Diana
12.31.23
Dear Diary, it’s New Year’s Eve, so this will be my last entry of the year.
We’re heading out to a huge park about a couple hours away to see New Year’s fireworks. Davis’s family is going to be there. The boys think their grandparents will love me. I’m still wary about their cousins, after what Monica told me.
Next week we restart school. It’s more relaxing for me, since I get to stay home. The boys aren’t that enthused about it. I don’t blame them; with the drama that happened between Jack and the frats, and Tommy and Harry quitting football… and Mildred rejecting Harry, there’s bound to be some awkwardness. I feel like Kyle is the only one of us that has a ‘normal’ life going on at school. He has a ‘don’t-care’ attitude about winter break being over.
I haven’t told anyone about what I saw during my jog. I’m legitimately not sure if I was dreaming or not. I can’t trust myself to tell what’s real and what’s in my head. It could be that I just had a weird episode because of Ivy and them.
“It’s been confirmed. Diana Watson is a weirdo.”
I sighed, turning to glare at my 11-year old self sitting on my bed. She was dressed in the Brimstone Academy uniform.
“I don’t need your input right now,” I growled, trying to get back to writing.
“Then why am I here?”
“I dunno.”
“You called me.”
“I didn’t call you. Y’all just show up when I least need it.”
“Diana, we’re only here when you bring us here,” she retorted. “We’re not a hallucination, it’s literally you thinking.”
“I don’t want to think.” I groaned, getting up. I had to get ready, anyway. “And I definitely don’t want to think about you. You’re one of the worst mes I have.”
“Why?”
“Because you…” I looked at her, shuddering. “That uniform alone already gives me anxiety.” I reached down and pet Lonnie.
“I hate it. It itches.” She rolled up her sleeve and scratched her arm. I caught sight of the marks on her arm; they were fresh, the skin reddened. It had a yellowish color to it, like a crust growing over the wounds.
I remembered they had gotten infected, so I treated them myself in secret and stopped. I didn’t want to get sick and force a doctor visit.
“I guess you’re thinking a lot about those girls,” she continued. “I get it. Lisa and those other two… they’re a lot like Kayla, Sonya, and Estelle.”
The names made me twitch. “I don’t want to think about those girls.” I put on my shirt; a nice, baby blue one that had ruffles around the collar.
“But you are.”
“Just stop, okay?” I put on my jeans. “This is supposed to be a happy day, and I don’t want you screwing it up. You won’t. Get out.”
“I can’t leave until you let me and you know that.”
“Why do I do this?” I covered my face, sitting back down. “Why do I bring you guys here?”
“I don’t know. There’s a reason, but I don’t know,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I looked at her.
“Well, something happened that made you talk to us like this, but I don’t remember what it is. I think one of the younger ones know, but you almost never talk to them. You should ask them.”
I stared at her for a few moments. “Huh?”
“Revisit your childhood,” she clarified. “You have to think back further, remember the earlier days. Go deeper into the past.” She played with the hem of her sock. “There’s a lot of stuff you forgot— that I forgot.”
“Oh, yeah, sure. I want to remember all that.”
“Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to.”
“Diana? You ready, honey?” Susan called from downstairs. Pulled out of my thoughts, my little me was gone. I thanked Susan mentally for the interruption.
“Yeah, I’ll be right down!” I grabbed my purse and joined the family downstairs, Lonnie trailing behind me.
My phone buzzed as we left the house and piled into the car. Pulling it out, I smiled. Monica texted, Happy New Year!!! I got lots of other texts from Tony, Thelma, Mildred, and the other girls. The holidays made it hard to get together, so hopefully we’d find a day later on.
As the car pulled away, I responded to everyone, having been too lazy to check texts. I stopped at Blanche’s, who shared some news along with her holiday greetings.
idkwtdwml: hey diana! have a grate night!
listen im really sry about this, but i didnt know until this morning
im moving bk with my mom this week
im happy dont get me rong, but that means i wont b around as much any more
she lives pretty far so im transfering schools and everything
im gonna try and visit but i wont b as close, and if i move out of my moms again im going w the other fam im usualy with, not the mcarthies here, so i dont think ill come bk
ill miss yall
I stared at her texts. Blanche had pretty much become part of the group. It felt… pretty sad to know she wouldn’t be around. It wasn’t like she was moving to another country, but it would still be far.
