Susan
January 13th, 2024
I hated seeing Diana so depressed. Everything was so much… better recently. Now with Monica’s passing and Ivy’s ridiculous outburst, she’d gone back to the way she was. Just when she was getting… happy.
I couldn’t help the guilt. Ivy hated her because of us. She shouldn’t have gone, but we couldn’t deny her the right when she wanted to. It wouldn’t be fair.
Five days since the funeral— ten since Monica died, and Diana hadn’t gone out, or talked to any of her friends. Not even that boy, Tony. Even our sons had mellowed. We all knew Monica would leave us someday, but we were hoping it wouldn’t be so soon. A selfish desire; Monica was ready to go.
I approached Diana’s doorway. She sat at her desk, doing homework. Lonnie lied in his bed, just as sad as she was. His smile wasn’t there.
Most of the boys were absent; Harry went to a friend’s house, Kyle was with Nicole, and Jack with some of the boys at his college. Tommy was holed up in his room, also studying. With Shirley out of his life, he’d seemed more relaxed, but also more of an indoor person. He almost never went anywhere without that girl. I was hurt that he got hurt, but relieved she was gone.
There was only so much I could do as his mother. I couldn’t completely forbid him from seeing her; that was what led to him sneaking out to her house that night in the first place. I talked to her parents, but they didn’t seem to care much about the way their relationship was built.
Tommy knew very well I disapproved, as did the rest of us, but it was up to him in the end. He needed to face the consequences of his decision to stay with her for so long.
Just like I had to face the consequences of what I’d done. I had a feeling the problems wouldn’t stop for a long while. I’d done a pretty… messed-up thing.
“Diana, honey?” I started. “You want to do something? It’s a beautiful day.”
“No, thanks, Susan. Got a lot of work to do.”
“It snowed again. You sure you don’t want to go and build a snowman or something?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You want to bake something? We can make cookies.”
She smiled appreciatively. “Maybe later on. Not now. Thanks, though.”
I sighed. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything.” I headed back downstairs, where Davis was watching TV.
He looked up when I entered. “Nothing?”
“No.” I fell next to him, leaning into his chest. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to force her.”
“Then don’t,” he said. “This is a hard time for all of them. Let them process it.”
“She worries me. I don’t want her to go back to…”
“As long as we remind her we’re here for her, I’m sure she’ll feel better in time.”
“I hope so.” My phone dinged. Opening it, I saw an email from GeneusLabs.
I sat up abruptly, startling Davis. He muted the TV. “What?”
“Did you get this?”
“What?” He read my screen, his ocean blue eyes widening. He took out his own phone and checked his email. “I… I think it went to Spam.”
“Should I…”
“Open it,” he said, a bit urgently. He continued searching his overflowing inboxes, filled with unopened emails from work and websites.
Swallowing, I tapped the email open.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: Maternity Test Results for Susan Field-Diana Watson
Dear Susan,
We hope this email finds you well. We have completed our process and sent you the results of the recent maternity test you ordered…
I looked away. I couldn’t read further. What if it was negative? Our relationship with Diana wouldn’t change, of course, but… disappointment would be inevitable.
Why did we do this? This was such a bad idea.
“I found it, Susan,” Davis said.
“What does it say?”
“Haven’t read it.”
We sat in silence, our phone sitting comfortably in our sweating hands. I rested my head back, my heart going at 200 beats per minute.
Was this how Diana felt all the time? This constant sense of fear, anticipation, worry? How did she live for so many years having to deal with these stomach-twisting feelings every single day? With no one to hold her hand and comfort her?
Davis and I interlocked fingers. “You want me to read mine, or…?”
I shook my head. “She might hear it. Let’s just read, and… if it’s a no, it’s a no.”
He nodded. “One…”
“Two…” We breathed in. “Three.”
My eyes scrolled through the lengthy email, searching for the word I hoped was in there, but doubted I would find. It was like sitting through an action movie climax, waiting for the rising action to finally reach its peak and for the main character to jump off the cliff and fly down in a parachute. Numbers and scientific jargon swam through my eyes.
… these positive STR loci results confirm the biological relationship between yourself and the other tested individual…
It took me a moment to realize I’d found my answer.
I nearly choked. My voice stuck in my throat as I stared. ‘Positive’. ‘Biological relationship’.
“D-Davis?” I choked out, trying to control my reaction. I looked at him, seeing the same expression on his face. His eyes filled with tears and he smiled, letting out a suppressed sob.
