August 16th, 2023

A typical morning for me was waking up with a start, muscles tense, skin sweaty, and heart pounding. Rarely did I ever get a full night’s sleep and wake up peacefully. This morning, my eyes snapped open, then squeezed shut again from the sunlight coming from the window.

I was calmer than usual— I wasn’t sure why. I somehow managed to calm my heart a bit easier after the nightmare.

As I rose, I took a few breaths, focusing on today’s plans. We were all going out for breakfast.

Susan had left me new clothes in the closet last night. Surprisingly, they all fit me very well. She also bought me a new purse. I’d never used a purse before. The closest I had was my old backpack.

What would I put in it? Makeup, maybe? I didn’t have anything else to carry; Jordan destroyed my old phone last month… on my birthday.

I put on a purple long-sleeved shirt and jeans with white sneakers. As I started combing my hair, there was a knock at the door. “Diana? It’s Susan.”

A bit of relief came at the gesture. Respect for privacy was like gold for me. Very hard to find. “Come in!”

She opened the door and smiled at my outfit. “I’m glad they fit you.”

“Thanks for the clothes,” I said.

“Listen, um…” She stepped forward, wringing her hands. “There’s been a little change of plans. We, uh… decided not to go out today. Is that okay with you? I’m sorry.”

I paused from combing. “Oh… uh, yeah, that’s fine. There’s no problem.”

“I’m sorry. You were looking forward to it, weren’t you?”

“I’m looking forward to eating,” I laughed.

She smiled. “I’m going to make blueberry pancakes. You okay with that, or did you want something else?”

“That sounds delicious.”

“I’ll call you down when it’s ready.”

Blueberry pancakes. I hadn’t had good pancakes in a long time. I’d made them before, but I was never allowed to eat them. If I did, they would be burnt or undercooked.

“Kids! Come down!” Susan soon called.

I came out of my room, seeing the boys already disappearing down the stairs. I didn’t know how they stayed healthy with the way they ate. Maybe they did sports.

“Good morning,” said Davis, who served himself coffee. “How’d you sleep, Diana?”

“Okay, thanks.” I inhaled through my nose. The pancakes smelled delicious.

I approached the dining table, moving to a seat. Tommy suddenly swooped in and blocked me, sitting down. Sighing, I shrugged and went to another chair, but Jack took it. I finally sat between Kyle and Tommy.

“Here we are.” Susan and Davis came over with the stack of pancakes. They set the plate down and everyone reached over and grabbed one. I hesitated, waiting for the smallest or most burnt pancake.

“Diana, aren’t you going to take one?” Susan asked me as she served everyone coffee.

I checked the last pancake. It wasn’t burnt at all. I smiled gratefully and moved the pancake to my plate.

“Do you want coffee, or something else?” Davis asked.

“Uh… water is okay.”

“You sure?” He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “We’ve got milk— lactose-free—, orange juice, apple juice… a lot of juices. We have soda, too. Boys, what do you want besides coffee?”

“I’m good,” said Kyle. Him, Jack, and Harry had coffee mugs, Tommy being the exception.

“Green Pop,” said Tommy.

“Orangeade,” Harry called.

“Diana?”

“I guess… orange juice?” I said, unsure.

Davis served us all our drinks, smiling at me. Once everyone had their meals, the parents sat down and extended their hands. I quickly put down my utensils. Susan and Davis had mentioned their religion to me the other day— they were Christian Presbyterian.

As they began praying, Kyle and Tommy pulled their hands away from me. I joined my hands together instead and respectfully waited. It gave me a bit of nostalgia, reminding me of the prayer my parents taught me. I didn’t really remember it, though… it had the words ‘yummy’ and ‘tummy’, but that was all I recalled.

“Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful food You’ve provided for us, and please provide for those that don’t have food. Amen.”

“Amen.” Everyone started eating. I cut a small piece of pancake and chewed. I stopped.

“This is delicious,” I blurted out.

Susan smiled humbly. “Thank you, Diana. You’re not going to put syrup?”

“Um… can I?”

“Sure.” She passed me the maple syrup. I eagerly poured a bit over the thick pancake.

“I don’t know if I can eat so much,” I said.

“Is it too big? The pancake?”

“No, it’s great. I’m just… not used to eating so much.”

“I can see that,” Tommy remarked.

I looked at him. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“I’d eat the whole thing if I were you,” said Jack. “You need the nutrition.” He gave me a once-over.

“Don’t worry if you can’t eat it all, okay? We don’t want you getting sick,” said Susan, oblivious to the passive-aggressive tone in Jack’s voice— unless she chose to ignore it.

I kept a steady glare on him as I continued eating. “I’ll eat it all. Thank you.”

