Diana

12.20.23

Dear Diary, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My foster family’s been trying everything to make me feel happy, and I’ve put that all to waste. I always feel so miserable even though people are really trying.

Thelma came over yesterday, Mildred and I talked all night the other day, the others are always checking up on me, especially Tony. I had a wonderful weekend with the Fields at the resort. I’m in online school now. I blocked everyone from Summit High except for my friends and foster family. My God, I have the best service dog I could ask for!

And yet… I’m as miserable as can be.

While things have improved lately, I feel so weird. Kind of bored with life. Everything seems monotonous, despite the attempts to spice up the routine. I want to do something, and I don’t know what.

Lonnie leaned his head on my lap, sitting beside me. I petted him absentmindedly as I thought about what to write next. Even writing in my diary was starting to feel like a task.

How could they stand me? No matter what they did, I couldn’t be completely happy. Maybe people at school were right. I was making myself miserable. No wonder Ms. Bredlong never believed me.

“Bro, it’s literally 8:30. When are you getting over here?” I heard Jack saying from his room. Curious, I listened in. “Okay, but hurry. If you come too late, they might know.”

I frowned, going to the door. Lonnie followed close behind.

“They’re in their room working right now. They’re behind.” A pause. “Still. They’re paying more attention to us now.” He then laughed. “I know, right?” After another pause, he said, “Alright, I’ll be waiting.”

What was he talking about? Was he going somewhere? I went to his room. Kyle was down with the other two playing PS5, so it was weird that Jack hadn’t joined them.

“What’s up?” I asked.

Startled, Jack gasped, turning. He chuckled. “Geez, Di, don’t scare me like that.”

“What are you so on edge about?” I scrunched my nose at the smell of their room. “It smells like cat ‘pee’ in here.”

“I’m not on edge. I’m just annoyed. Sam was supposed to pick me up an hour ago.”

“You’re going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I’m going to his place. You remember Sam, right?”

“So late?”

“Yeah, we’re going to watch a movie.”

I studied Jack’s body language. He sat at his desk, turning in his revolving chair. His fingers restlessly tapped on the surface.

“Okay. Have fun.” I left him, going to Susan and Davis’s room. Jack suddenly rushed out, looking at me with wide eyes.

“What?” I said.

“What are you doing?”

Confused, I glanced at the door. “Talking to your parents? I needed something.”

He relaxed a bit. “Okay.” He went back inside his room.

A smile slunk across my face. I was right. He was doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

How interesting.

I returned to my room. If I stayed out of my room for too long, they would have to check on me.

It was a lucky night, even so. The other guys would be playing PS5 late, now that everyone was on break. Susan and Davis were trying to clear as much work as possible to make time for Christmas shopping and decorating. They’d be up so late, Susan would probably sleep in her own room tonight instead of my room.

I felt like an evil supervillain. A smirk was wide on my face as I petted Lonnie. Whatever Jack was doing, it wasn’t watching a movie. What kind of bribe could I get out of this? He could do my chores for a week… or buy me something I wanted. Nah. There wasn’t much I liked. Chores were the best thing for me.

Around 9:30, Kyle had returned to his room. I heard Jack say “See you” to him as he went to the stairs. Looking up from my laptop, I saw Jack glance at his parents’ door when he passed it. He hadn’t noticed I was still awake.

“Sleepy time,” I whispered to Lonnie. I had to repeat myself a few times, since it was a fairly new trick, but he soon understood and went to the bed we’d bought for him in the corner. I fed him a treat and tiptoed out of my room. ‘Sleepy time’ was so he could leave my side if I needed him to.

I silently texted Susan that I was in the den, and that Lonnie was tired and needed rest. She and Davis were way too busy, so she would likely buy it and not question it for the rest of the night. We were allowed to be up until midnight just for tonight and tomorrow.

I breathed as quietly as possible as I descended the stairs. With all my years of experience, I could easily sneak around a house without anyone suspecting a thing. Below, the front door was open, but there was no sign of Jack. I rushed up to the door, seeing him talking with who I recognized as Sam. They had the trunk open, discussing something. Jack nodded and started back towards the house. I quickly hid myself in the living room.

