09.05.23

Dear Diary, today is the first day of school. I’m really regretting my decision now.

One thing I’ve learned throughout the years is how to manipulate. I never like using that skill— I only use it when I need it. It was actually kind of scary, knowing how gullible Susan and Davis really are (I’m one to talk, though, people trick me all the time). But the whole time I thought… I would find out what their dirty little secret about me is.

Seriously, what was I thinking?! Now I’m stuck! Otherwise, I’ll be giving the boys the satisfaction of knowing I chickened out. I can’t stand the thought of them being right.

I’ll just have to hope this will be different from my past school experiences. It has been a long time. High school should be different. I’ve matured. And since the boys are in different grades, we shouldn’t see each other that much, which lowers their chances of ruining my first day a little. Just a little.

I just have to not get into fights or hang out with ‘problematic’ people (people like me, basically) and I’ll be fine.

Sincerely,

Diana.

At my mirror, I straightened my long-sleeved yellow shirt, which had a small flower pattern on the top right. It was nice and simple, and it combined well with the jean jacket and white skirt Susan bought me. A pair of white sneakers completed the outfit. My hair was straightened, which was a little strange for me. It was always wavy. A white flower pin kept it out of my face.

I really hoped I didn’t look stupid. I put on my new yellow backpack and took a deep breath. Here goes.

I came out of my room. The boys were still not ready, slowly dressing themselves with zombie-like sleepiness. “Boys, it’s 7:05! The bus is coming soon, hurry up!” Susan shouted from the landing. “Diana! Are you ready?”

“Yes!” I went downstairs. My stomach flipped.

Her face brightened when she saw me. “Oh, Diana, you look beautiful.”

I blushed. “Thank you.”

“You ready?”

“Yeah, I’m excited.”

She wrung her hands. “If you ever change your mind… just tell me, okay?”

“I won’t,” I said, mentally slapping myself.

Tommy and Harry soon came down, pausing when they looked at me. “What are you wearing?” Tommy asked.

“What?” I said.

They glanced at each other, grinning.

“Boys, be nice,” Susan said sternly. “I think she looks great.”

I glared at them, looking at their outfits. Susan did the same, frowning. “You’re wearing that old thing?” she said, pointing at Harry’s shirt. It was a faded red shirt with ‘I’D RATHER BE SLEEPING’ printed in orange. It looked quite old and worn, especially with the jeans.

“Why? It’s a shirt,” he said.

“Yeah, but it’s old.” Susan headed upstairs. “I’ll get you a new one.”

“Oh, come on, Mom, the bus is coming!”

“I’ll only be a minute! Just take off your shirt there!”

Harry looked at me. “Diana’s right here!”

“So? It’s only your shirt!”

I scoffed with ridicule. He glared at me as he took off his shirt. He had a lean body— nothing super muscular or anything, but it was obvious he worked out enough. As expected of a football player.

I couldn’t imagine how arrogant these guys were. Somehow, I imagined them as the high school movie stereotype, with all the cheerleaders fawning over them.

“What, are you embarrassed?” I said to Harry as he stood awkwardly.

“No.” He crumbled his shirt in his hands.

“Single pringle,” Tommy coughed into his fist. Harry bristled and jumped on him. I watched with a raised brow as the two brawled.

“I can hear you!” Susan called. They stopped. Harry gave his brother one last shove.

She came down with a newer green shirt and gave it to Harry. “There. Now you look less like a slob,” she said. Harry rolled his eyes and put it on, giving her the old shirt.

She hugged us and kissed each of us on the cheek. Her eyes shone with contained tears. Davis came out of the kitchen, coming over to us. “Diana, here’s your lunch.” He handed me a paper bag. “And some lunch money just in case. But cafeteria food is disgusting.”

“Thank you, Davis.” I took the dollar bills and side-hugged him.

“Okay, picture! Picture!” She took out her phone. The boys groaned and unwillingly stood in front of the door. I stepped aside, snickering as they tried to smile.

“Diana, come on!” Susan motioned for me to join them.

“Mom, we have to go.” Tommy opened the door before she could take another picture. Secretly relieved, I followed them out.

As we walked, I nervously ran my fingers up and down my backpack straps. “So, uh… could you guys give me some pointers? About the bus? Do we choose our seats or something?”

“Yeah. You choose your seat, you stick with it. So choose wisely,” said Harry.

“And stick to the middle seats,” Tommy added.

“Why?”

“Basic rules. What, you’ve never ridden a bus before?”

I clenched my jaw at his condescension. “Yes.” A pause. “When I was four.”

