AN:

Spoiler :

It's here.

The last chapter.

I've procrastinated. I've delayed. Deleted drafts by accident and in fits of frustration. I've re-thought every aspect multiple times, leading to inconsistencies in the characters, I've forgotten rules I myself made. I've maed enugh gramer mikstakes to mkae an grewn men cri. I've stared at the ceiling in the dark, laughing and holding my head, just thinking.

Many times over this period, I've sat down, opened a new thread, and then got...distracted. Or I accidentally closed the window, and lost all my progress, or I thought about all of the ways I contradicted myself, and slowly fell into an even deeper pit of depression than even Lich.

I can safely say I never cried. Mostly because writing down situations of misery either serves to amuse me or give the filthy pleasure of seeing someone else in pain, but also because this story was never close to my heart.

Well, I mean, A dead loli-vampire with a high tolerance for pain......no! Bad Darkness! Don't let the reader see your fet-uh, heart!

Right...let's just get this over with, okay?

I mean, there will be the epilogue, in which I shall explain a couple things to do with Lich, like why the world hates him, why he has trouble remembering stuff, how I lied about his whole childhood, what the voices in his head are, and maybe provide a teaser as to what I would have written, if I were a better writer.

As if that'll ever happen.

And, of course, the afterword. Just to give my thoughts, just in case, you know. Someone cares about my opinion.

...sorry, having a really hard time not typing LOL in all caps over and over right now.

Why did RRL ever give someone like me the font-size tool?

Ah...a good song, for an ending.

And a troll. :3

Because, when it comes down to it, that green bastard is the only reason I'm finishing this. I love you, I hate you, and so, a tribute.

For a friend that has stayed with me for far too long to be healthy.

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"Die."

I saw a fist as large as me heading towards me, so I did the normal thing.

"Fuck my li-"

Flying back, up was left, side was down, and right was...still right. Somehow?

I learned some new things from this experience...first, getting punched doesn't hurt much.

Huh. Who'd a thunk it?

Second, vampires get dizzy too. I guess being dead didi't affect your sense of balance very much. And third, there is actually a way to have every bone in your body get broken. Huh. This should probably hurt. I find it funny how I can get dizzy, yet having the whole structure of my body destroyed didn't do much except make it hard to get up. Sharp, white-things kept poking through the skin.

The grand doors to the final room opened, and Plain strode in. At his side, Jo, and an army of several hundred zambies. Giants made of bone and flesh, skeletal horses ridden by equally bony riders, and a horde of flesh-hungry monsters.

They're so beautiful I'm gonna cry~

Plain cracked his knuckles, threw the giant red demon a look, and spoke casually.

"I'm a little late to the party. Guess I'll have to make up for it with enthusiasm." After delivering these totally lame lines, he looked over at me. "Give me a minute, Lich." His smile was like the morning. "I'll just take out the trash."

How was it like the morning? Well, it was far too bright, made me irritated, and made me want to hide my face.

He and the accompanying army charged towards the laughing devil, who easily pulled himself out of a rock cocoon, and stepped forward. He raised one leg, then stomped on the ground.

Oh hey, all the zambies diad, Jo was thrown back out the doors, and plain was smashed into the wall and bounced off. Blood started forming in a pool around him. I wanted to get up, to summon more dead, to do something.

But my bones wouldn't listen to me.

Like pushing worms back into the mud in the rain. They just spring up like daisies...

Speaking of daisies, fake me had apparently stopped being a little bi-uh, depressed, and noticed his job just got taken.

"Uh...what? Who are you?"

Raphael turned, and looked towards fake me. "Hm? A little skeleton? What are you doing in my resting place?"

fake me just sat there, the robe covering his hunched form. He tilted his head. "Me? Oh, nothing much. Who're you?"

fake me sounded so...polite. It felt, weird. Didn't really fit in with fake me's character.

Raphael laughed. It shook the cave. "Me? I am Raphael! Wielder of the cursed blade! Destroyer of cities, and killer of paladins...but, it is good manners to ask for someones' name. Well, I'll kill you now, so not like it matters. You have intruded on My home. I won't let you live."

fake me knelt for several seconds, and Raphaels' breathing, the groans of Jo, and my futile attempts to keep my bones inside became painfully noisy.

fake me didn't say anything for several moments. After what felt like hours, he stood up.

