my life today, I wouldn’t be out searching. Believe me when I say this b/c it’s 100 percent true. Ur special, u were meant for me. We were made for each other. My heartache and struggles r w/my children. I wouldn’t give anyone else even a slight chance. This I’m sure of. Sorry, the end!”

The tone of her text, in the beginning, I interpreted to be somewhat scathing, almost a scolding. I didn’t like the fact she wrote “she was willing to live w/it”, because if she was she never mentioned that to me, and it would have drastically altered my decision to date her as I would have walked away the first time and stayed away. I then began to consider how much I meant to her, and the reason why she couldn’t help it; I made her realize she didn’t have to live with it, and that something better, a real love, was actually out there for her, along with a man who was willing to be there for her when she left, an option that never existed in her life until I did. I also showed her that true love existed; that there was someone who would never dream of cheating on her for any reason, someone who would be honest with her, someone who would be loyal to her, someone who genuinely cared for her, someone she loved who was her best friend, and not just her lover. Of course she was willing to live with it because she thought what we had only existed in fairy tales, but if she knew this kind of love was possible then she never would have been willing to live with it. I also didn’t mean to imply that she was “looking”, however I believed she did search somewhat subconsciously especially after her fallout with Lance, the romantic singer. He was Anya’s Hubble telescope that allowed her to see other worlds that eluded her with the naked eye. Worlds so beautiful that it was hard to imagine they existed, as he was the catalyst of our love. Whoever the people she knew were, I didn’t know of them. The only people I knew were Debbie and Carolyn, and the people in her charitable organizations so I didn’t know who else she knew, and why she mentioned it, but I appreciated her letting me know what she faced, and little did I know, what I faced as well.

The point of my text was simply this; she was vulnerable. She was like a fighter who had been beaten to a pulp who was no longer able to protect their face, but her face was her mind, and it took an emotional beating every day for years. She had even gotten so used to the mental abuse, she didn’t recognize it anymore, like a fighter who didn’t know where they were after they were knocked out, got back up and asked why the ref stopped the fight, and I was the ref in this situation who aimed to stop the fight within her. I felt since she was mentally vulnerable, that if anyone showed her more love than her husband, which anyone could do, she would be susceptible to meeting another man like him. I knew I was nothing like her husband. I did not have an ego, and I would never cheat on anyone. I loved Anya so much, if someone I believed to be better came along, I would be man enough to let her know how I felt before I pursued it. It was something called respect, and anyone I seriously dated deserved that from me as I was better than no one. I truly loved Anya, and her happiness trumped all, even my feelings as I felt like the spirit of Chaucer’s Aurelius resided in me. I intended to fight for her happiness, even over the happiness of her own children only because they were just that, children, and did not know what I knew about their mother or about life, and I believed they would understand one day as I felt if Anya was truly filled with love, she would reflect this love back upon them. They would learn and know what a normal marriage was all about and the importance of love and affection in this world as Anya had shown me since we met that it was even more important to have than money or status, and worth risking everything for. I just had to go about it the right way and with the least amount of collateral damage done. Even though I had no idea really how to go about it, I believed we were on the right track. This was not about my ego, but about getting her away from the clutches of an emotionally abusive husband and thrusting her into a life of honesty, low stress and happiness forever. It was simply my goal to help prolong her life. I didn’t want their children to hate her or even him, I felt they both were good parents. I just felt they weren’t good for each other. If I wasn’t in her life the way I was, I would not feel this way and it would not be fighting for. I believed I was in her life for this purpose if I wasn’t meant to be with her, but I knew just like she indicated in her text; we were meant for each other.

ME: “Thank you babe. I was just going off what you told me the night we first met about Lance breaking your heart. I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply you were looking but just vulnerable, that’s all. I really believe after this weekend now more than ever that we were meant for each other too. We shared too many beautiful moments together to feel otherwise.”

ANYA: “There were so many moments I loved. I was just thinking about sitting in your car. I loved that you picked me up. I was so happy to see you! I just jumped in ur car as if you’ve picked me up before. It really felt like u were my “boyfriend” just rescuing me from a crowded place. If I absolutely had to pick one though, it would be falling asleep in ur arms without any worries. Was so natural.”

ME: “That was my favorite moment too. It was like we’ve been falling asleep together for years. It’s sad when you know we belong together after a weekend like that only proves it.”

ANYA: “I agree baby. It’s really sad to have had such a beautiful weekend together and now expect to go on separately.”

ME: “Toughest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

ANYA: “I miss you terribly. I love you.”