We stopped at the bus corner with a few other people. A few moments later, the behemoth came around the corner, roaring down the street. It stopped in front of us with a loud hiss. The sudden noise startled me and I stepped back, my hands shooting to my ears.

Breathe, breathe… don’t do this here.

My vision darkened and rippled only for a few seconds as the doors folded open. I managed to keep myself calm enough as we boarded. I glanced at the bus driver, who was a pale, balding man, probably in his 60’s, wearing a plaid shirt and chewing a toothpick. He had sunglasses covering his eyes.

What a cliché.

I looked around the bus as we walked down the aisle. There were already a few students here, talking to each other or scrolling on their phones. Harry and Tommy sat in the middle-back section on the left, leaving a space open for me. Before I could sit down, however, Tommy put his backpack on the seat.

I glared at them as they smiled smugly at me. With a sigh, I turned away and looked for another seat. There weren’t any fully empty seats, so I had no choice but to sit next to someone. Just great.

“Hey, would you sit down already? I gotta move this thing,” the bus driver said.

His voice called attention to me. I pushed down the rising anxiety, warding away the flashbacks.

12 years ago, it was the same… the same scenario…

While some of the people at the front glanced at me briefly, the rest of the passengers gawked at me, their mouths staying open long enough for a fly to zoom inside and choke them. I sort of wished that would happen.

Not here, too…

What? What was it about me that triggered this reaction?

“Sit down, please!”

I hurried over to a seat in the middle-front section, on the right. A girl with carob-brown skin and pixie-cut hair sat next to the window, earbuds in her ears.

“Finally.” The bus driver closed the doors and drove forward.

I glanced back at the brothers, who were now talking. The people in the backseat still stared at me, prompting me to look away. The girl next to me hadn’t talked to me yet. She kept her eyes out the window, lightly bobbing her head to her music.

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Okay. I was on a bus. A school bus. This was it. No backing out.

God, what was I thinking?!

I clenched the hem of my skirt and leaned my head back, taking deep breaths. I glanced across the aisle, seeing two girls whispering as they looked at me.

All I needed to do was keep my head down and get through the day. I couldn’t panic. It always messed me up every time I would go to school.

“Hi.”

I looked at the girl beside me. Her earbuds were off. She regarded me with a friendly smile. My anxiety was a strong opponent. I was sure I looked like a psycho as I tried to smile back, sweat breaking out on my forehead. “H-hi.”

The girl stuck out her hand. “I’m Mildred Dawson. I’m new here. You?”

Huh. She didn’t look at me like that. This relaxed me just a bit.

“I’m Diana Watson.” I accepted the handshake. “I’m new here, too.”

“Cool. Did you move here?” She put away her phone and earbuds, giving me her full attention.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Nice. I didn’t move, but I hated my old school, so I transferred here this year. It’s a lot farther, but hopefully, it’ll be better. Where’d you move from?”

“Uh… Lewis County.”

“Oh, not far. Any siblings?”

She was quite the chatty person. I was hoping to just shrink into myself the whole bus ride.

Then again, maybe making a friend would give me some degree of immunity… unless her intentions were elsewhere. What if someone dared her to talk to me? Wait, no, we just started. What if she wanted to make fun of me?

“N… no. Just me,” I answered.

“Lucky.” She nudged me. “I got a really annoying little brother.”

I glanced at the brothers again. They didn’t acknowledge me as they talked to the people behind them, laughing. Mildred followed my gaze. “Who’re they?”

“Uh… I don’t know. I was just… looking around at everyone.” I turned away.

She continued staring at them. “They’re cute.”

Wait, what? I twisted uncomfortably in my seat. “Who?”

“Those two over there, see?” She subtly nodded at them. I pretended to look. “Especially that one on the left.” She was talking about Harry.

“Maybe they have girlfriends,” I said.

“Well, I’ll have to ask him.” She smiled, biting her lip as she checked him out. “Anyway, what year are you in?” she asked.

“Sophomore,” I replied, relieved for the change of conversation.

“Cool. I’m a junior. It’s a shame, though; we won’t have the same lunch period.” Her phone buzzed and she checked it briefly. “But hey, I know someone now. Diana Watson, my first friend.” She smiled at me.

