"You don't think she needs to know?" Ki'el looked at Meixan, not stopping her walk back to their inn. She had been thinking about how to summarize what she had heard to Chian, and wondered if the fox had any suggestions.
Meixan looked back at her, quietly.
[ She is not a spirit beast, ] Meixan answered after a while. [ The energy that she is provided as an inheritor already contains her Grandfather's domain, so she has no need to change it, only to master its use. ]
That... was not how Ki'el thought about qi use, and it was not how she felt about spiritual power after what she had heard. And although it had been a while since the two of them had spoken of it... Ki'el still remembered Chian saying how she had strong instincts, to fear and to hate.
To think of it... Ki'el had not spoke much with Chian since they had left the Sect, not about things like that. And... the girl had doubtless changed. How much, she had no idea. But... what she worried about now, was being a person who kept secrets from her friend, secrets that might mean a great deal, help her advance rapidly.
"Do you not think that it will help her? Are you suggesting it would make it harder for her?" Ki'el found, when she spoke, that her voice sounded harsher than she meant it to, but it also didn't quite feel wrong. She felt like the advice was... hurtful, or might be.
[ You are a kind girl, young Ki'el, but most people are not ready for secrets until they have mastered the basics. ] But Meixan glanced away, and Ki'el thought from his face that he was not done with thinking about it. [ ...But I suppose, if you are hoping that she will keep up with your ridiculous pace... teaching her such things will be necessary. ]
Keep up? Ki'el still felt far behind where she ought to be, even as a part of her realized that she had passed all of Titanium Qi without even meaning to. But she had also spent her childhood lost and alone, knowing and doing nothing while others prepared. She glanced away. "Was the revelation ...meaningful to you?" She was still sure that the fox had only been pretending to not be affected by it, but she wanted to know what he thought.
[ I have already explored both qi and spirit energy in my lifetime, ] Meixan answered, and Ki'el noted silently that it did not answer the question. [ I have built and rejected. The concept that was provided, of spiritual law, is... a clarification of thoughts many have had. But the use of that knowledge is in carefully refining the intent of our domains, and the girl doesn't have one. She borrows an image and domain someone else created. ]
Ki'el had not meant the question to come back immediately to that, and she turned her attention back to the city, feeling a growing mote of frustration in her chest, but she took a breath and let it out. "...I have found that understanding qi is easier once I understood aether," she said after a long moment. "Even when the two are very different, to understand what lies beneath changes my understanding of qi."
[ You also aren't using someone else's qi nature, but learning to make your own, ] Meixan answered. [ Most young masters of noble families are inheriting their qi nature from an ancestor or ancient tome, and while they may need to understand how qi is derived... they do not need to understand the final form of it until they are ready. ]
Ki'el found herself unexpectedly tense. It was... nothing that she could put a raeson to, except that she felt like she ought to be able to share what she understood with Chian, to help her grow. It felt... unnatural, that Meixan seemed to be resisting that. "Perhaps she does not need it, but... would it harm her?"
There was something like a sigh from the fox on her shoulder, and Ki'el looked at him again, trying to understand what the man was thinking, but he was silent for a long moment. Ki'el found a convenient place along the road to pause and stand in a shadow for a moment, wondering what he might say.
[ Perhaps she is, and perhaps she isn't ready, ] the fox said, after a much longer moment than Ki'el might have expected. His voice, broadcast by qi, was deeper, melancholy. [ Young Ki'el... Contractor. It is not for me to tell you what to do or what power to give to your allies. But a part of me yearns to once more be ignorant of the tallest mountains in the world, in order to explore them again with eyes like a child's. When some secrets are learned, the sun and moon and stars are no longer watching over us, but merely cold reflections. ]
[ In truth, young Ki'el, if you raise your Inheritor friend high enough, she will have no choice but to learn to reach past her ancestors. At that time, she will need to explore how spirit energy rejects the world. And you can certainly tell her that it is a reflection of qi, try to explain what you understand of this 'aether' of yours. But even if you are willing to learn all of the secrets in your youth and spend your lifetime learning to apply them, many wish to spend their youth, at least, immersed in stories of impossible things and the mighty heroes that accomplished them anyway. To dream of being one who shatters horizons and reaches the heavens, soaring over dragons to become a star, returning home to become a second sun. ] The small fox on Ki'el's shoulder looked up at the sky, at the twisting and broken clouds that were blowing slowly past.