I regretted saying that, but I wasn’t giving the brothers the satisfaction. I didn’t know why, but their hidden dislike for me was really irritating me. It was as if I would’ve been less insulted if they called me a ‘skeleton’ to my face.

Why was this bothering me so much? These boys… they weren’t any different from any other foster siblings. I tried to shrug it off and enjoy my breakfast.

“Jack, you never told us where Amelia decided to go to school,” said Susan.

“Oh, yeah. She’s going to Waterford.”

“Aw, she’s not going to Greenfield?”

Jack shrugged. “She didn’t feel like it was the school for her. She said she’d try to visit on weekends, though.”

“Amelia’s Jack’s girlfriend, Diana,” Susan explained. “They’re going to college this year.”

“You don’t have to tell her.” Jack glanced at me.

“It’s rude if I don’t. What’s the big deal?”

“It’s fine,” I said, clearing my throat. Since they were going to rope me into conversation anyway, I found myself forced to engage. “Um, what’s your major?”

“Exercise Science,” Jack mumbled.

“Is Kyle in college, too?”

“Yeah, I’m a sophomore. Business Management.”

Business, huh? I couldn’t imagine myself studying that. I couldn’t imagine myself going to college. It would never happen. “Are you guys living there?” I continued.

“I want to. But I can’t.” Jack glanced up at his parents. There was a pause in the conversation.

Of course I brought up a touchy subject. I should’ve just let their parents lead me through the conversation.

“If Kyle and I lived there, you could have our room,” he said.

“Jack.” Davis eyed him sternly.

“I’m just saying.”

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“The freshmen dorms are closets,” Davis argued. “You can’t even breathe. My freshman dorm was bigger, and that’s saying a lot.”

“Still. It would be easier. I wouldn’t have to take the bus.”

“It’s literally 15 minutes away. Give that dorm to someone who needs it.”

Kyle shifted and Jack grunted. He then sighed and finished talking. An awkward air hung over the table. I looked down at my plate, which was half eaten. I was already feeling full, but I wanted to stick to my word, so I kept eating.

“This really is good,” I muttered.

Susan smiled awkwardly. “Thank you, Diana. Um… boys, you haven’t talked to Diana that much.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Harry said.

“Well… ask her stuff. Get to know her.”

“Susan,” Davis whispered.

“Um…” Tommy glanced at me. “I guess… what do you like to do? For fun?”

I twisted my fork on my plate. “Uh… I dunno. I like to… write stuff. And draw sometimes. And run. I like running.”

“Like jogging?” Harry asked.

“You could say that.”

“You like any sports?” he then said.

“I’ve played basketball a couple times… and soccer once. I wasn’t good, though. All I can do is run, really.”

“That’s okay.”

“You like to cook, don’t you?” Davis interjected.

“Yeah,” I said. “Um… when I was 9, I stayed with the Ashton family. They were really nice. Mrs. Ashton taught me how to cook, and since then, I always loved to. It was… pretty sad when I moved again. I stayed there about 7 months.”

“Why’d you have to leave?” Harry asked.

I shrugged. “Foster kid. You know? We always move around.”

“Can’t you be adopted?”

“Harry.” Susan’s eyes were wide.

“What? You said talk to her. I’m asking her stuff.”

“But don’t pry- ugh. I’m sorry, Diana.”

“No, it’s fine, I don’t mind.” I cleared my throat again. “Yes, some foster kids can be adopted, and some can’t. I’m supposed to be ‘reunified’ with my birth family, so I can’t.”

The brothers looked confused, but didn’t ask any more. However, I knew what the mental question was. Their parents most likely told them I was an orphan.

“After my parents died, I stayed with my uncle and aunt. They got sent to prison. If they pass parole before I age out of the system, I might go back with them,” I explained. “So… yeah, I just move around. Most of the time. Lots of times, I tend to screw up, or CPS finds something, so they relocate me. That’s how it goes.”

A long silence stretched out over us. Realizing I brought the mood down, I retracted. “But they shouldn’t be out on parole for a while. And I’m glad I’m staying here. You guys are very nice.” I smiled. “I’m looking forward to being here.”

While their parents smiled, the boys remained stoic.

The rest of the meal was filled with conversation about the boys’ college, friends, and football. Tommy and Harry were on their school’s football team and Jack tried out for Greenfield’s team over the summer. Kyle wasn’t interested in sports; he only did high school football for a scholarship. He had a girlfriend, Nicole, that went to his school. Tommy had a girlfriend named Shirley.

The family hadn’t gone to church in a while. During the meal, Susan received a text, then announced that a friend of theirs wanted them back. The boys apparently played the music for the service.

