AN: I can't be asked. I've gone through five different authors notes, and none of them work, so I'll just say this...

As I stated last chapter, expect the unexpected. I'm gonna be pulling things from a deep, dark hole, from which no light has ever shone, and it will be disgusting.

By that, I mean I'm gonna stop making sense. Leave your logic at the door, it's not welcome here, and put on your sanity-muting headphones, we're gonna have some fun now.

As for your mental state afterward...does a coma count as a mental state?

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The white-clad man stared me down, a massive source of light beginning to grow from his hands. As fast as an eye-blink, he had fallen into a crouch, his hands held together at waist level, and he began to yell with a loud voice...

"KA"

No...

"ME"

Not this...

"HA"

Anything but this...

"ME"

Please, god, if you've ever had a merciful thought in your life, spare me.

I looked into the sky, like a mouse staring into the face of a lion, pleading with everything I had. All fell silent, and for a second, I thought perhaps my prayer would be answered. Perhaps god doesn't hate me-!

"HHHHHHH-"

The man tripped, and the light blinked out. For a second, we both just stared at each other. He was lying on the ground, prone with a circle of cleanliness around him, and I stood surrounded by filth. It was like a metaphor.

Even when others fell, they still managed to remain clean. However, even when I stood tall...well, short, now...I was still clad in filth.

Damn, I haven't been this philisophicialiphical for a while. It feels weird, I think I'll stop.

Nevertheless, I wasn't about to let this chance go, no matter how it happened. Leaping forward, I bared down on him, and he screamed as I opened my mouth.

You see, the robe protected them from magic, and kept them clean. I don't like the idea of a large blood splat, so I think I'll just suck all his blood out. I mean, with that robe, he's clean as a whistle. I can feel no guilt whatsoever sucking him!

...that, didn't sound good. Not in my thoughts, and even worse in my head. Well, whatever. I'll just (Censored for being needlessly vulgar and perverted. The author is a sick bastard.)

I bit down hard on his neck, then set about licking up all the red fluid that spurted from a very large whole in his neck. Much faster than with grass-head, and also much tastier. There was one problem, though.

Being near his robes hurt me, and made my skin tingle. Drinking his blood, although delicious, also left a burning aftertaste, like I'd eaten a spicy pepper. It made me want to stop and drink some water, or mud, or anything, really. The feeling mounted, and I slowly lost my taste-buds, but I didn't stop.

Pain was nothing new, and besides, killing this man was more important than finding something cold to drink.

It took me thirteen seconds to polish him off, then I let him slump to the ground. I wiped my face, leaving a smear of blood on my forearm. It had been messy, and my entire face was burning from his blood, but it felt good. Rejuvenating, even. All around me, garbage and tree roots were abundant, but I felt as if I stood atop a high cliff. My head was dizzy, and all around the world was spinning. I was light-headed and when I walked I stumbled, and I felt a familiar sensation of wanting to throw up whenever the world did a back-flip.

It reminded me of the time when my sisters banded together to get a barrel of ale, took it right under the merchants nose. When they tracked me down they forced a full four liters down my throat and did...unspeakable things to me. The next day, I'd felt as if I wanted to die, and kill myself, and rip my own body and eat it just to throw it up.

I stumbled along the alleys, propping myself up against the walls. With my left arm. Huh, since when did I put that back on? I must be so dizzy I'm confusing right from left...I face-palmed with my right, then looked at it.

I was seeing double, so when I saw eight hands, I thought for sure I had become an abomination. Sadly, I was just seeing double double, and it quickly cleared up. However, I did in fact have two hands. I never thought that would come as a surprise, but hey. You live and learn. Or in my case, you die and learn. LOL!

Dammit...I think I hear another one...I should really stop laughing out loud. It's getting me into serious trouble. Oh god...

Another priest came around the corner as I threw up, about a gallon of blood ejecting from my throat. I splattered it all over my shins, and the priest also looked like he wanted to throw up. He held his hand over his mouth, and held up the other with his palm facing outward-

"Defuse"

"Fell Wind"

Even as his clothes flew into the air, they were frozen and fell to the ground like slates of stone. They then shattered from the fall, and I walked up to the frozen priest. I'd frozen the outside, but his eyes still looked out. I summoned a tiny flame in my right hand, then melted the ice around his neck, and dug in.

Mmm...like chilled whiskey.

I took a little longer, savoring the scorching yet chilling flavor, the two temperatures fighting and making my teeth ache. I can feel my teeth! It still feels weird to be excited about that...

Which reminds me. I hadn't noticed the first time, since I had been so absorbed, but everywhere the blood touched, I felt feeling. My torso, starting with my stomach then spreading outward, began to feel. When the blood stopped coming, I could feel my fingers. They weren't warm, but they pulsed with life...

I then promptly turned around and threw up another pint of blood, making my already stained and tattered shoes soaked and tattered.

