Sobon's return to her home was understated, with the four of them going to their small mansion and Lai Shi Po choosing to bunk with Lady Fau for a while. Although she imagined that Lord Shida, among others, was curious about the results of the auction, Sobon found that she had much to do and even more to think about, and she found that she really didn't care to get anyone else involved in those thoughts, at least at first.

So she immediately set to work with her attunements and with designing and crafting things to face the Mofu army with, but within a day she found herself feeling incredibly distant from the rest, and recognized only with some effort that she was feeling everyone else's reflected desire to talk as well as her own--that aether, as always, was a force of connection, between people and those they cared for, just as it was a force of connection between casters and their magic, warriors and their tools.

So she made an effort to sit and talk with Ki'el and Mian about aether late in the afternoon, but it felt empty. And then after dinner, she made time to speak more with Lui, intending to talk about revival aether and her emotions, though they didn't end up getting to that.

"In all honsety, Grandma Sobon," Lui said, as the two of them sat and watched the dusk sky, "lately... after you..." She looked down, then at Sobon, and then away. "After you said that you had to go... I started to understand that Gradma Alassi really is gone. And that someday, you'll be gone, too. And I know you said that you'll come back, but..."

Sobon could hear the ache in the girl's voice, and wanted to reach out, but something about the way the girl was sitting didn't invite her closer. "The world is far from fair, Lui," Sobon said. Privately, she could admit to herself that she was seeing the symptoms of severe depression in herself as well as the others. "I wish that I could just live an innocent life, with all of you, but I think that what comes next is important. Too important," she clarified, "to act like our feelings, our hopes and dreams, matter more."

"Why?" There was naked pain in the girl's voice--and Sobon couldn't help recall whose body she was in. And she knew she had explained it--to them and to herself--and she knew that the answers would never make up for it all.

Sobon just shook her head. "I do understand, Lui. You want me to have answers. I could ask others--but they would say the same as I said to you, and the people above them would say the same to them if they asked. The more of the picture you see, the more you understand that it takes hard work to let us have happy days and a comfortable life."

Lui just looked away, and Sobon knew she was unsatisfied. She let the girl think for a moment, until at last Lui spoke up again. "Tell me about your home," she said. "You never talk about it."

Sobon looked over towards the shed in the corner, where Mian and Ki'el were sitting, and she thought they both looked over, but Sobon just sat there for a long moment, looking at nothing.

Home. In different circumstances, to different people, she would have deflected the question, or simply summarized it all as being meaningless. In truth, ever since becoming a Marine, she hadn't looked back very often, and was more or less content with that. But in the end, it wasn't meaningless, not to Lui, or Ki'el, and probably not to Mian. It had made Sobon who he was--who she was, now.

"Home," Sobon spoke up enough that Ki'el and Mian could hear her clearly, although she was aware the two of them quickly moved closer. "The place where I grew up was never ours. We paid to live in a small room in... a few different places, at different times, in a grand city. Many things were possible there, but I never found my place among them. The city was very tall," she cast out a small aether illusion of many tall buildings, where they could see it, "and it had more people in it than you have ever met, or may ever meet. They made a great many buildings full of a great many small rooms for people to rent out, and used space in other buildings for food, entertainment, education, work."

Sobon reflected on the days before she had chosen to be a Marine, thinking a little bit analytically, and more than a little bit nostalgically. In the end, though, even with a Cyborg's mind, those memories were fading, blunted by how they'd never turned out to mean anything, both the good ones and the bad. "They taught everyone, in our world," she said after a moment. "There were no homeless, and the leaders took it upon themselves to ensure there was no disease, that everyone was healthy. All of that came with expectations, and they were mostly reasonable, but they always felt wrong, to me. To be a part of the..." she found herself wanting to say machine, but there was no easy translation to the local tongue. "...the grand societal array, as it were, which sustained that society, felt like a mistake."

"Societal array?" Mian's voice sounded sour, as though it was a confusing or displeasing concept.

"It's the wrong word," Sobon acknowledged. "What I mean is that we all moved according to the rules, and we all benefitted, but we all must move to the rules once we have a place. Like a spiritual array or inscription, but not... not exactly magic." It was, of course; society depended on magic, including the aether-backed Foundational Social Myth, but that was all another topic. "I made some choices, and left home. And eventually, due to enemy action, my home city was destroyed."

"Who was your enemy?" Mian interrupted again, leaning forward, though Sobon wasn't sure what to read in the man's face.

"People from another world," said Sobon, dismissively. "They didn't look particularly different, but our people and theirs were enemies. I would later learn that our people had done awful things to them, as well. But at that point, I was certain that going to war would consume the rest of my life. And it did."