Ki'el followed his gaze, but was sure that she saw nothing. Instead, her mind had latched on to what Meixan had said... in a way the fox had not expected.
"Meixan," Ki'el asked after a time. "What does myth mean to you?"
[ Myth? ] The fox turned back to her, and Ki'el was sure that she saw surprise in the fox's eyes. After a minute, the gaze... perhaps stopped focusing on her, or at least, not so intently. [ There was a time--a very long time--when there were many myths about me. People will always tell stories about the powerful people, and especially beasts--and in a way, that helps us. When we find that we are not powerful enough to live up to the myths others have made about us... it can be easy to reject that, turning that frustration with oneself into power. ]
[ But more often, the myths people tell about us are horrific, ] Meixan continued. [ I... after I was exiled from the Empire, I travelled the world. I took on a human form to disguise my nature, did my best to learn qi in order to blend in. I fell in love with a human woman... more than once. But each time, eventually, my true form was discovered, and most of the women I loved, the women I married... afterward, when they looked at me, they saw the horrible myths, the falsehoods, the cruel stories meant to divide man and beast. Those who did not leave me behind were killed by others. ]
Ki'el... was unsure what to say about that. She looked down, thinking of her village again, about how lost she had felt after everyone had vanished. And Ki'el... had no reason to find fault with herself. She could not imagine believing, after such a thing, that all that death had been because of her.
After a long moment, Ki'el asked a simple question, hoping it was not rude. "...I thought that spirit beasts could not have children with humans?" Kuli had said as much.
[ Ah? ] The fox's head turned in a way that surprised Ki'el, and the look on his face was... strange. [ Is that... well, that doesn't... seem to be wrong. ] He glanced away. [ ...The daughter I spoke of earlier was with another fox. I did... try to have children with human wives, but... to no avail. I did adopt children through the years, as well, but... ahem, that isn't the point. ]
"I remind you of a fox-child?" Ki'el looked at the fox on her shoulder, though a sound nearby--of footsteps--reminded Ki'el that this was the kind of conversation perhaps best not had in the middle of the city, even quietly. She started walking again, projecting her thoughts, still somewhat awkwardly, back to Meixan. [ What was she like? ]
[ Mai was a sweet child at first, but after she ...lost her older sister, she became very serious, focused on growing up as quickly as she could so that she could take care of herself. As a father, watching her hurt me, because she could no longer have faith that I would protect her. No matter what I wished or what I did, it felt like she never had a childhood or a youth of her own after that. There was little joy, and it felt like every scrap of hope she found she had fought for. As someone who loved that child... I felt like I had failed her, even before... she died. ]
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There were several questions Ki'el wanted to ask, but too many of them seemed like they would have only sad answers, and so she walked in silence for another few minutes.
When at last she spoke again, she had decided to change the subject back once more. [ To you, the myths of others were a weapon against you? ]
[ Hum, ] Meixan answered, his thoughts clearly shifting. [ They were a tool that some people clearly wanted to use to defend their people. There's nothing wrong with telling people that beasts can be dangerous. But myths are passed down by people who do not understand the purpose, and they become warped in the retelling. Sometimes, on purpose. ] He looked over at her. [ Telling lies, you understand, is a form of power, just as telling truth can be. If you can convince someone of something, then you control how they will act in the future. The stories we tell our children, and the stories that are told to adults who do not understand, both shape them as though the words themselves were true. Sometimes, that means that they believe terrible things. ]
Ki'el stopped. In truth... she had not heard anyone speak so much on the topic. She had believed that Sobon understood something important about myths, but this... this felt more realistic, more grounded, than she had expected. After a moment, she forced herself to continue walking. [ So it is... control? ]
[ An attempt, ] Meixan answered, the tone of his mental voice a clearer rebuttal than his words. [ Just as qi and spirit energy themselves are only attempts to accomplish something. It is a power that might be able to control, but it is as likely to fail. ]
Ki'el considered that. When... when she had spoken with Sobon, she had been... perhaps naive, talking about myth as simply people's ignorance. And... in some ways, what Meixan answered did not address, how, for example, her grandmother had explained qi to her. It was... not an attempt to control her, as she doubted it was an attempt to control her grandmother when it was taught to her. But...