We rose from the sofa and embraced each other tightly, both shaking with tears of joy and praises to God. I couldn’t believe my prayers were answered. How could we deserve such a gift, after all we did?
Maybe it was more for her than for us…
“Should we tell her?” he whispered.
“I… yes, but…” My hands shaking, I called Kyle, heading to the kitchen to talk. We needed everyone to be here for this.
“Yeah, Mom?”
“Kyle, uh… could you come home?” My voice trembled.
“Oh, my God, what happened?”
“Nothing! Nothing. It’s actually… it’s something really great. But you need to be home. Now. Please. It’s good, I promise.”
“Okay…” He sounded doubtful. I heard him speak, probably to Nicole. He then said, “We’re on our way. Nicole’s dropping me off.”
“I’m sorry, I know you guys were out.”
“It’s cool, Mom. If it’s important, I get it.”
“Okay. I’ll see you.” I hung up, hearing Davis talking to Jack in the other room.
“Jack, why do you…? It’s a surprise.” A pause. “No- oh, you’re just like your mother…”
“Hey!” I dialed Harry’s number.
It took a while for the boys to get back. It was extremely hard to contain our excitement. All the while, those present pestered us, annoyed by our secrecy.
Harry was the last one to get back home. We called everyone, including Lonnie, to the living room. Sensing our joy, his usual smile returned, his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“Okay, what’s going on? You guys are being weird,” said Jack.
“Is there a Christmas present you forgot?” Harry asked.
“Is it an Xbox Series X?!” Tommy exclaimed.
I smacked him with a pillow. “You have a PS5!”
“Just asking.”
“No, it’s bigger than that.”
“Then spill.”
We glanced at each other, deciding who should go first. Davis finally turned to our foster… our daughter.
Our daughter.
“Diana,” he addressed. “I know… you’re probably gonna be a bit… we’re sorry about this. We didn’t mean to go behind your back again. I swear, we just wanted to… take a chance. And we didn’t tell you— any of you— because you’re going through a lot already, and this would be something else to think about, so we didn’t say anything.”
“What are you talking about?” Diana’s eyes blinked rapidly.
Her eyes… just like Amy’s. Just like Kyle’s. A blend of us both. Her hair was mine. Her face…
“Could you talk now?” Davis asked me.
My mouth dry, I tried to swallow and speak clearly. “Diana. We’ve been thinking about… everything that’s happened up to now. We know it probably should’ve been different, but we’re here now. We’ve…” I glanced at my husband, gripping his warm fingers. “We’ve thought about you… and Amy, and how much you look like her. I even looked at your birth certificates. That’s when I noticed… you were born at the same hospital.”
All of them reacted quietly, but their expressions were loud. Diana’s cheeks lost their color.
“I thought that was weird, you know? Same hospital, same day, same… face. Almost.” I cleared my throat. “So we sent a spoon with your DNA on it to a lab— that’s the part we’re apologizing for. We were going to ask you, but if the results came back negative, we didn’t want that to affect you, or anyone else.” My jaw trembled as I gazed at her face— our daughter’s face. Diana’s face. “I do want to… make it clear that we would’ve loved you either way, okay? And we’re sorry we failed you so much.” Davis embraced me, also tearing up. “We’re sorry for failing all of you. We haven’t been good parents to any of you, not even Amy. And we’re so sorry.”
Everyone’s eyes turned glassy. Davis’s hand trembled as he brought out his phone, the email opened, and gave it to Diana to read. Her sea green eyes flickered across the screen, unreadable.
“My God.” Kyle covered his mouth, shocked.
“Wh-what does it say?” Harry asked, though they all knew the answer.
Diana’s voice faltered a bit as tears leaked. “Po… positive paternity test.”
I showed her my phone. She chuckled tearfully, adding, “And maternity test.”
“But how did…?” Jack began.
“We think she was switched with… Julia,” Davis explained.
“So… Julia was never…?”
We nodded.
“She was… her parents’…”
Wordlessly, Harry stood and wrapped Diana in a tight embrace. He was followed by his brothers, then by us. Lonnie panted excitedly, also joining in the tearful, but joyful group hug.
Squeezing my arms around my family, I looked up, practically feeling Amy smiling down at us. She had a sister. A twin. How I wished she could’ve known her…
But she was here now. She was safe now. She didn’t have to worry about those people getting out of jail. She didn’t have to worry about aging out.
