Although Ki'el spent a little time trying to find either Mian or Xam, in the end, she could find neither, and so she elected to go to the edge of the island of the Lesser House and look out at the world beyond. Although she kept in mind the warning from Sister Futi that she not go where someone could trap her alone, it felt to her like now would be a very bad time for anyone to attempt to kill her if they were trying to remain hidden. Even so, she did not get close to the edge, instead finding a time- and care-worn boulder that was set far back from the edge, and sat there, looking out.
A part of her had expected the aether here to be much fresher than the aether by the Lesser House, and when it did not, she quietly asked Kuli if she had an idea why.
{ There is a field surrounding the whole of the Moonstole Island Sect, } Kuli responded, { such that the fresh qi and aether of the sect is drawn in through the highest islands, and the spent qi is released at the bottom. While it would not be impossible to gather fresher aether here, most of it is drawn away by powerful scripts sunk deeply into the islands. }
Ki'el felt that was unfair, but also, she could imagine it being the logic of a place like this. The healing house had itself not been the highest island, but the qi there was much fresher than it was here, and she had noticed its fading as she moved down the path. Surely, with all the disciples and masters here, whatever made fresh aether so desirable would be consumed first by the most powerful, and what remains divided among the rest, with the Lesser House getting the least. She could even imagine, after having sensed powerful qi several times--from the Djang Prince and Princess, from Sobon, from Lai Shi Po, and now from Elder Gol--that it was some mercy not to expose people to aether too powerful.
{ That is not wrong, but it is not right, } Kuli responded. { There are sources of qi here, but the fresh aether from the world is no different from a cooling breeze. It is not intense enough to do harm, though some may be distracted if they must struggle against outside influences in order to study and master their own qi. }
Ki'el looked out over the world, and she could convince herself that the world beyond the islands looked wrong--that the aether that she thought she saw did not quite match the aether of the world as it must actually be. Kuli said nothing of that, and Ki'el did not ask her to comment, instead closing her eyes and focusing inwards instead. She knew, or she trusted Sobon when he had said, that she should not have used quite so much aether as she did recently, but what that meant for her, she was unsure.
It took a few minutes for Ki'el to quiet, but when she did, Kuli was there, a comforting sister with no presence of her own. { You are not like Sobon, } she said, { and his methods will not work quite right for you. Sobon did not make much use of his--of Alassi's qi core. In truth, he does not know much of qi cores, but his friends, who created the Voice of the World, do. I contain some of their knowledge, when you are ready to ask. }
Ki'el accepted that, though she was a little irritated that Kuli used Ki'el's own name for the Voice, when she knew what it truly was. Kuli's own thoughts, though, kept her focused, and after a moment, Ki'el asked a simple question. What am I supposed to be doing next?
{ Your dantian--your qi core--stretches as you fill it with qi, or aether, } Kuli said, { and your meridians--spirit veins--must be exercised, so that they can easily and safely handle any amount of qi that you wish to use. You will also not wish your qi to simply sit within your dantian, or it will grow stale. } Kuli paused. { The qi that you gather from the world is also impure, and most will struggle with understand how that can possibly be true, especially when it feels good or right. You trust Sobon when he says that it is true, but you also do not understand it yet. }
Ki'el accepted those thoughts, and acknowledged that she did not, in truth, understand why qi was impure. But the way that Kuli had phrased it made some things clear; qi that was only gathered would be very much unlike the aether from her power cycles. She knew, because Sobon had said so, that it was important for the Cycles to produce aether without intent, and she could understand why--because it would copy whatever came in, and if the intent that came out did not match what she needed, it would be trouble.
Sobon... had said other things, about great and powerful qi causing mutations and death, but she pushed those thoughts away for now.
If the qi that came in was also qi with intent, foreign intent belonging to others, then of course Ki'el would wish to purify it before using it, but what happened if she did not? She asked Kuli, but for once, the augment within her mind was quiet, letting her think for herself. And when Ki'el could not think of an answer, she raised her hands before her and attempted to play with the qi in the air around her.
It's not as though Ki'el knew much or anything about what one should do with qi, and so she spent her time trying to do the only thing Sobon had truly taught her--to create a Power Cycle, but of qi instead of aether. It was still a tricky thing to do, even when she could use her own, carefully controlled aether, and trickier still with qi, which seemed a great deal heavier. It was clear to her very quickly that the same principle would not hold--that she could not create a wheel that would simply create purified qi. Aether and qi were simply too different.
