01.16.24
Dear Diary, I’m still counting the days until I get my birth certificate. Susan called Mr. Brian and he said he’d do everything he could to get me emancipated from the system and under the Fields’ custody as soon as possible. I’m anxious to disown the Watson name; I still see my ‘other’ parents as my parents, sorta, but the Watson name brings me too close to Pat and Kim, even if they’re not actual Watsons themselves (their name is Dossi).
Charlotte and Stuart named me Diana, so that name will hold their memory. But ‘Field’ is what I should’ve been, and what I will be from now on.
Right now, it’s just a waiting game. I’m going through my daily life, doing homework, taking classes, sometimes talking to my friends. I’ve felt a little better lately. Monica is still on my mind, of course, but knowing I actually have a family now is enough to really bring my spirits up.
How I wish she could’ve been here to see it. I would’ve loved to tell her. It hurts, knowing she’ll never know I was her best friend’s sister. And my sister will never know, either.
I still can’t believe it. Many times, I wake up thinking it was a dream and that I’ll get taken away again. It’s hard to grasp the reality of my bloodline. Could it be that I looked so similar to my other mom that the nurses confused me and Julia? People did always say I had her eyes.
I expected everything to be kinda weird between me and the boys the day after, but our relationships feel a lot more relaxed (?). Or natural. It’s just different, knowing we have the same DNA.
~~~
01.18.24
Dear Diary, we put up all of Amy’s pictures again. We emptied all the boxes in the attic. We also put up new nails on the walls for my future pictures. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m staying. The legalities are still in process, but Mr. Brian said it should be easy, since they were already my host family, and my original ‘bio’ family is still on parole and in a very bad position to fight for custody. It was likely I’d age out of the system with the Fields anyway.
I still have that underlying paranoia, though. Everything just seems too happy, too perfect. I’ve learned to not get too comfortable. I’ll still be watching for anything that might try to stop me from being with my real family.
~~~
01.19.24
I keep having these nightmares, I see him, I feel him grabbing me and snatching me, dragging me out the door, and they’re just standing there, not doing anything, letting me go, telling me I was too much, even Lonnie was just sitting there, like he was tired of me, I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do
~~~
01.20.24
I don’t do well with speaking, because I just get ‘ticked’ off and start yelling, so I’m gonna write to you from now on.
I started reading your book, from the first chapter, with Adam and Eve. What I don’t get is: you told them not to eat from that specific tree, but they did anyway. Why didn’t you just stop them? You could just make them leave and they wouldn’t have met the snake and stuff.
That’s why I feel like you could’ve just kept me with my birth family and have none of this happen. I didn’t have to go through what I went through.
But it’s just the beginning, and I don’t know you very well, so I’m gonna keep reading and see what you mean by everything. I guess it’s stupid that I’m literally questioning the origins of humanity. This is stuff I probably won’t be able to understand. I’ll keep going, like I promised. I’ve broken a lot of promises, but this is one I’ll keep.
~~~
01.23.24
I know this is the Old Testament, but geez, how many laws are there? How are we supposed to follow all of them? It seems almost impossible to get to Heaven if these are the laws and if we don’t follow them, we don’t get in. Why don’t you just make us follow them? Why do you let us do stuff that clearly violates what you want?
~~~
01.24.24
So, I told Susan I was reading the Bible, but that I didn’t understand. She said I could talk to their pastor and ask him, since he studies it and teaches about it. I’m gonna think about it, but I’m not really thrilled about going back to that church to ask questions. People at the church were so judgy when I went.
That’s another thing. These people are supposed to be your followers, right? So how come they’re so judgy? How come they gossip and put others down? That’s not what your people are supposed to do, right? Don’t you tell them what to do?
~~~
01.25.24
Dear Diary, all the court proceedings are almost done. Our hearing was yesterday. I zoned out through most of the legal jargon, but it seems like I’m going to be a Field soon! Even Ms. Bredlong was okay with it. Go figure.
I’m still reading the Bible and stuff. So many questions in my head. I’m still in the Old Testament, so maybe the New Testament will explain a lot of stuff? It’s a bit early to question why if I haven’t finished the whole thing. I’m surprised I’ve gotten so far already.
Lots of the people in the Bible did a lot of bad things. I always imagined they were perfect people, but they actually ‘messed’ up a lot and broke the laws, did bad things. How did they get into Heaven anyway? Did God just… forgive them?
~~~
01.27.23
Dear Diary, I got my birth certificate!!! It literally felt like my birthday. I ripped the envelope open, and showed everyone, and they all clapped and hugged me. Lots of happy tears all around. I’ve never felt so happy. The girls came over to celebrate with me, too; the boys also invited their girlfriends. What a difference without Shirley! We had pizza and cake, watched a movie. It was honestly one of the most fun days of my life. I’ve never felt so happy!