I paid close attention. All the details were important. Everything counted towards my survival, even the most trivial parts. Knowing about my foster family would always give me some leverage in all kinds of situations.

I felt nauseous when I finished my pancake. It was absolutely delicious, but my stomach wasn’t used to so much food.

“You good?” Davis seemed concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks again. It was great.”

“Maybe now you’ll actually look like a runner,” Kyle joked. Taking it lightly, the rest of the family chuckled. I smiled thinly, not reacting to the hidden meaning.

I stood, taking my plate to wash. Susan also stood. “You don’t have to wash that, sweetie. I’ve got it.” She walked around the table.

“Oh, it’s okay-”

“No, give it to me-”

The plate somehow slid out of my hands and onto the floor, shattering to pieces. The sudden noise sent my heart jumping into action, my nausea worsening. My body went rigid and my hands shot up to my ears.

I tensed, anticipating a blow. My ears were ringing loudly, drowning out the world around me. I could hear the yelling, screaming, the glass breaking over and over again… My vision darkened at the corners and blurred.

I was in another world now. The past. I could already feel my skin turning red after the sting— my cheek, most likely. The shards raining down on me, on my arms.

A hand grabbed my wrist. Instinctively, I jerked it away, ready to run.

“Whoa, whoa… it’s okay, sweetie.” My vision cleared as I looked up at Susan, who stared at me with bewilderment. My hearing returned to normal.

I looked down at the broken plate, finding it gone. The family had gathered the pieces.

“I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to, I swear, I’m sorry-”

“Honey, it’s okay. It was an accident. No big deal. It’s just a plate.” Susan gently pulled me away from the shards on the floor. “You didn’t cut yourself, did you?”

I turned sharply, pulling down my sleeves. Did they roll up? “What?”

“Did you hurt yourself? On the glass?” Susan rephrased.

“Oh, uh…” I checked my hands, which trembled. “N-no.”

“Okay…” She held my shoulders. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah.” I swallowed. “I’m fine.”

The boys glanced at me as they went to throw away the mess. Davis approached us. “Everything okay?”

I nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s just a plate. As long as you’re not hurt.”

“I’m fine. Um… may I be excused, please?”

“Sure. We’ll clean all that up. We’re sorry. You did like the breakfast, right?”

