Diana
September 15th, 2023
Chemistry thankfully finished and I bolted out of the classroom in a flash. Biology was interesting enough to keep my attention, but Chemistry was a nightmare for me.
It was lunch now, so I pushed against the current of students heading to the mess hall. The library had become quite the sanctuary for me. It seemed that all the school’s ‘outcasts’ would stay there; I’d see lonely students lounging in chairs and at tables, ignoring the world around them. But even they would cast a glance at me every now and then.
How I wished I could be as invisible as they were.
Just as I turned the corner, something tapped on my shoulder. Turning, I saw a girl around my height with pixie-cut blond hair and gray eyes smiling breathlessly.
“Hi,” she panted lightly. “Diana, right?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“I’m Blanche. I’m in your Chemistry class.”
“Oh…” I vaguely remembered her— she sat in the furthest corner, sort of isolated. I was a bit surprised that someone so introverted as her would approach me like this.
“Anyways, I’ve wanted to meet you. I have a few friends I sit with at lunch. You want to join us?”
“You wanted to meet me?”
“Well… I heard about you… around. And I heard you’re a foster kid.” She shrugged. “I am, too.”
This caught my attention. “You are?”
“Five years. You?”
“Twelve.”
“Wow.” She chuckled a bit. “You’re with the Fields now, right?”
“Yeah… for a few months.”
“That’s cool. So… you good sitting with us?”
I hesitated. She seemed nice enough. I didn’t want more rumors about me being too rude and standoffish. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.”
We started walking with the flow of students, which had diminished by now. “You haven’t met anyone else to sit with?”
“Uh… I usually like being alone, but I’m good sitting with you. What grade are you in?”
“10th, like you. I’m living with the McCarthy family right now.”
“You have a bio family?” Realizing how intrusive the question was, I quickly retracted. “Sorry, that was…”
“You’re good. I have a mom. She’s kinda… into drugs, so I’ve been in and out the past years. My dad left when I was 10.”
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “Could be a lot worse.”
We reached the mess hall and Blanche led me to her table. I stopped short, recognizing one of the faces; the girl that led me to my class on the first day, from the… committee of welcoming or something. The other girl had her wavy hair dyed pink and a nose ring.
“Hey, guys.” We sat down. “Diana, I think you met Alma.”
Alma’s disposition was different from last week. She flashed a friendly smile and wave. “How’s it going?”
“And this is Jada.”
The girl glanced at me, smiling briefly, then returned to her phone, long, black nails tapping the screen. I took out my lunch, awkwardly starting my sandwich.
“So, Diana, how’s Summit been so far?” Alma asked.
“It’s okay. You know… classes, homework, everything.”
“What about at home?”
“Okay.”
“I heard you hacked Tommy and Harry’s accounts on Familiar,” Blanche remarked.
“Well, I didn’t hack them. Anyone could get in. But, yeah, I posted stuff.”
Alma laughed. “You don’t like them?”
“They’re okay… I guess I just wanted to mess with them.”
“You got thrown off the bus. Was that why?” Jada suddenly asked, her brown eyes fixed on her phone.
“Uh- yeah… kinda. You heard about that, too?”
“I take your bus. I’m two rows behind you.”
“Oh.” I blushed, a little embarrassed.
My eyes flickered to the cafeteria door, where Thelma was entering with Kate. The familiar pair of nut-brown eyes soon spotted me, their usual table just about 10 feet away. Kate immediately waved, smiling. Thelma also waved, but I could see a bit of pain in her smile. Guilt washed over me like a bucket of ice water.
I’d said we’d be besties… but for some reason, I just didn’t want to talk to her or Kate. And I was only sitting with Blanche to be polite. I didn’t want to sit with anyone.
“You good, Diana?” Alma asked, leaning into my field of vision.
“Yeah… yeah, I’m good.”
~~~
Harry
Friday. Just one more day to go and I could take a break. Even if it was just two days, it was something.
I was desperate. High school was already exhausting before, but now… it was pure torture. My heart was being pulled left and right like a tug-of-war rope. I wanted to scream, but there was a chain wrapped around my mouth, forged by everyone around me.
I put my books on my desk and sat, my feet tapping on the floor as I waited. I pulled my phone out and checked my messages.
ThrowawayDiver1011 (Throwaway Diver): Photo
Oh, boy. I opened it, tensing in anticipation.
Yup, that seemed about right.
I sent a swearing text at the undercover Jason Diver and blocked him once again. It was amazing how many accounts he had. Did he not have a life?
flynngrinn: hey forward some of those links for me
I frowned. hpfpringle: what links? I asked.