Tony couldn’t come, but he video called me. We talked for hours. I find it pretty easy to talk to him. There’s this connection we have… I can’t describe it. I always feel so calm around him, even through a screen.
I feel like this is the first time I’ve written to you saying I’m happy without pretending. I seriously feel like I’ve accomplished a lot just by being a Field. Seeing my name on there— Diana Brianna Field. It feels so unreal.
~~~
January 28th, 2024
“So… Winter Formal is coming up,” Tony told me as I did my homework. My phone was propped up against a pile of books so I could talk to him in the meanwhile. It got boring, just writing and studying.
“Really? What’s that?” I asked.
“It’s another school dance they do. It’s gonna be in February,” he explained.
“Oh, nice. Like Homecoming?”
“Yeah, kinda like that. More formal than that.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Yeah…” He cleared his throat. “You know… I haven’t really seen you in a while. Besides our calls and stuff.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just been so crazy the past couple months. The last time was, what, Thanksgiving?”
“Yeah. And don’t be sorry, I get it. I’ve been busy, too.” He cleared his throat again. “I was just… wondering.”
“Mm-hmm?”
“For Winter Formal… don’t feel bad about saying no, but I thought we could… go together?”
I paused, looking at his reddened face through the phone. I tried not to laugh. It was honestly adorable when he got nervous.
“This would be with the rest of the school, though, right?” I said.
“Yeah… but we don’t have to go with them. We could do the same we did last time,” he proposed, his voice’s pitch going higher as he got more red.
I bit my lips together. I didn’t want him to think I was making fun of him. Before I could answer, however, his camera suddenly shook and he looked down. “Addie, no,” he said. “No, I’m not. I am not! Stop.”
I giggled. “Is that Addie?”
Find this and other great novels on the author's preferred platform. Support original creators!
The phone shook and I heard Tony say, “Hey!”. Addie’s adorable face appeared and she waved.
“Hi!” I waved back.
Tony took the phone back, signing with one hand. “Give me that.” A pause. “Okay, but let me hold the phone so you can sign. Ask permission. Geez.” He turned the phone so I could see his sister. “Sorry, Di.”
“You’re good.” I smiled.
“Hi!” She used a sign I didn’t know after she waved. “I miss you. When are you gonna come over again? I want to show you my new Barbie!” she signed.
“Aww, I miss you too!” I said, signing along with my words. I was still a little clumsy, but the ASL classes I had were pretty good. “I’ll see if I can come by soon. It depends when your brother’s free.”
“He’s free this weekend!”
“Addie!” The camera shook again.
She gave him a “what?” look and continued talking to me. “You can come over on Saturday. All he does is play videogames and eat…” She spelled out a brand name, but I couldn’t keep up.
“That’s enough.” Tony turned the phone back around, his face coated in mortification. “Uh… I am free Saturday. But I do more than that. Just saying.”
I couldn’t help laughing this time. “I’m free, too. I do homework early, anyway. I can go over.” I returned to my homework, remembering its existence. “Um… what was that sign?”
“What sign?”
“This one.” I repeated the sign she used that I hadn’t learned. “What does that mean?”
“Oh… I didn’t notice that. Addie.” He signed, “What does ‘this’ sign mean?” He paused as she answered and smiled. “Congratulations.”
“What?”
“You’ve officially gotten a sign name.”
“A sign…” I stammered. “Wow. Tell her thank you!”
“She’s asking if you like it,” he said.
“I love it! It’s beautiful. Thank you, Addie!”
He signed ‘thank you’ to her for me. “So… Saturday’s good?”
“Yeah, Saturday’s good.”
“You want me to pick you up?”
“Sure.” A giddy feeling coiled in my stomach. “And, uh… I’ll get back to you on that Winter Formal thing.”
“Yeah, sure, there’s plenty of time to think about it.” Tony’s surroundings changed as he moved around his house. He suddenly paused. “What the…?”
I glanced at him. “What happened?”
“Mom, is that here?” I heard his mother respond, but I couldn’t really hear it. The connection was a bit weak. “That’s so close.”
“What?”
“A murder.”
“A murder?”
“Yeah, they found a body and they’re chasing the guy that did it.”
“Seriously?” I left my desk, heading down to the living room. Lonnie followed me. If that was nearby, I wanted to know what places to avoid when I jogged. Despite the cold, I loved going out to run. “What channel is that?”
“Triangle News,” he replied.
I entered the living room. To my surprise, the boys were there, watching a soap opera. Only watching— they were yelling over the dialogue.
“Is she stupid or something?!” Tommy yelled.
“He literally cheated on her, like, five times,” said Kyle. He shook his head. “What’s in this for her? Seriously.”
“Uh, guys?”
They looked at me. “Hey, Di. You want to watch Heart of Spades with us?”