Sunflowergirl3482: Hey Blanche. Don’t sweat it. I’m really happy for you! We can keep communicating, that’s the good thing. I hope you enjoy your time with your mom. Lmk if you ever want to hang, or if you’re in the area!
I continued down my list of texts. There were a lot, surprisingly, including some requests. Curious, I opened them.
ok_mrunen220: hi diana
happy new year
u gonna try agin? (ROFL emoji)
who is this? I texted.
There were three other accounts on the Request list. All of them had different, weird texts.
ieieie2333: you have another chanse this year! Lol
soraprincessim: are you leaving yet?
Throwawayaccount_4032: 2024 without u would b grate
The first user messaged me back. ok_mrunen220: ur friend from school
so u gonna try agin?
Sunflowergirl3482: Try what?
ok_mrunen220: yk (giggling emoji)
Sunflowergirl3482: I really don’t
ok_mrunen220: 2023 was a $*^@@& year
2024 can b better if u $%^# &^%
Realizing it was stupid to keep conversing with this person, I blocked them. The message was already getting me upset, my heart rate having increased. Lonnie leaned his head on my thigh.
ieieie2333: theyre prob praying for u to leave
they hate u
Ivy, I know this is you. Leave me alone, I responded.
ieieie2333: How do u know its ivy? theres so many ppl that hate u lol
Sunflowergirl3482: Youre the only one pathetic enough to do this. And your initials are in your username. Idiot. I blocked her and the three other accounts, trying not to get upset. I wouldn’t let them ruin my new year with my foster family.
“You good?” Harry asked me.
“Yeah, I’m just bored.” Mildred had also texted me. dawsonaction: hey diana have a great new yr!
I meant to ask
hows harry doing
He’s doing ok, I said.
dawsonaction: hes been happy rite?
Sunflowergirl3482: Yea he’s good. Don’t worry Mill, he’ll be fine. You don’t have to feel guilty.
dawsonaction: ik i just feel bad
he was calm but i could tell i probably hurt him a bit
ive been rejected to so ik how it feels
Sunflowergirl3482: He’ll be fine. Just keep being friends with him.
Don’t be afraid to say Happy New Year, that might lift his spirits, knowing you’re still comfortable being friends.
He hasn’t been texting you or insisting right? in that case, I understand if you wouldn’t want to talk to him.
dawsonaction: Oh no ofc not
hes very chill
Sunflowergirl3482: Ok. Then it should be just fine. If he gets the wrong idea, you’ll have to make it clear you’re staying friends.
I frowned at myself. Why was I giving her advice? I was the worst person to give out relationship tips. What was I thinking?
Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt, I’m not great at relationships (laughing emoji)
dawsonaction: gurl ur good. ty
have a great nite
Love u
Sunflowergirl3482: Love you too
“We’re here,” Davis announced. “No phones, please.”
I put away my phone obediently and got out of the car with Lonnie. A light snow had fallen, covering the ground with a thin sheet of white.
There were groups of people setting up tents and putting down thick winter blankets and jackets on the snowy open fields and hills. Some had started small campfires in the pits set up for visitors. Security guards and other authorities stood around, some stationed in a cabin, watching for any trouble. We walked towards one of the campfires, where a group of people awaited us— the rest of the Field family.
Unlike Susan’s family, there were only a few; Davis’s parents, his brother, and his nephew and two nieces. Susan’s family was much bigger, made larger by the Wellingsly branch.
Davis greeted his brother with a warm hug and a smile. When the latter turned to me, his expression faltered for a second, then he chuckled, shaking his head. “Wow,” he said. He held out his hand. “How are you, sweetheart?”
“Hi.” I smiled, shaking his hand. I looked at the rest of the family. Davis’s parents stood from their chairs, smiling at me. They looked to be in their 70’s, just like Susan’s mother. They were also charmed by Lonnie, smiling at him and commenting on his cuteness.
As Monica warned me, Davis’s two nieces didn’t seem that happy. Their older brother came forward, bearing an exact image of his father, and greeted me with a warm hug. He introduced himself as Joseph. The grandparents were also very sweet, allowing me to call them Gramma and Papa Jack, like the boys did.
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“Girls,” Davis’s brother Victor motioned his daughters to come forward. One was probably my age while the other looked to be around 14. “These are Rose and Maybelle.”
