There I was, desecrating the dead, having my life spared by a weasel man, being a grown-ass man in a girls body, hearing disembodied voices that wanted to kill me, and just having life circle fuck me in general.
You know how evenings are.
What surprised me about the thirteen robed figures were their voices. Deep, sonorous, and carrying. Well, that and the sonic booms they seemed to create while walking forward. My poor zambies, like leaves before the wind.
As they approached, I tried to subtly cut their heads off, but the instant my magic touched their robes it lost all shape and form, returning to useless scattered elements. Really, that's so unfair! Why don't I have magic robes of magic-ness?!
'You're being childish. Why don't you relax and just have some egg-free omelette. It's good for you!'
How does one manage to make an egg free omelette...? Especially when one doesn't have a body...?
Answer: Don't question it.
*Nomnomnomnomnom*
'Well? How do you feel now?'
Well, to be honest, I hate myself for various reasons.
Answer: Is it because you're an unlikable asshole? A crazed sadist? A grown man whose' pride has been destroyed completely? Maybe it's because you know that deep down, you deserve everything the world is doing to you, Perhaps you have started to develop mild masochism, and hate is just a way of preventing yourself from acknowledging the truth? Then again, it could be because you have finally picked up on the emotions of the surrounding people, and finaly realize that your pitiful existence is a waste of oxygen? After all, it would really have been better if you had died the first time.
...
'...'
Question: Did I state a fact that is untrue?
...violate my existence. How much brain power have you put into thinking up reasons to hate me?!
Answer: 99.8% of thought processes have been dedicated to that exact subject. Would you like to hear the full report?
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
That's not necassary...
'I don't know, sounds interesting!'
Shut up. What was the purpose of this conversation int he first place?
Answer: To demean you and make you feel bad.
...Satanic bull, you don't have a hint of sympathy, do you?
Question: What is "Sympathy?" Is it some other type of insult? I am very interested to know. I have recently needed to look up wikipedia definitions of words in order to more fully complete my instructions.
Whose instructions?!
Answer: Fuck You, that's who.
I should probably get back to narrating. The readers are probably bored by no-
Eliminate
Hehehehehe! Just kidding! I'm gonna stop thinking now!
With the ash of my adorable zambies flying through the air, I finally returned to reality from that hell called the mind. Blacky was astride a skeletal steed with me between it and it. I should really find out Blackys' gender...beside us the mounted Tall and his retinue were following on bony legs. (Heh, get it?)
After some distance was gained, Blacky guided the skelly horse behind a blacksmiths' forge and waited silently. From the courtyard, even greater silence echoed. I poked my head to see what was going on-
-"Hey little girl! Let's play!"
And immediately regretted it. Standing in front of me were the thirteen white-robbed men, each holding a golden cross in their hands. But what I noticed the most was their uncovered faces...
...without fail they were aged, bearded, and held a gleam in their eye that had probably terrified alter boys for their entire lives.
No matter where I run, or how far I go...
...there are always pedophiles.
Pedophiles everywhere.