"But--oh." Mian shook his head. "Sorry, I know, it's just..."

"The last ship that I was on was a patrol vessel," Sobon changed the topic, looking up at the sky, noting more stars peeking through the dark than there had been. "It was a very long ship, narrow, like a needle, and named after a thin sword, for stabbing and not for slashing. The [Iridescent Rapier]. I lived on ships like that for long enough that I thought of those as my home, and not planets. But that life was very cramped sleeping rooms, practicing and doing drills, and taking my spare time to walk or stare at the stars out the windows."

"So it was not a happy home," said Ki'el, sounding unhappy.

"It was not happy. I was not happy. But I didn't worry about happiness, not as long as I was a soldier." Sobon looked down from the stars at Ki'el, who was looking back at her. And she felt different, now, although it was unfair to the girl, because she knew Ki'el was so young. But Sobon couldn't help but think that Marine Sobon would have wished for a woman who looked at him like that, eager to hear the details and empathetic about his suffering.

He--she looked away. "When I joined the military, they taught me many things. I learned well and did well, but I was never elite. There were many soldiers better than me, from the beginning to the end. But the military was what I needed, or so I thought--it was a world I understood, where my skills made sense. Because when my parents and I lived in the city, it didn't make sense to me. But that world I understood, and that is why I felt that was where I belonged."

"And now I'm here..." Sobon found herself stopping, not sure what she wanted to say. "I came here after I died on my last mission. I came here from being trapped and alone among the dead bodies of my companions. And my first experiences on this world were somehow just as bad, if not worse. I was a Bilg boy named Jom, I think on the other side of the world." She summarized Jom's short, sad life as best she could, though there was still so much she didn't know.

"And when that scythe hit me, my spirit was sent into the Beyond, but not to die--not to join the Infinite Cycle, to be reborn somewhere else as a brand new life. Instead I looked down and saw this world, wounded, perhaps dying. And in truth, it was worse even than what I saw from there. But the aether of this world--the qi of this world--looked so unhealthy from up there."

He--she--turned and looked at Ki'el. "And then I met you," he said. "My spirit tumbled around the world until it landed in a stupid little squirrel in a tree. If it had any spirit or intelligence, it was wiped out, and I was alone, lost in the middle of nowhere, with no idea where I was or what was going on. I was miserable, still full of hate, and confused as hell. But I found you, and you needed help. And while my life didn't make sense, helping you did. Because you were innocent and scared and alone, and even stuck in the body of a stupid tree rat, I could do something to help."

"So I tried to teach you, and helped you fight the pirates, and then... I made a mistake, and died." Sobon shook her head. "And I met the people who actually brought me here, and learned that the world was in even greater danger. And I had a mission, and that made sense. But there was also Lui, and her needs, and Mian and his, and you needed me again," Sobon just kept looking to Ki'el. "Each of those things, those needs, made sense, but all of them together don't. With the mission and with helping you all, I can make use of everything I've known and everything I've done, but the more I focus on the things I'm good at, the more I think of the mission above all else."

"I know," Sobon said, accepting that she was having a conversation with her own spirit as much as with the others, "that focusing on the mission above all doesn't make sense. Not when I want to protect you all, and be with you. The problem is that this is what I do. Going out to fight, working every angle until I figure it out. And all that expertise says I need to fight, now. But I am worried that I may not come back this time."

"You think your immortality will break?" asked Mian, as Lui sucked in a breath, nervously.

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"No," said Sobon, finally putting into words the sick thoughts she'd been trying not to focus on. "I think I'll finally be facing someone powerful enough to sense my spirit on the other side after they kill me. And I think that if they can do that, they'll capture me, and I will be trapped somewhere." She looked at Lui, and then at Ki'el. "I am a foreigner to this world, and they wage a war on Starbeasts, and the Diamond Lord believes they are here to protect this world from other worlds. If they know, or believe..."

"Then you must not go," said Ki'el, firmly, resolutely. "Even if it means abandoning your mission, you cannot simply let yourself be captured like that."

"I had those thoughts," Sobon said, nervously, then looked around. Although she couldn't sense anything, she frowned, and stood. "Let's continue this in the secret area."

Although the others were confused, they let Sobon lead them down there and seal off the exit. Sobon let her paranoia run wild, sweeping her detection array around, but could sense no stray spirit, no aether connected to any grand spiritual god or similar. And then finally, she sank down against the wall, exhausted.

"When I created the Crestan Crown, I saw a future," she said. "Not my own future, but the crown's. This..." she looked up, at the other three. "This must never be spoken of, even if others cannot hear. Matters of fate manipulation can be very delicate. But... the future I thought I saw was not one where I'd been captured, I think. But I also don't think I was allowed to return to you all."

