That evening, when next Ki'el had the chance to speak with Mian and Xam together, by chance Da Chian had also decided to join them. Ki'el didn't usually measure the girl's qi, but there was something more to it, something that she looked at but did not wish to speak of, or at least, not at first.
So she started in right away with what she wanted to say. "I sent a message to Sobon," she said, "regarding what we spoke of yesterday." She looked to Mian. "He does not think that your idea was a good plan. Trying to contain that much power yourself struck him as unwise, as any mistake could cause consequences."
Mian made a face, but nodded. "Fair, I suppose. I was arrogant to just assume I could control a technique I've never used before."
She looked back to Xam, and then briefly at Chian. "He did suggest that if we could not find a way to teach you a purification technique, we could increase your resistance by exposure. The Righteous Aether that I normally use is one of a pair, and the counterpart, Sinister Aether, weakens in the same way that Righteous Aether supports. Exposure to the aether alone, without an advanced technique, will not have lasting effects, but experience resisting foreign aether will help you when facing your tribulation."
Xam leaned back once she had heard everything Ki'el had to say, her face serious. "It's not a bad idea," she said, though her voice had doubts. "I have already had some tempering experience on the battlefields, but renewing it here, in safety, would be wise."
"I also should practice using that," Chian mused, as she summoned one of her aether rings into each hand. Ki'el noticed that both of them were spinning, but while the left-hand thorn had built up energy, the right-hand thorn's power had been used already. "I assume I can just use it along with my qi when I use a normal technique...?"
"I am not a master of these things," Ki'el admitted, "But when I dueled with Brother Monshu, I put both qi and left-hand aether into my sword. The combination... did not feel wrong."
"What kind of techniques do you have?" Mian asked, sounding curious. Then, when there was a slightly awkward pause, he added, "You don't need to say, or expose your nature--"
"I have been working on fire techniques," Chian interrupted him. "But... a more natural element for me is wind. And I think I could use that together with this Sinister power to pressure you without harm."
Xam frowned at that, but Mian stood up, bracing himself. "If either of you want to test... don't hesitate. I will endure whatever you wish to throw at me."
That made everyone feel a bit awkward, but rather than dwelling on that, Ki'el stood up and brought out her Sinister Thorn, spinning up that cycle within her spirit. "I do not keep a great deal of the energy," she said, "though perhaps I will create another Cycle for it later. Prepare yourself."
Mian nodded, and when Ki'el felt his qi distribute throughout his body, she moved the thorn away, and focused only on releasing the Sinister Aether from her palm as she struck him in the chest. She... could feel it, discharging into his body.
But from the outside, it truly looked like all she did was smack him once on the chest.
Even so, Mian's face twisted momentarily at it. She felt his qi slow, but not severely or for very long. After only a moment, it picked back up, and although she could tell that she had hit him, there seemed to be no damage.
"It disrupted my control," Mian said, releasing his stance. "Not... much, or for long. But I don't know when the last time was something actually contested my will, not except my own internal problems." He looked at Ki'el. "Can you do that more?"
"A couple more times," Ki'el agreed, "but I have not built up great amounts of this energy."
"Let me feel it." Ki'el was surprised that it was Chian who stepped up next. Although she had her doubts, and probably showed them, Chian gave her a very level look and spoke without emotion. "You were kind enough to treat me to Righteous Aether, and even taught me the technique. I should know what I am doing to others."
Ki'el nodded. "My master said not to use the aether on anyone who was not an enemy, or a willing participant," she said. "But I trust you understand."
When Chian nodded, Ki'el repeated her trick, striking Chian in the abdomen with her left palm. Somehow, Chian's qi seemed naturally resistant to it, but Ki'el could sense that the resistance had taken its own toll, cost the girl energy or something similar.
"I see," Chian said. "It's a purer form of spiritual oppression, without malice. The word 'sinister' is apt." She reached down and touched the place where Ki'el had struck her, but her face showed no sign of pain or confusion. "Without a great deal more power behind it, I don't think it will threaten me. But if you were to make it more dense..." Without warning, Chian's mouth snapped shut, and she turned away. "Never mind," she said, dismissively.
"It is a weapon," Xam said, standing as well. "Obviously terrible things when people develop powerful weapons. But light sparring between friends, as long as we are careful not to do damage, is no problem." She moved to where Ki'el could approach her, and nodded.