I waved shyly, suddenly feeling a little colder from the gazes shot at me. When their father nudged them, they reluctantly gave me handshakes, not saying a word. “Nice dog,” the older one said.
We settled down and put down the blankets and picnic baskets we’d brought. Despite the chilliness, the bonfire kept us warm enough, along with all the fuzzy blankets. Susan also brought hot chocolate, eggnog, and marshmallows to roast over the fire.
“So, Diana, did you have a good Christmas with Susan’s family?” the boys’ grandma asked me.
“Yeah, I did,” I said truthfully, mist escaping my lips. I sipped my hot chocolate. “It was really fun. The food was delicious, too.”
“I can imagine,” said Davis’s dad. “Last time I was there, Sam made a beautiful roast turkey. Of course, it won’t beat Gabby’s,” —he cast a loving look at his wife— “but it was still heaven on a plate.”
“Sam?”
“Gammy,” Kyle specified, meaning Susan’s mother. I nodded, understanding.
“The cookies were so good,” I added. “I never tasted Christmas cookies like that.”
“Guess what her favorites are,” Jack said.
“Cinnamon eggnog?” Joseph guessed.
Unwittingly, I gagged. “I love eggnog, but the cookies… no thanks.”
They chuckled, sharing some smiles. When I knitted my brows, Harry explained, “Those were Amy’s favorites.”
“Really? I mean, I’m not insulting Mrs. Dillon’s baking, or-”
“No, you’re good. I don’t like the dark chocolate ones, for example.”
“So which ones are your favorites?” Joseph asked.
“Red velvet.”
They chuckled. “Amy hated those!”
“She did? Why? They’re delicious.”
“Because they’re gross,” Maybelle muttered, sitting in front of me, but everyone heard her.
Joseph picked up some snow, throwing it at her. “Hey, don’t be rude.”
“Hey!” She chucked snow back at him, clearly unamused. Her face flushed with anger.
“Maybelle Annie,” her father scolded. There was a beat of awkward silence. Even her older sister looked embarrassed.
“Um… is your aunt coming soon?” I asked the boys, looking around for Joseph and the girls’ mother.
They didn’t answer, some clearing their throats. My answer came when Maybelle snapped, “We don’t have a mom, FYI. You don’t hear us asking where your real parents are.”
“Maybelle!”
“What? It was rude!”
Her father came over and took her arm, pulling her to her feet. He smiled, embarrassed. “Excuse us.” He led her away from us. The girl rolled her eyes and stomped grumpily as she unwillingly followed.
“I’m really sorry about her,” Rose suddenly said, taking me by surprise. Her colder expression was gone, as if the fire had melted some of the ice from her heart.
“It’s… all good. I’m sorry for prying,” I said.
“No, it’s fine. We do have a mom. Dad just divorced her. No big deal. She was 3 when it happened, and it affected her a lot, so there’s just a lot of… drama.”
“I see. I get that… sorta.”
Rose scooted up from her seat on the snow so she could be next to me. “You really do look like Amy,” she chuckled.
“I get that a lot,” I joked.
“Your hair’s a lighter blond, though.”
“I get that a lot, too.”
“So you’re really a foster kid?” she asked curiously.
“Yeah. I’m only 2 years away from aging out, so I’m kinda hoping I stay here till then. I’m lucky they didn’t move me.” I petted Lonnie, who sat next to me with his tongue hanging out. How it didn’t freeze, I had no idea.
“I love your dog,” Rose commented.
“Thanks. He makes everything easier for me. And the family, too. They’re amazing.”
She smiled. “They’re the sweetest ever.” She gazed at the brothers, who were now in an argument… about some soap opera. Susan and Davis soon joined the conversation. I was frankly surprised that they were into a show like that.
“Were you guys close to Amy?” I asked.
“Um… not that close. We’d go over their house sometimes. We, uh… didn’t have a lot in common, and we didn’t used to get along much. Especially Maybelle.” Rose rolled her eyes. “Now that she’s gone, I wish I did spend more time with her. She was just into a lot of drawing, and art, and anime. I’m more of a sports type girl. Maybelle… she’s just weird.”
We laughed. The aforementioned younger sister soon returned with her father, still looking a bit grumpy, but mostly embarrassed. The father looked exhausted, as any parent would after scolding a preteen. The girl sat down, a bit isolated from the group, and pouted.