He went into the kitchen, followed by Sam. “You sure your parents won’t notice?” he whispered.

“Dude, they don’t even know it exists. It’s Kyle’s stash,” Jack said.

“Kyle’s? He’ll kill us.”

“He doesn’t drink as much as he used to. It’s fine. They’ve been sitting there forever. Might as well use them.”

Before they could come back, I grabbed my coat from the coat rack and bolted to Sam’s car; a red sedan. The chilly air bit at my skin, since I was only wearing a long-sleeved, yellow thermal shirt and jeans. Sam’s driver’s seat was open, so I slid inside and climbed over the seats so I was hiding in the backseat. I covered myself with my coat, lying on the floor.

If I were Amy, I wouldn’t have dared to do this. But I was Diana, and I was bored. I wasn’t sure what made me want to sneak away to whatever my foster brother was doing, but I had such an urge.

I wondered if Amy ever did something like this. Did she ever stow away with her brothers?

I heard the two men approach, their voices coming through the open driver’s door. They grunted as they loaded two things in the trunk. From the clinking I heard, I assumed they were beer cases. The trunk closed. Sam then got in the driver’s seat and Jack in the passenger’s. Neither of them noticed I was there. The light turned off.

My heart sped up when the car started up. I took a deep breath as I felt us drive down the street.

This was the stupidest idea I ever had. Why did I do this?

“So, your first party,” Sam said.

“This isn’t my first party.”

“It isn’t?”

“No, remember, I went to Barry’s prom party.”

“Oh, yeah. But that’s it, right?”

“York’s 18th? Sam, I’ve been to a party before.”

“It’s hard to believe. You’re a prude,” Sam snickered.

“Shut up.”

My muscles tightened and I had the intense desire to stretch my legs. The position I was in wasn’t the most comfortable. I was starting to regret my decision. I should’ve just eavesdropped and gone back to my room. I would’ve still had a bargaining chip.

Surprisingly, I found myself closing my eyes, falling asleep. I didn’t realize how tired I was.

I woke when I felt the car stop.

I didn’t know how long it had been. The doors opened and closed. I didn’t hear anything but the distant, muffled booming of music. I carefully took my coat off me, taking a deep breath of the fresh air and looking around. There was light coming through the windows.

The trunk opened, frightening me, and I hid myself again. After some noise, the trunk closed. After a few moments, I looked out the back window to see where we were.

It was a huge house, like a mansion, with lights flashing through the windows. It even had a fountain out front illuminated in different colors, and there were people hanging around outside.

Dang, whose place was this? They were rich.

It was when I saw the big Greek letters above the large front doors that I knew.

This was a fraternity house. I stowed away to a frat party.

I wanted to slap myself— I did. A few times. What was I thinking?! I was okay with any normal party, but a frat party? That was something else.

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Was Jack even in a frat? What was he doing here? Was Sam in one?

I blew out my cheeks. I was already here. I couldn’t back out now. I had no way home, so my only choice was to wait until the party was over and Jack could go home.

Putting on my coat, I unlocked the back door. I re-locked it when I got out and closed the door. Mustering up my courage, I marched towards the house with my shoulders back and my head held high. But while I was outwardly confident and calm, inwardly, I kept thinking:

You are such an idiot, Diana.

A strong smell of weed hung in the air, puffs of smoke escaping people’s mouths. At the front doors, there was a long line of people being admitted one-by-one. Some received wristbands at the front, others didn’t. A girl sat at a table, writing in a clipboard.

I gulped and crossed my arms, hiding my miniature bust size. I hoped I could lie my way into the party somehow. My heart beat faster as I got closer to the front.

“Name?” the girl at the table asked, her tone bored. She had short black hair with colored highlights lined through the locks, and dark makeup. A nose ring glistened in the dim light.

I didn’t answer, looking inside the house. It was enormous. Where would I find Jack? I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to find him or not.