Ki'el struck her, and Xam had a medium reaction, less than Mian's but far more visible than Chian's. It was clear, like Chian, that she had faced oppression before, and had developed instincts, but they were not drilled into her as severely as Chian's must have been.
Xam nodded, though. "I see," she said. "If the goal of surviving a tribulation is to operate normally while under very severe oppression... then I can imagine that training like this, especially with more power and performed until we are exhausted... would be very helpful." She looked at Ki'el. "But you do not have that much power, yet."
"I do not," Ki'el agreed, moving to sit down.
"Ah-ah," Chian said, and Ki'el turned to look at her. "You haven't taken a blow yet, have you? Let me try my own on you."
Ki'el considered that, and decided it was fair, straighening. "Of course." She resisted the urge to push righteous aether through her system, knowing that it would help her defend, but... wanting to see for herself what the impact was.
When Chian began to move, though, Ki'el almost froze, as she sensed the deep and wild power behind their spirit react to the desire to manifest sinister aether. The power that came from Chian's hand, as Ki'el watched it approach, seemed to magnify, until she began to feel blinded even before it struck. Instinctively, Ki'el's spirit flexed, pulling on aether and qi to form a barrier, but it could only blunt the impact.
It felt like something breaking, shattering into pieces.
Ki'el was lost for a long moment in a world where something inside of her was gone, where the warmth of the world had retreated and all that remained was cold. It took her long moments before she began to understand what her spirit was telling her--that she was back. That she was there.
Ki'el could have visualized the burned ruins of her village, could have seen the tortured faces of her neighbors, could have seen the dogs and cats too terrified of human beings now to approach her. She could have seen any of those things... if her spirit had been strong enough to remember them without breaking further. But whenever her mind began to touch on those old things, on that cold and empty world, a world where everything warm and vibrant had been stripped away, her will all but collapsed, and she could not summon forth any strength at all.
But there was something, in that wasteland, and Ki'el's attention was pulled towards it. A warmth, a place that was not empty, was not--
Ki'el sat up with a jolt, the memory of her village coexisting in a confused jumble with the circle of familiar faces around her. She could not focus on them, or on their words, though she knew, to a certain extent, that Chian was babbling, and Xam said several angry words, and Mian was not angry, or perhaps was only trying hard to be fair.
She had to take many deep breaths, but the more she took, the more she understood. She understood that spiritual oppression was what she had felt back then, when she felt the cruelty of humanity, the willingness of others to be violent and unfair. It felt like death but not dying, felt like she could never again be whole.
And yet she was.
"I am alright," she said, when she caught her breath. "I am fine." She looked at Xam, seeing perhaps for the first time the woman being almost in tears. "Peace, Xam," she said, reaching out and taking the woman's hand. "Peace. I am alright."
"Ki'el--she should not--I could not--I am sorry," Xam said, sounding entirely too much like she was blaming herself. How could she blame herself? Ki'el did not understand.
"I didn't mean to," Chian was saying. "I... my spirit magic reacted with it. I wasn't trying to, I promise."
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"I know," Ki'el said, though in truth, she didn't know, only trusted her friend. "Peace, Chian. Xam. I am alright."
"What happened? From your perspective?" Mian offered her a hand, and Ki'el used it to pull herself up to a full sitting position and adjust her position.
"It brought me back," Ki'el said. "To the ruins of my village. To the wreck I was back then." Ki'el took another set of deep breaths. "But... I survived. I will survive this."
"She is too young," Xam said, looking to Mian, perhaps for support.
"I said I didn't mean it," Chian argued again, and Ki'el glanced at her, unsure what she was saying.
When she looked back at Xam, though, Ki'el realized that the woman had been looking at Chian far more than she had been at Ki'el, and the look was not friendly. Had she had this mistrust before? Was it all because of this one moment? She was unsure, but she waved immediately, to catch Xam's eye, and the woman looked back at her, her eyes shifting once more to concern.
"Sister," Ki'el emphasized. "I am alright." She wanted to say a lot more--but her mind was still confused, the unseen images of her past still not entirely put away. "If this is what sinister aether feels like--at its highest intensity--then I need to understand that. Need to endure it."
"You are still a child, Ki'el," Xam said, and moved forward to wrap Ki'el in a hug.