I smiled back at her genuinely.

~~~

Upon entering, I went to the office, as Susan had told me last night. She’d asked the school to give me a tour guide for my first day. I was a bit worried that this would call attention to me, but it was better than wandering around this giant school and getting lost.

After asking the staff for the tour, I sat and waited for a few minutes until two feet entered my vision, my eyes turned down. “Hi. Are you Diana Watson?”

I looked up at the owner of the friendly voice. A girl with sienna skin and chestnut brown hair stood in front of me, wearing a badge that read ‘Summit High Welcoming Committee’. Her smile froze in place when I looked at her.

“Uh, yeah. That’s me.”

“Um… r-right. Uh- hi. I’m Alma Santiago. I’m a junior and a member of the Summit High Welcoming Committee.” She fingered her badge. “Usually, we help out the freshmen students, but they told me you were… you needed some orientation.”

“I guess so.”

“Okay. So follow me and I’ll lead you to your locker.”

I stood, slinging my bag over my shoulder, and followed Alma down the hall. I kept my eyes on my shoes. If people around me were giving me that look, I couldn’t allow myself to see it.

Alma herself seemed quite tense around me. Whatever it was, it had to do with the boys and the school. It felt like some kind of urban legend.

We finally stopped at my locker; 223. I took out my combination and tried to enter it, but failed. After another try, Alma stepped in. “You need any help?”

“Yeah.”

Step by step, she guided me through the process without asking for my code. 2… 3… 4… 9… I finally opened it after the fifth try. Alma smiled, as if congratulating me, but impatience reflected in her brown irises.

“What’s your first class?” she asked me.

“Um…” I looked at my phone. “Biology. Room 102.”

“That’s close by. I’ll show you.” We started down the hall. After a few awkward beats, she finally spoke again. “Diana- it is Diana, right?”

“Right.”

“The office told me the Fields requested a tour for you.”

“Yeah.”

“Why them?”

“I’m, uh… staying with them.” No use lying now.

She stopped. “What do you mean, ‘staying with them’?”

“I… uh… I’m a foster kid.”

Alma stared at me, nodding blankly, and continued down the hall. I hurriedly followed, noticing a faster rhythm in her legs. “Why?” I asked.

“Just curious.”

As we speed-walked through the halls, they got less and less crowded. Soon there were only a few clusters of students standing around talking.

I noticed a few groups staring at me and whispering. When I met their gazes, they looked away or walked in the opposite direction. I was hoping it was just my imagination, but I had a feeling it was very much real.

Inside the Biology classroom, students sat in desks, two seated in each. There was only one empty desk left, which was at the back.

“I’m not gonna be here after this period, so what’s your next class?” Alma asked me.

I checked my phone. “Spanish 1, Room 154.”

“That’s easy. Go down this hall, make a left, then turn at the stairs— the opposite way. It’ll be the third door on your right. Got it?”

“I think so.”

“Great. Welcome to Summit High, and good luck.” She patted my shoulder and left.

Well, that was… something.

I hesitantly went inside and took the seat on the right. I put my backpack against my seat and laced my fingers together, looking around at the classroom. No one had noticed me yet.

“Uh, excuse me.”

I looked up to see a boy standing next to the empty seat I left. He had wavy brown hair and matching brown eyes under thick eyebrows.

Huh. He’s cute.

I blinked, realizing I hadn’t answered him. “Oh, hi,” I said, my cheeks heating slightly.

He looked at his schedule. “This is, um, Biology, right?”

“Mm-hmm.” I nodded, looking down.

“Great.” He put his black backpack down. “Mind if I sit here?”

“S-sure.”

“Thanks.” He sat down and stuck his hand out. “I’m Anthony Lowe— my friends call me Tony”.

He didn’t look at me that way… just like Mildred.

“Diana Watson.” I shook his hand.

“I’m actually new here. I just moved here from New York,” he said.

“I’m new here, too.”

“Nice. I’m not alone,” he said, taking off his sport jacket and draping it over his seat.

The final bell rang and the teacher came in. She put her books on her desk and took some chalk, writing her name on the board. ‘Mrs. Sylvia Howard’. While she organized her things, a voice started speaking through the intercom.

“Good morning, everyone! Welcome to your first day at R. T. Summit High School. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Principal Imelda Blake. It’s a pleasure to have you all with us. I’d like to make a few announcements before you start your first class. Our new Vice Principal this year is Janet Lissing. And I’d like to welcome two new teachers to our staff. Welcome, Tanya Sills, our 12th Grade Government and Social Studies professor; and York Steinfeld, our Music Theory professor. And a gentle reminder to all students that today’s schedule will be your regular Monday schedule. Starting next week, you’ll have a different schedule for Tuesday.”

“That’s weird,” Tony commented.

“Welcome back again, and have a great first day!” The microphone squeaked a little before going silent.

“Good morning, everyone,” the teacher said. “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Mrs. Howard, your Biology teacher. Now, who’s new this year?”