Lol the ones u shared
I rolled my eyes. Dude u know i got hacked. i dont have any links ok
Ok sure keep telling yourself that (smile emoji)
I sighed in exasperation. im serious lucas i dont look at any of that stuff. So just shut up about it
Fine geez u dont have to get so b—chy about it
I closed his chat. Why did I even talk to him? Yet another promise to Amy that I failed to keep.
I glanced at the door, finally seeing her face: carob skin and nylon pixie-cut hair.
I chewed on my lip as she sat behind me. I didn’t know what to do. That first day, we seemed to get along, but afterwards, she gradually stopped talking to me. I didn’t blame her, though. The rumors were everywhere.
I didn’t know why this particular new girl was on my mind, but there was just something about her that I really liked. Beside the fact she was pretty, she was also smart, sweet, funny…
Alas, I was still the ‘single pringle’, as everyone always said. The name was a little needle poking at my chest, sharper and sharper every time. They loved calling me that, no matter how much I told them to stop.
Mom and Dad always reminded us that relationships weren’t our priority. We were young, we could meet plenty of people, we could follow our dreams. And they’d reassure me that being ‘single’ really didn’t matter right now.
While I did agree with them and tried not to concentrate on having a girlfriend… I couldn’t help but feel a little miffed that all my siblings managed to find their ‘One’.
Well, except Tommy. He was worse off than I was.
Maybe I was being too hasty. Maybe Nicole and Amelia wouldn’t be ‘the one’ for Kyle and Jack. But still… it was nice to have something. It just seemed like a nice thing, having that ‘first love’ in high school, or in college. It didn’t have to end the fairytale way, with us getting married once we finished college, it just had to be.
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Our professor entered and greeted us. “Good morning, everyone. Today, we’re going to start a little project.”
Some of the class groaned.
“You will join in pairs and start working on a short paper based on one of the topics we’ve discussed up to now. State the main idea, do some research, and add a ‘Works Cited’ page. It only has to be 3 to 4 pages.”
I quickly wrote down the details as he explained the rest.
-Pairs
-Paper on any discused topic
-3-4 pgs.
“Get together with your partner. If you don’t find one, you can make a trio. You have the rest of the period to start planning your papers.”
Desks groaned and shifted as everyone moved to join their best friends. I looked around, wondering who to work with. Walter? Nah, he was always with his girlfriend. Preston? Too late. María? Nope, she got a partner, too. Anxiety gripped my throat as I mustered up the courage to approach someone.
I swallowed, rising from my desk. I was interrupted by a loud scraping behind me. Turning, I saw Mildred pushing her desk next to mine.
“Lift your desks when you move them, please,” the professor said, his eyes remaining on his computer screen.
She sat down. “Hi, Harry.”
“Uh… h-hi, Mildred. Um…” I sat back down. “Y-you’re pairing up with me?”
She chuckled. “Duh. Why else would I sit here?” She took her backpack off the seat.
Still confused, I slowly nodded. “Okay.”
“Unless you wanted to pair up with someone else?”
“Oh, no. No. Of course not.”
“Great.” She took out her notebook and pens. “Alright. What ideas do you have?” She clicked her blue pen, already writing something down.
“Um, uh… well…” I fumbled through the pages of my own notebook. “I-I guess… you can pick.”
“I have an idea, but I want to hear yours.”
“Okay, um…” I shrugged, turning to a page. “I guess… the different types of personalities, and temperaments… that sounds good.”
“Good idea!” She smiled, a bit too brightly, and wrote it down. For a few moments, we were silent. Her pen scribbled noisily on the paper.
“So, uh… how do you want to split?” I asked.
“I’m not sure.”
“I guess… two pages each?”
“Sure, that sounds good.” She slid her notebook over. “We could split the intro, body, and conclusion this way. The body goes to both of us. We can cover different topics, too.”
I read her list. “Uh…” I raised my brows. “Wow. This is… pretty good. You’re really—” I cleared my throat— “you’re really smart.”
“Thank you!” She flashed another blinding smile and slid the notebook back to her desk. “That’s basically the main outline, then.”
I shifted uncomfortably. She was acting a bit too… happy.
“We can share the doc so we can give each other pointers about our work.” She put her hand over mine, sending an electric shock through me. For a moment, I was frozen. “And I want you to be completely honest with me, okay? You’re an honest person, right? I can trust you, can’t I?”
She was really freaking me out. “Y… yeah. You can.”
“Good. Because I’m going to be 100% honest with you. As transparent as a window.” She giggled.
I only nodded with an attempt at a chuckle. “Okay…” I cleared my throat again. “When do you want to work? When’s your study hall?”
“Right after lunch.”
“Oh. Are you free after class? I have a free period.”
“No, sorry, I have Italian.”
I raised my brows. “You take Italian? Cool.”
“Yeah, I like it. And Japanese, too.”
