Looking down at the poor fools laid out at my feet, and shook my head.
'What am I thinking? And besides, why should I even care?'
The gaunt limbs and haunted eyes showed that these men were inches away from death by starvation, and filth that was nowhere near new wafted an unpleasant scent in my direction. (How can I smell anyway?)
'These poor sods...even I feel bad for them. But, even still, why do I...'
These men had been kicked in the dirt, and left to rot. Maybe they were cheated, or perhaps they made bad decisions. It could be that they were just unlucky, like me. Reduced to petty thievery, they were less than slaves. At least slaves were fed.
'But, no matter how bad I feel, that still doesn't explain why I...
And, even when they had gone through all this, even when they look starved to death, they have waited this long before turning into beasts. When I first met them, they asked me to give them everything, except for the clothes I was wearing. I, having been robbed several times before, knew that this was an uncommon show of decency.
'Sure, they have some redeeming qualities, but that doesn't mean I...
Victims of bad luck and misfortune. Perhaps they were overlooked by god, just like me.
And that's when it clicked.
'Do I perhaps...see myself in them?'
Refusing to kill, even though they risked their lives doing so. All it would have taken is one of their victims to speak with the town watch, and they would be exterminated before the day was out. Bandits and other lawbreakers such as outlaws were classified as monsters, and it was legal, encouraged, even, to kill them on sight.
Even after this, even after they have been thrown aside by society, they are still remain decent people. (I conveniently forgot they had just a minute ago tried to kill me. Having such a good memory means that I can forget things quite easily, if I try. Maybe that's where the important events are...)
'But still, even if I respect them, why should I help them...?
Because.
Because no one else will.
A child sleeping in the dark, tear stains streaking his face. Long since have the screams faded away, and pain is just a constant companion. Fear and disgust are just default emotions. No one helps him, because if they do they will receive the same treatment. No one notices, because ignoring his misery is easier than feeling empathy. Left alone, the only reason 'love' is in his vocabulary is because his parents say that word with sarcasm.
In his endless hell of torment and misery, he calls out to god. "Why? Why must I live? Please, god, just kill me, or make the pain stop..."
But the pain doesn't stop. The next day, all his fingers are broken so he can't tie a rope to hang himself with.
'...
What was I thinking about again...? It got so blurry, I can't remember...oh well, I'm sure it wasn't important. Just like how I'm not important...happy thoughts, happy thoughts! I'm a grown man in a little girls body!
...
God, screw you.'
Making a snap decision that I'll probably regret later, I speak to these men as an undertaker would speak to corpses. That is, assuming the undertaker was batshit and lonely...well, he wouldn't necessarily need to be crazy, he'd just need to be lonely. Hey, maybe I could..
No. I'm may be in desperate need of a social life, but that's going too far. I'll just save this idea...
"You! Men that god has cast from his sight, I offer you a choice of death and peace, or an unending torrent of endless pain and misery!"
They look at me with fearful and questioning eyes, wondering what I'm going to do.
"Should you choose peace, I shall give it to you painlessly, and offer up a prayer for you, though god has never answered me."
Their eyes seem to light up when I say this, and I see something incredible in their eyes...
"However, if you are stupid and crazy enough to choose agony and regret for the rest of your pitiful lives, then I shall give you something that will hurt you even more."
They look at each other, and start to talk. Seeing that they will take a while, I turn around and sit cross-legged and dream of fields of flowers, tainted with unholy sins.
The sun soon lowers itself to the horizon, and beautiful shades of orange and yellow streak out over the sky. Sensing the silence behind me, I turn around and look into the faces of four corpses that can still speak.
"Well? Are you ready to receive peace? Please close your eyes, and think of something happy while I send you on your way-"
"Ahem, actually..." the man on the far left who had a short beard spoke up from his position of sitting on the ground. "We have decided to continue to feel pain. To quit after all this... it just doesn't seem right, y'know?"