“Thank you,” I whispered, keeping my eyes trained above.
~~~
Diana
I woke up humming a tune. It wasn’t a familiar tune, but for some reason, I was humming it continuously, as if I knew it all my life. I wasn’t sure what it was.
The tune continued, even after I’d stopped humming. Turning over, a little girl sat on the floor, playing with a doll. I couldn’t really see the doll, though. It was weirdly distorted, as if I weren’t allowed to see it.
“Who are you?” I asked, sitting up.
The little girl ignored me, continuing her humming.
“Are you… me? But…” Usually, when I started thinking to myself, I’d envision versions around 10 years old, mostly. Most of my younger versions weren’t in my mind’s eye. I wouldn’t think about those times too much.
She kept humming, ignoring me completely. I sighed, a bit impatient, and hung my legs over the edge of the bed. “Okay, I know you’re me. Pretty sure I’m dreaming, too. What do you want?”
“You don’t remember that song?” she asked.
“What song?”
“That one.” She hummed again, brushing her doll’s hair. “You don’t remember?”
“I… don’t.”
“That’s sad,” she said. “You don’t remember a lotta things.”
“What do you mean?”
“You dream a lot. And you think a lot. But you don’t know a lot. You don’t want to. You hided it in your head.”
I shook my head, confused. “I legit don’t know-”
“Mommy said I was smart. So if you’re Big Me, you should be smart. But you’re not. Not if you forgetted our song.”
“Oh, so I’m dumb if I don’t remember a song?” I approached her. “What are you doing, anyway?”
“Playing with my doll. Did you forget her, too?” She held it out to me; it was as if it were made of static. I couldn’t really comprehend what it looked like.
As I reached out to take it, an iron hand gripped my fist, a dark shadow casting over me. Looking up, I saw him. The same face that greeted me on Halloween night. The same face that I feared over 12 years ago.
He wasn’t my uncle. Soon, the system would hand me over to my real parents for good, and I wouldn’t have to worry about him. He wasn’t in my life anymore. He had no control.
“You little rat,” he growled. “You’re mine. You know that. You’ll always be mine.”
I couldn’t move. I wanted to punch him, kick him, pull away. But my body was locked in place.
“You’ll never escape. You’ll always be the pathetic, disgusting little orphan you were 12 years ago.”
His hand left my wrist, leaving it aching, and I fell against the wall. I could only watch as he approached Little Me, snatching her doll away and holding her in the air as he screamed curses at her. Her small hands clawed at his larger, thicker fingers, futilely trying to fight back.
“Stop it!” I stood, barreling towards him with all my weight and strength. Instead, I went right through him, collapsing on the floor. My surroundings blurred and rippled.
Looking down, I saw the doll. It was still distorted, but it was getting clearer. I could just about see its face…
Which turned into a Golden Retriever’s face, licking me on my forehead.
I gasped, scared out of my mind. I was tangled in my sheets, lying next to my bed. Lonnie whimpered and lied across me.
“Oh, God… Lonnie, I’m fine. Just let me get up.” I patted his head and got myself out of my mess of sheets and comforters. I was wearing my smart watch, which read 6:05 AM. I groaned.
As I got back into bed, Lonnie jumping up with me, the dream returned to my mind. His face flashed before my eyes.
I clutched my blankets. I was safe, right? Once the court proceedings were over, I’d have my new birth certificate, and I’d be part of the Fields. I wouldn’t have to go back. They weren’t my bio family.
But what if they didn’t want to let me go? What if they fought? What if they tried to take me away? What if Ms. Bredlong…?
Lonnie’s weight pressed against me, calming me down. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his warmth and the softness of his fur. My bed was probably going to be full of dog hair after this.
“I don’t want them to take me, Lonnie,” I whispered.
He licked me, as if he could understand me. They won’t, Diana.
“But what if they do? What if…?” I closed my eyes. I needed to talk to someone. I didn’t want to worry my foster… my family.
I couldn’t get used to the idea. Me? Having a family? A real one? Having parents… and brothers? It seemed so impossible.
Was that why I always felt that strange connection with them, even when the boys didn’t like me? Was that why I cared so much about how they treated me?
There was so much to think about. Too much. It was just too good to be true. There had to be something waiting for me— some bad news. There had to be something that would stop me from having a family.