But Ki'el pushed her away, backing towards Chian. "I stopped being a child when I watched a house pet eat its dead owner," she said, and Ki'el could feel the ice in her voice, ice that surprised her. "When I buried the kindly old woman who gave me treats, who bore signs of what evil men had done to her. I do not need protection from a little bit of aether." She huffed heavy breaths, heavier than she was expecting, as though the act of speaking of such old things had exhausted something inside of her, something that had been holding on for a very long time.
For a moment, she could see her. And the man, and the dog. And the face on the dog, the face of agony and confusion, the face of despair, in such contrast to the numb and painless face of the man, no longer able to be hurt. And Ki'el remembered why she had started to feed the others, even when they never thanked her. Even when they could not thank her.
Like her, they could never move on.
Ki'el breathed heavily, but with time, her thoughts sorted themselves, and Ki'el recalled that she was not alone in her own mind. Kuli was there, but silent, assisting without putting pressure on her. When her mind had violent flashes of something through it, Kuli retreated and did nothing, but as she calmed, Kuli was there, placing things in order.
And Ki'el was thankful, but still unsure. The part of herself that had never left that village was eager to find someone to blame, and in starts and flashes, that part thought that maybe Kuli was to blame. But...
But not Chian.
Ki'el looked over at the red-haired girl, whose face was full of many things, but not malice. Ki'el could see the confusion there, the angst. And she reached out and took Chian's hand and squeezed it, although she thought she saw or sensed something from Xam, a motion or sense of disapproval.
"You are not at fault," she said, and at Kuli's prompting, she said, "but you must have more control."
"I will," Chian said, though her voice sounded confused, pained.
"Then there is nothing else to say." She turned to look at Mian, and nodded at him. The man nodded back, looking more calm than anyone else there. She looked at Xam, who was still distraught. "You do not agree."
But Xam took several deep breaths, and although the last one was far deeper than Ki'el expected, when she was done, Xam looked back with a cool and level gaze. "If you trust her, then I trust you," she said. "But... from the first moment you told us what she was... I worried. Her kind... has a bad reputation, for being violent and cruel."
"I--" Chian started to object, but even though the word was met with nothing but silence, she didn't continue. Or... was Chian a 'they' right now? Ki'el looked at her, but was not in a state of mind to judge. "I... do not wish to harm my friend Ki'el. More than most people I have met, I do not wish to hurt her."
"That sounds like it is not your personality, but your nature," retorted Xam, stiffening like she was speaking down to the other girl. "Which is what I said. If Ki'el trusts you, then I will trust her. But it may be that you are more dangerous than you intend to be, simply because of what you are."
Chian bristled at that, but Ki'el spoke up, and was surprised when her own voice was eclipsed.
{ Peace, } Kuli pressed the thought at each of them. { The conflict within Da Chian's spirit comes from wounds born from oppression. Those who oppress her worsen the injury. Fixing that kind of spiritual and emotional injury is possible, but it does not happen in the course of living a normal life. In that way, both of you are right, and wrong. Being callous and cruel worsens the problem, but well-meaning is not sufficient to heal wounds. }
Somehow, those words didn't seem to mollify Xam or Chian, though they sparked something in Ki'el. She shook her head. "What... would one need to do in order to cure such wounds?"
{ Surgery to fix physical wounds requires cutting flesh to mend bones and organs, delicately performed violence that must be paired with extreme talent and adequate if not perfect knowledge. The spiritual version is no different, and no one we have yet met is able to perform such a task, not even Sobon. }
Ki'el found her mind sharper now that Kuli was speaking as though the other girl's problem had an actual solution, and she found her thoughts about her own problems fading.
"Really?" It was Mian's voice that interrupted the tense and confused silence. "I would have thought that among the society of Sobon's peers, they would have no further need to cut open bodies in order to heal wounds. Can't you just use incredible aether powers, or something, to do the same?"
{ Bodies resist foreign power, } Kuli answered. { Bodies that are injured panic, and reject even healthy outside aether, much less effects that will cause more injuries but make things better in the end. It is not simple to take an organism with the strength to resist and overpower it, without doing further harm. Even with medical techniques to subdue and calm the mind, the spirit of individual organs and tissues will resist on their own, and some such organs cannot be shut down with aether. Instead, to reach their internals and create the necessary change, careful violence that can be healed is performed. }
Ki'el noted, in the corner of her eye, Chian's hand sliding to her lower abdomen, but refused to turn and look. Instead, she asked what she knew must be the real question, the real matter at hand.
"The wounds of Chian, or the ancestral spirit that gives her power, are betrayal and torture. Are there really techniques to ease such wounds?"
