My afternoon reading was interrupted when I heard feet approaching me. I looked up, finding Thelma, Kate, Blanche, and Alma staring at me.
I leaned back, a bit startled. “Uh… hi.” I stuck a bookmark in the pages and put the book down. “How’d you guys…?”
“W-we ran into each other in th-the hall,” said Kate.
“Oh. Okay. Um… what’re you doing here?”
“We, uh…” Thelma glanced at the others. “We heard you found out.”
Oh. I nodded. “Right.”
“We w-were wondering if you wanted s-some comp-pany,” Kate said.
Company? I’d gotten used to being alone. The library was sort of like my sanctuary. But I couldn’t say no, could I? Reluctantly, I agreed. “Yeah, sure.”
They sat in the sofas around me, setting their bags down. “What are you reading?” Blanche pointed at the book on the table.
“Oh, just something I found.” I showed her the cover: ‘Miracle’.
“Ooh, I love that book! I read it in middle school.”
“Really? This is my first read.”
“It’s great. Did you get to the part where-”
“Shh- don’t!” I held up my hand. “Don’t do that.”
Blanche stopped, brows quirking. “What?”
“You’re spoiling the book for her,” Alma said obviously, chuckling.
“Oh. Sorry.”
“She always does that. Last year, she spoiled Starrider Academy 2 for me.”
“No, she didn’t!” Kate exclaimed. “Are y-you serious?!”
“It was an accident!” Blanche defended.
“Guys, keep it down. We’re in the library, not the cafeteria.” Thelma discreetly nodded at a group of students nearby, who glanced at us with annoyance from their study table.
“Right. Sorry.”
Looking at the study group, I noticed them nudging each other and whispering, glancing at me a few times. I sighed and looked away.
I could still hear them. ‘Isn’t she that ghost girl?’ ‘Oh, yeah, Amy’s evil twin. She’s so creepy.’
A hand waved over my eyes. I blinked, realizing I’d fallen in a trance. “You good?” Thelma asked.
I looked back at the study group. They’d returned to their books. “Um… yeah.”
“Thinking about everything?”
“Sort of.” I sighed. “Honestly… I don’t know if I want to be here anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Blanche asked.
“I’m thinking of going to online school.”
“What? No!” Thelma reached over and took my hand. “We can’t be besties if we don’t see each other!”
“I’m thinking about it. The reason I came to school was because I wanted to find out why people were staring at me all the time. And now I know. And I wish I didn’t. Everyone sees me as this horrible person.”
“They don’t really see you as horrible,” said Alma. “They’re just a little creeped out. I mean… look at it our way.” She motioned to her and Blanche. “We weren’t super close to Amy or anything— we maybe had a couple classes with her, but that’s it. Amy was basically well-known because of her brothers being on the football team. They were always so… chaotic. Made people laugh and gossip.” Alma chuckled, a bit nostalgic. “Amy was really outgoing and sweet… you know, really likeable. Then she told everyone she had cancer, and she left… and she died.”
“Then you came with her brothers,” Blanche finished for her. “Same eyes, same face… same everything. So… people were kind of scared to approach you. But they didn’t necessarily think you were a horrible person. Like me. I didn’t think that. It just freaked me out a bit.”
Silence stretched out between us.
“It’s like o-one of those urban l-legends, only true,” Kate said, shuddering.
“What about the brothers? Are you… okay with them? Or no?” Thelma asked.
“Sort of… with Harry, I’m okay. Now that I know, I understand how hard it must’ve been to confess something so… personal. But with the others, we’re not really talking much. And I’m too angry with their parents to talk to them.” I put my head in my hands. “I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to move. But if I move, I don’t-”
“Know where you’ll end up,” Blanche finished for me.
I stopped. “Yeah.”
“It’s a gamble. And if you have a bad record, most likely, it’ll go down the drain.” She scrunched up the hem of her shirt. “I got lucky this time, considering.”
“What’s the family’s name again?” I asked, changing the subject. I really didn’t want to talk about all the drama between me and the Fields anymore.
“The McCarthy’s. Their son Stuart goes here; he’s a freshman. And he’s such a jerk.” She crossed her legs, sitting more comfortably. “He’s so arrogant. And he loves calling me stuff like ‘smooth brain’ or just ‘stupid’, stuff like that.”
“Aren’t you advanced in math?” Alma asked.
“Two years ahead.”
“Wow, cool. Why don’t you use that against him?” said Thelma.
“Oh, I do. I win every argument. But he acts like a 2-year old and comes up with some stupid insult to feel like he won.”
Thelma’s phone rang with an alarm. “AP Calculus class starts in 5 minutes.”
“And that’s our cue to leave.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dismissed the alarm. We walked out of the library together. On the way, Thelma was suddenly shoved over, nearly falling when Kate caught her arm.