“Ahem. Name?”

“Huh?” I looked at the girl, our eyes locking.

Her brows furrowed. “Who are you?”

“Right. Um… sorry. My name is…” My mind scrambled, my eyes straining to read the list in front of me. There had to be a name on there I could use.

Stepping forward, I pretended to trip and fall onto the desk. She quickly leaned back to avoid me. I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.” I glanced down to read one of the names upside-down.

225. Clarissa Kaufman, ΞΖΤ

She raised her brows. “Well?”

“Clarissa Kaufman,” I said quickly.

She smirked. “Clarissa Kaufman?” she said skeptically.

“Yup! That’s me.”

“STR’s president’s girlfriend?”

Oh. “Y… no. No. Um… yeah, we get that a lot- I get that a lot.” I cleared my throat. “No, I’m a different Clarissa Kaufman.” I laughed nervously, feeling myself sweat. “I’m… not that Clarissa Kaufman. Common names, you know?”

The girl smiled humorlessly, obviously not buying it. I was usually a good liar, but spur-of-the-moment situations like these always messed me up. “What year are you in?” she asked.

“I’m a soph- I mean, freshman. In college. Yeah.”

“Are you a plus one? Who invited you?”

“Uh- a girl I know.”

“Come on, hurry up!” The line of people behind me complained.

“Which sorority is she in?”

“Sorority?” I was stuck. I didn’t know what sororities there were. I couldn’t even read Greek letters! I tried to glance behind me, desperately searching for a spelled-out name on someone’s jacket.

I finally found one. “Um… Alpha Mu Chi,” I said.

“Really?” She smacked her gum. “That’s a fraternity.”

Oops.

She chuckled. “Nice try, ‘brat’. Go home to Mommy. Next!”

I was shoved aside by a guy behind me. I clutched my hair, stress overwhelming me. I couldn’t have a panic attack here. How would I get in now? I couldn’t just stay out here in the cold. I didn’t bring my phone, or money to get a taxi…

I looked between the line of waiting guests and the entrance. I only had one option.

Glancing one more time at the girl, I ran through the line and into the house. I heard the girl shouting after me, but I was already too far inside.

“Someone just ran in! She’s like, 12! Get her out of there!”

12? That was just insulting.

Now what? I was in. I was surrounded by people much older than me, and I had no idea where my foster brother was.

Maybe I could just… hang. I had nothing else to do except wait for the party to be over so Jack and I could go home.

I walked through the house, marveling at the tall ceilings and colored chandeliers. For a house that had nothing but crazy frat guys, this was pretty nice.

I heard something crash, diverting my attention to a bunch of beer bottles shattered on the floor.

That was more like it.

In one room, people were surrounding a TV while watching a sports game. In the kitchen, they were eating everything they could find. There was a beer pong game starting up in another part of the living room, crowded with people holding red cups or glass bottles.

The smell of alcohol and weed was something so familiar, almost nostalgic. It brought both good and bad memories. In a way, it helped me escape when I was with my other families, and it tamed them, too. They could even be sweethearts if they were drunk enough.

I went into the kitchen and glanced around nervously, bumping into a few girls and smiling awkwardly when we made eye contact. I took a shot glass from the group on the counter filled with… beer?

I took a sip, only to feel a harsh burn course down my throat. It was bitter, with a touch of disgusting sweetness at the end. That was not beer. “Ugh!” I coughed, spitting it out.

“Never tasted tequila before?”

I turned around. A tall guy with dark skin and a red jacket stood behind me with a smile. The jacket letters were the same letters above the doorway.

“Um… no.” I smiled. “No, I’m more of a beer girl.”

“Beer’s right over here.” He grabbed a bottle from a pile, opening it, and tossed it to me.

“Thanks.” I took a sip.

“You a freshman?” The man leaned on the counter in front of me.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Cool. What sorority?”

“I’m… a guest. A friend invited me.”

He nodded and took a cup of tequila, sipping it. I didn’t know how he handled that taste. I always hated it.