I raised mine along with Tony and another girl.

“Three new students. Welcome! Now, to get to know all of you, I’ve prepared a few icebreakers.”

A few groans erupted.

“Aw, come on! It’s better than doing homework right off the bat, right?” She picked up a pile of papers. “Now, everyone move your desks to the side so we can have a nice, open space.”

Everyone stood and moved their bags and desks against the wall. The room was noisy with squeaks and metallic scrapes on the floor, coupled with murmurs from everyone.

“Okay, here, I’ve got some bingo charts with different attributes on them.” Mrs. Howard held up one of the papers to show us. “All of you will go around the room and find other students that have these attributes. When you do, they have to write their initials in the square. Only one student each. First five students to complete their chart get a prize!”

“Yay, breath mints!” Tony said under his breath. I snickered.

“Everyone grab a sheet!” She put the pile on the desk. Everyone came forward and grabbed one. Tony took two and handed one to me.

“Thanks.” I wrote my name at the top. There were 9 squares, all of them different; ‘is an only child’, ‘has siblings’, ‘is allergic to nuts’, ‘likes to read’.

“I like to read,” I said.

“I have siblings. Well, one.” He handed me his chart.

I gave him mine. “Younger?”

“Yeah, younger sister. Addie. She’s Deaf.”

“Wow, really?” I wrote D.W. in the ‘Likes to read’ square. “I’ve never met anyone Deaf.”

“Yeah, she was born Deaf.” We switched back. The ‘siblings’ square now had T. L. written inside. “Do you have any siblings?” he asked.

“Uh…” I hesitated. “No. Only child.”

“Too bad you can’t initial two.” He pointed at the ‘only child’ square, shrugging. Someone behind him tapped his shoulder, diverting his attention.

I looked around at everyone else. I wasn’t sure who else to talk to. It took me immense amounts of courage to talk to Mildred and Tony, and both of them had approached me.

Someone tapped on my shoulder and I turned, smiling. “Hi,” I said.

The girl was smiling, but it instantly faded.

Oh, God. My smile must’ve looked horrible. I cleared my throat and tried to calm myself. “You, uh… want to… switch charts?” I held up mine.

She continued staring at me, pale as a ghost. I blinked in confusion, my heart tripping over its beats. “Are you alright?” I asked her.

She gulped, stepping back. “Uh… yeah. Yeah. I’ll just, uh…” She turned, leaving me.

What happened? Did I scare her that much?

As I looked around at everyone else, I noticed eyes on me. People were whispering and staring at me, pausing from the game.

They were looking at me. So many people… looking at me.

I tried to calm my heart rate as I clutched my bingo chart. What were they looking at? Was it my clothes? My hair? Did I not have enough makeup on? It was enough to cover up the old cuts, I was sure. The swelling had long since gone down weeks ago.

There was something wrong with me. Everyone gave me that look. Everyone stared at me, and I didn’t know why.

Too much staring. It was too… much… staring.

My breath suddenly quickened as my heart skipped a beat. My palms turned clammy.

Oh, no. It was happening again. I couldn’t do this right now. Not now.

I went to my desk against the wall and sat down with shaky knees. My vision darkened at the edges. Everything seemed to ripple around me.

Oh, God, not now. Please, not now. Please…

A hand touched my shoulder. “Sweetie, are you-”

I gasped, jumping. My gaze met the teacher’s. She was looking at me with concern. Her eyes widened and she reared back. Panting, I gathered my bearings, noticing the whole class staring at me.

This did not help.

“Diana, you okay?” Tony approached me, his brows furrowed. He was the only one that didn’t stare. The girl beside him looked confused, lacking that ‘look’ in her eyes.

I shook my head, gulping. My mouth was completely dry.

“Do you need to go to the nurse?”

I glanced at the teacher, whose mouth was hanging open. I shook my head again, unable to speak.

Tony looked at her. “Mrs. Howard?”

She blinked, regaining her composure. “I’m sorry. I… are you alright, sweetie? What’s your name?”

I glanced at everyone else nervously, choking out a response. “D-Diana. Watson.”

“Diana…” She nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… are you alright?”

“Um… yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.” I looked down, unable to bear the weight of everyone’s gazes on me. I stared at my hands clenched together.

“A-alright, everyone. Time’s up!” Mrs. Howard clapped her hands. “Let’s all take our seats again. Return the desks to where they were, please.”

I blocked out the sounds of chairs and tables scraping together, concentrating on my hands. I could sense Tony next to me. “You sure you’re good? You’re all pale.”

“I’m fine.” I nodded hastily, trying a smile. I shakily stood and tried moving the desk, but all the strength had left my limbs. They felt like jelly.

“I can move this. Just… sit down.” Tony gently nudged me to sit again as he dragged the desk away.

That was the perfect way to start off the first day.

I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have done this. But I wouldn’t dare prove the boys right.