And yet, that was not really the exercise she wanted, not the answer that she needed. She wanted to know what happened if you used qi when it was impure. And so she took the qi that she knew to be impure, and attempted to cycle it, intending only that the qi that cycled would be free from all else.
It was not difficult to detect the "dirt" that fell out of the qi as she did this.
It was amazing to Ki'el, amazing enough that she had a lot of difficulty continuing her cleansing exercise, and eventually she forced herself to stop periodically and try to examine the dirty qi's flakes of intent and nature that came from it as she turned it. It was impossible to her to see anything in the flakes--she understood nothing of greater uses of qi, and could not have been able to say if qi was medical, poison, or like the sun, not from the colored flecks that shed away from the qi as it bent. And she knew, as she cycled qi, that what finally gathered at the center, at the cycle's thorn, was not pure qi.
Ki'el had seen pure qi, true purified qi, what others had called Primordial Qi. Lai Shi Po even had an artifact, one that Po had promised Ki'el could use some day, that would let her create this true primordial qi for herself; having seen the real thing, it was clear that this was not it, and even if the masters of the Moonstone Island sect told her that her qi was pure, she would know better.
If primordial qi was true white, then this was... white-ish. It was once-white cloth that had been dirtied and washed. Even if Ki'el could remove the worst of the stains, it was not white. And Ki'el sat there, considering the flecks that had fallen out of her qi when she turned it, and understood that if she used qi that was not pure, then those flecks would be inside of her instead of scattered across her open palms.
{ Correct, } Kuli finally said. { The world's qi system provides several times, like you experienced at Silver Qi, when it struggles against the impurities that you have released. But if you have less impurities, it will do a better job. }
Ki'el shivered, and not from the chill of the wind and the thin air of the sect. The expulsion of... some undefinable shit from her body when she reached Silver Qi had been sudden and disgusting. She had been fighting pirates with Sobon, in his squirrel form, and... and she had briefly been knocked unconscious by the fighting, towards the end. Though she had not spoken of it with Sobon, she had felt something, when it happened, although she had not awoken.
It felt very uncomfortably like throwing up, only with every pore of her body.
Even now she could recall the sensation, if faded like a dream. It was an aghast feeling, like discovering a dead and rot-bloated mouse in the pitcher of water you'd drunk from. A part of her had awoken to the idea that something awful had happened, and every ounce of her body rejected that awful truth, expelling everything--good or bad, together--so that it could deny it all, protect her from the awful consequences.
The idea that someday in the future, she would think that way about her present self and what she was doing, was uncomfortable.
Once Ki'el's thoughts had settled, Kuli continued. { The impurities in your qi include things you cannot yet understand, from the different layers of aether you may never fully learn. As you come to understand how the other layers of aether work, you can detect and remove those impurities. The stones are a useful example, here. Now that you understand that qi is not merely emitted around you, but also affects the world around you at a distance, you can find impurities that make use of that part of qi. }
Ki'el studied the qi that she had been purifying, and she thought of those river stones, and she understood. Even the less-dirty white qi that she had gathered at the center of the cycle contained bits of in and out intent, and she pulled that qi back into the cycle and turned it, trying to be conscious of that intent as well as she turned it, and as she did, the qi seemed to improve once more. When that qi finished its turning and gathered at the cycle's thorn, she could tell that it was whiter, but not white. Cleaner, but still wrong in a way that she could not yet detect.
Although she was eager to try and produce the purest qi, she calmed herself, taking this advantage for what it was. So far, Kuli was doing a good job explaining things to her, but she knew that hoping to understand further layers of aether was too much for her to expect, now. Sobon had spoken of the natures of aether as inescapably true, but also had spoken of very complicated things as though they were simple, and Ki'el was sure that whatever came next would be that sort of thing.
So she meditated for a while longer, trying to refine her understanding of this qi-cleaning power cycle, and when she had cleansed a reasonable amount of qi, Kuli directed her to breathe it into her dantian, using careful intent.
The sensation that came when she did was an awakening. Ki'el had felt her dantian opening up when she passed the trial that Sobon had guided her through, the one that brought her Qi to the first star of Gold, and she had dimly sensed some of her aether leaking into a spiritual volume within her. But now that she breathed in clean qi, she sensed something more. Parts of her that had been quiet stirred to life. Something within her that had never known strength stirred, and she began to wonder if she could simply... perform a qi technique, as she had manipulated aether before.