[ My master once said that strong myths can gain power of their own, becoming ...like a prophecy, in some strange way. That qi gets tied up in them, and... and... ] Ki'el realized that she couldn't quite transmit what she wanted, because she wasn't entirely sure what she was trying to say.
[ Prophecy... ] Meixan mused on that. [ An interesting observation. But, I think that 'qi' would be the wrong concept, there. The foundation of qi is always learning; spirit energy, in contrast, is often emotional, a refusal to accept something. Spirit energy is far easier to use in ignorance, to build on lies. ] He paused for a moment, clearly thinking. [ Perhaps there is a 'spirit' of myth, in that sense. And if so, it would not surprise me if it can be worshipped as a spirit beast can be, and if not protected, warped. And who would create protections for something like a silly myth? ] Meixan shook his head, and then the rest of himself, before settling. [ We are almost back. Have you chosen whether you wish to explain things to your Inheritor friend? ]
Ki'el had to pause and allow her thinking to shift, though she did her best to capture her thoughts for now in mental space that Kuli provided. [ I will. She deserves to know. ]
[ I will answer questions if she has them, but I will let you take the lead, ] Meixan answered, almost immediately. [ Try to leave some mystery for her. It drives young people to explore, which can be just as important as growing stronger. ]
Ki'el considered those words as she rounded the last corner to where their inn was. It was an upstanding place, if relatively small; the man who owned it was quiet and professional, and his two young sons had both been eager to assist whenever they had any issue or question. When it came into view, Ki'el noted that Mian was standing outside, looking a bit nervous.
"Ki'el!" He sounded a bit relieved. "I... sorry, I don't know why I didn't come along with you. I should have." If his gaze shifted to the fox on Ki'el's shoulder, she was still too far away to tell for sure. "Even with Meixan with you... a girl shouldn't walk through the city alone."
[ Not generally, but she was protected this time, and everything was fine, ] Meixan answered, somewhat more loudly. [ A few strange looks, but nothing worse than that. ]
Mian nodded. "Did you find ...what you were looking for? And things went well?"
"Yes," Ki'el answered. "The city's guardian deity was willing to listen to Kuli, and I was able to listen to an interesting conversation." She paused only briefly. "Is Chian still around?"
"Yes, though she talked about going down to the baths." Mian opened the door as Ki'el got near, and the two of them went inside.
In the end, instead of bringing the topic up immediately, Ki'el let Chian convince her to go to a nearby bathhouse, with Mian coming along on the walk just to keep up appearances. Meixan... refused to go, despite what he'd said earlier, saying something about how he wouldn't be welcome.
Because of the hour, perhaps, the bathhouse was not busy when they arrived, and Ki'el was able to secure a room for only the two of them. Ki'el made sure to study the qi scripts, in the places where they were exposed, both for the baths themselves, and what Kuli suggested were privacy scripts around the edges of the room. Both were surprisingly complex for what they did, but Ki'el was able to pick out some obvious concepts, such as 'heat' and 'water' and 'noise.'
When she first sank into the hot water, Chian let out a strangely desperate sigh of relief, one too cute for Ki'el to make any attempt to copy. Still... she put one foot in the water first, experimentally, feeling the heat start off at unpleasant before becoming simply too warm. But, trusting Chian, she stepped in further, and again, until she was up to her hips in the hot water.
It... was starting to feel better, at that point.
