This sucks, why am I even awake?  Is there any reason to wake up today, wouldn't it be better to just sleep the day away?  I slowly left my bed since my mind is making my body antsy.  Sword... head... death... three words just float in my head.  A shiver rolled down my spine, so I turned around and saw Ellie watching me.

I wasn't sure how to deal with this and stressed out for the last three days so I asked, "Ellie, have you killed someone before?"

"Yes, I did, mistress.  It wasn't the way you did it, but I would've preferred it your way.  Sorry for not warning you, but you needed to be untold to make sure you wouldn't completely stress out."

"Ellie... You call that not stressing out?  My mind raced so fast and I could barely comprehend what I was doing."

Ellie sighed and pointed out, "Mistress, that was the point.  How would have you reacted to learning what would happen?  You most likely would analyze everything beforehand and not be able to do anything.  Everything enacted for you because it's needed.  You will come across bad people, and if you can't kill them, you will constantly be in dangerous situations."

I processed the information and responded, "So why right now?  Why not wait until later on, like after high school?"

"If it was normal, you would have done it in two years time.  This event was scheduled because the risk on you is far too high level. Waiting a couple years may be the difference between life and death.  Then again, it could also be a rushed decision.  But we would rather be safe rather than sorry."

This is strange to hear.  The conversation enlightened me about the circumstances, so I asked, "When was your first kill, Ellie?"

She stared at the wall behind me in thought for a moment before answering, "I was your age mistress... a group of bandits came up on my band of travelers.  In a surprise attack, they killed almost everybody... including my parents... During the fight, I had used my limited training to claim the lives of a couple of them."

She got choked up again as she was remembering her parents, "I ran to the Demon Capital... I only ran because my parents convinced me to.  It is the worst day of my life."

I ran up, hugging her swiftly.  I can't figure out why there are so many people around me that experience these horrible events.  Her words let me remember that this is a brutal world.  There's nothing guaranteed, and preparation is the best way to get a desirable outcome.  It seems they judged my mind easily about how I would react, or else a lot of things would be different.  I just hope I won't need to kill again soon...

We separated after a few minutes, but she still had tears in her eyes.  The difference between our experiences are great, but it also shows me that there are things that need to be addressed in the future.

Perfect doesn't exist, but the attempt to get there does.  I guess this got me out of the trance of killing someone.  The help I obtain from around me is a lot.

After she left to do something... not sure what, I went to take a bath.  I can't feel right about killing, but I can at least tell myself that it was necessary.  The world has many gray areas.

My body has developed decently, even though I now have to wear a bra.  I am not sure why, but it is awkward changing sizes as they grow.  I am relieved that I don't have acne, but I am not sure why it happened.  Maybe the bacteria don't exist here or have another function.  

I sat in the bathtub to scrub my body.  I wonder what Ellie thinks about having me kill, mom seemed cold and withdrawn when we were there.  It was more like a reluctant practical lesson.  She seemed to take all emotion out of killing other than the prisoner got what he deserved.  

I always imagined that mom would be a ruthless killer because of what she did during the kidnapping attempt.  It could be that she was just reluctant to force me to kill.  To tell the truth, she seems she would get more enjoyment out of torture than killing.  Will I be able to kill without flinching in the future?  I really don't want anyone to tell me if I do since it still doesn't sit well with me.

After bathing for a while, I got out of the tub and brushed my hair.  Staring at myself in the mirror, I noticed a that my horn had gained a blue stripe and a green stripe curling from the tip of it down to the base.  I'm actually kind of annoyed about that change.  The chaos god must be messing with me because right after I killed the prisoner I gained these stupid stripes.

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My mood and thoughts seem to fluctuate quite a bit today.  Why is it going from one thought to another so fast, is it to avoid thinking about what happened, or an attempt at repression?  I need to make sure that I remember this experience or else it will all be for naught.  But it doesn't help that I want to forget.

I exited from the bathroom into my bedroom, got dressed in some comfy clothes and headed my garden.  Misty followed me in her pup form, I didn't notice her though since she became decent at stealth.  When I hopped down the hatch to my garden, I saw thousands of flowers.  