Kuli was silent on this matter, and so Ki'el attempted to release qi from her right hand. There was... some confusion within her, as the qi inside of her core was not from the same place that she drew her aether, and the path from her dantian to her hand was not the same as... as...
How had Ki'el even manipulated aether? How did she manipulate qi? She blinked, feeling a shock run through her system, as suddenly things that had once made sense suddenly seemed foreign, impossible. It should--
{ BREATHE. }
Ki'el sucked in a breath, greedily, and then breathed out. Once she had done so, she became aware of herself as a person sitting on a rock, holding her breath because she had chosen to breathe out but not yet chosen to breathe in again. And she chose to breathe deeply, again, in and out, and chose again in the moment after that, uncertain of what had transpired.
{ Qi and aether are not meant to coexist, } Kuli told her. { Not meant to, but they can. The part of you that deals with qi was confused. But it is only a part of you, Ki'el. You can handle qi, and you handle aether. You can do both things. You have more than a single part. }
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Ki'el forced herself to choose breathing, time and time again, but her mind felt paralyzed, even as Kuli continued to quietly coach her. And in time, breathing started to seem like the natural thing to do, and she no longer needed to choose. And when she reached for her qi, it felt strange, and when she reached for aether, it felt strange. However, both qi and aether were still there.
Ki'el sat there for a long while before at last Kuli seemed to switch the way she talked. { You are going to be fine, } Kuli said, { but you must stop for now. The parts of you that deal with qi and aether must rest. Do not worry. What you have done is right, and you will be able to do more, later. }
Ki'el forced herself to her feet, feeling a little strange, and looked out over the world beyond her. And although Kuli had said nothing about it, Ki'el looked out over that world and felt better because of it. Because it was a very large world out there, full of a great many things, and a great many people. Each of them would be different, and each of them had their own problems, their own advantages.
Ki'el took a last deep breath as she looked out at the world below, and thought to herself. The worst time in my life was being alone. When no one would help me. But Sobon, and Kuli, and Mian and Xam, and perhaps Chian, they will help me, and I will help them. The times in my life when I had no help are gone. I am going to be fine.
Ki'el turned away from that view knowing in her heart that those things were true, and they helped a great deal.
----------------------------------------
When Ki'el returned, she found Mian sitting outside with a rather depressed posture, although once she was closer and looking at his face, she decided that the man might only be in meditation. Instead of interrupting, she sat down near him, considering everything that she'd seen, and whether she could provide any sort of benefit to the man.
When she considered Mian... the central piece she knew of his cultivation was that Sobon has associated the man's spirit with his heart and blood, the same way Ki'el's spirit was associated with her skin. Where she wanted to keep foreign things out, Mian's qi supposedly wanted the whole body to be as one, all within reach of his soul and source of power. And that... more than anything, that reminded Ki'el very firmly of the river stones, and most specifically, the Out-flowing aether of the pair. Although she was not entirely clear on how the body worked, within, a heart that pumped blood through the body, in a cycle, was not unlike an infinite flow out that still returned to its source.
In spite of the direction her thoughts were turning, Ki'el was still startled when Mian spoke. "Ki'el. You could have said something."
"You seemed to be thinking," Ki'el said, straightening to look at him. "How have you been?"
"Better since I heard you aren't in trouble." He turned in place to look at her. "The people watching from the windows say you drove a demonic cultivator to madness with words alone and he struck out at an Elder trying to escape. But they also laughed when they said it, and it's hard to understand what's so funny." Mian's face didn't change as he spoke, and Ki'el began to understand that the look was worried--very worried. "I'd like to hear more--but maybe we wait until Xam is back."
"I'm not sure how much more there is to say," Ki'el said. "It seemed to be because of a bracelet, one that let the wearer control others, but which was..." How could she say more? Indeed, what more did she really know? She shook her head. "Sister Futi asked me not to spread rumors, but if there is a 'demonic' thing involved, it was that. Or, 'that' was involved somehow."
Mian grunted, thinking, and Ki'el changed the topic as smoothly as she could. "Mian. Do you recall what Sobon said about Outer Aether?"
"Outer?"
"Genesis," she correct herself after a moment. "The aether that seems to flow endlessly out."
"Only a little," Mian said, leaning back. "Maybe... not much more than what you said, really. Did she really say much more than that?"
Ki'el paused, but brushed past the question. "When I was doing an assignment yesterday, collecting river stones, I found a pair of them that seemed to be related to that pair of flows, one always outward, one always inward. I... did not collect them," she admitted, with a grimace, "but I remember them clearly. But I was thinking also of what Sobon said about your Heart center."