"Why?" Ki'el's question was all but a demand, as she stood dead center in front of Sobon, staring back at him.

"I..." Even with all of her protections, Sobon felt scared, somehow. Of saying it, and being proven wrong. "I am beginning to think I understand the whole situation, and that's why I have to go. Because I should be able to come back, but not soon. Not soon enough." Sobon looked away from her, knowing the answer was lousy.

"As long as you come back, that's enough," said Lui into the quiet.

Sobon looked at the girl, remembering the first moment she saw Alassi's granddaughter, who had still worried for, cared for her, despite Alassi's crippled body, spirit, and mind. Kinder than Alassi deserved. Kinder than I deserve, I think.

"If you never saw your own future, how do you know you didn't come back to us?" Mian asked the question after another moment of quiet, and Sobon turned to look at him, acknowledging the question with a slow nod.

"I don't know," Sobon admitted. "But I felt like I was involved with... something, which would probably consume all of my time. I suppose I could be wrong, but... it feels like it would take a miracle for that to happen. To be able to shape the future of this world, take on all those burdens, and still be able to be there for you all."

"Shape the future?" Mian half straightened, as though he understood what Sobon was saying, and Lui and Ki'el both reacted as much to his tone as to Sobon's words.

"I dare not say what I'm thinking, even here," Sobon said. "If I'm right, things will work out for us all--but we may still not be able to be together. And that thought scares me, because I worry that the job that I'll find myself doing won't make sense, and I'll be back to being trapped in another way, forced to live a life that makes no sense in the hopes that everything will work out. And--but. But if I'm wrong."

"If you think you are sparing us heartbreak by not telling us," said Ki'el, "you are not. We want to know, Sobon."

Sobon looked at her, but shook her head. "No. There is a reason I can't speak of this, and it's because of aether--a power that connects things." Because the Diamond Lord is directly connected to everyone in this world through his blessing, and if I'm wrong, my wrong guess might just attract his attention. Sobon understood, logically, that the thought was pure paranoia--and yet, she didn't dare ignore it.

There was a tense stillness after that, but Sobon spoke up, trying to sound cheerful. "But if I am right," she said, "I hope that you will all be able to get good educations with the money from the auction. I will do what I can to ensure that happens, even if something happens to me. And if I do come back, we'll make a future together. A better one."

"I do not care about an education," Ki'el started to say, but Mian put a hand on her shoulder, startling her.

"I understand," he said, forcing positivity as well. "I know I've always felt out of place here--" Mian gave an apologetic shrug. "As an older man rather than a teenage girl. But I care about Lui, and I am coming to like Ki'el as well. I've been thinking, ever since you talked about your mission for the first time, that maybe there was a place for me to stand up and fight. And I was angry that I couldn't just..." he clenched one hand and looked at it. "...make my body become strong, the way you have."

"But then I heard what the princess said, and began to understand. Every generation has prodigies that rise to the top, and I'm never going to be that." Despite his words, Mian didn't sound disappointed. "But that's not what it takes to be a warrior--no, to be a soldier, the way you talk about, is it?"

"No," Sobon said, although she wasn't sure yet what Mian was saying.

"A soldier, a warrior, a hero," Mian said, sounding like he was explaining something to someone else, although Sobon wasn't sure to whom or why, "is someone who comes in to save the day. And here you are, trying to save the world by facing something really awful."

"So I guess..." Mian smiled. "I can face the idea that I'll never be a great warrior, not among my generation. Maybe not even a good one. I'm already too old, and too far behind, to ever be someone that rises to the top."

"Mian..." Sobon looked at him. "I really don't understand what you're saying."

Mian closed his eyes for a minute, thinking, then opened them to look at Sobon.

"I'm going to find a woman and get married."

Sobon, and the two girls, all just sort of gave him strange looks.

"I guess it's a strange time to say it, isn't it?" Mian gave a grin. "But I see all three of you being truly fantastic people. And it all makes me want to go find some other amazing woman, and protect her from all the hell in the world, not by being a stronger warrior than her, but the way you protected me. The way you protected us. By showing courage and confidence, and believing in your heart that amazing women can change the world, like you and Lai Shi Po, or like Princess Djang Ban Fen."

"You're still really not making sense, Uncle Mian," Lui said, trying to sound gentle.

"The point is," Mian said, "that you are going to need followers, and a Noble House, right? Lai Shi Po said that your money was enough to create a Noble House, but you can't do that, not as a non-Djang. Me, I'm Djang, but an outsider, and people will be confused by that. But I was listening when Lady Fau was talking with Lai Shi Po."