“But good weird,” Rose added. “What do you like to do?” she then asked me.
We continued talking for a while. My phone buzzed annoyingly in my pocket the whole time. 5 minutes before midnight, the park was full of people. Susan took time taking the last pictures and videos of 2023. Maybelle soon cheered up, but she still seemed uncomfortable around me.
“You enjoying your Field Day?” Harry asked, sitting next to me. I’d scooted closer to the newly-fueled fire, my fingers half-frozen.
“Yeah, I am.” I smiled.
“I’m sorry about Maybelle, and for not telling you about our aunt, and…”
“You’re good, Harry. It’s fine. Rose is pretty nice,” I assured him.
“Enjoy it while you can; the next Field Day we’ll have with everyone else will be… pretty far. Probably on Christmas.”
My phone buzzed again. I sighed, irritated, and checked again, finding a colorful message. I texted back, This is how you’re spending New Year’s? You’re pathetic. Even I have a family to spend time with. Sorry you’re so sad and alone. Happy New Year! I blocked them right after.
“Something wrong?” Harry asked.
Before I could answer, everyone called us for the final New Year’s countdown. We joined everyone, seeing people lighting up fireworks in the distance.
“TEN… NINE… EIGHT…”
I stood between Harry and Jack, who both put their arms around my shoulders. We all linked together, happily counting down the last seconds of 2023.
Every New Year’s, I’d get a miserable feeling. I hated existing, I hated knowing I’d have to endure another year on Earth, I hated that so much time had passed and nothing had changed. It was such a horrible sensation.
But for the first time in 12 years, despite the demons I had left to fight, I felt… peace.
“ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The fireworks burst in the air in beautiful sparkles of gold, silver, and green.
~~~
01.03.24
Dear Diary, I have two free periods, so I’m writing. I had Health and Geometry just now; two classes I pretty much hate. On the bright side, I have ASL, and Dr. Cawman’s coming over. Today’s a weirdly calm day. I haven’t had any episodes, I haven’t felt depressed, I haven’t had any anxiety or panic attacks. It’s one of those good days, you know?
At the same time, I was texting my friends. Blanche was moving to her mom’s on Saturday. Everyone was trying to get together before she moved as sort of a goodbye. She’d posted on Familiar, spending time with her club friends and packing her things.
She was pretty lucky. I usually got 30 minutes’ notice before I was moved. It was nice that she actually had time to say goodbye and prepare to move back. And she was with her mother, someone she wanted to be with.
I shook my head. I was very fortunate myself. I was with a perfectly good family and had great friends. I was so ungrateful.
Maybe that was why people hated me. I was so greedy and selfish. So self-centered. I believed everyone had to pay attention to me. I was so gross. So…
I took a breath. The good day was ruined. I was doing it again. Why did I always do this?
I checked Monica’s chat. She’d gotten into the habit of texting me ‘good morning’ every day. It was weird she hadn’t done so this morning. Maybe she was busy. I scrolled through our chat on New Year’s Day, where I told her all about the celebration.
moneysully: yea Maybelle can be difficult, but shes overall a nice girl. She just goes through a lot
I understand, I’d replied. Take it from me (laughing emoji)
moneysully: (laughing emoji)
btw im thinking we could get together soon? Maybe this week? Lmk
i usually like fridays
Sunflowergirl3482: Yeah, sure! It’ll be fun.
Just not around where Ivy hangs around though.
moneysully: Yea ik
Im so sorry about her
those messages arent like her. i cant believe shed do that
Sunflowergirl3482: You didn’t mention them to her, right?
moneysully: no ofc not
ig shes just really letting those girls control her
she wasnt like this before amy died
I scrolled further down to yesterday’s chat.
Sunflowergirl3482: Hey Monica! Susan gave me permission to hang out with you on Thursday. Let me know if you’re free! I can’t on Friday. If not, we could try Saturday.
2 hours later, I’d texted, Money you there?
I’m sorry are you sleeping?
Then 3 hours later. Money are you feeling okay? You’re not back at the hospital, are you?
It was weird that she wasn’t responding. For as long as I’d talked to her, she was always online. I tried her again.
Sunflowergirl3482: Morning Monica! You feeling better today?