I pushed all my other thoughts to the back of my head and jumped on Tina's pillow plant.  Giant soft fruit that was edible and perfect for sleeping on.  I will just mess around with the plants to distract myself, detailing how they act and how the hybrids look.  

The most interesting thing I found out was that when Misty ate some of these fruits, she sometimes gained a stat increase.  It seems limited to the fruit of plants that are high ranked than her.  To be honest, I only eat some of these fruits because they taste splendid.

After observing and taking notes on the plants for a few hours I started to look for mom.  In the hallways, I saw a troop of soldiers standing by dad's office.  Maybe dad is back.  With thoughts of finding dad, I created an ice bridge overtop of the soldiers and slip into his office.  It must have surprised the soldiers since the shock on their faces was evident.

When I got inside, dad was talking to someone who dressed like a top officer.  Truthfully, I didn't care at all, so I just ran into my dad giving him a running hug.  I have started to feel more recently, or able to express myself.  He hugged back and then patted my head gently.  Before I noticed, there were tears forming in my eyes.

Dad softly said, "Ally, it's ok.  I know that it was rough, but we are all here to help you."

He must have waved the officers away since I couldn't hear their chatter anymore.  When my tears fell, dad put his hand under my chin and with his sleeve, he wiped my tears away.  With a kiss on my forehead, we separated.

I'm not sure how I will fare, but with everyone around me, supporting me, maybe I will be fine.  Every event sculpts a person, some events more so than others.  If I can overcome these challenges, I can become a better person.  Better, as in able to adapt to these situations again.  I've known emptiness, and now I'm learning warmth.  I would say that even with all these years in my new life, emptiness has stuck around.  Distracting myself was essential, but perhaps I can just learn to feel warmth better if I stop repressing it.

My parents, my friends, my fairy, Ellie, Misty, they all help with these problems.  Possibly I'm just emotional right now, but I think I would go crazy if one of them got hurt.  Hopefully, this means I am learning.  Sometimes learning about yourself is the hardest thing to do when you lock yourself away.

I whispered, "I love you, dad."

In my mind, I said thanks to everyone.  Dad followed me to the dining room with his hand on my shoulder.  I haven't eaten well recently.  We ate a large meal, and I went back to my room.  My mind may be too emotional because of hormones, but emotions aren't always a bad thing.

Name: Alexandra Embers

Race: Demon

Class: N/A

Title: World Traveler, Obsessed Experimenter, Friend of the Fae, Manipulator of Plants, Time Bomb, Chaos God's Reality Show

Level: 35 (172/3700)

Profession: N/A

Health: 3000/3000

Magic Power: 33,333/33,333

Strength: 70

Agility: 100

Defense: 70

Dexterity: 70

Intelligence: 180

Vitality: 50

Wisdom: 180

Luck: 30

Language Comprehension:

  Ambrosian: Lvl Max

  Fae Runes: Lvl Max

Woodcrafting: Lvl 2

Sculpting: Lvl 3

Green Thumb: Lvl 9

Stealth Foot: Lvl 8

Magic Eye: Lvl Max

Intuition: Lvl 8

Mana Manipulation: Lvl 9

Enchanting:

      Control: Lvl 4

      Runes: Lvl 3

Magic:

      Advanced Water Magic: Lvl 2

            Water Snake: Lvl 7

            Ice Shard: Lvl 5

            Ice Spear: Lvl 5

            Water Prison: Lvl 3

            Ice Sculpting: Lvl 5

            Hail: Lvl 1

            Water/Ice Manipulation: Lvl 4

      Intermediate Fire Magic: Lvl 8

            Fire Whip: Lvl 5

            Fire Shield: Lvl 3

            Fire Spear: Lvl 4

            Fire Sword: Lvl 1

            Fire Manipulation: Lvl 2

      Advanced Nature Magic: Lvl 1

            Nature Vines: Lvl 7

            Nature Growth: Lvl 8

            Nature Enclosure: Lvl 4

            Nature Manipulation: Lvl 1

      Beginning Void Magic: Lvl 5

            Telepathy: Lvl 3

Manipulation skills are used to use types magic in unconventional ways (aka ice skating) and also useful in creating new magic attacks.