"They talked about being oppressed because they tried to openly rule in this country. Few noble women would trust a man with no background who came calling, because they would likely just be after their money, after their power. But a man who already has money..." Mian scratched his chin. "...admittedly, I've not completely thought this through, yet. But I am willing to bet that with the help of Lady Fau, and Lady Lai, I could find the right woman to build a house with. Someone with smarts and a noble name, and I just act like the one in charge."

Lui and Ki'el were both rolling their eyes. Sobon wasn't sure what the man was saying made any sense--but he could also see that it was what the man had always wanted, after having chased Alassi in the beginning. "I expect a proper noble house will expect you to be, or become, strong. Aren't they using the noble houses to fight the Starbeasts?"

"There have to already be exceptions for the occasional noble son who is no good," said Mian. "I just have to disguise myself as one of those, and let my woman do the hard work, while everyone is distracted by me."

That... Sobon stared at the man, until finally a switch flipped in her brain, and she wasn't sure she cared anymore. "Talk with Lai Shi Po and Lady Fau about this," Sobon said, "and get back to me in a few days. If they find some wisdom in it, if they have someone they would trust, it's worth considering. But 'I'll just get married' is not a plan, not even the beginnings of one."

"No, I know," said Mian, his smile fading just a bit around the edges. "But I... I had been sure that my desire to be a hero was going to be about me swinging a sword. And now I wonder if I'm supposed to take my attitude and pass it down to other people, to raise someone to be the hero I can't be. Because I believe there is room in the world for heroes, and for strong, beautiful... amazing women." Sobon gave the man a look, which he didn't seem to notice. "And I want everyone else to feel the same way. And how can one do that without raising the next generation?" He shrugged. "It all makes sense."

"I... just, talk to them first," Sobon said, putting the whole matter out of mind. "Maybe this... noble house of yours could adopt Lui and Ki'el, keep them safe."

But Mian looked shocked, somehow. "But they're my sisters, not my children," he said, sounding frustrated. "Well... I don't know. Perhaps. We'll have to see."

"What about this House Mofu?" Ki'el's voice sounded suddenly contemplative. "You were planning to destroy them, but perhaps we could make use of them instead?"

"From what we've heard and seen, we would have to destroy all their elders," Sobon replied. "We can't trust them to have control over us. After doing that, what good is their name? And would anyone in that family want to ally with us?"

There was a moment of silence, but Ki'el sighed. "No, you are right. I just feel like it would be best if there was no need to fight."

"It would be," Sobon admitted, leaning her head back against the wall of the basement, sensing the aether behind her head with some familiarity. "But that part of it... the fighting part, you can leave that to me. Especially now having enough materials, I do not fear them. And the rest... I don't know. I need help. And maybe Mian and his imaginary bride can help that."

"Imaginary?" Mian sounded offended, but Ki'el laughed.

"You are imagining a wife, and you do not have one," she teased. "Isn't that just how it is?"

The two bantered, but Sobon looked to Lui. "And you..." she felt her voice almost catch, but was able to smooth it out. "Lui. I worry that you and Lady Fau may have to carry on the appearance that everything is normal while all the rest of us are confused and struggling. I intend for you to get a better education, to grow strong, and become something amazing in your own right, but in the meantime, if people come looking for us, thinking we are some kind of monsters, I feel like we need someone that just looks..." Normal? Innocent? "...pure. And you are that. Just search for ways to help people, and make it obvious that is who you are, and what you're doing. As long as we don't run into another monster like Lord Mofu who kills indiscriminately, people like you who just do respectable work may help deflect attention from everything else."

Lui frowned, but looked at Sobon. "I... guess that's what I was going to do anyway?"

Sobon nodded. "As long as you can do that, don't feel like you're not contributing, okay? You don't need to fight, or grow your qi, or even become the best Alchemist in the world, if you don't want to. Because Mian is crazy," Sobon jerked a thumb at Mian, and the man turned and glared at her, "and Ki'el and I will probably attract the wrong attention. There ought to be some proof in this world that not everything I touch goes to shit."

Lui actually gave a loud, clear laugh at that. "Okay, Grandma Sobon," she said, though Sobon thought the girl wasn't using the term out of blind respect, the way she had when she was a child. She was saying more with it, perhaps even teasing, and Lui was never much of a joker.

Sobon felt a part of her heart relax, and although she wouldn't admit it where Mian could hear, she couldn't help noting that she, too, was only really thinking about the next generation, and less and less about herself. Perhaps some part of that was from inhabiting the body of an old woman--a mother, a grandmother. But it felt right, even to the old, bitter, mechanical parts of Sobon.

It was, ultimately, part of being human. Or more than that, part of being alive in the first place.