Lmk if you’re available tomorrow or Saturday! I was thinking we could go bowling. I’ve never actually done it, but I’m open to trying! (smiling emoji)
“Diana.” Kyle appeared in the doorway. He and Jack weren’t starting school until after Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
“What’s up?” I asked Kyle, putting down my phone and pen. A cold feeling registered in my stomach when I saw his face; grave. “What happened?”
“Um…” He stepped further inside. “I don’t know if Monica talked to you?”
“Yeah, she… she hasn’t talked to me. Last time we texted, it was New… Year’s…” I felt my face lose its blood flow. “Why?”
He stood in silence for a moment. “Why?” I asked again, more urgent.
“I was… kinda hoping she talked to you.” He ran a hand through his unruly golden locks.
“What happened?” I demanded tearfully, even though I knew what he was going to say.
~~~
January 8th, 2024
“Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me…
I once was lost,
But now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see…”
I stared at the beautiful, yellow roses sitting on top of her coffin. The singer’s voice mellifluously ticked my ears. Sniffles and quiet sobs accompanied the song.
I barely knew her, just a few weeks, and yet… it broke my heart. The way she was so sweet and compassionate towards me from day one when no one, not even the Fields themselves, did so.
The ceremony passed by in a blur. Being in the graveyard gave me a weird sense of nostalgia. It was as if I were reliving my parents’ funeral, even though I didn’t go. Maybe it was an effect from finally seeing their graves after 12 years, when the Fields took me there.
Lonnie also seemed to sense the grave atmosphere, his mouth closed, and no sign of his puppy smile in his eyes. He walked slowly at my side.
After the burial, everyone stood around in groups, talking. Some even managed to laugh as they remembered Monica. Despite the sorrowful event, it was a beautiful day, the sun high, though it was still pretty chilly. I wore a black overcoat over my formal black dress, thick pantyhose, and warm gray wedges that helped me keep my balance in the snow.
I walked up to Monica’s grave with the Fields, leaving a bouquet of red tulips, red as her hair. She’d told me her wig was made out of the hair she’d lost during chemo.
I put an arm around Harry, who seemed especially affected. Being the closest to her age besides Amy, they must’ve been close. The other three were also impacted. Given that Amy died only eight months ago, this was a hard blow.
The family soon turned away, paying respects to Monica’s family. I stayed behind, staring at the grave. On top was Monica’s picture.
I took out my phone, gazing at our conversation. We were supposed to see each other. We were supposed to go for a girls’ weekend. Why didn’t I visit her again? Why didn’t I call for a day out sooner?
“Goodbye, my friend,” I whispered, breathing in shakily. I smiled. “Thank you for… being my friend. I-”
“What are you doing here?!”
The loud voice made me gasp as I turned. Everyone’s eyes were on me and the brunette in front of me, who stared at me with utter fury and resentment, her brown eyes puffy and red from an overabundance of tears.
She walked towards me, shaking her head, and chuckled. “You’ve got some nerve. Just because she talked to you a couple times, you think you have the right to be here? Like you were besties or something?”
I glanced towards my foster family, who watched in shock. Tommy and Harry started walking over, followed by the others.
“I-I… I was friends with her, Ivy,” I said, somehow finding my voice. “What do you care if I’m here or not? You’re not her family or anything.” Lonnie started pawing at me.
“Ivy, what are you doing?” Tommy said.
“You just really want to be like Amy, don’t you?” she continued, ignoring him. “You want to act like what was important to her was important to you.”
“What? How… you’re not making any sense.”
“You call my best friend pathetic, and you don’t even look in the mirror!” she yelled.
I was sent into a swirl of confusion. I chuckled. “You’re just making ‘stuff’ up at this point.” I blushed a bit, the swear having slipped out in front of everyone. I glanced at everyone apologetically.
“Oh? What about this, huh?” She took out her phone and opened something, showing it to me. It was a screenshot of a chat.
Sunflowergirl3482: This is how you’re spending New Year’s? You’re pathetic. Even I have a family to spend time with. Sorry you’re so sad and alone. Happy New Year!
I scoffed. “That was you.”
“No, that was my best friend.”
“Yeah, your witch friend”— I was careful not to swear this time— “who was harassing me the whole time. And she’s crying about it? Wow.”
“Harassing you?” She sounded confused.
“Yeah, with you. What, are you gonna pretend you and your friends weren’t texting me to ‘try again’ on New Year’s?”