Japanese… Amy took Japanese. And Korean. She was so obsessed with anime…
Anime is JAPANESE! Korean animation is…
What was it? I couldn’t remember. She always got so mad when we named them wrong.
“We could also work after school,” Mildred suggested. “I could go over to your place if you want.” She brightened. “I can see Diana that way!” she said overexcitedly. “How is she, by the way? She doesn’t say much about you guys on the bus anymore.”
“Um… she’s good. We’re good.” Maybe her coming over was a bad idea. “Or we can meet up at your place. Or anywhere else. We can go out to eat,” I quickly suggested.
“Why not at your place?”
“Well… my brothers. They like to distract me when I’m working.”
“Ah, yes, sibling rivalry. Does Diana do the same thing?” She looked at me curiously.
“Uh, not really. No. She’s… quieter.”
“I’m sure we’ll be able to work together at your house, though. I’d love to meet the rest of Diana’s family.”
Where was she going with this? “I-I really don’t know, Mildred-”
“Come on, Diana’s my friend! I’d love to see how happy she is with you guys!” She leaned closer. “She is happy with you guys, right?”
A knot tied in my throat. “Mildred, what are you talking about?” I finally asked.
She leaned back, her happiness fading into a cold stare. She crossed her arms and sighed. “I’m gonna be honest, Harry.” She closed her notebook and faced me. “I know it’s only been a couple weeks, but Diana’s more of a friend to me than all my childhood ‘friends’ combined. I’ve literally never had a friend like that. And what you’re doing to her isn’t cool.”
I remained silent, my lips pressing together.
“I haven’t told her nothing.” Her voice had lowered to a near-whisper, keeping the conversation between the two of us. “She doesn’t show it, but I know she’s still upset with me for not telling her. I want to be friends with her, and be honest with her, but I couldn’t tell her this. It’s your job.”
My eyes gravitated to my notebook, unable to lift up again. I felt my face reddening with shame. “I know, Mildred, and we are going to tell her.” I sighed. “It’s just complicated.”
She stared at me. Her gaze softened slightly. “Okay, look. I didn’t know Amy. And I don’t know you. So… I know I’m overstepping my boundaries.” She paused, clicking her pen nervously. “But I’ve gotten to know Diana. Even if we only see each other on the bus, she’s become my best girl… I don’t know how. I feel like I’ve known her for years. I’ve never… I’ve never had a friend like that before. In my life. I can tell she’s gone through some messed up stuff. She told me she hasn’t even gone to school in years, and the first thing she has to deal with is this.”
I just wished she would make it easier for all of us and go to virtual school instead, or even a different school. What was keeping her here if she was so miserable?
“I… I’ve wanted to tell her. But…” I shrugged. “I just can’t bring myself to.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You can’t bring yourself to tell her, or your family doesn’t let you tell her?”
I looked at her again. “You’re good.”
“Well, it’s obvious,” she laughed. “You’re the youngest, right? I can tell your brother makes you wuss out. One look, and you’re like, ‘nope’.” She put a hand on my wrist. “Maybe telling her will make things easier.”
My stomach stirred in conflict. I didn’t answer.
“I mean, I didn’t say a thing because I actually respect y’all. But everyone else? They’re not respectful. They like to stick their noses in stuff they shouldn’t. It’s a miracle from God that no one’s actually said anything. But one of these days, someone will. It’s better if she hears it from you guys at home than some jerkwad here at school.”
“You’re right.” I didn’t care what the other guys would say. I’d have to take the beating. Time was running out. If I didn’t tell her, someone else would, and it would be ten times worse. It could be Lucas, or Jason. Maybe even Lisa. Ivy was probably being merciful to us, considering how much she loathed us now.
And Shirley… she already threatened to tell her. Tommy wouldn’t do anything about it.
So I would.
~~~
Susan
Davis closed his computer and stretched with a stressed groan. I glanced up from the photo album I was looking at, lying on my side of the bed. “Done?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He stretched a bit more and sighed. “This account is ridiculous.” He came to bed and sat on his side, looking at the photo album. “You’ve been looking at that every day.”
“I know. I just… can’t stop.”
He scooted closer, his eyes also roving over the pages. Amy’s baby face smiled back at us, along with our little boys. He chuckled and pointed at a picture of 4-year-old Kyle, who was screaming with joy. “Which one is that one?”
“That’s… I think that’s when he found out we were having a girl.”
“Before… the twins?”
“Mm-hmm. This is before. That was after.” I pointed at a different picture where Kyle is rolling on the floor in excitement, nothing but a blur in the camera. Behind him, Tommy is crying, probably startled by his sudden screaming.
I turned a couple pages. We reached the ‘First Day of School’ collection. Amy stood in front of her elementary school with Ivy and Monica, looking around 9 or 10. My beautiful little girl, so happy.
“Have you talked to Monica’s parents lately?” Davis asked.