Jack groaned. “We’ll have to explain everything. We’re on Season 5.”
“We can go back-”
They immediately protested. “I’m not living through another breakup between Elaine and Rodrigo!” Tommy cried dramatically.
“Way to spoil it for her, dumb-butt.” Kyle threw a cushion at him.
“Uh… I’m fine, actually.” I glanced between them, questioning reality. These were my brothers? “I was gonna ask if I could borrow the TV. There’s a news thing I want to see.”
“They’re watching Heart of Spades?” Tony asked.
“Who’s that?”
“No one. Just put on the news, please.”
“Hey, Tony!” Harry exited the app they were on for me and handed me the remote. I tried not to blush in shame as I went to the Triangle News channel. On the screen, a helicopter camera was following a police car chasing a pickup truck down the highway.
“… on Route 12, police are still in pursuit of the suspected perpetrator, he- oh, my God, he almost hit somebody. High-speed chases on highways like this are especially dangerous…”
“That’s right here. That’s coming into Kooskia,” Kyle pointed out.
“Yeah, they found the body in Clearwater River,” Tony said.
“Body?”
“They said this guy murdered someone, and he lives pretty close to this area.”
“That’s creepy to know,” Tommy remarked.
We watched in silence as the chase continued. My phone then beeped with a text message. Staying on Tony’s call, I checked, seeing Thelma typing. Diana did u see the news?
“Thelma’s watching, too,” I said, texting back, Yea I’m watching right now. So scary
I know that truck, she then said.
You do?
It looks familiar. I cant really put my finger on it, but if i got a closer look maybe I could tell. Ik ive seen that truck before
The murder happened in our area, so maybe you did see it around.
“OH- holy-” The boys reacted as the pickup recklessly turned into an exit, sending another car to the curb. The impact steered the pickup towards the edge of the road, ending in it crashing into the trees. It wasn’t a really severe crash, but it looked pretty harsh.
“Police are now reaching the suspect,” the newscaster said, “looks like they’re about to arrest him- oh, no, he’s on the move!”
The suspect was a tall man in a thick black jacket and gloves, his face concealed by a ski mask. What a cliché. He clutched his shoulder as he clumsily ran away from the police, probably injured from the crash.
“Let’s hope he can’t- oh, there goes the taser. Thank God. They got him.” We watched as the man convulsed on the floor before the police held him down and put him in cuffs. His ski mask was ripped off his head, but the camera was too zoomed out for us to properly see his face.
I squinted at the man as they led him to the police car and held him by the arms, one of the policemen talking to him. Probably reading him his rights.
The newscaster continued. “For those joining us, we have just witnessed the high-speed pursuit and arrest of a first-degree murder suspect. Police caught him trying to move a body from the Clearwater River to another location; the body was identified as 42-year old Kimmie Dossi, who was reported missing last month.”
The name immediately weakened my knees. I gripped the couch, my phone falling from my hand. It slid down the cushions and hit Harry’s shoulder as it landed on the seat.
“Di? You good?” he asked, picking it up.
“You drop the phone?” Tony chuckled on the screen.
My eyes were fixated on the TV as I studied the ‘suspect’. It couldn’t be him. No way.
“G-give me my phone.” My heart pounded, vibrating throughout my body. I quickly texted Thelma, Do you recognize anything about that guy?
I think so, he looks familiar. Its too far for me to tell, she said.
“Diana? What’s wrong?”
“Can you rewind it? Or is it…?”
“Yeah, sure.” Harry rewound it for me. “Up to when?”
“A couple minutes.”
Once he played it, I listened carefully, waiting for the name to come up again.
“… the body was identified as 42-year old Kimmie Dossi, who was reported missing last month…”
Lonnie whimpered, pawing me as my vision blurred. While I was still in my right mind, I went to the sofa and sat down, letting him calm me. Harry scooted closer to me, putting an arm around my shoulders.
“Everything okay?” Tony asked, still on the call.
“What happened?” My other brothers approached.
“That’s…” My voice failed me. “That’s… my aunt.”
“Your aunt?”
“Or… I thought she was my aunt.”
“Who?”
“The missing woman. Kimmie Dossi. That’s her name.”
“You sure?” said Tommy. “It could be someone else.”
“No, that’s her. I know that’s her.” Thoughts popped into my head every two milliseconds. That Halloween, when I saw him. That evening when I saw that man load a body into a pickup truck. The way he would always slap Kim and regularly tell her he would kill her someday. Then the way Kim would blame me and her kids for the way Pat treated her, taking all her anger out on us.
Had I gone to their new address that day, after I’d confronted Ivy at the outlet? Was that Pat I saw loading… Kim’s body…?
My stomach squeezed at the thought. I clung to Harry, who ran his hand up and down my back, giving me calming words that would amount to nothing.