His robe hung loosely across his ribcage, and barely covered his shoulders. His head tilted back, and stared at the ceiling. His jaw hung open, and the empty space surrounding his bones and inside of his body served to make him look small, tiny, weak, even.

A sound began to echo out from that hollow chest. Fleshless shoulders shook, and the sound of teeth clicking quickened, until it seemed like he was shivering. I remember what that means...

He's laughing.

"Excuse me. I had to release a bit of my amusement. Isn't it funny?"

"You see, I think I've finally realized something. It's something simple, and I can't help but feel bad about never seeing it before."

"I think, after all these years, I've finally found out just why the dead hate the living so much."

"You know, I'm a friendly guy. I try my best to be nice, to give people a chance. I don't particularly like responsibility, and taking care of people pains me just as much as other people. But, if the task is given me, I'll accomplish it. You know what one of my friends once told me, when I said this to her?"

Raphael, stretched a bit, but didn't seem to be paying attention.

""Why?""

"...and I asked her, "Why do you ask why?"

"She said, "But there's nothing forcing you too. Why not just not do it?""

"Frankly, that kind of thinking baffled me. Isn't what I said simple, common decency? Isn't doing what you're told, performing your duty to your best ability, helping who you can, just what everyone does?"

"I must confess something."

"I'm a bit of a loner. I spent my whole life deep in a library, immersed in spells and knowledge. But life itself wasn't enough, so I made death a state of being. I'm one of less than thirty to ever accomplish this. And you know what kind of reward I gained from this?"

"Nothing."

"I speak like a civilized person. You who are still bound by mortality insult me, me! I who have made forbidden and rare knowledge into an art, I that has turned simple spells into pieces of the apocalypse."

"I know now. Why life is like this. Why the dead seek to destroy the living. Why death is such a silly thing for you. How you can stand before me, who has one foot in immortality."

"Do you wanna know?"

Raphael yawned.

Jelkrish lowered his head, until he could look into the swirling pupils of the demon before him. His jaw opened once more.

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

"You're all assholes."

He raised a hand, and darkness began gathering within it.

"Wanna know what you do with assholes? It's simple, really."

A ball of blackness so deep, it glowed.

"You fuck them."

"Until they bleed."

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Jelkrishs' POV

With my right hand open in a mocking gesture, and in my left a densely packed ball of dark element, I let myself revel.

Revel in what, I ask myself?

The pain.

I hate them. I hate all of them. I hate the living, I hate the bastards that insulted me, I hate the ground they step on, I hate the air they breathe, I hate the sound of their voice, I hate their existence.

I, a being immune to agony and suffering, and hurting. Why does it hurt? Simple.

I hate them so much it hurts.

I smiled over at the wannabe Lich, and gave a mocking tone to my voice. "Here, let me show you what a real necromancer can do." I then turned back to Raphael.

"Hey, Raft or whatever, do you know who I am?"

"Haha, can't say I do, puny Lich."

I smiled. I gritted my teeth. I let myself hurt until the pain stopped hurting. Instead, it became something else.

"I'm Jelkrish, motherfucker."

"Dark Cleaving Blade"

For a second, Raphael didn't move. Then the top half slowly started to slide off.

Raphael looked down incredulously at his own body slowly separating. Then he smiled.

"Looks like I'll get to have some fun." ropes of flesh formed between his sliced halves, and dragged them back together, regenerating. "I may be greatly weakened from my stasis, but your power is quite impressive. However, to have used your trump card at the start, you must be desperate."

I...I...I...I feel like laughing.

Trump card?

I'm just getting started!

"Black Rod." (I swear I don't mean anything by it...)

Raphael was still smiling when his left eye became a hole straight through his head. A trail of dark mist gave testament to the highly accelerated concentrated sharpened element. Raphael stopped smiling.

ROOOAAAhHH!

The arrogant prick stumbled back, cradling his head. After a couple seconds, he uncovered his eye to glare at me. A quickly regenerating eyeball stared at me. So, since he asked for it, I gave him what he wanted.