“Not lately. In fact, it’s been a while,” I realized. “She’s not going to school this year.”
“She barely went to school last year.”
“I wonder how Ivy’s doing.”
In one of the pictures, the boys were piled onto Harry. Amy held the camera, making a peace sign and winking with her tongue out.
“God, I hated when she did that,” Davis chuckled.
“You were too hard on her. She was only 10.”
He shrugged. “People her age are always doing stupid things. I didn’t want her to be like everyone else.”
“Oh, please, you’re one to talk.”
“What do you mean?”
“‘What do I mean?’ What about our first date?”
He looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The limo, and the flowers…”
“It wasn’t a limo, it was a sedan.”
“With the chocolate fountain…”
He covered his reddened face in shame.
“And then the cute little dance-”
“Stop! Please, I don’t want to remember that dance!” he cried.
“Why? It was adorable. And you had those shoes with Sharpie on them. Didn’t your mother always say, ‘Take those shoes off, they look stupid!’” My words faded into laughter.
To shut me up and stop reliving his embarrassing early 20’s, he started tickling my sides. I tried not to giggle too loud and wake the kids. He chuckled, gently embracing me, and we continued looking at the pictures.
Page after page, we walked down memory lane. We watched Amy grow and change. Too soon, the pictures ended.
“We have to tell her, Susan,” Davis suddenly said.
A cold feeling set in my stomach, and I closed the album. The light, happy feeling of nostalgia was gone. “I know.”
“Maybe she’s still awake-”
“We’re not telling her now.”
“Then when?”
I hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“We have to tell-”
“I KNOW-” I stopped, calming down. “I know we have to tell her, Davis. But…” I stood and put the album away. “I… I don’t know what she’ll do. The poor girl’s miserable enough.”
“She’s miserable because we’re hiding this from her. It won’t be long before one of the boys— most likely Harry— cracks and tells her. Or worse, it could be someone at school.” He stood, approaching me. “And another thing. I want you to stop giving her our daughter’s clothes. I want you to stop pretending she’s our baby.” His voice wavered and cracked as tears fell. “That is not Amy, and you know it.”
“I know that’s not her!” I snapped. “I bought her new clothes-”
“But you still gave her Amy’s.”
“Just- stop being so pressuring!” I walked away from him.
“Susan, I told you from the very beginning that this was a stupid and sick idea, but of course you don’t listen to me! And all I can do is play along!”
“Lower your voice, they’ll hear you!” I sat at our desk, wiping tears. “Just let me think, please. Stop yelling at me.”
Davis sniffled, turning away. “I don’t mean to yell, honey. I just want us to drop this whole… thing. That girl is a human being and she has the right to know. She’s wondering why people are mistreating her at school, why the boys don’t treat her right. And it’s our fault.” He sat on the bed. “I never should’ve let you do this. I could’ve contacted someone at church, let them give her a home.”
“Saying ‘should’ve, could’ve, would’ve’ does not make it better,” I said, vexed, though I knew every word was true. Maybe that was why I didn’t want to hear it.
I didn’t want Diana to leave. She was a sweet girl who deserved a home. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but if she left, where would she end up? She went through so much. I was between a rock and a hard place. “We can’t just throw her back into that twisted system,” I said.
“I’m thinking she could just live with someone we know. From church,” Davis suggested.
“After you-know-who started those rumors about us? I don’t think so!” I exclaimed. “None of them will want to foster her after that.”
“Well, then… people outside of church.”
“But they knew Amy. Everyone we know knew Amy— except our co-workers, but none of them have time to foster a teenage girl.”
“We have time. How can they not have time?” he countered.
“Let me rephrase that. They’ll just say they don’t have the time. They won’t want to take her.” I scoffed. “You should’ve seen the looks on some of their faces when I told them we decided to foster.”
Davis sighed into his hands. “Then, I guess we’re… I don’t want to say ‘stuck with her’, that’s not fair. But… she’s stuck with us. The least we can do is tell her the reason why she’s getting all this hate. Then she can decide whether she wants to stay or not… if the system even lets her make that choice.”
“… You’re right. We should… tell her.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Not so soon,” I begged.
“Sooner or later, someone will.” He approached me again. I stood, letting him embrace me. “It’s not fair to her or to our sons. It’s not fair that we’re forcing them into this. What we’re doing is wrong.”
“I know it is,” I whispered. I broke into tears. “Why does this have to be so hard, Davis? Why did… why did any of this happen? Why did I find her?” I started sobbing into his shirt.
“I don’t know, honey.” He stroked my hair, lightly kissing my forehead.
“Please tell me that one day it’ll be over. I can’t take this.”
“Me neither. I hope it’s over.”
After four boys, we had two girls… then we only had one.
And then we had none.