“Hey, watch it!” she said.
“You watch it.” A blonde turned, glaring at us. “You bumped into me.” She gave Thelma a judging once-over and continued. Her friend turned her gaze on me.
I stopped.
Ivy.
She kept her piercing gaze on us for a few more seconds before turning away. Blanche cursed at her under her breath, muttering angrily.
“Who is she?” I asked.
“Ivy Ebersole. She was Amy’s best friend,” she explained. We continued walking. “Since she died, homegirl’s been hanging out with Lisa Preston’s clique.”
“Honestly, I don’t get why no one’s talking about it,” Alma said. “She’s friends with the girl that made Amy’s life hell. I remember they pranked her at Hannah Stinson’s Halloween party. And they body-shamed her for a while— before she announced her cancer. They said she did coke.”
“Wait, so… Lisa? Is she the blonde?” I asked as the duo disappeared behind the corner.
“Yup.” Blanche glared in the direction the girls had gone in.
“And Ivy— A-Amy’s best friend— is her f-friend now?” Kate asked.
“Ridiculous, isn’t it?”
Not ridiculous. Traitorous.
~~~
September 27th, 2023
My knees bounced as I waited outside the school psychologist’s office, my backpack between my knees. I wasn’t meeting with the school psychologist, though; he was lending my therapist his office for this single period.
I’d gone through a few therapists… a couple were really sweet, a couple others were… okay. Most of the time, my foster family wouldn’t bother to send me to therapy, so I would just have my meds.
One thing I learned was to not reveal everything all at once. My history was enough. If they reported anything too serious, it would risk me getting moved again, and right now, I wasn’t 100% sure if I wanted to leave.
A woman walked down the hall carrying books and a small Bluetooth radio. “Miss Watson?”
I stood, nodding. “That’s me.”
“I’m Dr. Cawman.” She smiled, shaking my hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to come see you before.”
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“It’s all good,” I said.
She opened the office. “Come in, please.”
Inside, a desk was against the far wall, with two comfy-looking chairs sitting in front. Large bookshelves lined the side walls. A dim, blue lamp sat on the desk, the lampshade reading, ‘Nice talking to you’! The school psychologist’s diploma was hung on the right wall.
Dr. Cawman put her things on the desk, moving the psychologist’s name plaque aside, which read: ‘Shane Arbyman, Ed.S’. “Your social workers updated me on how you’ve been doing with the Field family,” she began, both of us sitting down. “This is your…” She opened a folder. “23rd placement, right?”
“Yeah.”
She scrolled on her phone and turned on the radio. “Would you like some music? I usually put on classical. Calms the mood.”
“Yeah, sure.”
She played a Beethoven song and put down her phone. The melody tickled my ears, instantly relaxing me. I always loved classical music.
“How about you tell me your impression of the family?”
“Okay. Um… well… they were nice. Very nice to me,” I began. “From the beginning, Susan and Davis were sweet. They gave me a room and clothes and stuff. I almost never get that kind of treatment, so I was happy, y’know?” I looked down at my lap. “But Susan told me their sons weren’t that happy with fostering, so I expected them to be rude— and surprise, surprise, they were.”
I told her basically the entire story; being a maid for the first month or so, deciding to go to school, the ‘look’ everyone gave me. Sometimes she would take notes, and sometimes she would just nod or frown, reacting to everything I said.
I was sure not to mention anything too serious, like the habits I’d resumed, or the… thoughts that sometimes occurred to me. There was enough of that in my file, for sure.
Once I got to the whole thing about me and Amy, her expressions were more animated, but calm. She must’ve been told the story, but hearing the full story was obviously different.
I concluded with how our relationship was the past couple weeks; distant and quiet. Harry and I had grown a bit closer, but he was pretty into himself now that his brothers weren’t talking to him. Even on the bus, Tommy wouldn’t say a word to him.
I also mentioned how everyone treated me so far, which was pretty much the same. I even mentioned Ivy, whom I’d realized was in both my AP Literature class and my Computer Science class, to my absolute delight.
She had been basically hiding from me in class, successfully avoiding my attention. But recently, she started to make her presence known with backhanded comments in class and writing insults in the margins of my notebooks— how she did that, I had no idea.
Dr. Cawman smiled. “A lot has happened the past two months, huh?”
“Oh, yeah,” I sighed.
“So you’re considering online school?”
“Mm-hmm. But I’m not sure yet. I have a Cooking class I can’t take online, and I want to try out for track. And I guess I did make some friends. I think people started talking bad about them because of me, and… I hate the thought of that.” I rubbed my nape.
“Well, if they’re sticking with you, taking all of it for you, it means that you’re so precious to them that they’d never give you up as a friend. Obviously, you’re easy to like.”
I blushed, flattered. “Thanks.”