ME: “I love you too.”

When our text exchange ended, I felt a little deflated. Not because I felt negative about anything she communicated, but just because I wanted to hold her in my arms. I missed that more than anything.

Later that evening she sent me a text that resonated within my soul.

8:56 p.m.

“I love u forever!!!”

It was the first time she ever used the word love and forever in the same sentence, and it meant everything to know her love was not time sensitive. Out of all the romantic things I tried to say to reveal how I felt, this modest thing Anya sent me was like a guitarist who found the simplest of chords and made a song the world adored. To read she loved me forever encapsulated how deeply I felt as well. Love was a forever or never thing with me, otherwise it was a waste of time, and it had to last until the stars no longer shined, and with Anya, I knew it would.

After I told her I loved her forever too, I started to work on my essay, or to at least began to memorialize thoughts in my journal. I needed to be prepared for Palos Verdes. Mutual love, trust and communication is what drove a marriage, and when those things are gone there’s just nothing left to salvage. I knew she loved me and her only struggles were with her children, but I had to think of a way we could make this work. I felt the ideal scenario consisted of one in which she shared custody and had an amicable divorce so the children weren’t as affected. It was unreasonable to think they would be unaffected and unrealistic to believe that could be avoided entirely, however I felt it could be greatly mitigated. Since Anya’s husband said he was willing to leave even with his suspicions, I felt she may be able to end their marriage amicably. I also believed if he was going to fight her for custody, if he gave her the house, I couldn’t envision a scenario in which she would lose the kids to him, especially if she got a part-time job or pursued her nursing opportunity. I believed he would be shooting himself in the foot if he gave her the house because I found it improbable, if not impossible, that a judge would rule the kids should be moved out of their home with him and away from their school, their friends, and their mother. They would lose all familiarity of their current surroundings and their environment would abruptly change which would affect them adversely more so than staying put with their mother in the same home they were living in that he gave her. In the meantime, I could move nearby into a house in her city, and she could stay with me when she didn’t have the kids. I could completely take care of her after I officially become a partner at the firm which would avoid him having to pay any alimony to her. If he gave her the house, she could sell it after the kids were out of school and off to college, move in with me and that would be her deferred “alimony”. If she could just get a little child support from him for a few years, which he would have to expend anyway even if they stayed together, it would help with their expenses. I truly believed there had to be a way, a good way for everyone, to make this happen without her husband getting hurt badly in the pocket. As much as I disliked him, I didn’t think he should lose what he worked for all these years regardless of his disregard to the feelings of his wife.

The next day, I had to drive back to Hesperia to do another inventory count of the rock quarry. It was an interim inventory count the client wanted us to do and since I had the expertise now, I volunteered to do it. Later that afternoon, after I had performed the observation, and just before I was ready for the hour and half drive back home, Anya sent me a text to let me know how she was doing.

2:38 p.m.

“Missing u.”

ME: “Missing you too. How’s your day going?

ANYA: “Just busy! U forgot to say u love me!”

ME: “Haha! I love you!!!”

ANYA: “I love you too!!! Forever!!! I miss u like crazy! I thought about kissing u all day! I thought about ur touch. I was totally turned on! Have to go! Xoxo!”

ME: “You have to go already? Haha! I’m just teasing you babe.”

ANYA: “Quick random question. Am I your “girlfriend”?”

I didn’t know how she would react, but yes, I believed she was my girlfriend. We’ve experienced things boyfriends and girlfriends do, and I was faithful to her so why wouldn’t I consider her to be at this point?

ME: “I share intimate moments w/u, I am completely in love w/u and I’m faithful to u so even if we can’t make it “official” I consider u my “girlfriend” and myself ur “boyfriend”. Now, I got a question for you! Hypothetically speaking of course, if u were to reveal to Deb & Carolyn, w/them knowing only that u have hurt each other and knowing that they support us even leaving candles for us this weekend, that your husband has cheated on u several times, do u think they would advise u to leave ur husband or stay 4 the sake of the kids? Personally I believe they care about ur happiness so much that they would advise u to leave.”

ANYA: “I think they would advise me to stay 4 the kids. They r moms and I know they would worry about the kids. They know I’m not in love w/my husband. Of course they care about my happiness. As moms we do whatever it takes to protect our kids, even sacrifice our own happiness.”

Upon reading this text, I couldn’t believe the same women who left candles at our hotel room door would advise her to stay at this point—this didn’t make any sense, not after five months have passed. Little did I know there was a piece missing to help aid my understanding, a significant piece that would alter my life forever.