"My heart," Mian said, considering. "A single location where blood always flows out, and always flows in. I can see the comparison, but I'm not sure..." he frowned.
Ki'el knew there was something there, and mentally prodded Kuli, who surfaced a thought. "Part of what Sobon said was that Out--that Genesis Aether pushes energy into things, and Consumption Aether pulls it out. If this is a part of your nature, then it stands to reason that you will..." she paused, unsure of what exactly she was saying, and although she was sure Kuli knew, the girl within her did not say, Ki'el assumed so that either she or Mian would figure it out on their own.
"I'm still qi gathering," Mian said, slowly, as Ki'el searched for words. "So for now, the part of the heart that is always pulling is more relevant, isn't it? Only... I don't know that that's how hearts work. If an animal or person is cut open, they bleed, but nothing from the body pulls." He reached up and tapped his chin, then looked at Ki'el. "Do you have any way to demonstrate the flows?"
Ki'el considered, and even tried to focus on the aether around her, but she was unclear on how to do that. Sobon had created cycles specifically for outer and inner aether, but she could not. The only thing that made her think it was at all possible was that Sobon had said all the aethers were present within qi itself.
Finally, she shook her head. "There must be a way," she said. "But I do not know it. I wish that I could share the memory. It felt... natural." She gave Mian an apologetic look.
"Describe it, then," Mian said, leaning back.
And so Ki'el spent some time trying to find differnt ways to describe those thoughts and feelings, of the water pushing in, but also, the water slipping away, until the pair of stones became that pair of concepts, a pair that became a single thought when put together. And Mian sat with his eyes closed, breathing deeply, and Ki'el could feel his qi stirring, as he tried to understand his own heart in the description of the flowing river.
Until at last there was a moment, and a strange moment at that, when Mian opened his eyes, and there was a strange sense to the aether around him, but a very weak feeling overall. And Ki'el though that the aether around him was touched by his spirit, and most likely also flowed back into him.
And Ki'el realized as he did this that he had no way to purify his qi, and felt sorrowful, because she understood that the qi in this place was not pure. And she frowned, and thought about what she had experienced with her bending of qi, hoping that she could find a way to share the method, or change it so that it fit Mian.
"I think this will help," Mian said, his voice a touch distracted, but he blinked it away and looked at her. "...You have concerns?"
Ki'el considered, unsure of how serious to be, and prodded Kuli, but the augment suggested that they had time. So Ki'el blinked away her confusion and nodded. "Yes, but I believe it can wait. Only... try to find places where the qi... or the aether is pure. It is... not great, here."
"I can't tell," Mian said, glancing around, and Ki'el realized that they were sitting on the edge of a small garden plot, in an area that was... handsome, in its own way. Not perfectly kept, but someone clearly did keep it. "Where would you recommend? Wherever you were earlier?"
Ki'el frowned at that. "Perhaps not there. And I don't know that I will go back there too often, not after making enemies."
Mian started to say something, but stopped himself. "I see. But didn't your enemy get killed by an Elder?"
"He was manipulated. And that artifact was taken, but there may be someone behind it." Ki'el shook her head. "I do not know. But I intend to be cautious."
"Better than Sobon in that respect," Mian said, with a bit of a joking tone, and Ki'el smiled back at him, though she knew that she had been incautious more than a few times herself. Most likely, she would be again. But she was also not going to be dismissive of an unknown threat. And also... Sobon had spent much of his time... her time building cautiously up. It was only her enemies throwing themselves at her that forced her hand.
"But anyway," Mian said suddenly, slapping his legs and standing up, "I was waiting for you to show you to our 'room', such as it is, since you didn't come back last night. Remember that we were entitled to one for our first month, at least." He started towards the entrance, and Ki'el got to her feet and followed. "It's one of the broken ones, as you might guess, with patchy floors and little walls. The Floor Leader says that it is ours for that period."
Ki'el had to pause as they approached the infuriating spiral staircase. Mian continued up a half rotation, pausing when he saw her hesitate. "It's awful," he said, sounding sympathetic, "but I think we can get used to it."
"It is an insult," Ki'el said, forcing herself to step to the stairs and take the first one, gingerly. "Calling it a way to train is cruel. It feels like torture."
"I can't say I understand that," Mian said, speaking slowly and making his way up with careful steps, "but I agree it's more likely someone being a jerk rather than some kind of tool to help us.