The bell rang, ending the school day. “I lost track of time,” Dr. Cawman chuckled. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Diana, and talking to you.” She stood, gathering her things.
As we exited, she turned to me. “Some advice— while you have all these friends, make sure to spend time with them. Friends that loyal are a treasure. And…” She opened the door. “Try to talk to your foster family. The best way to overcome what happened is if you communicate with them. If you’re living with them, the most you can do is try to connect with them.”
I took a moment to mull over her words. “I’ll try. Thank you, Dr. Cawman.”
“I’ll see you next Wednesday, Diana.”
I left the office, going out into the hallway. As expected, it was crowded. I kept my head and sleeves down as I joined the flow of students. My eyes focused on the front door when I turned into the main hall. Just a few more steps, and I was free.
“You know what I learned in Psychology today?” a girl declared loudly behind me.
“What?” The other girl sounded confused.
“We talked about a bunch of disorders, like bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia…”
“You don’t take Psychology-”
“Yeah, I do. Anyways, we learned about the symptoms, and there’s this girl I know that shows a lot of signs of being… you know.”
I clenched my jaw, resisting the urge to turn around. I’d kept a good streak of not confronting anyone in school so far. I wouldn’t break that now.
“Oh, yeah. I think I know this girl. She’s kind of weird. She has these crazy… episodes in class, right?”
“Uh-huh. She really needs some professional help.”
The patronizing tone nearly made me burst. I was just at the door. Just there.
“Maybe she should go to the school shrink.”
“Nah, she needs her own. He’d take forever with her.”
I went down the steps.
“True. Poor thing probably can’t even function in society.”
I whirled around, glaring at the two.
It was Ivy and Lisa.
They stopped, staring at me. Ivy’s jaw trembled while Lisa raised a brow. “Problem?”
I glared at her. “No.”
“Have we met?” Her head cocked innocently.
My teeth ground together. “No, I don’t think so.”
“I think we have.” She smiled. “Yeah, you’re in Ivy’s class. She told us.” She stuck out her hand. “Lisa Preston.”
“Hi,” I said flatly without taking it.
She lowered it, her smile irritating me. “And you are?”
I inhaled deeply. “Diana.”
“Nice name.” She smiled sweetly. “You seemed a little… upset just now. Anything wrong?”
“Well, I couldn’t help overhearing your… conversation,” I said sarcastically.
“Oh, yeah… we were a little loud, weren’t we?” She giggled and smiled at Ivy, who only smirked slightly. She kept her eyes lowered and her mouth shut. “Did you have an opinion of your own about our discussion?” Lisa asked, raising her brows.
Oh, come on, just punch her in the face already.
No, just stand your ground. Show that you’ll defend yourself.
“Well, yes. I honestly don’t think you should judge… this girl without actually knowing the cause of her… ‘episodes’. You don’t know what she’s actually going through.” I imitated quotation marks with my fingers.
She shrugged. “Of course. But sometimes it’s obvious.” Her fake, sweet tone made me nauseous. “Some people are a bit… problematic. At least… that’s what we discussed in Psychology. They like the attention, you know? They make up stuff so people can feel sorry for them. If it’s actually real, well… they really need help if they want to function in normal society.”
Oh, my God, just slap her. She deserves it, doesn’t she?
You’re doing great. Don’t do anything unnecessary, please.
“Or maybe they’ve just been through a lot in life. I’m no shrink, but I do know that some people suffer a lot of trauma, and… a-and they can be reminded of that trauma anytime. I just feel like you should be more sympathetic.”
“I agree.”
My head snapped to my side, where Tony stood. He flashed a blinding smile. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help overhearing you. I agree with Diana.” He approached me, standing beside me. “PTSD is a real thing. You can’t make it up. If you’re taking Psychology, you should know about this.” He weaved a bit of condescension into his tone.
Lisa scoffed. “It’s introductory psychology.”
“Still, anyone would know if they just looked it up. That way they don’t stay so ignorant and…” He whacked his forehead, making a ‘V’ sign with his fingers.
Lisa frowned while Ivy secretly snickered behind her. “What does that mean?”
“Look it up.” He looked at me and patted my shoulder. “Don’t want to miss the bus.”
I smiled at the girls. “It was so nice meeting you.” I copied the sign Tony made as a goodbye and left. As we walked out of earshot, I whispered, “What did that mean?”
“It’s ‘stupid’ in ASL.”
“Oh…” I snorted, stopping near the bus. “Thank you for that.”
“Actually, I was looking for you. We haven’t really talked much outside of class. I tried texting you.”
Guilt flooded me as I remembered the many unread texts from Tony, buried under the others’. “Oh, uh… I’m not on my phone that much,” I said. “There’s been a lot going on.”