My eyes roved over my room— Amy’s room. Would this have been our room, if I hadn’t been switched? Would we have a different life? Would Amy still have died? What would have happened to my other parents? They would have discovered their daughter was dead. Would they have died still?
Why couldn’t it just happen that way? If they would die anyway, why wasn’t it so? Pat and Kim probably would’ve stayed the same. I would’ve been fine, living with my family, with my sister. My twin. What was the purpose of this switch? Why did I have to go through… all of that?!
I abruptly got out of bed, leaving Lonnie. He watched me intently, standing on the mattress. I looked out the window at the sky. Was that where ‘Heaven’ was, if it was even real? Could he see me or hear me?
“Are you even there?” I said aloud. I glanced at the door, which was open, as it had to be. But maybe if I closed it for just a few minutes…
I glanced at my camera. I was almost sure its microphone was off. Susan and Davis weren’t that intrusive. And Lonnie was here with me. I quietly closed my door.
I turned to the window. I felt kind of ridiculous doing this… then again, I talked to ‘little versions’ of myself all the time, so there wasn’t much of a difference. Maybe I was crazy, like so many people told me over the years.
People I wouldn’t have met if I’d stayed with my family in the first place.
“I don’t get why it’s somehow in your ‘plan’ to switch me with another baby at birth— a dead baby, on top of that,” I said. “I shouldn’t have been… this. Diana Watson. That shouldn’t have been me. I should’ve been with this family, from the very beginning.” I scoffed. “You’re God, right? Why did you let all of this… happen? What did I do wrong?”
Lonnie stared up at me, as if wondering who I was talking to. Even the dog thought I was crazy. But I kept going.
“I went through hell!” I yelled. “I went from house to house, getting beaten, starved, thrown, yelled at, spit at… tortured! All my life! And then I finally get to be with my real family, and I still had to put up with all the ‘stuff’ I went through? I still had to suffer before knowing that they were my actual parents, my actual brothers. Why? I don’t get it!”
I glanced at the Bible in my bookshelf. Susan and Davis gave it to me, ‘just in case I wanted to read’. Out of respect, I kept it, but I wasn’t inclined to read it.
“I’ll read it. I’ll read that book of yours,” I said, pointing at it. “People say the answer’s always in there. Then prove it! I’ll read it, and if it answers my questions, then fine. If not… then I was right! Because I don’t get it. I really don’t.” I wiped away tears, just realizing I was crying. I sat down, petting Lonnie as he propped himself up on my lap.
“I get that… I did really ‘bad’ things,” I continued, quieter now. “I’ve hurt people. I’ve lied, and stolen, and wished death on people. Even other kids. But the only reason I became like that was because of everything I went through. I would’ve been… good… if I had the life I was supposed to have. I was four. Four. What did I do wrong back then? What did my ‘parents’ do?” I made quotes with my fingers, assuming I was being seen at all. “They just wanted to see my grandma… or, not my grandma, but you get it. The drunk driver… why didn’t he go what I’m going through?”
I looked back at my door. Thankfully, no one seemed to hear me, despite me being really loud.
“What about them? Why take me away from them? Why make them think their daughter died— and then taking away their other daughter? An innocent girl like Amy? Why do that? What was the point?”
I stood again, pacing like a lion. I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t even sure why I even bothered talking. Glancing at the Bible again, I yanked it out of my shelf and threw it on my bed with a growl. Trying to understand any of this was pointless.
A knock interrupted me. “Di? You good?” Harry asked.
“I’m fine, Harry,” I sighed. I rested on my bed again, suddenly drained of all my energy.
“Just checking up on you. Is it okay if I open the door?”
I turned over, about to answer, but the book caught my eye. Instinctively, I read the words in my field of vision.
“Diana?”
“Yeah, sure, open it.”
He did so, peeking in. “You sure you’re okay?”
I sat in front of the Bible, hoping he hadn’t seen it. “Yeah, just kind of… thinking out loud, I guess. I didn’t mean to be that loud, though. I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“You’re good,” he chuckled. “I was already up. You want me to stay, or…?”
“I’m gonna try and go back to sleep.”
“You are okay, right?”
“I’m fine, Harry.” I smiled.
“I’m right here if you need me.” He left. With a sigh, I grumpily closed the book and put it back on my shelf. I said I’d read it; just not now.
I collapsed on my bed, exhausted, and closed my eyes. The three words I read were carved in my vision.
Crown of thorns.