"Have you never had a hot bath?" Chian looked at her strangely, the girl having only her head above water.
"The people of my village did not have qi or scripts," Ki'el answered, moving deeper into the water. "They would boil water sometimes, but... it was often too hot." In the time she was with Lui and Sobon, she had gone out to a bathhouse there, but had refused to go in. The people who ran that bathhouse had the water filled with some kind of scent that she did not like, and the water had looked unusual, perhaps as a result. This appeared to simply be clean water.
"Ah." Chian ducked her head fully underwater, coming back up a few moments later with her hair fully soaked, and she got up, running her hands through it. "Scripted baths are the best, though. You don't have to worry about getting the water dirty, usually, and the temperature is always just right." A moment later, she ducked her head back underwater, and Ki'el saw her playing with her hair underwater.
Ki'el knelt, then sat, in the water, feeling a rapid change as the water began to heat her core instead of her limbs. As she felt the warmth beginning to spread, she could feel her stress begin to melt, and could admit that there was certainly something to be said for a good bath. It was... not quite like swimming, and this bath wasn't deep enough at its deepest to let her more than pretend to swim, but it was good nonetheless.
When Chian came up out of the water, Ki'el noted that her Raging Storm Qi--or rather, her bloodline's Raging Storm spirit energy--had created a thin layer of water around her under her control, and Chian was running it through her hair, sweeping out whatever had been caught in there, restoring some of its color in the process. She watched for a moment, before broaching the subject.
"When I was meeting with the Guardian Beast..." it felt weird to speak of, and she wanted to rush through it, but how even to begin? "...Kuli wanted to speak with it, as I said before, and in exchange for it listening, Kuli spoke with it about the nature of spirit energy."
"Spirit energy...?" Chian turned to look at her, a look of surprise on her face. "Is it really that different? I admit it's strange, having qi that already has intent in it, but..."
"Meixan says that it's different when you are creating your own, but he doesn't think the discussion would be all that useful to you."
"Hm, maybe." Chian closed her eyes for a moment, and Ki'el thought that she looked odd with all the water moving through her hair. "I'd like to hear it someday, but right now, I'm worried about other things. I don't have a place where I can safely play with ...spirit energy, not unless we find a house."
Ki'el felt a twinge, because she wanted to talk about it with her friend, but simply nodded. "I would like to tell you, when you are ready."
Chian nodded, and let herself drift away in the bath, again, and Ki'el, though it felt weird to do it, dunked her head into the hot water, and began scrubbing out the dirt that had gotten into her own hair.
It became obvious as she did that she had not taken good care of her hair... not that she really cared all that much. She resurfaced, running her hands through her hair, but it felt too thick in her fingers, coarse and unpleasant.
"Can I?" Chian moved closer, and Ki'el turned to let the girl touch her hair. Chian's stormy water energy tingled as it moved across her hair and scalp, and Ki'el did her best not to make strange noises as it did. "You haven't washed your hair in a while, have you?" Chian tsked at her.
"Not well," she said. "A little bit... a while ago." She had tried to wash it in the bathhouse, but the soaps they had all smelled awful to her.
"I can tell," she said. "You know, one of the perks of... of my family, is that there is a power specifically for cleaning hair. I guess... I guess they like to keep clean, you know?"
Ki'el supposed it was natural that a spirit fox bloodline would want to keep their fur clean, but respected Chian's paranoia about speaking aloud on the matter.
After relaxing and talking about small matters some more, Chian and Ki'el left the bathhouse feeling fresh, finding Mian waiting outside for them. The man, too, seemed to have washed himself a bit, though Ki'el thought he must not have soaked as thoroughly as they did. On the walk back, though, Mian did comment, "The hot water certainly does help. It almost feels like my burdens are lifted, a little."
Ki'el considered that, but although her body felt stronger... if she had felt better in the moment, it had not lasted. There was too much... and she had no idea what was right, what was coming, or whether she would ever belong anywhere.
And that... that burden was something she simply didn't know how to carry, and no amount of hot water could wash it away.