“Hey, Noah.” Another man came up to us, this one just as tall as the other guy, Noah, but bulkier. “There’s a high school girl that snuck in here. She’s around 14-15, 5’2”, blond hair. Keep an eye out for her.”

That was my cue to leave. I slowly crept away and bolted out of the kitchen. I heard cheering erupt from a different room and walked through the hallways to see the commotion.

Two girls got up on stools holding cups, surrounded by a thick crowd. One had a blue jacket and the other had a purple one, with different Greek letters. They raised one foot and balanced themselves on the stools.

Everyone chanted as they downed their cups of alcohol; I didn’t know if it was beer or liquor. They tilted their heads back until they finished, crushing their empty cups and throwing them to the floor.

“Chug it down! Chug it down!”

They repeated the process about three more times, until they started getting tipsy. The girl with the blue jacket soon faltered, pausing mid-drink on her fifth cup. She tilted backwards and fell into the arms of everyone standing behind her.

The purple girl held up a fist in victory, smiling confidently at the crowd.

A man soon stepped up, taking a cup of alcohol and downing it with her to the same chant. After a few drinks, he started getting tipsy, as well. Purple girl seemed dizzy, but she kept her balance and raised her brows challengingly. After one more drink, the guy went down.

“Liquor queen!” the girl said drunkenly, throwing her cup down.

Liquor, huh? This brought back memories… With a smirk, I downed my bottle of beer and went up to them. Maybe participating in a game would keep the security people at bay. If I kept winning, people would want me to keep playing. It never failed.

I pushed through the crowd and stepped on the stool. The girl smirked at me condescendingly. “Who the ‘heck’ are you?” she laughed. “What the ‘heck’ you think you’re doing, ‘brat’?”

I only raised my brows at her and lifted my foot.

“Come on, Luciana! Don’t be a ‘wimp’ now!” a guy yelled, followed by cheers.

The girl, Luciana, glared at me, looking me up and down. She then held her hand out for a drink and received another cup.

“Chug it down! Chug it down!”

As my head tipped back, I let my cheeks bulge with liquor. After a few moments, I swished it around and gulped it down. Everyone cheered, impressed. I resisted the rush of dizziness I got, acting unfazed. It had been a while since I drank like this.

I held my hand out for another cup, Luciana doing the same. We downed both cups and crushed them, throwing them down.

“Another one?”