I heaved for another minute, then stood up. My mind suddenly felt crystal clear, and I knew what to do.

Stolen story; please report.

"Rise"

Both of the priests corpses eyes opened, blankly staring at me. The frozen one was, understandably, unable to move. The other one got on it's knees and bowed.

You see, I'd gotten an idea. I still felt lightheaded, and the world had yet to stop doing stunts, but I'd gotten an idea into my head. It seemed like a pretty smart idea, and since I'm a super smart person, why not try it?

I had proven that I could absorb zombies to regain mana, but that left me with less than it took to raise them. So sucking up the old men wasn't an option. God damn that sounded wrong...

Anyway, if I could absorb strong zombies and get a larger amount of mana, then what would happen if I put mana into a zombie?

I gathered mana-somehow I'd gotten about a third back, from who knows where. This mana felt strange, unstable, and it was constantly leaking out. Instead of slowly growing, it was slowly leaking, which was strange. Anyway, if it was leaking, I should use it fast.

I took a sixth of my mana, gathered up a bunch of element, and placed my hand against the zombies' neck. Then I pushed. Or, well, I would rather call it injecting, but the feeling was of pushing it out of my arm.

The zombie cried out in pain, then collapsed. I frowned, then turned to the frozen one. I guess that had failed, but I might as well try again. I stepped up to the small hole, then gathered my remaining mana, and started gathering element. Since I'd recently used ice magic, the ice element around here was unusually strong, which made it easy to gather it and inject it into the frozen zombie.

The ice cracked and exploded, and that zombie also collapsed. I sighed, then collapsed onto my knees and passed out for a minute.

When I woke up, a flaming zombie stood next to a blue-skinned one. They no longer looked like old men, but their teeth had elongated and become pointed, and they'd grown claws from their nails. Their arms were too long for their bodies and hung almost to their ankles, but were reed-thin. Their legs were just a little bit longer and thinner, and their torsos had also become oddly sharp, losing much of the flesh and making the ribs poke out of the skin. The most interesting part, however, were the eyes.

They had bright red and blue eyes respectively, a solid color without an iris. They still seemed to be looking at me. I timidly waved, hoping I'd be able to not be eaten.

Their lips pulled back, and it would have been comforting, except they didn't appear to have lips, so it looked as if their entire face split in half, revealing a cavern of sharp, pointy teeth. At that point, I was about ready to go back to sleep, when I decided to try one last thing.

I reached out with my mind, and seized control of the fiery one. He filled about a fourth of my vase on his own, but even after seizing the icy one I still had half my vase left over. I expected them to slosh and roll, and try to knock it over, but to my surprise, they didn't move. The water that was them lapped against the wall of my vase and seemed to be testing it, tasting it, exploring it.

I sighed in relief, then stood up and started heading out of the alleys. If I met one more person in here, I'm likely to tear them apart with my bare hands. That wouldn't look to good. Red and Blue, as I'd dubbed them, followed along quietly, still lapping against the side of my vase. Although they seemed to be learning about me, they didn't seem to realize that the other was in their as well. Their color was so different I didn't want to think about what would happen when they clashed...

I passed tree roots and garbage on my way out, going in who-knows what direction, until I saw light that wasn't above head. I rushed out and embraced it, although it gave me a burning sensation, and looked up. The sun was just starting to rise after a long night. I looked around, then realized I was in a familiar place.

Even after all this time, a dark mist still hung around the place. It was the small road in front of the inn, with a small tree. It looked bigger than I remembered, but I'd just raised an army of the dead a little while ago, now had two semi-intelligent beings under my complete control, who were steadily getting more and more adventurous, and had been drunk on blood a little ago. Something as small as a tree wasn't really that shocking.

I sighed, thinking that maybe I'd get a break. Finally! I'd waited so long! Time to sit down and-

A massive pillar of flame incinerated a large swath of black mist, and from it stepped a well-gifted woman in a tight red outfit with a long-brimmed hat that went a foot up and ended in a point. She held a long, elegant staff that seemed to be made of fire, and looked down at everything.

I was about to throw my hands up and surrender, when a massive rumbling shook the ground.

The road shook and cracked, the earth split, and the sky itself seemed to shake with the force of the creaking roar. Everything buckled, and even the red-clothed woman stumbled as the very ground seemed to tilt thirty-degrees to the side. I fell to my knees, then looked up.

All around, the dark mist was swirling and growing, like a living eel. It was giant, unseen, and terrifying. It seemed to lash out and strangle the city itself, and the black mist that had felt like home up till now felt...strange. It was as if someone, or something had taken it from me. From all around, a reverberating screech echoed, and it felt as if the very world was ending. From somewhere I didn't see, I heard a deep, resounding baratone, that seemed to vibrate my sternum with the force of it.

"I...CAN...SEE."

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A fitting end to my hundredth thread, eh?