Ivy laughed. “Oh, yeah, typical of you to make up some story about me.”
“Make up a story?”
“Where’s the evidence?”
“I blocked them, obviously.”
“Oh, how convenient.”
“You have the evidence.” I snatched away her phone, looking for the throwaway chat.
“Hey!” Ivy tried to reach for it.
“Alright, let’s calm down,” Susan stepped in. “Ivy, we’re at Monica’s funeral, and you’re making a scene? Really?”
“I can’t believe you brought her here,” Ivy snapped at her. “Just because she looks like Amy doesn’t mean she’s her best friend!” She snatched her phone back.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Beside me, Lonnie whimpered, pawing me again.
“Ivy, if you care so much about Monica, then how come you’re doing this at her funeral, when we’re supposed to be comforting her family and honoring her memory?” Davis raised a brow.
A couple ran over, stopping at Ivy. “What happened?” the woman asked.
“Ivy’s being a self-centered psycho,” Jack remarked.
“Jack.” Susan nudged him.
“What? It’s true.”
“I just find it a little weird that they’d bring her. She’s not a good person,” Ivy said, now acting calm in front of who I presumed were her parents.
“I’m not a good person?” I asked mockingly, stepping forward. Lonnie stood in front of me, as if to stop me.
“Look what she said to my best friend!” Ivy gave her mother her phone.
“That was a girl that was harassing me!”
“What are you talking about, ‘harassing’?!”
“Instead of spending time with your family, you were texting me!” I shouted, still blocked by Lonnie’s body.
“No, I wasn’t! I’ve got better things to do than to talk to you!” Despite the hateful tone, I could see the confusion swimming in her eyes. Maybe that account wasn’t her. “My friend sent me this last night. You replied to her story with this. You were harassing her.”
“Obviously, she lied to you. And how is she your ‘best friend’? I thought Monica was…” I stopped, a sarcastic smile growing. “Actually, no, I just answered my own question. You don’t care about Monica. You never cared about her. You just wanted to make everything about you!”
“Diana, let’s go.” Davis turned me away. “Just ignore her. Don’t argue.”
“You wanted her to be friends with Money, didn’t you?” Ivy told my foster parents. “Exactly like Amy. You can’t go without copying every single-”
“Ivy!” Her father gripped her face. “I…” His mouth flapped, as if he couldn’t recognize the girl before him. “We’re leaving. Now.”
“Wait-”
“I SAID WE’RE LEAVING.” He led his daughter away, his face red.
Ivy’s mother turned to us. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I had no idea she’d act like this. I…”
“It’s fine, Megan,” Susan said, though she didn’t look like she meant it. “We’ll just be going, okay?” We all turned, approaching Monica’s family, who stood a few meters away from the drama.
Davis spoke up for us. “We’re so sorry about this. We didn’t know Ivy would… we didn’t realize there was a lot of…”
Monica’s mother, who shared her red locks, smiled painfully. “It’s not your fault, Davis. Thank you for coming.”
Without another word, we rushed to the car. I looked down the sidewalk at Ivy’s car, where her father was loudly scolding her for her behavior. I couldn’t believe she had the gall to talk back and argue that she was right.
As soon as the car pulled away, my breath suddenly cut short. I gasped, overcome with panic as oxygen failed to enter my lungs. Lonnie lied across my lap while Tommy and Harry scooted closer to comfort me. I leaned my head back, doing the breathing exercises I’d practiced.
“I can’t believe Ivy,” Susan commented.
“I can,” Kyle said. “She’s been bullying Diana since she started school.”
“But to argue with her at her best friend’s funeral?”
“She was hardly Money’s ‘best friend’ by now. She cares more about Lisa and them,” Tommy said, kissing my hair and leaning his head on mine.
“We’re going to have to stop by the Sullivans’ tomorrow to apologize.” Davis gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, regaining my breathing.
“Diana, you have nothing to be sorry about,” said Susan, a bit scoldingly. “That little girl has to seriously evaluate herself.”
I tiredly leaned into my foster brothers’ hugs, petting Lonnie. I looked out the window at the perfectly blue sky.
If there was a Heaven up there… was Monica there? Could she see all this? Could she see me? Or was it just… God? Was he even there? Why didn’t he make Ivy leave? Why did he let Monica die?
“Help me…” I whispered.