"Don't be stupid, you can't possibly-"
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The man sitting to the right of short beard, whose defining feature was his thin nose, laughed nervously. "Stupid we may be, but I still want to live. To just give up after coming so far...it just doesn't sit well with me."
Goatee laughed even louder, and said his part as well. "We're grateful to you for giving a choice, and not just, well, killing us off. It's very thoughtful of you to give us a way out, but if I've learned something in all my years, it's that things can always change for the better."
Shocked into silence, I just sit there and brood. 'These idiots...they can't possibly know what they're getting themselves into, and yet...'
I turn to the one on the far right, who was clean-shaven and had no discerning features. "Well? What about you? Are you the only one out of the four who has some common sense?"
He looked deep into my eyes, and said, "Well, yeah. God only knows that these fools have less than a brain among the three of them."
Sighing in relief, I stand up and get ready to send him off peacefully.
But, he wasn't done. "You see, because these fools have no common sense, I have to live with them, if only to keep them out of trouble. Who knows what kind of trouble they'd get into if I'm not there to keep my eye on them."
Playful abuse and curses were hurled among the four of them, and I just fall back on my haunches.
'This...this is what I am missing.'
Watching these four, laughing while having no idea of what lies ahead of them-perhaps this is why I care about them.
Suicide was just an unreachable dream for me, the holy grail of life. Death meant peace, and end to pain, closure.
And yet, I had never actually done it. I had been conditioned out of it, so that the very thought of death by my own hand sent shivers down my spine and caused me to look back in fear. So, why was it that when these four-who were offered the most precious way out-refused?
Because they had a reason, they had each other, and most of all-they had hope. Hope that things could get better than what they are. Perhaps I could learn from them...
But not now. My demons are not done with me yet, and hope is just a fools fantasy. Let these fools dream, I will not spoil their happiness. Now, how do I give power to men who are lower than dirt...?
Gathering one element after another, pretty soon I have just a little of every element except for light and holy floating around me(for obvious reasons) and I begin to experiment. Putting the elements into different formations, I was soon so consumed in the joy of discovering the unknown that I didn't notice the suns last, dying breath.
Chill sets in, and I feel the cold begin to emanate from within. All that I need, is right in front of me.
Gathering curse element, I set out a delicate framework. Setting foundations in dark, I begin to gather one ice element after another, putting them together in a mixing pot of magic. Pounding, compressing, folding and bending, stretching and pushing the elements, I refine and define them.
As the element begins to lose its' impurities, the air around me glows with a soft, frigid light. Awed faces from the four show that they know powerful magic is being exercised here. But, this wasn't just some spell.
This was different.
When making spells, you learn how to quickly make formations that will fall apart at just the right moment. For this, however, I built a formation built to last.
As I refined the ice element, it started to grow heavy and unstable. I sweated, trying to wrest control of the element from nature. The purer it got, the harder it was to keep the element separate from the environment. But, I prevailed. After minutes that felt like hours, I begin to mold the refined ice element into bricks, which I place within the framework of curse. keeping it together with mortar made of dark.
After another hour, my work is complete. I sit in silence, a bright, frigid light slowly circling me, reacting to the use of so much ice element.
Taking the four structures I had made, I materialize them. It felt easier than I thought it would, and in my hands appeared four identical objects.
With a final intake of breath I do not need, I ask the four one last time.
"Are you certain you don't want to turn back now? There is still time, you don't have to do this."
They look at each other, and slowly, slowly...
A smile breaks out on their faces. One after another, they nod.
Bowing my head in defeat, I rise to my feet.
Standing beneath the moonlit night, I approach the men, four spikes glowing bright.
Bright and happy faces, innocent despite their ages.
I tried to help them, and I have failed.
by their own choice, they shall be impaled.
One after another, I stab the spikes into the men's hearts.
Screams rise into the night as frost spreads from the men's chests.
The chances of them surviving this?
12%