Which was true, but for some reason, I felt like I was lying. I was being honest. With everything going on, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. But with Tony…
He always made me feel better in class. Not that much better, but at least a little. I owed it to him to say ‘hi’ once in a while outside of school.
I caught a flash of pity in his eyes. “You’re good, I get you. I just wanted to ask you something.”
For some reason, my stomach twinged, tickling me right in the middle. “Sure,” I said casually.
“I know it’s a bit last-minute, but I’m going to see a movie with some of my soccer team friends. They said I could invite someone, so… would you like to come? We’re going now. I have my car out there, so I could drive you.”
My stomach was now bubbling and my palms moistened. What the heck was this? “Uh… yeah, sure! Um… I’ll just let Susan know.” I brought out my phone and texted her.
I hadn’t gone out with anyone before. It sounded… well, exciting.
Was this a good idea, though? People seeing me out with Tony? If we were in a group, maybe it was okay…
Then again, I wasn’t in a position to refuse any friends.
~~~
Harry
I stared out the window, waiting for Diana to arrive. Tommy was texting furiously next to me. Out of curiosity, I glanced at his screen. He was on FamiliarFaces, talking to Shirley.
As I read their texts, it seemed like they were making up… again.
Oh, come on… I unwittingly groaned, looking away. Tommy glanced at me. “What?”
“What?” I said back.
“You just groaned. Why?”
I shrugged. “I dunno. I want to get home already.”
He wordlessly returned to exchanging sickening ‘I love you’s’ and other sweet words with Shirley.
Mildred boarded the bus, sitting in her usual spot. She looked at me and gave me a wave. I smiled and waved back. She was the only one really talking to me now that my brothers didn’t.
My phone buzzed with a message. Diana: Hey, Harry. Tony just invited me to go with his friends to the movies. I asked Susan permission and she gave me until 5pm today. So I won’t be on the bus.
Tony… Oh, yeah. The guy in her Biology class.
I didn’t know him that well. Maybe I’d seen him once or twice… oh, well. Mom gave her permission, so there was nothing I could do.
Me: Sure, who else is going w u?
Diana: A senior named Randy.
And a couple of girls from our grade.
Okay, there were other girls. Good sign.
What movie is it?
Sora.
A rush of sadness rose up my throat. Amy loved that anime… she was so excited when she heard it was getting a movie…
I pushed down the tears. Ok have fun!
Thanks!
I glanced at the door. The bus was nearly full, so we would be leaving soon. If I could just take a peek…
Tommy frowned up at me as I stood. “What are you doing?”
“I just need to see something.”
He rolled his eyes and made room for me. I went for the door, but then paused and looked through Mildred’s window. It had a perfect view of the school courtyard. “Uh, Mildred, could I look in here a sec?” I knelt on the seat next to her and leaned over to look outside.
She pressed herself onto the seat. “What the… Harry, what are you doing?” she asked.
I finally spotted Diana among the students, talking to who I recognized as Tony. They were walking to the parking lot.
Diana… she was smiling.
I’d seen her smile before, but she was really smiling— like Amy. I’d never seen her that happy. Despite her resemblance to our sister, she smiled a bit different… I wasn’t sure how. There was something.
“That’s… Tony, right?” Mildred said. “I think I’ve seen him before.”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“I think she has a thing for him.”
My gaze snapped to her. “Really?”
“I’m just guessing. She’s talked about him more than anyone.”
I watched them conversing. Diana started to laugh, even doubling over a bit. If he could make her smile and laugh…
“Wow. I’ve never seen her laugh like that before,” Mildred echoed my thoughts. “She really likes him.”
I sighed inwardly. The thought of her liking this guy still kind of bothered me.
Then again, that was how it started with Rick and Amy.
“Thanks for letting me borrow your window,” I told Mildred as I eased myself out. My hand pressed against the wall for balance, but slipped.
She groaned when my weight momentarily smashed onto her. I winced, my face heating up to 200 degrees as I quickly got up. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay.” She gasped and chuckled. “You’re a bit heavy. Is that from football practice or all the cheeseburgers?”
I laughed. “Little bit of both.” I stood up and straightened my shirt. “Sorry about that.”
“No problem.”
I paused, noticing her eyes. They were really pretty, a nice chestnut color.
“Everyone sit down.” The bus driver entered. I rushed over to my seat. Tommy ignored me, his eyes on his phone.
I missed talking to him. I missed when our family used to… talk. Recently, we started fighting less, and getting along. Amy was so happy.
But now we were a house divided against itself. Breaking into pieces and collapsing.
I just wished it could be different… why did it have to be this way? All this pain, all this resentment, all this tension? I felt like a stranger in my own house. It didn’t feel like a home anymore. Right now, I was supposed to be talking to Tommy, badmouthing Lucas Flynn and debating over who flossed better.
Instead, I was stuck looking out the window, saying nothing.