I knew it. I knew that as soon as I felt free, or happy, or anything positive, something would come to ruin it. The curse was still on me.
~~~
February 9th, 2024
I hadn’t been able to enjoy a lot of things the past two weeks or so. I was sleep-deprived, to the point that I canceled going to Tony’s that weekend. I hated disappointing him and Addie, but I couldn’t go to their house and pretend nothing was wrong.
A couple days after the chase, the news announced that it was Patrick Dossi— who used to be my ‘uncle’— who was arrested for murdering his wife. He would be on trial for first-degree murder soon.
Every night, I could see his face. I saw him hitting Kim, felt him hitting me, telling me he would kill me if I didn’t leave him alone. A little four-year old girl.
I sometimes felt like he would crawl through my window any second at night. I’d imagine him strangling me or suffocating me with my pillow. He knew I’d seen him that night. He wanted me to be quiet.
“Diana, you okay?” Susan gently took my hand. We were all at the table for breakfast. The boys were all going to school, I would be in my room, as always, and Susan and Davis were working. They were actually looking to work from home, but it would take some time.
“I’m fine,” I said. “A lot on my mind.”
“Is there anything you want to talk about?”
I smiled. “No, I’m okay. It’s just… random thoughts.” I couldn’t really talk about it even if I wanted to. It was so much…
A car approached outside. Davis glanced out the window, scrunching his brows. “Anyone coming today?”
“Not that I know of,” said Susan.
He discreetly parted the curtain to see. “Someone’s coming.” The doorbell then rang.
“I’ll get it.” Susan wiped her mouth with her napkin and rose from her chair, answering. We heard her talking to someone, but couldn’t make out the words. She said, “Thank you” and closed the door, returning with a troubled look on her face and some envelopes.
“What is it?” said Jack.
“They’re subpoenas.”
“What? Why?”
She opened one of the envelopes, reading the document inside. “Diana.”
I froze, closing my eyes. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. There was no way.
“You are hereby commanded to appear at the Idaho County District Court on… March 11th, 10am,” she read. Before she could continue, I stood, pacing while trying to breathe.
“Why is she getting a subpoena?” Kyle asked.
“The State of Idaho vs. Patrick Dossi?”
“Is this about that car chase last week?” said Davis. “What does she have to do with it?”
“Wasn’t Patrick Dossi your… ‘uncle’?”
“Yeah, but they’re not related,” said Tommy. “I don’t see why she has to show up in court if they haven’t seen each other in over ten years.”
“I saw him,” I blurted out, stopping my pace. There was no use hiding it now.
“You saw him? When?”
“About… over a month ago.” I sighed, gripping my pants. “Remember when I was jogging, and I got home kind of late?”
“When you had a fight with Ivy?” Kyle asked me.
I nodded. “Well… I was upset, but there was more that happened.” Swallowing, I told them the story; how I got lost, how I saw Pat loading Kim’s body into his truck, how I didn’t see his face or realize it was him. All their faces showed nothing but dread at the end.
“Honey, why didn’t you say anything?” Susan exclaimed.
“I wasn’t even sure if it was real,” I explained. I crouched, hugging Lonnie. “You guys know that I have my… ‘moments’. I didn’t know what to do.”
Susan silently read the other subpoena. “This is for us. She’s a minor, so they want us there with her.”
“All of us?”
“Just me and Davis.”
“I can’t do this.” I went to the living room so I could lie down on the sofa. “I can’t do this. I can’t go there.”
“Diana, we don’t have a choice.” Susan followed me. “A subpoena is-”
“I know what it is, Susan!” I snapped. I didn’t want to be so upset, but the whole situation was sending my heart into overdrive. “I can’t do it! If I go, I’ll have to see him again, and I can’t see him, I can’t look at his face and just tell them what I saw, not without-”
“Diana, try to breathe, okay?” Harry took my hand as Lonnie jumped on the sofa, lying on top of me to calm me down.
“How do they even know I saw him?” I sniffled, stroking Lonnie’s fur. “No one was around. There couldn’t have been a camera, right?”
“Didn’t you lose your bracelet?” Kyle said.
“You lost your bracelet?” Susan said.
“How would they know it was hers?” asked Jack. “Unless she put her name on it.”
I sighed. “Yeah… I did.”
“Oh… then that’s probably how.”
“You must’ve dropped it at his house when you saw him,” said Kyle.
“I mean, I fell over in the bushes, so it could’ve.” I wiped my eyes. “How am I gonna do this?”
“We have over a month until the trial,” Davis said, stroking my hair comfortingly. “We have time, okay? It’s not gonna happen right away.”
“I don’t want it to happen at all.” I sniffled, more tears rising up to my tear ducts. “I thought it was all over… I thought I had you guys, and that I could just forget about all of them. I thought it would be over…”
This was what I got for thinking positively, even once.