Luciana wiped her mouth and nodded, her eyes fixed on me. Her expression was almost livid.

~~~

Jack

Everyone bounced to the music blasting through the speakers. I tried keeping away from the other girls around me, not wanting someone to surprise-kiss me or anything. The last thing I needed was someone giving me and Amelia drama.

“It’s going down,

I’m yelling ‘Timber’…”

Sam was next to me, already tipping over. He could never hold his liquor. He slung an arm around me and shouted, “LISTEN! This here… is the best guy you’ll know. Give him a bid, people! LET HIM IN!”

I turned red, shying away at the strange looks we were getting. “Sam, shut up.” I nudged him.

He laughed, his breath blowing into my face. I turned away, gagging. “You’re gonna love it, Jack. You’re gonna LOVE IT! I’mma be your Big, you watch.” He drank the last of the alcohol left in his cup. “You’re great, ya know that? Amy loves ya.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Sam.”

“And Diana… she’s nice. I like her. Amy woulda, too. I’m happy she’s alive. SHE ALMOST WASN’T!”

“Sam!”

A girl came up to me, throwing herself onto my chest. Startled, I tipped back. Sam fell, his legs thrown up in the air. “Hi…” the girl giggled, putting her arms around me.

“Hi,” I laughed nervously. I pried her arms off me. “I have a girlfriend, so…”

“Aw, she’s a ‘brat’, forget her.”

“No, thanks.” I pushed the girl away and turned to help Sam. Thankfully, the girl’s friend steered her away, mouthing “Sorry” to me.

Someone else startled me again, running towards Sam. It was a guy wearing an STR shirt. “Hey, Sam, we got a problem,” he shouted. “We got a minor in here.”

Sam laughed loudly. “Yeah, this prude right here!” He hugged me with one arm.

“No. It’s a high school girl. She’s around 14, short, blond.”

“Don’t you guys have a guest list?” I asked.

“Stephanie tried to keep her out, but she just ran in here. She has wavy blond hair, bluish-green eyes, Steph said.”

Bluish-green eyes?

“Uh… how tall is she?”

“Around 5’3”, I think. Why?”

That sounded way too much like Diana. “Uh, I’ll help look for her.”

“Thanks.” The guy patted my shoulder. “You’re a lot more useful than this idiot.” He rolled his eyes at drunken Sam.

I gulped. Diana looked pretty suspicious when she came asking me questions. It was a far-fetched idea, though. It was probably just some random girl.

“Jack!” Hector came running up to us, panting. He was invited by someone else we knew in the frat. I was actually surprised he was sober; he was usually a heavy drinker.

“What’s up?” I said.

He put a finger to his lips and motioned for me to follow. I hesitated, glancing at Sam. I dragged him with me and we went to an emptier hall, away from the music. My throat was sore from shouting. I was glad we could talk normally.

“Okay…” Hector looked around, paranoid. “There’s a problem.”

“What happened?”

“There’s a girl that snuck in here-”

“Yeah, they told us.”

“Um… I found her.” He showed me a picture. “Is it just me, or is that…?”

My eyes widened at the photo of a very familiar girl standing on a stool, holding up a cup of alcohol, her mouth open in a cheer. I stammered for a few moments, unable to speak.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” said Hector.

“Wh-where…?”

“In the game room. She got in a drinking contest, and no one’s letting her leave.”

“She’s what?!” I dropped Sam. “Where?”

Hector led me through the rooms and crowds to said room. I prayed to God, asking for forgiveness and promising I wouldn’t do this again. This was the worst thing that could happen. I could be in serious trouble.

My worst fears were soon confirmed. Diana was downing a cup of liquor with a guy from a different frat. She smiled and threw her cup away, throwing her arms up while the guy dropped to the floor.

“Diana! Hey!” I pushed through the crowd until I got to the stool she stood on.

“Hey! Jack!” She smiled clumsily, obviously drunk. “How ya doing?”

“Diana, get down from there!”

“I just started the round!” she whined.

“Just… get down!” I pulled her off the stool, hearing complaints from everyone else.

“Whee!” Her arm flew out as she spun unsteadily. She accidentally smacked a guy in the face.

“Guys, she’s 16 years old. She can’t be here. Sorry, but get someone else to drink.” I put an arm around her, steering her away.

Everyone complained and pulled her back towards the stool. “Jack… I’m the queen. Get it?” She slung an arm around me.

I leaned away from her breath. “Diana-”

“Queen Diana of liquor! The crowd goes wild! Rah!” She pumped her fist in the air. Everyone cheered along with her.

“Yeah, we get it. You’re the queen. We gotta go home,” I said, lightly pushing her away. Her breath was revolting.

“Aw, come on, it’s not even 10:00 yet!”

“It’s 11.”

“It’s too early! One more round!”

“How much have you drunk?”

“Not too much. Just a teensy, eensy, weensy, wittle bit.” She made the tiny finger gesture as she spoke, her speech slurred.

“Diana, that’s enough, we’re going home.” I moved. Hector helped me lead her away from the complaining crowd, shielding us from reaching hands. We finally returned to the quieter hall, where Sam was now passed out.

“What do we do?” he asked, supporting Diana’s weight.

“I don’t know! My parents will kill me- the police will kill me!”

“Only if they find out.”

“And I can say bye to getting a bid.”

Diana looked at a wall mirror and pointed. “That is me.”

I sighed, taking out my phone. I stared at my lock screen for a few moments before reluctantly going to the contacts.

“I look fuzzy.” She giggled and leaned into Hector.

I looked for Kyle’s number. “I’m gonna be in so much trouble…”

With growing dread, I texted him.