Ki'el followed up to the fourth floor, seething silently the whole way, and continued to feel insulted even as Mian led her two doorways down the hall, past where they had stopped before. It was... worse than Ki'el might have imagined, because the floor was mostly gone except for a few patches and for the supports. And the walls...
Ki'el caught sight of someone else in the neighboring room, a man who might once have been handsome, and was now marked by age and a lack of care. When he sensed her eyes on him and turned, Ki'el saw nothing in the man's face but despair and resentment. Like so many of those she had seen in the morning, it was hard to imagine the man wishing to be here. And yet... could he not leave? Was there some other thing binding people to the Lesser House, if they failed to advance?
Ki'el shivered and looked away, back to the floor. At least the floor's structure was intact; Ki'el, when she bent down and looked closer, saw signs that those beams had even been repaired, most likely by the sect members who Sect Sister Lan Wu had complained about.
Ki'el took several steadying breaths, pushing down the part of her that wanted to be insulted. It was easier for her, she suspected, than for many here. Living in the ruins of her village had left her with few illusions about the fairness of fate. It was... cruel, she thought, that she had to grasp on to those lessons again after so long, and because of the Sect itself, but she did it.
Instead of focusing on why it was required, Ki'el did her best to focus on the question that mattered: how would they repair the floor?
Her mind strayed to the inscriptions Sobon had used to turn sand to quartz. Although she didn't understand the inscriptions, she had done her best to memorize both the form of the inscriptions and the intent behind them. With the help of Kuli, Ki'el imagined that she could replicate it, even if Kuli was often silent so that she could learn on her own. But... the quartz that Sobon had formed was also completely clear, and that made it the wrong material for floors and walls. The more practical answer was for Ki'el to do what the sect expected--simply take the tools and materials from the sect to make basic wooden walls and floor, and with time and care, shape them into the right form.
Depending on the tools, it might not even be difficult, and yet Ki'el disagreed with the thought. The tasks that need to be done, need to be done, Ki'el thought, and they may need to be done a certain way. But this task is only about the results, is it not? If we can accomplish it while learning to do more with qi, or aether, then perhaps we should.
It was not expected of people in the Lesser House, she knew. Those here were not expected to figure out new ways to use qi all by themselves. Either they relied on scripted artifacts, or knowledge from their upbringing. Perhaps some few prodigies were given chances to learn while they were here--but it had to be few, given the attitude everyone had towards the Lesser House. This was a place that seemed to exist only to make sure even the most talented and powerful initiates suffered before passing through.
"Ki'el?" Mian's voice was concerned, and Ki'el looked up at him. "You don't have to do it all alone, you know. Xam and I are already talking about it, making plans. We'll get this repaired."
Ki'el nodded, reluctantly, and stood, but looked back at the repaired floor structure. There was no denying, with that repair, that the sect had simply decided on a rule, and the people who did the repair carried it out. There were signs of it everywhere, she knew, but this... stung her. It felt like this would be a very difficult place to sleep, beyond having no privacy. And... although the ring that Xam carried had thin mattresses for each of them, the idea of sleeping across the supports remained completely unappealing.
Kuli? Is there any way to fix this today?
Ki'el could tell even before her augment replied that Kuli did not particularly enjoy having to say no. { If you wish to use a variant of Master Sobon's patterns, I could help, } she said, { but the patterns you saw were meant to be written as a script, not used freely. You would need to engrave them, and you would need material. But I think you miss an obvious answer. }
Ki'el's head perked up, without being conscious of how that might look to someone else. An obvious answer?
{ Your sword, } Kuli replied, { and Master Sobon's basement. Straight walls of pure aether, defined by rigid points. It is not a permanent fix for the room, but if you simply need a floor, and walls, today... it might be possible. }
Ki'el considered that, though she was a little surprised that Kuli had suggested it. Sobon had been much more secretive. I would still need to engrave something.
{ You would, } Kuli agreed. { And it would take practice. It is possible, but not easy. But far better than trying to sleep on a broken floor. }
Ki'el agreed with that, and blinked away her concentration to look up at Mian. "I have an idea," she said. "I may be busy for a little while."
Mian just shrugged. "If you don't need to do sect work, then by all means. For me... I believe Sister Futi is already calling for me. I just wanted to make sure you knew about the room."
Ki'el nodded, and the two started back down the hallway, Ki'el mentally going over what she understood about Sobon's engravings, with limited help from her new favorite sister.