“Yeah, it was great. Thank you.” I turned away and hurried up the stairs. I couldn’t be with them, not like this.

~~~

08.18.23

Dear Diary, it’s been three days since I moved in the Fields. So far, I’m liking living here. It’s comfortable, I’m eating more properly, and I have a cool new room. Even though I got really sick after our first breakfast, I think I’m okay here.

But the major sticking point would be the brothers. In front of their parents, they conform themselves with hidden insults, passive-aggressive comments, and fake politeness shrouded over cruelty.

Then when their parents aren’t around… I’m back to being their personal slave. I clean up after them, do their chores, serve them food. They don’t insult me as badly as other families, but they’re always making cracks about my ‘skin-and-bones’ body or my ‘smooth brain’. And they love asking me to do things as if they were favors. Like I have the choice to say ‘no’.

I’m not going to respond until I’m 100% sure how to. I still don’t feel like they’ll get physically violent with me. But based on the way they carry themselves, they’re the type to ‘get me back’ somehow if I retaliated. I need to… well, ‘get to know them’ better.

I know I’ve suffered a lot worse than this. This just barely scratches the surface of what I’ve gone through before. But it is disappointing. That’s what I get for trusting.

I put down my pen and sighed. Writing all this out made me feel a little better.

My current diary was one of the few things I managed to keep safe so far. So many times, it was nearly lost or destroyed. I had about six more diaries in my backpack. The pages were all ripped up, but at least I still had them. The ones from my early childhood were lost.

I heard voices downstairs. Out of curiosity, I went out to the hallway. I heard my foster brothers talking downstairs, accompanied by some girls’ voices.

I slowly tiptoed downstairs to the landing and peeked past the wall. The boys were in the foyer with three girls. One of them was a brunette hugging Kyle, the other was a blonde with Tommy, and the last one was also brunette, her arm around Jack. Their girlfriends, probably.

“You sure you’re okay with going to the same diner?” Kyle’s girlfriend asked.

“If you’re okay.” He shrugged. “As long as we get to eat.”

“Okay, remember, I’m on a very specific diet. I can’t have too much, okay?” said the blonde.

“Yeah, we know.” Kyle’s girlfriend looked annoyed.

“Oh, did your parents adopt that foster kid yet?” Jack’s girlfriend asked.

“Oh, yeah! You said she was a girl, right, Kyle?”

“Um… yeah.”

“How’s that going? I know it’s a bit hard, considering…”

The boys glanced at each other. “Um… about that…” Harry started. “It’s a little more… complicated than we expected.”

“Complicated?”

The blonde snorted.

“There’s something you should know-” Tommy stopped when he saw me. All of them collectively turned their gazes on me.

I froze like a deer in headlights before revealing myself fully. I managed to give a small wave and a smile, swallowing hard.

“Ahem. Uh… girls, this is… Diana,” Kyle said, motioning to me. “She’s our new… foster sister.”

There it was again. Just like everyone else that met me, all three girls were staring at me with pale faces and open mouths. I maintained a polite, shy smile on my face, pretending not to notice.

“Diana, you said?” Kyle’s girlfriend glanced at him.

“Yeah.”

“Diana what?”

“Watson.”

They continued staring at me. The blonde shifted, disgust veiling her gaze. “You have got to be kidding me,” she muttered. Tommy nudged her to be quiet.

Ignoring her, I went up to them, my legs feeling like Jell‑O. “Um… hi. Like Kyle said, I’m Diana Watson. And you are?”

Tommy’s girlfriend whispered something to him, and he shook his head as a response.

“Um… m-my name is Nicole,” Kyle’s girlfriend introduced herself. “This is Amelia,” —she pointed at Jack’s girlfriend— “and that’s Shirley,” —she nodded at Tommy’s girlfriend.

I smiled as nicely as I could. “Nice to meet all of you. Uh, what about Harry?”

Jack snickered while Harry clenched his jaw.

“He’s the single pringle,” said Kyle, making them all laugh. I relaxed a bit now that the atmosphere was a little lighter.

“Shut up.” Harry scowled, looking away.

“Okay, you met her now. Can we go?” Kyle shifted.

Nicole nodded hastily. “Yeah, sure.”

“Um… is she staying alone?” Amelia pointed at me. They paused, awkward glances shooting around.

“It’s fine. I’m used to staying home alone. You guys go,” I said.

“You sure your parents won’t mind?” Amelia asked them, ignoring me.

“We’ll only be out for a few hours,” said Jack.

“But aren’t they coming back soon?”

Shirley groaned. “Come on, I want to eat! Just leave her and let’s go.”

“They can’t just leave her here. Why didn’t you guys plan this?” said Nicole.

“Because we thought our parents would be here.”

“Harry, how about you stay?” Tommy said.

“Me? Why me?” Harry gaped in indignation.

“You’re kind of a seventh wheel.” The other boys snickered, Shirley smirking.

“That’s not nice, you guys,” said Nicole.

“Someone has to stay with her.”

“I’m fine by myself, really,” I repeated.

“Tell that to our parents.” Kyle eyed Harry sternly, straightening his back as he towered over him. “Harry, you’re on babysitting duty. We’ll be back soon.”

Harry matched his brother’s glare, but soon relented. He stepped back, eyes casted down.

“Kyle, we can do this some other time,” his girlfriend said.

“It’s fine, let’s go.”

The group hesitantly filed out the door, a tense silence filling the air. The door closed and I looked at Harry. “You didn’t have to stay,” I told him.

“Forget it.” He went up the stairs. I heard his door slam afterwards.

This family was so weird… I’d been with my fair share of weird families, but this one surpassed them all.

I went up the stairs, returning to my room. I stopped, staring at the attic door.

Why not the attic? The boys offered their rooms, the basement, the den… but not the attic. They changed their tunes when I suggested I sleep there.

I opened the door, facing a flight of stairs. They creaked as I started going up. I heard Harry’s door open behind me and footsteps running towards me. The sound made me turn, freezing in place.

“What are you doing?” Harry demanded at the bottom.

“I-I was just-”

“No, come down. You can’t be up there.”

“I just wanted to-”

“I said, you can’t be up there. Get down.”

Swallowing, I quickly obeyed and came down. Harry practically slammed the door closed. He turned to me with an accusing glare, pointing. “You’re not supposed to be up there, you got it? You think you can just snoop around wherever you want just because you live with us now?”

“I’m sorry, Harry, I’m sorry. I promise, I won’t go up there again.” I inched towards my door, ready to lock myself in if the need came.

Noticing my reaction, his expression softened. He awkwardly scratched his head and cleared his throat, shifting. “Um… sorry, it’s just… we have a lot of personal stuff up there that’s just for us. That’s all. I didn’t mean to… sorry.”

The tension in my muscles lessened, but I maintained my fight-or-flight stance. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.

“It’s fine, just don’t go up there, okay?” He went back to his room, closing the door more quietly this time.

I relaxed completely, taking a breath to calm my heart rate. I glanced at the forbidden attic door one more time, then went into my room. Curiosity killed the cat. I couldn’t risk anything by being an idiot and wandering up there.