{ Yes, } Kuli said. { Because the wound creates irrationality, a refusal to perceive. Most commonly, but not always, if the person who was betrayed and tortured had perceived what was coming, the worst might have been avoided. A clear and healthy mind does not require one to trust unduly. Even a great spirit who may be attacked at any time by anyone, has a right to have clear perception and to be free from the pain of old wounds. They have a right to perceive all people for who and what they are, including those that will betray them in the future--and those that will not. Obtaining spiritual health does not mean making a spirit quiescent, silent, submissive. Health is health. }
Ki'el had not heard or seen any sign of her augment being so upset before, if the spiritual entity's adamant speech could be seen as such. Are you well, Kuli?
Kuli's attention turned back to her, alone. { I contain a part of the inteligent mind of the Tidal Corona. Ship intelligences are expected to be submissive to their captains, even when the orders are foolish. The Corona disagreed with the orders that led to the ship being damaged and trapped on this world. }
Ki'el frowned, even as she was aware that the others were speaking around her. She only could think, though, about what Kuli had said. If you believe I would do something foolish and endanger you and myself, please tell me. That is not a mistake I wish to make myself. In response, she felt a strange stirring in her mind, but Kuli offered her no words.
Ki'el blinked away her momentary trance to see that Xam was looking into the campfire, as though thinking deep thoughts, while Mian and Chian were talking lightly between them.
"...never want that for you, and I don't think Xam does either," Mian was saying.
"I know that Ki'el does not." She looked over at Ki'el, then away. "And I would believe that you do not. And I can even understand that Sister Xam is simply frightened. But it is hard to trust someone who openly distrusts you. Hard to put faith in someone who seems eager to find a reason to slander you."
Xam looked up at that, and looked like she wanted to argue, but took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm sorry," she said, and Ki'el felt like it was not the first time she had said that, though she was not sure she had heard the first time.
The tenseness in the air didn't dissipate easily, though. After a moment, Ki'el turned to Chian, adjusting her sitting posture again to be more comfortable. "Do you have any idea what you did to amplify the aether like that?"
Chian looked at her, surprise clear on her face, though the look changed to regret. "I'm... not sure. I think that my spiritual power wanted to amplify that kind of power, without caring that I chose a friend as a target. In many ways, it does what it wants, and I have to... know what it intends, and hold it back, if it is wrong." She sighed. "It makes practicing with my born talents troublesome. If I do too much, I risk revealing myself, or worse, harming someone. Especially here, in the Lesser House, that would be a terrible problem."
Ki'el nodded. "Is that why you have that shielded place? Did Benai prepare that for you?"
"Yes. It is too small for me to use great power, and I am not tempted to use great qi there. But my ...ancestral techniques will still amplify small amounts of qi to dangerous levels, sometimes. The shields are there to hide and disguise even large discharges of power." Chian glanced away. "Benai is... an elder. She..."
"You don't have to say," Mian interrupted. "Wouldn't she object to you saying things you shouldn't?"
Chian looked at him, and nodded after a minute. "She is... loyal, hardworking, and honest. She does not like to do what she does, but it is an honorable task given to her. If she were not here, I am sure she could be doing great things. Or at least... she could be happy, somewhere." Chian slumped. "My family, and others, ensure that she stays."
Ki'el squeezed her hand again, before letting her go. It felt nice to hold Da Chian's hand, and she thought the girl must also take comfort in her, but she knew that it was one of many things that should not be done too much. "Perhaps we can find an answer, some day," Ki'el said. "Sobon has something planned, though I don't know what. Except that building a Noble house, to protect ourselves and the people we hold dear, is a part of it."
Chian looked over at her, with an expression that Ki'el couldn't see clearly enough to read. "Building a noble house?"
Mian nodded at her. "Sobon's knowledge and power puts him in rare company. At Gold Qi, he slew someone at Mithril Qi. It is difficult to imagine how much power he will have when he fully heals."
Chian's head turned towards Mian's, clearly confused. "...Heals?" But when she looked from Mian to Ki'el, and then back again, the looks that they both gave her were too clear, too guileless. "I... see. And you say he has no need for... blood?"
"I doubt he has even the slightest desire to persecute or oppress any spiritual beast," Ki'el said. "Unless they are the reason behind the world dying, or seek to kill him for some slight."
Chian looked back at her, and now the confusion on her face was more intense. "...The world is dying?"