"Black Rod." X2 This time I got both his eyes, simultaneously.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Raphael screamed towards the sky. A second ago, he had looked like a demon pulled from a painting. Now he was just a comedy skit.

"Endless Rend"

A large part of the element in my hand dispersed into the air, slowly surrounding Raphael in a sphere of balls of darkness. The balls turned into long arms, clawed hands at the end. They approached Raphael, then tore through him, tearing holes into every part of his body.

For three minutes, the rending continued. I'd make it go longer, but Raphael had stopped screaming thirty seconds ago.

I want to make him squeal.

Like a pig with its' balls cut off.

Raphael slowly got to his feet, bleeding from every limb. The demons' broken body was holey enough to reach heaven. Heh.

I gave him a second to catch his breath. He can't scream if his lungs are empty.

After healing from all of the wounds, Raphael yelled in rage.

"YOU DARE MOCK ME! I AM-"

"Bone Giant: Arms"

The thousands of bones formed skeletal arms, each as thick as Raphael himself, and twice as long. I mimed grabbing two things in front of myself, and the arms followed, grabbing both of Raphaels' legs. I then set them on auto, and let them start to pull the giant red demon apart. His screams were very interesting, full of rage and denial.

"Yes, yes, I heard you a moment ago. But, so what?"

""Destroyer of Cities."

Please. I can turn a countries' population into my bloodthirsty-slaves. A couple of cities is a bit weak, don't you think?"

I repeated the skeleton giants' spell, summoning two more arms. I put these perpendicular to the first, and grasped hold of his flailing arms. I set them to pulling. Ah, the gratification that comes with screams full of insulted dignity and hurt pride.

"I-I'LL KI-"

I started directing the arms to spin in opposite directions, while still pulling on all four limbs. The sound of dislocation, breaking, and yelping screams felt like a symphony.

"Oh, right, you killed a couple Paladins, right? Now, that would be impressive, except-

Don't you know? The strongest Paladin hasn't even broken the first Horizon. It's because they're held back by something neither of us would understand-their humanity. Any pitiful being that still clings to that worthless trash is forever cursed to remain garbage, to be stepped on by their betters.

You yourself have only barely elevated from the first level, so don't get so cocky."

I repeated the Skeleton Giants' spell once more, summoning another set of skeletal arms, this time with on in the middle of the other four, making an x, and the final one on the ceiling.

As Raphael was upside-down, the arm below him wrapped its' fingers around his head, slightly muffling his screams. I decided to deal with it, because even muffled screams held their own charm. Meanwhile, the arm on the ceiling grabbed the other head.

I began rotating the arms themselves, twisting and snapping his neck, tearing flesh, ripping his limbs off, while the one on the ceiling grabbed hold and, with a pull, ripped off a mans' most precious possession.

"EIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Ah...that's it. That's what I was waiting for. I let his suffering wash over me, envelop me in a warm cocoon of pleasure. As I slowly came down from my high, a torn, bleeding, shaking demon greeted me. In pieces. I opened my jaw once more.

"Am, finally, you got something else fundamentally wrong.

You said this is your resting place? Wrong.

This is my house.

I don't need ball-less pigs in here, so go to hell. And when you meet the devil, tell him to stay the fuck out of my home."

"Eternal Devourer"

A dark void slowly ate Raphaels' body until nothing remained. I sighed, and went back to my throne. The back was half destroyed, and it'd take me months to find the right bones to fix it. I'd actually had some fun there, and after feeling at my mana pool, I'd used a whole tenth of it!

Really, I shouldn't be so wasteful.

Looking over the four who had intruded on me, I had to smile. I had had my fill of stress-relief for the day, so I felt quite merciful. I'd wanted to talk with them to start with, so this was good.

"Now, what'll I do with you? Well, to start off with, how about I re-introduce myself.

"I'm Jelkrish, a Lich. The Depressed Necromancer, is what my friends call me, but you can start by calling me master."

"Any questions?"

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TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Jelkrish wasn't the final boss, he was the main character. Eat it, Troll.

Ah...I'm gonna go contemplate ways of killing myself while lying on my bed in the dark for a while. Goodnight~